Poisonous Doubt

Your everyday notorious fuck-up

[tootickie]

did i ever tell u guys that in fifth grade my class wrote a play bc we were studying ancient greece? it was called persephone and the (not so hot) heroes. i played demeter. basically, persephone got kidnapped by kronos and i strong armed hades into giving me 3 heroes from the underworld to get her back but they were actually terrible and i forget how she was actually saved but bottom line is that you wish you were my fifth grade class

[tootickie]

this wasn’t little either, we used the town hall and we wore togas and shit

[tootickie]

me as demeter

some lines (this was a joint effort of a bunch of greek-savvy 10/11 year olds):

athena: ‘im the goddess of wisdom but you don’t notice me telling everyone. i’m too smart for that’

-

aphrodite: is zeus chasing some mortal woman again?

athena: no this time he and hera have gone for marriage counselling

-

athena: we can ask hades to let them out of the underworld to help

aphrodite: he’ll never agree, he’s such a deadly bore (we made a fucking pun im so angry)

-

demeter: hades wont pick up. he’s too busy torturing the dead in tartarus

-

hades: i can’t undo the laws of death. just think of the paperwork.

-

aphrodite: the humidity is messing up my hair. it’s getting all frizzy

athena: is that all you care about?

aphrodite: no, it’s also messing up my dress

-

demeter: it’s so dark, and there aren’t any trees or flowers

hades: what do we need trees for, everybody’s dead

- 

paris: yeah, and i can shoot straight! isn’t that right, achilles?

-

(hades enters)

paris: who are you? do we know you?

-

achilles: im mighty achilles

odysseus: im wily odysseus

paris: and im hungry paris

-

kronos: i really am awesome, aren’t i

-

aeton: one wrong move and you’re history

odysseus: fool! we already are history!

-

demeter: where are those mortals? i left them right there.

athena: are you sure? this isnt the first time you’ve lost someone.

[why-try-whenyoucanhavecookies]

I suddenly have the need for the entire screenplay, and to direct it at my college.

[hobbitsetal]

@teashoesandhair

[teashoesandhair]

These are funnier than literally any retelling I have ever done and I’m not even mad about it.

[confusedapprentice]

Me: * has panic attack, overacts, cries and breaks down*

Things: * turn out okay*

Me:

[dominik528]

Iconic.

[morrithal]

This is the future liberals want

[mias-back-from-the-dead]

riding back to the hotel after the con

[purkinjebastard-deactivated2023]

Y’all I finally got my Meds refilled (fucking Walgreens) and I’m feeling super inspired. I’m gonna bedazzle a machete stay tuned

[purkinjebastard-deactivated2023]

SIDE ONE DONE. I use E6000 glue so I’m gonna let it cure for a few hours, maybe overnight before I do the other side.

[curface]

I THOUGHT IT WAS A HYPERBOLE

[moisemorancy-deactivated2022061]

[krockafella-deactivated20220707]

[kristina100000]

girl: *calls her boyfriend daddy during sex*

sigmund freud watching all of that from hell:

[skyfullofsmoke-deactivated20190]

I HAVE TO YELL

[dankmemeuniversity]

[sweetiepie08]

Trying to find the perfect name for a character, but you only have a vague idea of what you want, like “he feels like a 2-syllable kind of guy” or “It need a hard consonant at the end.”   

[ollies-outies]

[krabby-kronicle]

SpongeBob Squarepants Creator Stephen Hillenburg’s Ashes Scattered At Sea

[meanplastic]

We gotta do something about climate change

[joshmuratori]

IMMMMMMMMMM

[medievalswords]

[gettingintoknives]

do u ever behave politely and respectfully towards retail workers just to flex on freaks who blame employees for every inconvenience

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was walking in the forest during winter, and saw a wendigo sitting under a tree. I asked it if it was going to kill me. It said, “No, this is just a dream.” So I sat next to it in the snow for a bit and then he said, “The anger in your heart warms you now, but will leave you cold in your grave.” And then I woke up.

[wormcrud]

Well SOMEONE’S third eye is wide fucking open

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[kobetyrant-deactivated20141020]

white people bios be like:

Mackenzie. 15. Montana. Indie music. Welcome to a special part of my mind. I’m white but I identify as Spanish/Walgreens gift card. Sherlock. I follow back 🌸flower child🌸

[kevinokevinokevino-deactivated2]

i identify as a walgreens gift card

[arandomthot]

[vandisa]

*deep inhale*

[blackboyjoy]

Gaslighting - manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.