Better, Not Bitter

23, Australia. Sometimes I write stuff and this is where I put it. Please enjoy. Insta: linormw

[5340906]

I don't think you could ever say sorry in a way that would make me go back. I've been saving all my strength for the day we might see each other again and say hi like you never stripped me of the best years of my life. you put the phone down like it was nothing to you, I won't ever feel right about how we became undone, but I won't ever hate anyone again the way I did you. because I only ended up hating myself the most and I will never go back. I'm sorry I was so hard on myself. 

[hn-yjournal]

[valleypunx]

my tiny human body isn’t big enough to hold all the love that’s inside me and that’s why i’m always crying

[5340906]

You make my insides burn, my head is full of flames I want you to know that the way this goes is not the way I want it to I am insufferable and needy all the same, but you don’t make my fingers dance the same way they used to You see what you want to You feel my every hesitation You know my every trigger, but BANG BANG We dont go together It hurts me, it burns me It makes every part of me itch with pain Yet you don’t see whats coming I’m choking, suffocating because I don’t think I’m really me anymore and it was never you I restricted so much of myself, I set the roof over our heads on fire While you were filling buckets of water to help wash away the parts of me that you thought were just sad I’m not sad, I’m wrong Wrong for you, Wrong for the love you show me, Wrong to take from you, Wrong to swim in the oceans you are made of You will survive this, I will not.

Ashes (l.w)

[5340906]

The audible embrace I hear when I answer your call, the familiar coo of your unfiltered laughter, the inquisitive pause after every question you ask, the wide eyes I feel when I tell you my secrets. All the same from days we spent learning each other and growing together through drunk mistakes and homes we shouldn't have been in, people who left us and people we should've left, mountains we slept on and belongings that we burned, decisions we couldn't make alone and fears that were eventually forgotten. Reminiscing, understanding, retelling, dramatically lapping up each story because we've been apart for far too long. I've missed you so, I miss you dear.

The most familiar of strangers (l.w)

[5340906]

Trust that tomorrow will be a better day. Take today on the chin and when you're done wearing yourself out from crying so hard, close your eyes and when you wake in the morning, tell yourself you're fine. Now repeat this everyday until you start noticing when people say nice things to you and you brush your hair more often and you remember to eat lunch and you mumble along to songs on the radio and you like the way your jeans fit and there are less tears on your pillow at night. tell yourself you're fine everyday until you start to believe it.

tomorrow will be better, you will be too (l.w)

[aseaofquotes]

Emma Cline, The Girls

[5340906]

There was something about the way I missed you that made more sense to me than anything I'd ever learned from books or movies and you had no idea that my world became so much bigger and brighter when you walked into it. We learn to love, it's not just in us and for a moment there I thought I'd forgotten how, but when I see you make babies giggle and hear you talk in your sleep I learn more and more about it every day and my god you don't know how much I needed you to be a mentor in the lesson of loving myself again. There is so much goodness that you see in me that I would have thought to be a lie had I not heard it from you. You find things I despise about myself and find words to make them not sound like flaws and you have loved me so well that I don't find so many anymore and you continue to love me like that still. I wasn't so well once upon a time, I was an outlined cutout of a girl pasted against a busy wall of things that I couldn't keep up with, I was sad and I was unsure of so many things. I'm still trying to make sense of how to be my own person one small step at a time but you help me make good choices and show me what it is to be a good person and I think if that's what you've done to me then I've been dealt an ace hand and I wouldn't want to love any one other than you.

To be better is to be loved by you (l.w)

[5340906]

When summer came around it became harder to hold each other and the wanting to became more constant. It's funny that when we want to be close is when physically we are most distant. Where is the line? When does physically start morphing into mentally? And then emotionally? Do we love each other more when we are touching? Or is it merely the notion of craving what you cannot have? Because I crave you a little more every day hoping that the temperature drops just enough for us to not stick to each other's breasts and thighs and sometimes I consider doing it anyway because I miss you. Even when you're right there, in arms length of my being, I miss you, but it's almost like I read your mind better when I can wrap my arms around your waist and sync my breathing with yours as we fall asleep. This heat keeps me on edge because the fear of pushing you too far away in the summer means not having you when winter comes back around and I don't know how well I'd do without you or if I would notice if I left the window open overnight if you weren't around. The seasons tell me more about how much I need you than you do and it's better that way. There are some things that I should just know.

Please don't leave before the summer does (l.w)

[5340906]

I can't sleep and it's too hot or I'm uncomfortable or I can't breathe properly and I feel like there's too much pressure and I wanna cry but I have no idea why and everything is in my head but none of it was a problem when I thought about it this morning. Now my nose is runny and I feel like an idiot and a disappointment and I really don't like it when you go to sleep upset, I'm sorry I couldn't say anything to make you feel any better. I'm sorry I'm not a better person. You said "I'm here for you" and you know I'm here for you too but is it enough to just be "here"? Where are we? Do I love you too much? "I don't wanna talk about it."

Just go to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning (l.w)

[5340906]

Sunsets are different everywhere you go. Sometimes you're with the people you love and other times you're not.

(l.w)

[wnq-writers]

Your heart is going to be someone’s refuge. Take good care of it. Make sure they’d feel safe and secure. Then, give all the right love to that someone for they deserve it. You are their home.

vegaaskies (via wnq-writers)

[5340906]

I need her with me and when she’s away I feel more alone than I did before I knew who she was. She is rain and warmth and our love is a whirlwind of forces that can’t be controlled. When I’m shaking it is her voice that calms me down and her milky skin that holds me so close to kindness. She cares they way that I care and I never met anyone else that did. 

[novr-deactivated20190712]

[lesbianartandartists]

Gwen Shockey, The Continuation of Life (installation view), Amos Eno Gallery, 2014

[5340906]

I knew it wasn't gonna last forever and you really wanted it to but home is two different places for us and you had to go back to yours. We broke each other's hearts even though neither us meant for a good thing to blossom and die all in the same week. You went hard while I rocked steady, you didn't give up easy and all that tinkered in my head was "how will I tell you it's time to go?"

Fresh faced and fast paced (l.w)

[5340906]

When a boy drives you home, don't overthink it. When a boy buys you coffee, shout him one back next time even if he doesn't expect you to, just so you don't have to owe him anything. If a boy laughs at your joke, he's probably just laughing at the fact that you think you're funny and not the actual joke. When he remembers what you said two weeks ago, it's probably a once off. When he smiles at you when nobody is around and without saying anything, he was most likely bored and tried to break the awkward. When you notice all these little things that mean that he could potentially be into you, forget about it, he's probably just a nice guy.

Which is why you like him so much (l.w)