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27 | he/him Himbosexual

[a-boar-named-barry]

a-boar-named-barry MASTERLIST

I don't write much, but I decided to make a masterlist anyway. You'll find all my works below. Mind the rating/tags and have fun! Posted: 3/12/2024 Last Updated: 12/29/2024 Total Works: 6 complete, 2 in progress

THE HOBBIT Finding Love: A Matchmaker's Unexpected Journey | gift for @slow-burn-sally | Bilbo x Thorin | E | Chapters: 6/6 A Smial for One's Own | collaboration with @swanfloatieknight | Bilbo x Thorin | T | Chapters: 4/4

A Miner Miscommunication | collaboration with @the-girl-with-the-algebra-book | Bilbo x Thorin | E | Chapters: 7/7 Selling Yourself Short | collaboration with @lucigoo | Bilbo x Thorin | T | Chapters: 2/2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS A Reward for Bravery | Nandor x Guillermo | E | Chapters: 1/1 Right Under Your Nose | Nandor x Guillermo | E | Chapters: 5/5 TBA | Nandor x Guillermo ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ POKEMON

TBA | Arven x Saguaro

[slavery]

[macbethz]

Fuck I’m at a fencing tournament and literally a minute after I reblogged this my dad told me that he talked to the point people and I’m probably going to win a medal.

[seananmcguire]

BURN BAGEL BURN

[gothiccharmschool]

OH WHY NOT?

[harukami]

I need to follow up to say I reblogged this last night, and this morning I got some of the best news of my life, like, a life dream come true news thing.

Bagel what are your powers

[acabosetotal]

FUCK, I though it was just another lucky meme but LISTEN. Since a week ago I was waiting a phone call to confirm me if I got a job or not in my university. I reblogged this yesterday’s night “just for fun and because I don’t want any bagel to be mad with me”, and today’s afternoon, while I was losing my time as always, the professor I was supposed to work with called me and asked me for my personal information to start working with her.

THE BAGEL POWERS ARE WAY TOO MUCH FOR THIS WORLD

[token-white-friend]

I GOT A JOB THE DAY AFTER MY QUEUE POSTED THIS THE FIRST TIME AND I JUST REALIZED IT WHEN I SAW IT AGAIN HOLY GOD

[noodle-dragon]

The bagel hasn’t let me down yet!

[blackcatgodess]

I got a job offer after reblogging the bagel. Believe in the bagel!

[anayely420]

🙏🏼

[sonsfantasies]

Worth a try lol

[theblizzardsix]

i could use some good news or even a good girl 

[pantspooplover]

Go lil bagle! Show me your power!

[itaachiyama-moved]

Okii then!

[blastlight]

THIS IS THE FIRST THING ON MY BLOG

I GOT ASKED OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME AFTER I REBLOGGED IT

[decadentstrangernacho]

Ugh I hate superstitions… … not that it stops me, of course

[karoline-c]

Gimmie

[puppygirlfloret]

Puppy wants to try, woof!

[riderthehenshin]

eh, why not?

[adhdeeznuts03]

Let’s see what news I get.

[lucigoo]

Weekly Roundup: 8th December - 15th December

I wrote 2 fics this week, with 7,217 words between them. One was for the amazing THAUC event @fellowshipofthefics. Also, as anyone who knows me personally knows, I am what we call almost technologically illiterate, but I have JUST discovered that I can change the colours of the words on tumblr posts, so I shall be doing that from now on, so bare with me as I play with it <3

They will be under the read more as always, but first, recs!

The Very Least - Magical_Destiny - The Hobbit (Bilbo/Thorin, Afterlife adventure)

Summary: Bilbo Baggins dies at a ripe old age. Beyond the borders of the world, he discovers a question he must ask, reunions he didn’t expect… and perhaps even one final adventure.

Left You Behind Just Standing There (Pretending Not to See Your Ghost) - Ace_Of_Spades7 (Geralt/Jaskier, post Caingorn, so thats always fun and this one is full of so much emotion)

Summary: After the mountain, Jaskier decides he's done with Geralt, done with being his barker, and done with traveling the continent. He goes to the coast and opens up a tavern in the hopes of living a peaceful life. But just because you take the bard out of the music doesn't mean you can take the music out of the bard.

The Kaer Morhen Book Club - Jack Ironsides (JackIronsides) (Geralt/Jaskier,)

Summary: Jaskier is a romance novelist, and Geralt finds out.

unring the bell - Shinybug - The Witcher (TV) (Geralt/Jaskier)

Summary: In the wake of the events on the mountain, Jaskier is captured by Nilfgaardian soldiers who are determined to find Geralt and Ciri. It will take all his courage and all his love to survive it, and all the fragile possibilities that come after.

and the right to call it home - Chancy_Lurking - Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Geralt/Jaskier, technically Lambert-centric, but it centers around Jaskier and Geralt's relationship.)

Summary: (Lambert is extremely protective of the very little he has, including his brother. Jaskier is a threat to all of them, he doesn’t get why everyone doesn’t see that.)

Weak and Wanting - sociallyawkward_fics - Wiedźmin | The Witcher - (Geralt/Jaskier, winter at Kear Morhen)

Summary: Geralt had thought that inviting Jaskier to Kaer Morhen after all these years would be a good thing. What he didn't plan on was his brothers deciding to have a little fun with their situation. Lambert and Eskel really needed to stop meddling in things they didn't understand, especially when it came to his bard.

Whoops, mostly Geralt/Jaskier this week, but what can I say. I evour a trope and pairing before moving on to a different one lol.

And now for my fics.

I was blessed to have been paired with @a-boar-named-barry for a THAUC fic. They are a wonderful writer and thank you for partnering with me <3

Selling Yourself Short (Bilbo/Thorin, for THAUC)

Summary: When hearing from his mentor, Gandalf, about an opportunity to jump back into the advertising space, Bilbo jumped feet first. But Bilbo soon realized that this was no mere advertising gig: he had to navigate a new city, a new work culture, a very handsome but emotionally-challenging boss. But under pressure, maybe Bilbo can just find the diamond in the rough.

Our ghostly hearts reach for one another (Bilbo/Thorin) I did a wip game and recieved an ask with a mix up for a fic I didnt have, so ofc, I wrote it lol, here it is

Summary:

Bilbo is old, and fells so alone. If only he could see Thorin again. Hold him one last time.

Maybe in his dreams.

[a-boar-named-barry]

It was amazing to work with you, too!

[a-boar-named-barry]

THAUC 24 Submission

Thank you for the kudos and comments already left on our fic. This year, I was paired with the wonderful @lucigoo. I'm proud of the work we put forth. Without further ado, here's Selling Yourself Short

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[a-boar-named-barry]

Happy Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day! 🥳

What's a line or scene you've written that has actually made you laugh out loud?

I’m answering this late but probably this line from the epilogue of “Finding Love: A Matchmaker’s Unexpected Journey”.

“Bilbo held out his hand and sniffled while Thorin delicately placed the golden ring on his finger. But then, all of sudden, Bilbo was invisible. (Just kidding)

Bilbo held his hand to the sky and looked at his beautiful, golden, but perfectly normal ring before going back for more kisses.”

Find this and all my other stories on ao3, username: a_boar_named_barry

[jeirtza]

nandor flying to outer space to impress guillermo

[daysthatgonebye]

wwdits 5x08 "The Roast" + nandermo moments i am totally normal about (she lied, like a liar)

[beansprean]

Lil comic from chapter 1 of Alethophobia by @jay-auris! Character designs by the incredible @pejntboks!

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Distant shot from behind a white van parked on a patch of gravel and dirt with its rear doors wide open, pine trees in the distance against a darkening sky. Human Nandor is rummaging around in the equipment in the back of the van, muttering angrily to himself. He is wearing a green flannel with rolled sleeves over a white tee shirt tucked into cut off blue jean shorts, white knee socks, and hiking boots. The side of Guillermo's face appears in closeup in the foreground, looking at him. 1b. Shot from inside the van as Guillermo comes up behind Nandor, both now facing the viewer. Nandor has his graying hair down and hanging messily in his face as he scowls, sweat beading on his forehead. He wears a silver medallion around his neck, orange tasbih prayer beads around his right wrist, has two orbital piercings with silver hoops and a silver conch stud in his left ear, and silver vertical studs on his right eyebrow. He continues glaring at the equipment and shuffling it around with his left hand as he thrusts a camera bag out behind him with his right, snapping, "Leave Laszlo to pack everything like an overgrown child. Here, pull out the extra batteries so I can put them in the actual fucking battery cases we own." Guillermo looks down at the bag in surprise as it is thrust towards him, hands coming up automatically to take it. He is wearing a black tee shirt with a gray symbol on the chest under a sleeveless unzipped dark blue hoodie with red trim, black leggings, red sneakers, a black fidget ring on his right middle finger, and a silver cross around his neck, tucked into the shirt. 1c. Close up of Guillermo as takes the bag and removes the batteries, aiming a concerned look at Nandor as he does so. He asks, "Are you okay?" 1d. Waist up of Nandor from Guillermo's POV as he straightens up and wrestles his hair back into a messy bun with quick, angry motions. Still glaring down at the equipment, he snarls, "I dislike long car rides; I dislike being out of the city;" 1e. Reverse shot, close up of the back of Nandor's head with its painful looking bun in the foreground as he continues, "I dislike laszlo's laissez-faire attitude towards the security of our expensive equipment..." In the background, Guillermo frowns as he observes Nandor's hair.

2a. Repeat. Guillermo interrupts Nandor's venting by pointing toward his hair and asking, "Can I fix that?" Nandor's head in the foreground turns toward him, asking, "Huh?" 2b. Wide shot facing the rear of the van as Guillermo says, "Your hair, just- c'mere." Guillermo takes Nandor by the shoulders, turns him around, and pushes him down to sit on the bumper with a small, unassuming smile. Nandor looks shocked and not a little flustered, shoulders tense under Guillermo's hands. 2c. Close up on Nandor as Guillermo pulls the rubber band from his hair and lets it loose around his shoulders, covering his eyes. Guillermo combs his fingers through the strands and Nandor stills, expression hidden but cheeks going red. 2d. Close up of Nandor's face from the nose down in profile as Guillermo's hands gather his hair behind his shoulders. 2e. Close up of the back of Nandor's head from Guillermo's POV as he pulls all of Nandor's hair together neatly at his crown.

3a. Close up on Nandor's side, elbow to hip, as Guillermo's right hand leaves his head to tap two fingers on Nandor's jeans pocket. Nandor pulls his elbow away in surprise. 3b. Repeat. Nandor's other hand obliges, pulling a second rubber band from his pocket and offering it to Guillermo, who hooks it onto his finger. 3c. Waist up of Guillermo as he steps back with a hesitant grin, hands clasped together at his sternum. He says, "There. Better?" 3d. Close up of Nandor's right hand as it lifts his phone and unlocks it with a thumb. His phone case is a Lisa-Frank-esque close up of a white horse with purple, blue, and pink spots on a backdrop of a blue sky with clouds and a rainbow.

4a. Bust of Nandor as he raises his phone up to take a look at himself in the camera, expression now softened from his earlier frustration. His hair is now twisted up into a neat, round bun at the crown of his head, one stubborn strand loose at his temple. He raises his eyebrows, liking what he sees, and says "Huh. That's very good. How did you do that?" 4b. Zoom out to knees up, Nandor still perched on the bumper of the van. Guillermo stuffs his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and leans back against one of the van doors, flushed and grinning as he aims his gaze elsewhere. With a humble shrug, he replies, "Sister taught me. She said that if I wanted to impress a girl one day, I should learn how to do basic styles." Nandor lowers his phone and drapes that arm over his raised knee, left hand palming the other to balance himself as he turns his torso towards Guillermo with a grin. He says, "Well, color this girl impressed." /end ID

[a-boar-named-barry]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

I’m proud to announce that I participated in this year’s THAUC event, hosted by @fellowshipofthefics! It was such an honor to work with @the-girl-with-the-algebra-book who made this wonderful playlist to accompany this fic: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6QWlLCF5FaJlgtLHjrStxo?si=3473efc4127f442e&nd=1&dlsi=5235dc90f3c14055

I hope you all enjoy it and I’m excited about all the things I want to write in the future!

Chapters: 7/7

Fandom: The Hobbit - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins & Thorin Oakenshield Characters: Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins, Balin (Tolkien), Dwalin (Tolkien), Óin (Tolkien), Bofur (Tolkien) Additional Tags: thauc23, Friends to Lovers, Smut, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Come Swallowing, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Kinks, Hair-pulling Summary:

Thorin's recovery from the Battle of the Five Armies was a long and arduous one, but there was one little thing that made up for it: a hobbit. While Thorin recovered, he and Bilbo spent a lot of time together, which only solidified the feelings each one had for the other. Once Thorin does heal, both get wrapped up in other things, leading to less time for communication and more time for miscommunication. Will this stubborn pair finally tell each other how they feel, or will their assumptions get the best of them?

Prompts: 1. Bilbo and Thorin are roommates. [Either] comes home to a candlelit dinner thinking [the other] has a date. They had no idea the date was for them. 2. Thorin is forced to choose between a future with Bilbo and the future his people seemingly demand of him.

[the-girl-with-the-algebra-book]

A Miner Miscommunication

BEHOLD, my playlist for THAUC 2023 by @fellowshipofthefics A big thanks to the mods for putting this event together and making sure everything runs smoothly :) 

I had such a wonderful time collaborating with @a-boar-named-barry this year and working to set their fic to music! Thank you for being an amazing partner and gifting the world with this amazing fic.

Without further ado, I present to you “A Miner Miscommunication”:

Lovesick by Laufey

Floorboards creaking in my home / Deathly silence when alone / Oh, I wish that you were here right now / So, unlike me, somehow I / Fell in love in just three nights / Those November days still haunting me

We open the fic with Thorin reflecting on waking up post-BOTFA. Thorin and Bilbo spent much time together as the former healed, and November became a defining month for their relationship. But as it is finally time to return to his duties as King, Thorin is sad he can’t spend as much time with Bilbo.

Green Eyes by Coldplay

I came here with a load / And it feels so much lighter now I met you / And, honey, you should know / That I could never go on without you / Green eyes

At first, it’s a bit of an obvious choice since Bilbo has green eyes. However, the song has a deeper meaning than that. Thorin spent the entire quest with the weight of his people on his shoulders. But now that they’ve reclaimed Erebor, he finally has a chance to get to know Bilbo more. And now that he has, he can’t fathom a life without the hobbit. 

A Place In This World by Taylor Swift

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me / 'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out / Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking

After the quest is done, and he’s done helping Thorin through his healing, Bilbo’s left feeling lost as to what to do next. He tries to get a few jobs in the mountain, but none really stick, so he works in the mines with Bofur. Bilbo really is just a teenage girl in his 50s trying to find his place in this world.

Tightrope by Michelle Williams

We're walkin' a tightrope / Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall? / Well, it's all an adventure / That comes with a breathtakin' view / Walkin' a tightrope

Bilbo is unsure of what his future in Erebor is. He doesn’t know if he has any chance with Thorin since he’s trying to court someone. But in the meantime, Bilbo has been on quite the adventure, both physically and romantically. 

State of Grace (Acoustic Version) (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

This is a state of grace / This is the worthwhile fight / Love is a ruthless game / Unless you play it good and right / These are the hands of fate / You're my Achilles heel / This is the golden age / Of something good and right and real

For no one else would Thorin consider throwing away precedent and tradition as he has for Bilbo. To pursue a life with the man he loves, someone who is not a dwarf - that’s a big deal! 

Glue Song by beabadoobee

Don't forget to kiss me / Or else you'll have to miss me / I guess I'm stuck forever by the glue

Thorin risks losing Bilbo forever if he doesn’t come forward about his feelings. 

Distance by Christina Perri

So I'll make sure to keep my distance / Say "I love you" when you're not listening / And how long can we keep this up, up, up?

Bilbo still thinks that he doesn’t have a chance. Meanwhile, Thorin is wondering when Bilbo will finally want more.

Gold Rush by Josh Rabenold (originally by Taylor Swift)

Everybody wants you / Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you / Walk past, quick brush / I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush / I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush / Everybody wants you / But I don't like a gold rush

The obvious detail of gold mining imagery stands out, and it fits well both with dwarves in general and with Bilbo’s new job in the mines. But again, my reasoning behind this song goes beyond it. This is a song about jealousy, specifically of others who want the one you love. As much as he wants him, Bilbo doesn’t want to compete with whoever Thorin is courting. 

Close by Nick Jonas and Tove Lo

Oh, man, oh, man, I am not / Really known for ever bein' speechless (Yeah, yeah) / But now, but now, somehow / My words roll off my tongue right onto your lips, ah (Oh, babe) / I'm keepin' cool while you keep smilin' / Sayin' all the things I'm thinkin' (Oh, baby, yeah) / Oh, man, oh, man, I am like you / So I want proof I'm what you're feelin' 

The boink song! The themes of this song play into Bilbo still feeling unsure of his place both in Erebor and Thorin's life. But it still encapsulates the underlying love and passion between the two. 

In Your Love by Tyler Childers

And you know some men search for ages / For the love that I have found / So I will stand my ground

Thorin doesn’t care that Bilbo isn’t a dwarf. He doesn’t care that he isn’t royalty. All he cares about is their mutual love for one another, and that they’re happy together. 

Two Men in Love by The Irrepressibles

If I asked you now / Will you be my prince? / Will you lay down your armour / And be with me forever?

The proposal!!! 

Just a little misunderstanding by the contours 

Baby, I can't let you go / I realize I hurt you so / Our love, surely can be mended / Just a little misunderstanding

Thorin didn’t understand the position that he had unwittingly put Bilbo in. He didn’t realize it had gone so far that Bilbo considered leaving Erebor. On the other hand, Bilbo hadn’t realized that it would get back to Thorin, let alone that Thorin would still believe that Bilbo would leave. 

[a-boar-named-barry]

It was a pleasure working with you @the-girl-with-the-algebra-book. With these songs, you're bound to cry at least a few times!

[ismellpestilence]

I don't want to see Nandor and Guillermo "hook up". I want them to fuck nasty. I want to see an entire episode of Colin Robinson, Laszlo, and Nadja trying to go about their lives but being interrupted by ungodly screams and crashing sounds. Pictures should fall off the walls. Nandor should march into the common room with his hair in a ponytail, grab a lamp, and go back to his room without saying anything. Nadja and Laszlo are so disturbed that they can't even be horny about it. Colin Robinson is trying to drain people but they can't focus on the things he's saying because they're too distracted by the cartoon sound effects coming from Nandor and Guillermo.

[a-boar-named-barry]

So, Thorin’s having a love surge right now…

[a-boar-named-barry]

Why is this bot’s username kind of giving Nandermo?

This scene in particular

[paperlignes]

guillermo and nandor / hands

[a-boar-named-barry]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Original Male Character(s), Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)/Original Female Character(s), Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja Characters: Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Guillermo de la Cruz, Nadja (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Laszlo Cravensworth, Colin Robinson, Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Getting Together, Post-Season/Series 02, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Misunderstandings, Feelings Realization, Rescue, First Kiss, Blind Date, Blood Drinking, Vampires, It's Requited They're Just Stupid, Jealous Nandor, jealous guillermo, nonsexual tie, tongue hockey Summary:

“AAAAAHHHHH, THAT SMELL!!!” Nadja raised her right hand to pinch her nose closed and pointed at Nandor with the left. “I’m used to the stench coming from Guillermo’s groin, but you too, Nandor? My little nose cannot take this.”

Guillermo and Nandor both rolled their eyes. “What are you getting on about, Nadja? Guillermo, do I stink?”

“I don’t smell anything,” Guillermo replied.

“It’s from his groin. Your groin is just as sad as bloody Guillermo’s. Tell him, Laszlo!”

---------------------------------------------------------------

The sad stench from Nandor's groin has finally thrown Nadja over the edge, so she decides to set him up on a date with her friend. Nandor and Guillermo aren't too thrilled with the idea, but they go along with it to shut her up. That is, until they realize she may be right, more or less.

Reposting this for absolutely NO REASON AT ALL.....

I should write again

[loouisink]

Nandor + Text Posts [5/?]

[donniesdorm]

it is finally finished and I can rest! WLW version coming soon!