With Every Heartbeat

I'm just a girl trying to let go of what's wrong to find what's right.

[aatwinkles]

I’m still learning how to leave my past behind. Sometimes on a Saturday night all alone, I open old chapters and read through them.  But it’s time to put the book down and stay in the present.  I’m so much happier here.  There’s no benefit to looking back, there’s nothing back there that I want.  Paths cross and everyone continues on their own journey.  It’s okay to stop caring about your journey.  I haven’t known you in 7 years.  Just because you were such a big, meaningful chapter does not mean you must always be meaningful.  Chapters end and new ones begin.  You are old, and I am new.

[aatwinkles]

You don’t know him like I do, you don’t understand, you don’t know what we’ve been through, that boy’s my best friend, you don’t know how much I’ve got to lose.....

I thought of him immediately, and then I realized I feel the same way about you.  After all this time I thought I had something totally opposite of everything we were, but maybe history’s been repeating itself. 

[aatwinkles]

Hope you find the love of your life in Vegas

She won’t be waiting for you here

She went on to live her own.

[aatwinkles]

Untitled

I wouldn’t expect you to understand what it feels like not to know.  Uncertainty is only the result of ever hoping to feel certain, and you don’t hope to feel or wait and wonder.  The power of decision is never perceived to be yours and so neither is uncertainty your possession; the world in which you exist is different than mine.  I crave the freedom of a new place, big and different and idealistic, from the comfort of the only place I’ve ever known and has come to know me.  I long for the independence of 400 square feet on top of a city block where loneliness is staved off by empowerment.  I dare to surge into a mass of new faces, propelled by the repeating familiar ones who know me well and know me ill, driven by confidence of what I have conquered and stoicism of what I have outgrown.  Perhaps in this used up corner of the world I have outgrown you too.  The summertime fire like a beacon draws me back, or perhaps like a bug to a light entices me to stay, with the inevitable conclusion.  The light in your eyes makes a new place seem so far away, and oh God how I hate when I can’t ignore the voice from the deepest parts of me crying forever.  I can’t un-know that I want to marry you but I know nothing of how to, it is as though that premise itself is disconnected from anything else real or imagined for my life.  I know it can’t happen and balk because it has to.  We’re connected by words you could tear out and a photo book you could burn and a Netflix password I could change and brand new whale coasters I just couldn’t get rid of, and so I have to stay forever and make my life what it will be.  All I know is that I don’t know, and so the struggle I feel doesn’t exist; with my uncertainty and your indecision we are really nothing at all.

[cherrybam-blog]

[aatwinkles]

What He Would Have Said to Me

I almost walked up to you

To tell you how nice you looked,

How well you did, how you’ve always been so good

But you were in the front

Leading the room

And I was in the back hiding from it

As I moved forward you glowed,

With talent and beauty and 

The love I’ve always attributed to you

And the happiness you’ve gained

Since you learned to ignore it

Standing before something so bright, I

In my darkness

Had nothing to say

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Don’t get mad. Don’t get even. Do better. Much better. Rise above. Become so engulfed in your own success that you forget it ever happened.

(via heartbreaks-n-milkshakes)

[aatwinkles]

New Years

Laying in a stranger’s bed and you felt like a stranger.

One year turned into the next and I don’t know what to expect from you.

How can I love you so much I feel as thought I’ll burst but wonder why I’m even there against you, and if you’ll show me you love me this much in the morning.

We’ve always been so casual that I feel desperate asking for the stupid sweet nothings I stopped believing before you came along anyway.

I guess I need somethings, somethings to match all of mine, while I’m yearning for everything so afraid it will always be just out of reach and worried I’ll seal that fate trying so hard for it.

I never wanted you to be my everything, honestly I didn’t want to make you anything.

But you’re in my life now and I can’t let you leave me how I was before I had you.

[kushandwizdom]

[k91-hakunamatata]

You’d lose your mind trying to understand mine

(via phuckindope)

[aatwinkles]

Simple Love

You reply to a page with three words

“I love you”

And sometimes I’m enraged

Exhausted

By how little you have to say

How little your thoughts seem to be;

Shallow

Simple

When everything in my head is so deep

But tonight I’m content

A simple reply

From a simple boy

Whose uncomplicated truth is loving me

[aatwinkles]

Another Surprise

I’m prettier than her

And it shouldn’t matter to me

It doesn’t

But I smiled a little when I saw her picture

She’s not your type

But I guess I wasn’t either

Three years later I still have to remind myself

[mylovebythesea]

My hopeless romantic says yes but my independent woman says no

[larmoyante]

It all meant something. Until it didn’t.

Dave Eggers, A Hologram for the King (via larmoyante)

[amortizing]

A secret to happiness is letting every situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be, and then making the best of it.

unknown (via amortizing)

[babyanimalgifs]

[aatwinkles]

The sad thing is people would never talk to me the way they do at work if a dog popped up in front of them instead because they would be more respectful to an animal than another human being. 

[findingwordsforthoughts]

you think you’re in love and this is the one and this is it. you may be right, but before you move heaven and earth and split the sea down the middle to make it work, take their hand in yours, turn the lights off, turn your computers and phones and the tv off. shut yourself off from the world. is this someone you can sit with in the darkness? is this someone you can sit with in silence? is this someone you can spend hours doing nothing else but counting the distance between lightning and thunder? because life is more than a forever of picture perfect moments - it’s darkness, and silence and interludes in which you hold your breath. forever should not feel like forever, it should feel like no time at all; it should feel like a blink of an eye; an interlude between the lightning strike and a thunder.

marina v., about forevers. (via findingwordsforthoughts)