Toucan: “that there just ain’t natural”
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@911lonestar4ever
Toucan: “that there just ain’t natural”
all rights go to the original owner
*Shaws as kids*
Deckard: why do you want to become a soldier?
Owen: I'm an asset
Hattie: it's pronounced "ass-hat"
Dom: Apparently we're getting someone new for the crew
Brian: On purpose?
Letty: Are we stealing them?
Roman: New or used?
Mia: Great responses, everyone
The new person is Owen. Which these questions do apply
Lawman gone bad, huh? Such a cliché...
(insp.)
Apologies
Luke: Matt put salt in my coffee because I annoyed him, but I’m going to drink it because I’m petty and I won’t let him win.
Mouse: If you ever disrespect me again, I’ll eat your shower curtains.
Adam: I have...glass doors.
Mouse: Well CRUNCHITHY-MUNCHITY then. You really think that’ll stop me!
[Can I copy your homework?]
I’ll help you with it: Kevin, Kim and Alvin.
Yeah sure: Mouse and Antonio.
Bold of you to assume I did the homework: Jay.
Lol nope: Hailey.
Wait we had homework???: Adam.
Read 5:55pm: Voight.
[When there’s a bug in the District]
Screams for 2 minutes straight: Adam
Calls for help: Kim
Throws a shoe at it: Antonio
Kills it like it’s nothing: Jay, Mouse, Alvin and Voight
Furiously crushes it under their foot: Hailey
Attempts to burn down the district: Kevin
Would never stab someone: Kim and Kevin
Would stab someone in retaliation: Jay and Antonio
Yells “I won’t hesitate bitch!” First: Adam, Mouse and Hailey
Would stab without warning: Alvin
Would stab as a warning: Voight
[In a haunted house]
Jumps at every scare: Kim
Laughs to cover their fear: Adam and Antonio
Goes in confident and comes out a nervous, scared mess: Kevin and Hailey
Unfazed: Voight
Laughs at the stupid costumes: Alvin
Punches the actors: Jay and Mouse
[Among us]
Literally the perfect detective: Voight
Always knows when Adam is sus, acts logically and always tries to vote the right person: Kim and Kevin
Bodyguards Mouse while he does his tasks: Jay
Just wants to do his tasks: Mouse
Never know who it is, doesn’t trust anyone: Hailey and Alvin
Dies first: Adam and Antonio
Voight: Anything you say in the next thirty seconds is free, I won’t fire you. Starting now.
Jay: I think you’re cocky, arrogant, bossy and pushy. You have a king complex and you don’t think of anyone besides yourself.
Voight: Wait a min-
Jay: I have twenty-three seconds left and I’m not done.
Jemma: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Fitz: What if it bites me and it dies?
Jemma: That means you're poisonous.
Daisy: What if it bites itself and I die?
Jemma: ...That's voodoo.
Trip: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Jemma: That's correlation, not causation.
Bobbi: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Hunter: That's kinky.
*while the Trisk is collapsing*
Steve, picking up Nat: Grab the small ones first! their tiny legs are useless!
Jack: *looks at Brock*
Brock:...you fucking dare–
Sitwell:
Rumlow & Rollins:
The funniest thing about writing Hydra Husbands is imagining all the stupid shit Brock says and does as narrated by Frank Grillo's voice.
All rights go to hyrumlow