I’ve been thinking a lot about how to best convey my own thoughts on the week's events on the Jily Discord.
Firstly, I want to acknowledge the incredible individuals who have taken the time to valiantly and patiently explain why DE!James as a trope makes a majority of minority, Jewish and POC readers feel incredibly uncomfortable and unseen. Authors who write this trope — I hope you have taken to time to actually read what these individuals have already said to you and take the time to process, that despite whatever your intentions are with the fic, you are directly hurting those in your community.
If you know me, you know I’m literally the most non-confrontational person. I don’t like to be involved in any drama, I don’t ever wish to fuel any existing fires. But I know that I draw the line when others voices are not being heard.
As a POC I’ve grown up in a world where racism is intertwined with everything I do - it’s horrible, yes, but it’s a fact. We still live in a world where because you are “different” in some background or way, you are targeted that reason. It’s the look you get when you open your homemade lunch and everyone scrunches your nose in distaste, it’s when people ask “where REALLY are you from”, it’s the act of someone calling you a different name because they “can’t pronounce” yours. It’s all this and a bajillion more tiny cuts that many people don’t see on a daily basis, won’t understand unless they’ve also had these small cuts bogging down on their lives.
Fandom sometimes is the only place that we can escape to and paint our own realities — where characters of color can be acknowledged for who they are, fight injustices, that is end of that. By promoting a narrative where the relationship of a marginalized population (aka muggleborns, a captive, a slave) and an aggressor (aka death eater, master) is romanticized, you are actively fueling the years and years of racial discrimination.
And let me just say that again so I can be so utterly clear: By writing a DE!James fic, whether you know it or not, you are saying a marginalized population needs be saved through means of a toxic, even Stockholm syndrome-esque, relationship.
Please really take the time to have that sink in. Read that again and then again. Tell me now, how is that okay? How presuming is it to believe that by creating a relationship like this, you are not highlighting the horrors of history for many POC, Jewish and minority readers? Even more, the horrors our own ancestors had to endure with no choice.
Look I don’t mean to be judgmental of those who have had the privilege of never having to think about this. If you’ve truly never thought about this, thank you for reading this and I hope you can find it in yourself to learn more about the silent (and not so silent) oppressions that many of us have to deal with. I hope this conversation highlights that yes, we have common interests, but also that our backgrounds are each beautifully different — and we all need to learn from each other.
But I’m not so naive enough to think that many will take this well —- so this bit is for you. I am not asking for you for an apology, nor do I think that my post alone is going to solve this issue. I doubt that (if this is the category you’re placing yourself in) you will actually have the self awareness to do this…. but if there’s just one thing you do, I hope it’s this: take the time out of your day to ask a POC, Jewish reader or someone who identifies as a minority, how you can be better. I will gladly volunteer myself for this because while I know I don’t have all the answers to the world, I know so many other POC, Jewish and minority creators on here are being bombarded with extreme asks. I’d be happy to guide you to other resources but you need to make the first step. Acknowledge that you never thought of the hurt this would bring others and ask what can you do.
No seriously. Ask someone who has been hurt what you can do.
Find that ridiculous? Well, I implore you to think of your best friend. If your best friend came to you one day and had a large cut on her knee, actively bleeding —what would you say? Maybe it’s “omg so-and-so how did this happen?” Or “Are you okay?” But then… isn’t your next question “How can I help?”
That is the same question I’m hoping you will ask, because whether or not you can see it, this scenario with your best friend is how you should be treating everyone else as well. The answers I will have (and the resources I may link you to) are going to be hard and you probably won’t like them. But if after, you wish to continue on whatever path, despite knowing you are actively hurting people and their own history then at least do me the courtesy and never interact with this blog. We all just want to be valued, heard and feel safe in this online community. It starts by having these hard conversations and being willing to admit that you are wrong.
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