IF I LOOK BACK, I AM LOST.

ind. oc

[storyvein-deactivated20161220]

       if you take her GENETIC CODE & add her life experiences & the relationships she had with people, & then you take the size and shape of her body, you do not get her. there is something else entirely. there is a part of her greater than the sum of her knowable parts.

[abodyshouldnt]

      ANDY IS BEING MOVED TO MY MULTI MUSE BLOG!! i don’t have the time to manage all these blogs, so i decided to move my semi-active muses to their own blog.

[magicalenough]

                   SUCKS, BUT  

                                                 I’M DEALING WITH IT.

[abodyshouldnt]

         ‘  CAREFUL! you’ll cut yourself.  ’

starter call | erotopathic

[abodyshouldnt]

STARTER CALL.

[abodyshouldnt]

    ‘CAUSE I’VE STILL GOT

                — A LOT OF  FIGHT  LEFT IN ME !!

[abodyshouldnt]

jimmydarlingrp:

He nodded as he heard her request. “Okay. I will. I’ll find them.” And fucking kill them once I do.

At his reassurance, she moved back into his embrace, resting her head against his chest. ‘ Thank you. ’

[abodyshouldnt]

      I might only have one MATCH,                        but I can make an EXPLOSION.

[abodyshouldnt]

jimmydarlingrp:

He once again embraced the girl, his arms caging around her defensively. “I’m sorry okay? I just feel like I let you down.” A sigh escaped his lips, not knowing what else to say. He had fucked up.

‘ You didn’t, you won’t. Listen, there’s no more ‘what could have been done’, there’s only what we’re going to do now. ’ And she felt that familiar warmth of rage as it burned a fire within her. She couldn’t do anything, for the baby, but whoever did this would be helping her unborn child and saving the town. ‘ You have to find them, Jimmy. Find who did this, who’s caused all this pain. ’

[abodyshouldnt]

mahliaduncan:

Seeing the girl smile, Mahlia flashed a shy smile of her own. The girl was soft and sweet which intrigued her greatly. It appealed to her monstrous side whether she wanted to admit it or not. “It’s lovely to meet you, Andy. Despite the horrible circumstances.”

She had been scorned for her kindness more than once, as though people would prefer heartless, selfish actions to altruism, but Andy never minded. It was her kindness that made her such an easy target, but in the end it was what made everything okay. ‘ It’s nice to meet you too, I didn’t catch your name. ’

[abodyshouldnt]

ofliqucr:

Her limbs collapsed in his arms and he was relieved, her bones that had fought for far too long falling against his chest. A continual tracing of circles against her heaving back alongside tiny, soothing ‘sh’s’ were enough to ease an ounce of Andy’s sorrow. With her head tucked away against his shirt, the Constable looked back at the destruction of her brother, his skin crawled as he scanned the liver-coloured sand, the crimson-stained uniform that was once a symbol of protection, now a symbol of death.

He could feel her heart of gold, wounded with bullets and tainted with the passing of her sibling against his chest, he could feel her lungs heave for air, all psychical reactions that would pass, but it was not the psychical pain that scars, it’s the mental pain. It was that mental torment that haunts the living, the only ray of sunshine, glimmer of hope was the little human nestled in Andy’s womb, but the words that bled from her quivering lips made it sound like not even their baby could provide hope for the brunette darling.

“Andy …” He place a gentle, tender kiss on her forehead as he softly pulled her arms around his neck, his own arms scooping her shaking body up from the ground, lifting her exhausted frame up. With that, with her in his arms, he left the bloody scene, left the chaos, took Andy away from the horror, the last image she will remember of her older brother.

The car ride home was silent, Adrian unsure of how to tackle such a diabolical topic. He was no saint himself, leaving his own baby siblings after the death of his own parents, helping those he loved to cope with loss was foreign to the man, something he ran away from. But not any more, not since learning he was to be the protector of a child, a father did not abandon those he loved.

He carried her inside the apartment, to Hades’s room, he wasn’t home and Adrian couldn’t imagine Andy could want to stay in his own bed, the bed that he and Amalie had made love in the previous night. But he could not focus on his Swedish angel tonight, his care was focused on the mother of his child and his little prince or princess in her womb. “I’m sorry, darling.” Another condolence left his lips as he tucked a loose brunette curl behind her ear. “Is there anything I can get you? Anything I can do? Heck, you need me to stay, leave, I’ll do it, anything for you and our baby.”

She had resigned into herself by the time Adrian had decided  to move her at last. She couldn’t stop sobbing, so it was hardly any use trying to see where he was carrying her. It was too difficult to focus on breathing properly and was was happening around and within her. there was a hole left by Raziel, like another piece of her missing. Thinking about him, even the happiest moments made her cry, sometimes harder. She knew eventually she’d be able to think about him without crying, but it would never not hurt. Tonight the pain was fresh, searing in her chest and burning a fire in her lungs, or maybe that was just the crying.

When placed in the car, she wanted to pull her knees up against her chest, but found it impossible with her new body shape. There is no protection. That just made her cry harder and she could feel Adrian’s anger that he could not help her. When she was in his arms again, she wanted to walk but doubted he’d let her, and didn’t know if she’d actually be able to. So she was back in his arms, a mess of tears as he carried her up to her room. No, not hers, it was Hadrian’s. She didn’t have a room here.

She was crying harder by the time he placed her in the bed, taking a few stubborn, deep breaths in between fits of sobs. His words left her at a loss, because all she wanted was to be laying in her bed in her home with her sister. But that was impossible and silly, a child’s dream and she didn’t have room for those anymore. She wasn’t a child, she was going to have one, and her one goal always would have to be to keep them safe.  ‘ I want you to kill Thea Black. ’

[abodyshouldnt]

jimmydarlingrp:

“I could have tried to do something or I could have at least fucking been there.” He pulled back from the hug, sighing and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, “I should have been there, I have no excuse for not being there.” He felt as if he owed something to her after letting her down in such a big way.

‘ Stop it! You’re aren’t allowed to do that. I just.. ’ More tears came to her eyes and she rested her head against his chest, shivering. ‘ I feel like I’m falling apart, Jimmy, you can’t.. ’

[abodyshouldnt]

discerniing:

( abodyshouldnt. )

His baby sister, the little brunette bundle Eliza had brought home when he was seven had never been the same, not since Ariadne’s death. Not since an intoxicated fool ended the life of her other half, Z, himself never quite understood the agony Andy endured, until now, until Raz was taken from him.

A bottle of whiskey and a locked office never became a pleasure until now, his mind focused on the case files before him, his heart elsewhere. Raziel’s death had shaken a whole community, a town peppered with fear over the slaughter of a Constable, but this death was not just the murder of a Constable. It was the killing of a brother, a son, an uncle and no amount of liquor, no amount of condolences could change that.

The file on his desk was not a case, it was a will to accompany the funeral he had the duty of planning. He was the eldest child, the son who had to put on a mask of bravery and bury his little brother, no matter how much it pained him. Eyes rimmed with shades purple, lips chapped, exhaustion painted his features, Z sighed, shaking his head at his sister, this was no task for a mother to be. “Andy, you need to go home.” It wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order.

“You are more stressed than any mother should be, for my niece or nephews sake you have to stay out of this.” It was a huff as he ran his fingers over dark strands, he was barely able to complete the task, but grieving was not an option, weakness was not an option.

Andy didn’t make a habit of visiting her brother’s law firm, lawyers and cops, she’d learned to avoid when she ran away at seventeen. She was twenty now, and pregnant and there was no need to fear them because she wasn’t breaking any laws. Still, being in the building even alone with her brother, made her uneasy, but it was better than the alternative: not being around him. He’d just about locked himself up in his office all alone to plan the funeral for his dead brother. The oldest son, he would find a way to bear this burden alone so they would not have to feel it.

She could let him do that, of course, it was Z who’d grown up with Raz, they’d been the first sons, close in age and they had been brothers. He had lost a sister, too, when Ari was lost, but Andy had felt that pain more than all of them, her twin. Anything she had felt than must have been what he was feeling now and she would not let him bear that alone. Her hands fell to her stomach as her daughter or son moved fitfully inside of her. There was only so much weight she could hold, because of them, but she would find a way to help her family too.

She wanted to stand up to her brother, cross her arms and hold her chin high like when she was little, with a look that dared him to tell her what to do again. Truth was, she just didn’t have the energy for it. What would she tell him? That she wasn’t tired? That wasn’t true, on top of always being bone-tired, her dreams were haunted, and sleep was rare. ‘ I don’t want to. ’ No one had cared much lately what she wanted, she remembered, but that didn’t stop her from crossing the room in a few strides and placing her chin on her brother’s shoulder.

‘ I want to be with you, I don’t.. I can’t go home.. ’ Adrian was understanding enough, he had felt pain too, she knew ( THOUGH NOT WHAT ), and he would do anything to help her, but he didn’t know her brother and this grief was something she could only share with her siblings. If the bastards would feel it, she thought as she wrapped her arms around her brother’s chest, burying her face in his jaw. ‘ Just let me stay, talk to me, Z.. ’

[abodyshouldnt]

jimmydarlingrp:

He carefully moved them inside, closing the door behind himself to give them some privacy. Jimmy softly stroked her hair, trying to soothe her as best as he could. “I-I should have been there. I could have stopped it if I wasn’t off fucking around. I could have done something Andy I’m so so sorry.”

It felt nice to have someone hold her, but felt as though people were hugging her constantly. Jimmy’s subtle and familiar displays of affection were welcome. ‘ Jimmy, there were probably seven different constables at the memorial no one – you couldn’t have saved him. ’

[abodyshouldnt]

ofliqucr:

As a Constable he was one of the first people to see the horror that was Raziel Selmy’s body butchered like a pig, slaughtered like a defenceless animal, left at the base of a century old tree to rot. Telling the crowd to move on, to go home, but not a soul listened as their pale eyes froze on the remains of Constable Selmy. Part of him was doing his job, the other was to not draw attention, the attention of the little brunette babe who carried his son or daughter. The sight of seeing such a public display of her brothers corpse in his rawest form, the form he would leave this life in.

But it was too late, one second his back was turned asking a pair of teenagers to go home, the next, the ear-piercing, familiar squeal that bled with distress peppered the air. It was his reflex to swing around, only to be met with the new very pregnant Andy, agony radiated from her body, pure agony. “Shit …” He cursed under his tobacco stained breath, flashes of him discovering his own murdered moth and father flooding his head violently as he grabbed the frame of the broken dove.

No words could soothe the sorrow that was erupting in her body, he knew that. All he could do was hold her shaking body, let his shirt absorb her tears, shield her almond irises from landing on the mangled body of her brother again. “I’m so sorry.” Adrian whispered softly, his voice low, husky as he sighed. “You have to breath, Andy … For our baby, you have to protect our little prince of princess from this pain.” Sympathy echoed through his tone as he gently rubbed her back, the other hand holding her head up, feeling her belly pressed against him, their angel kicking, knowing something wasn’t right with their mama.

“Baby, come on, we have to get you out of here.”

Grief had already consumed her, it numbed her senses and slowed her down, dulling her logic, giving her a new goal, a hopeless one: help her brother. There was no help for the Constable whose chest had been near torn open with some horrible blade. Whose blood soaked into the sand around him, leaving his body at a rate that could only mean one thing. His eyes had been wide in terror before she’d closed them. Slowed by grief, she’d not realized at first it was Adrian holding her, only that someone was pulling her away from her big brother and this was the last time she’d see him. She tried too fight but she was too small and, frankly, too sad.

She heard his voice in her ear, somehow over her wrenching sobs that had started to hurt her chest. Or maybe that was just the emptiness her brother left. It was a whisper, but it was all it took to allow herself to relax against his body, give up her fight and give in to his comfort. She smelt cigarettes and blood, but she supposed the latter was her. It made her queasy and she thought she might throw up again, but she was too busy trying to regain her breathing to be sure. Adrian was right, the short breaths wouldn’t get enough oxygen to their little bird, so she had to breathe deeply, for the baby.

‘ There is no protection, Adrian don’t you see! ’ Her voice was miserable and she tried to shout, but it only came out as a weak sob, the words broken before they reached her lips. She hoped he had not understood them, they would only cut him, but they were true. Her body curled against him, as she let her grief take her once more, a shaking mess in his arms. She shook her head and whimpered, ‘ I don’t want to leave him, ’ but didn’t fight to get away again.

[abodyshouldnt]

jimmydarlingrp:

Upon seeing the forced smile on her lips he didn’t speak at first, pulling her into a tight and protective hug. Their past was too intertwined for him to not care about her, she was still his Andy. Jimmy inhaled sharply, “I am so sorry.”

The moment his arms were around her, her walls broke, and she was sobbing into his shoulder as she breathed deeply his old, familiar smell. ‘ I can’t believe he’s gone. I keep forgetting and I just expect him to walk up to me and muss my hair and call me little sister.. ’ Her voice trailed off as her chest shook with sobs.

[abodyshouldnt]

jimmydarlingrp:

Jimmy felt like he had once again failed as his heavy feet dragged him to Andy’s door. When he heard the news his stomach had dropped to his feet, instantly running through his mind of what he could have done to have prevented the heartache his Andy was feeling at the moment. His knuckles tapped the door, his other hand holding the flowers and the meal his mother had prepared for her. “H-Hey, it’s me.” He called out, his voice low.

Andy had barely seen anyone, closed herself up in her ( ADRIAN’S ) apartment and let herself grieve. Still, when she heard Jimmy’s voice, she gave in, taking the few steps from the couch to the door, her blanket still wrapped tight around her. He would blame himself almost for this, she knew. Opening the door, she smiled weakly at him.

‘ Hi. ’

[abodyshouldnt]

troublxdthoughts:

‘ Yeah and I think that     ’

A very loud scream interrupted not only Felix’s conversation with Andy, but the whole event as well. Everything froze, at least for the young medium as he saw some people running towards where the scream came from. By the time he was reaching to stop Andy from doing the same the only thing he managed to do was grab her left hand for a few seconds before it slipped away.

Felix Tate ran after the young pregnant woman, but soon enough she was lost in the big crowd that surrounded something. He tried to make his way in, but his skinny body continued to get pushed back every damn time that he did. He wasn’t sure what was in the middle of that circle, but something in his gut continued to tell him he didn’t wanna know.

And then, miraculously he found his way between the people. Stll, at the sight of what layed in the middle of the crowd, he wished he hadn’t done it. Raziel Selmy, Andy’s older brother, was dead, murdered. He felt as if the food from the past week was coming back to his throat, but he kept his mouth shut, hoping that would stop him from throwing up. Next to the corpse, sat his petite friend crying her eyes out as her clothes got covered in blood. Incredibly, no one else had tried to remove her from there, not even after she had thrown up next to the body but Felix couldn’t let that continue. Everyone just stood still and continued staring as if it were some sort of show for their entertainment. It wasn’t. She tried to pull Andy away from there, try to grab her arms but despite being so little it was hard to get her out of there. Felix couldn’t help it, tears came streaming down his face as well.

‘ Andy, please! Just think about your baby! ’

She wasn’t aware who it was that first tried pulling her away, but their efforts only made her hold her brother tighter as she sobbed. All the blood reminded her of the night Thea had given her, and she didn’t want to imagine her brother suffering, but she couldn’t get the thought of him begging for his life out of her head. She knew the wolves that lurked in this town, she should have done something about it, she should have stopped them because this was her brother.

Then Felix’s words hit her and she remembered that there was nothing she could have done without risking the life growing inside her. She didn’t want that and Raziel would not have either. Her tear-stained face turned towards him, unsure if she wanted to punch him or hug him. Eventually, she gave into the latter, throwing her arms around him and using him as an anchor to move herself away from her brother’s body.

DEATH OF A FAMILY MEMBER was higher than any other on the scale of stress and she had lost two by now. She hadn’t had a baby in her stomach the first time, though, and though she wanted to grieve, she had to think about her child before all. ‘ G-get me out of here, please. ’