Being Bigender- what itās like.
I know there are already a few posts about being bigender and what it means, but I kind of wanted to make my own so I could share some of my own knowledge and experiences on being bigen.
Bigender is a gender identity described as being two genders- either simultaneously [both genders at the same time], fluidly [switching between the two] or partially [sort of like being a percentage/amount of each]. It falls under the nonbinary umbrella and is one of the many multigender identities out there, one of the more well known ones in fact [genderfluid probably being the most well known].
Q- Do the two genders have to be āGirl and Boyā?
Absolutely not. This is probably the most asked bigender-related question that I know of, and Iād like for it to be known that the two genders you experience do not have to be binary. A bigender preson could be a combination of a binary gender and nonbinary gender [example: girl and agender] or two nonbinary genders [example: androgyne and neutrois]. Bigender is not defined as only being man and woman.
Difference between Bigender and Genderfluid
Bigender and genderfluid may share some similar aspects, but the main difference is that bigender is just defined as being any two genders, and itās not a requirement to be fluid between them. Genderfluid is shifting between multiple genders, which doesnt have to be limited to two or only binary genders. These can overlap and can used simultaneously as a label if you wish, but essentially these are very different identities.
Q- If youāre bigender, are you trans? Or half-trans or something?Ā
Yāknow, thatās just up to the bigender/nonbinary individual to decide. I donāt consider myself trans, and for a while I didnāt even consider myself nonbinary. Iām not cis, and I relate a lot to transgender experiences- so sure, I could technically consider myself trans. But itās not something that appeals to me as a label, so I donāt really use it. You can just be you, and you donāt have to be a part of the trans community or even in the nonbinary community if you donāt want to.Ā
You can also have surgery/ name change/ go on hormones if youāre bigender btw, itās alllll up to you.
And another thing- no, you do not have to present/dress like both of your genders to be bigender. Or switch between clothing or whatever. You can present however you like- clothing doesnāt dictate your identity in any way. Itās just fabric. Wear it however you want!Ā
For example, I prefer to only present as masculine.
Q- Do you have to be 50% / half of both genders to be bigender?
Nope. If the genders are not felt simultaneously or fluidly and are instead felt partially each, then the metaphorical āpercentageāĀ can be anything. A bigender person may feel 60% one gender and 40% the other, or someone else may be more 70% and 30%, and then sometime they can even be 10% or 90% or even 1% and 99% and etc, etc, etc.Ā
If the amount of gender experienced can be at any percent, whatās to stop me from calling myself demigender instead of bigender?
[Demigender- feeling partially, but not fully a gender. Common names are demigirl, demiboy, etc.]
The truth is, similar to how [bi]sexual/romantic, [poly]sexual/romatic and [pan]sexual/romantic all overlap, and itās really up to the person to choose which label they prefer, itās up to the bigender/demigender individual to choose what theyād want to call themselves, because these termsĀ CAN*Ā overlap as well.Ā
*ALSO. IMPORTANT. Demigenders donāt necessarily onlyĀ experience two genders. A few people have corrected me on this mistake- demigenders can also experience more than two or even only experience the one gender they feel the most, without needing another gender to fill up the metaphorical space. Itās just defined as experiencing mostly but not entirely a gender.Ā
Q- Do you have to have separateĀ sets of pronouns for each gender, or even two chosen names?
Nah. This isnāt a requirement. You can be bigender and have as many or as little names or sets of pronouns as you want, and they donāt have to āmatchā your genders either. A boy/girl bigender could use only one name and use they/them, or an agender/boy bigender could be using two names and she/her + he/him, or neopronouns, or etc. The combinations are endless, so itās up to the individual to figure out what they want.
And again, the names do not have to necessarily correspond with your genders by societyās standards- by which i mean you donāt have to have a āboyā name or a āgirlā name or a neutral name unless thatās what you want.
They/them (at least in the English language) are definitely considered THE neutral pronouns and like the go-to to use for anyone. And they usually are, thereās nothing wrong with that- itās good to use on strangers, people you donāt know the pronouns of, or people who just prefer those pronouns- all very good situations to use them in! However, Iād also like to point out- as I donāt see it pointed out much- that it is not applicable to those who you know the pronouns of and they donāt include it in their list of pronouns/ express that they donāt like it used on them. Itās not a good way to get around using pronouns youāre uncomfortable with/ donāt want to make an effort to use either.Ā Itās not a good alternative to someoneās neopronouns, or multiple/fluxuating pronouns, or just to use on anyone who doesnāt want them used. Just donāt.Ā
This applies to every gender identity, not just bigenders.Ā
Q- If Iām bigender, how does that affect my other orientations? Should I consider myself bi, gay, etc?
Unfortunately, currently popular lgbt+ terms [especially in relation to sexuality or romantic orientation] are not really suited for nonbinary people. There isnāt much of a way to describe our attraction unless youāre pansexual/romantic or aroace, so there isnāt really a good answer to this, other than youāll have to figure out what sounds best to you. Like, what would it mean for a boy/girl bigender person to consider themselves gay [not just as an umbrella term]? Would they be only interested in other bigender people, or would that mean they like both girls and boys? See, there isnāt really a perfect solution. Personally I call myself asexual and pan grey-aromantic, which means that I feel no sexual attraction and rarely feel any romantic attraction, but if I do it can be to anyone regardless of gender. I feel like this covers me pretty well, so itās up to you to make do with whatever terminology you have available [or if you want, just make your own]!
What itās like being bigender
Well for starters, no two bigender people are the same, nor have the same experiences. I am probably the most stereotypical form of bigender- Iām boy/girl, I use he/him and she/her pronouns, and I even have two names, in fact one is a āboyā name and the other is a āgirlā name. As much as Iād like to share alternative bigender stories, I can only tell you mine, so keep in mind that this isnāt the universal truth for all of us.
For me, Iām simultaneously both of my genders- Iām not 70% one and 30% the other, nor am I fluid between the two. At all times, I feel 100% girl and 100% boy. āIsnāt that the same as androgyne?ā somebody may want to ask [maybe]. Well, no. In the form of a visual, pretend there are two tinted lenses [say, yellow and blue] and stacking them on top of each other makes green, while still being separate physically. Androgyne would be more like just having a green tinted lense, without needing to stack anything.
Anyway, how is it like? My insight to being bigender in the real world is well, kind of uneventful, as Iām extremely closeted and donāt intend to come out any time soon. Most of my experiences happen internally. I sometimes get annoyed that people use only one set of pronouns for me, because although I donāt mind he or she, I would still prefer for them both to be used at about the same amount. [I try to even it out by playing games where I get to choose to have my other pronouns used]. I feel comfortable using any binary-gendered terms for myself [ex: queen, king, brother, etc] and itās funny to me when people ācorrectā themselves after saying something that isnāt usually associated with my agab [because I donāt pass]. I can relate to a lot to both female and male experiences. I get uncomfortable when people tell me Iām just one gender [ex: calling me just a boy/girl, repeatedly]. I do have dysphoria, both social and physical. I plan on getting surgery someday. I actually only discovered I was bigender last summer, so less than a year ago. Thatās my story.
Canon bigender representation in the media [That I know of]
There is none, lol. Zilch none. Multigender people often get thrown under the bus when it comes to any rep, and the most we get is the occasional genderfluid character [Magnus Chase, Adventure time, some animes]. Although, I guess you could consider BMO from adventure time bigender, as BMO has fluctuaites between she/her and he/him pronouns in the show [but I think the writers confirmed BMO as genderfluid, not bigender]. And Marco Diaz from Star vs the forces of evil HAS been sort of coded as bigender, but in the newest season the writers seem to have completely butchered that and itās kinda a train wreck right now so. Idk. Anyways, even if this was official confirmed-by-the-creators canon, then they still stick to the stereotypical binary bigenders and although thatās very relatable to me, Iād like to see more diverse bigen characters. So thatās my insight on that.
If anyone knows of any actually canon bigender rep then hit me up lmao, Iād really love to know about it. I might make a list.
Q- How can I write a bigender character?
Read everything above, so you at least have some standard knowledge about it. If you have additional questions, my ask is always open and you are also free to message me privately. Iāll be glad to help anyone out who has trouble with this, or anything bigender related really.
Only SOME of the other multigenders that are similar/relate to Bigender [for those who may want to know more]
Trigender- Like bigender, but experiencing three genders instead of two
Polygender- experiencing multiple genders but not all.
Pangender- same thing but as all genders [this however, does not include genders that arenāt within your experiences, because there are some genders that belong to indigenous groups and cultures and more that can only be used by those who belong in those groups. Pangender has gained some controversy because of this, so remember that it never includes anything one canāt claim.]
Demigender- feeling partially but not totally a gender.
Genderfluid- being fluid between genders [can be any genders, any amount of them and for any amount of time]
If you feel like I need to change anything about this post, then Iām open to suggestions/criticism as Iām never satisfied with what I write and am willing to make changes as needed!Ā
