How to Make Your Own Inappropriate Movie Halloween Costume (...and Still Get Into Heaven Afterwards)
Pirate costumes? Walk the plank.
Vampire costumes? They bite.
Naughty cop costumes? Lock 'em up.
The spookiest holiday of 'em all can be a bit of a double-edged sword when it comes to picking out your costume. Too many people just fall back on the 'ol tried-and-true ones-- they get the job done, but nothing that really sticks out as creative or showcasing that ingenuity that gets the grey matter moving.
Of corpse course, there's the "man, that's a stretch" bunch as well. Something like "bubblegum under a chair" or "Black Eyed Peas", just awkward, and not the good kind of awkward either.
Basically I look at clever Halloween costumes the way I look at naming your newborn child- If you have to stare at it longer than two seconds to "get it", you probably should abandon the idea from the get-go.
Where does that leave the rest of us? The ones who aren't content to plop on a sheet with holes and pretend to be a crudely-drawn Peanuts-era ghost, but don't want to blow wads of cash to do something so over-the-top avante garde, that your average person won't appreciate it?
Simple. Start getting offensive. And there's a wealth of material from the silver screen to get you on your way...
---------------------------
IDEA #1: Little Girl in Red Coat from Schindler's List:
One of the most heartbreaking scenes in one of the most critically acclaimed films of the past 20 years. We are made to feel the impact and weight of the horrors of the Holocaust witnessing this innocent, young Jewish girl, recognizable solely by her red coat (a rare moment of color in a grayscale film) and the inevitable fate which awaits her.
- Surrounding items in black and white for color contrast
How to Still Get into Heaven Afterwards?
- After the party's over, toss the coat to a homeless man. He'll be stylish and warm!
--------------------------------
IDEA #2: Fire Extinguisher Scene in Irreversible
The French really know how to make you lose your lunch in style. A creepy accused rapist in a seedy underground club horrifically bludgeoned to death with a fire extinguisher by two men seeking revenge as half of Daft Punk provides the soundtrack. Due to the film's reversed storyline, it appears as one of the earliest scenes, as the repercussions of these actions soon unwind in front of our eyes.
- Plenty of horror makeup to portray a still-alive, smashed-in skull (latex, skin putty, fake blood, makeup to color bruises, etc...)
- One buddy to play the attacker, one buddy to play the attackee.
- Boombox with disorienting house music playing
How to Still Get into Heaven Afterwards?
On the way out of the Halloween party at the bar, put out a nasty leaf-pile fire set by mischievous trick-or-treaters. You've got a fire extinguisher, it's the least you could do.
IDEA #3: "What's in the Box?!?!" from Se7en
(SPOILER) Your average run-of-the-mill road trip into the desert with an unarmed lunatic serial killer gets all weird when his masterplan wraps up as Detective Mills (Brad Pitt) gets a heads-up, err.. off delivery he'll never forget.
- Cardboard Box complete with "Fragile" sticker
- Scissors to cut a hole for your noggin to pop through
- Blonde Wig to look like Gwenyth Paltrow
- (Optional) three buddies to play Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt and Kevin Spacey. You'll need a prison jumpsuit, fake guns, detective costumes and lots of paint for Morgan Freeman's freckles.
How to Still Get into Heaven Afterwards?
Tape that box back up, put some nice dishtowels in there, wrap it, throw a bow on top, and you've already started your Christmas shopping for your inlaws!
IDEA #4: Curb Stomp Scene from American History X:
He doesn't celebrate Black History Month, but he sure made this guy history... Skinhead racist Daniel Vinyard (Edward Norton) makes a royal mess on the sidewalk as he stomps in the skull of a thief breaking into his car in the middle of the night.
- a black buddy with a really good sense of humor
- piece of gray painted styrafoam as the curb
- Sharpie for White Supremacist/Neo-Nazi tattoos
- clippers to shave your head
- stick-on goatee/mustache
How to Still Get into Heaven Afterwards?
Blast this out of your car on the way home from the party.
---------------------------
IDEA #5: Meal from Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom
Granted, that picture isn't the scene in question, but I didn't have the stomach to put it up. The 1975 Italian shock drama is a controversial journey into immorality and depravity. The food tastes like crap there too.
- Clothes? Not too many. Maybe a loincloth or body suit for the bashful.
- Lots of friends who have similar taste in weird movies.
- A really big Tootsie Roll bar.
How to Still Get into Heaven Afterwards?
Well, first off, you'll probably be kicked out of any Halloween parties. Second- go watch all three Toy Storys on repeat for a week. That oughta cleanse your soul.
--------------------------------------------
IDEA #6: Bee Death Scene from My Girl
Two bumbling idiots breaking into his house on Christmas Eve couldn't kill Macaulay Culkin, but a bunch of bees spelled the end (get it? Spelling bee?) of Thomas J. in 1991's coming-of-age drama, My Girl. This scene was a tearjerker at the time, but in hindsight, the once adorable Mac ended up becoming a major-league weirdo in real life. It's safe to laugh at it now.
- Makeup to produce red bumps and swelling
How to Still Get into Heaven Afterwards?
Go home, apologize to Buzz, make friends with your old neighbor and stop the Wet Bandits while "White Christmas" plays in the background. That oughta make you square with the big guy upstairs.
-----------------------------------
IDEA #7: Sara Goldfarb at the end of Requiem For a Dream
An aging mother with a heart of gold who tries to recapture her youthfulness when she's informed she will be the contestant on a game show. Her spiral into weight loss amphetamine addiction mirrors the sad and tragic tale of the other film's addictive characters.
- Makeup for general aging, lines, bags under eyes
- Ratty red wig, a la Carrot Top (with Bride of Frankenstein streaks added)
- lost, glazed look on your face
- Good 'N Plentys (as the pills)
How to Still Get into Heaven Afterwards?
You've already supported Good 'N Plenty, and they're terrible! You've done enough already.
--------------------------
IDEA #8: Any scene from Cannibal Holocaust
A highly banned and controversial 1980 Italian horror film depicting the fate of a missing documentary film crew who never returned from a trip to the Amazon to film cannibal tribes. Infamous for its scenes of intense graphic violence, including the on-screen deaths of actual animals, director Ruggero Deodato, was arrested on obsenity charges in Italy due to rumors that actors were killed on-set.
- Blow most of your budget on fake blood
- Some jungle brush, maybe a fake turtle, snake, or monkey
- Friend who loses a bet has to dress as a cannibal jungle tribesman
How to Get into Heaven Afterwards?
----------------------------------------
IDEA #9: Russian roulette scene from The Deer Hunter
The Vietcong force their captive POW's to play Russian roulette. Controversial for depicting the North Vietnamese as savage, racists and killers, as not one case of Russian roulette has ever been proven in such cases during the Vietnam War.
- Revolver, Nerf if you choose
- Ratty, dirty war clothes
- Your best DeNiro impression. Or worst.
How to Still Get into Heaven Afterwards?
Go get some Vietnamese food. That should even things out. Don't go to a Thai restaurant and say "it's the same thing", trust me, that doesn't go over well.
ellievsbear
yousharknotpass
annaxmalina
blakekathryn
stormborns