wien

sun’s out and we’re healing thank you

[ablaze-flowers]

i’m so scared of moving on. i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to forget you. i don’t want to see you with someone else or look at another person the way i looked at you. i want it be you. i want you to be the only person i ever see.

[ablaze-flowers]

[theoptia]

Jean-Paul Sartre, from No Exit and Three Other Plays; “The Flies”

Text ID: you and I harbor the same dark secret in our hearts.

[chloeinletters]

Happy Valentine’s Day. To the love that will always remain 💖

[ablaze-flowers]

and i still feel like the dog you always come back to, after you treat it like shit, even though you call it your most loyal being. and i feel like it’s not an honor anymore to be the only one you can trust, because i’ve never seen you return the favor. because it’s always been about you. it’s always been about the fury and bottled up anger you could take out on me.

because this was what i thought love was. because this way the only way that i thought i could be useful, that i could make you feel better. you only loved me because you could reflect yourself in my eyes and i would still love you. you only loved me because i could take your hate and turn in into flowers and give them back to you.

but you’d pick at each petal and smash it. and i’d still be eager to restore them with beautiful words and reattach them, until that wasn’t enough for you anymore. until you sought full fields of unpicked flowers.

[goodfuuuuuuuckinriddance]

i hate how my entire day can be ruined because of a particular conversation i had, or because of how someone phrased something or because of the tone they used. i hate how i am so horribly sensitive that what counts for me as a “bad day” hinges entirely on the most insignificant things. things other people can shrug off, but they weigh heavy on me all day.

[sa2ha]

13/02/16

[rbhvleo]

[thespilledquotes]

“I will never say the things that I want to say to you. I know the damage it would do. I love you more than I hate my loneliness and pain.”

— Henry Rollins, Solipsist (via perfeqt)

[thespilledquotes]

“And maybe it is only by finding yourself that you can feel the true intensity of becoming close to another person.”

— David Levithan, The Realm of Possibility (via perfeqt)

[im-sun-deactivated20181224]

Do you have a hobby?

self destruction 

[menhe-rafflesia]

[oceanbpd]

Repressed _2017

[your-health-hazard]

[cha0smaid]

im sorry

04.11.20

[ablaze-flowers]

why am i always this way?

questioning if i did something, if it’s my fault,

if the slight change in their tone

means abandonment.

if their message is shorter than the usual,

if they didn’t say good night tonight,

if they cancelled the plans,

or if they never want to see me again.

how do i tell them apart?

these are all the same thing.

comes the disappointment, hate for this annoying human,

that my mom birthed,

which traits i’ve inherited.

i know it’s a never ending loop

of exhaustion.

no matter the good, the reassurance,

or the multiple times they told me ‘i love you’.

doesn’t make up for the times they didn’t,

the times i’ve cried myself to sleep,

thinking they hate me.

so i’ll only ask one last time,

when does it end?

i’m tired.

-me

[gay-rats-in-a-hoodie]

“What do you want to do with your life?”

Well I was kinda

I was a bit too busy learning how to survive as a kid to learn about myself