cASS

Why am I back on this hellscape. Also how can I erase all of my posts I made when I was 16

[profeminist]

[catchymemes]

[thesigilwitch]

I was just about to spiral into a bad panic attack, and my boyfriend goes "Stick an ice cube in your mouth." I'm not really sure where he got the idea, and I kinda laughed at it because I didn't see how it would help, but he was insistent. So I did it.

And now I'm on my second cube, because it worked.

[thesigilwitch]

He explained his reasoning to me when he got home.

1. I would initially think "what the fuck" and be distracted from the anxiety. (Correct.)

2. The cold of the ice would shock my system, bringing me back to the physical world and reality, drawing my focus to the cold in my mouth, and keep my brain away from thinking "I'm panicking, I must be dying." (Correct.)

3. He assumed I hadn't drank much water today and wanted to keep me hydrated. (Triple correct.)

[turkwriter]

You, a fool: George R.R. Martin writes nothing but sadness and created A Song of Ice and Fire just to break people’s hearts and destroy their souls with crushing scenes of character death and horrible things happening to those who survived.

Me, an intellectual: George R.R. Martin named three successive generations of House Tully after Muppets.

[shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey]

I’m sorry WHAT

[animatedaaron]

Person: Why do you hate centerist?

Centerist:

Me:…I have my reasons.

[ourmissallison]

[defender-of-fictional-women]

[hyperhedgehog]

[spectralarchers]

Here’s Rebel telling the story 😊

[cheese24k]

For some reason a bird speaking Japanese is mildly off putting.

> Literal translation

Bird:“ ‘Uhm Hello, this is the Ono family.”

Bird: “What’s wrong?”

Owner: “Abe-chan, you’re a little too early. Once the phone’s picked up, then properly say hello.”

Bird: “Okay, understood.”

Owner: “Do you really understand? I’m counting on you. Hello, this is the Ono family residence in Gifu.”]

Bird: “Okay, I understand!”

Owner: “Got it.”

> That’s clearly some sort of Pokemon.

> Off-putting? It’s like birds were meant to speak Japanese!

> For some reason it’s never occurred to me that birds can mimic languages other than English. It’s so cool, though!

[foxymaples]

quoth the raven; “moshi moshi”

[le-sad-demiurge]

Mildly annoyed voice: Hai, WAKARIMASHITAAAAAA!

[raikkousaki]

the smol,, “doushitano” when he said his line early asndshdakjsf

[itsrainingshadybitches]

[blizzardofjj]

I don’t use this but might be for someone out there who does, check it out?

[ms-demeanor]

Here’s a pretty comprehensive write-up:

https://www.diabetesdaily.com/blog/you-can-get-cheap-insulin-at-walmart-without-an-rx-in-some-states-576008/

[aviculor]

reblog to save a life

[surprisebitch]

watch until the very end

[partiallyvoid-mostlystars]

Cornetto is just ….KILLING the gay rights movement in asia we stan

[ladyhavilliard]

HOW IS THIS AN ICE CREAM COMMERCIAL

i love it

[vmohlere]

This is SO CUTE

[constant-instigator]

This has more chemistry and plot than the entire Hallmark movie catalog. 

Also, I want that icecream.

[theinturnetexplorer]

laser-free diet.

[floatingwithobrien]

y'all need to hear about gerb.

gerb was my high school physics teacher. (gerb is short for mr. gerber.) when we were learning about radiation and whatnot, and we touched on radiation poisoning, gerb decided to tell us a story.

when gerb was in high school, he worked in a supermarket. a cashier. there was this one little old lady, mrs. cassopolis, who was a regular. mrs. cassopolis firmly believed that the lasers used to scan her food items would give her radiation poisoning. they tried to explain that’s not a thing. but old cass wouldn’t hear a word of it.

the employees had to punch in every. last. grocery. item. MANUALLY.

and this woman would buy cartfulls of food every week, like any good grandma trying to feed her five children and eighteen grandchildren every time they come for a Sunday visit. so pretty soon, the employees figured out a strategy to get her on her way and get on with their lives.

one or more employees would distract old cass while the cashier would scan all the items he could as fast as humanly possible while she wasn’t paying attention.

now this supermarket had a rewards program for its most efficient workers. the computer would track how quickly the cashiers scanned items, and how many total they scanned in one day, that kind of thing. so one day, gerb’s boss came to him and said “uh,”

“you scanned three hundred items in six minutes last Tuesday during your shift” and gerb says “i recall” “that’s about four times faster than anything i’ve ever seen” and gerb says “yea ok” “jeremy what happened?”

and gerb says

“i had to save a little old woman from placebo radiation”

[storygirl000]

A movie adaptation of one of the most beloved musicals of the 20th century, with a talented cast and input from the creator himself:

The epic finale to a powerful, beloved space opera saga at least three decades in the making:

Will Smith getting turned into a pigeon:

[srsfunny]

[avenuequed]

HOLY SHIT SIGNAL BOOST

[elle-pop]

SIGNAL BOOST THIS

[cupcakeforger-blog]

REDDIT FOR GOOD!

[drownmydisbelief-deactivated201]

This is actually true and could make a difference

[ask-jax-and-alex-deactivated201]

Holy shit.

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[laziestofthedreamers]

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

[ladyhavilliard]

…perfect

[makomaragi]

why is no one talking about Smash Mouth’s twitter

[catchymemes]

4 Guys Beg Their Neighbor To Let Them Play With Their Dog, Get A Wholesome Letter In Response

Source: Tw/Jack McCrossan

The goodest girl: IG/Stevie Ticks

[dangerbabegang]

What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless

FOOD

Find your nearest food bank or mission, for food

grocery stores with free samples, bakeries + stores with day-old bread

different fast food outlets have cheaper food and will generally let you hang out for a while.

some dollar stores carry food like cans of beans or fruit

SHELTER

Sleeping at beaches during the day is a good way to avoid suspicion and harassment

sleep with your bag strapped to you, so someone can’t steal it

Some churches offer short term residence

Find your nearest homeless shelter

Look for places that are open to the public

A large dumpster near a wall can often be moved so that flipping up the lids creates an angled shelter to stay dry

HYGIENE

A membership to the YMCA is usually only 10$, which has a shower, and sometimes laundry machines and lockers.

Public libraries have bathrooms you can use

Dollar stores carry low-end soaps and deodorant etc.

Wet wipes are all purpose and a life saver

Local beaches, go for a quick swim

Some truck stops have showers you can pay for

Staying clean is the best way to prevent disease, and potentially get a job to get back on your feet

Pack 7 pairs of socks/undies, 2 outfits, and one hooded rain jacket

OTHER

first aid kit

 sunscreen

 a travel alarm clock or watch

 mylar emergency blanket

 a backpack is a must

 downgrade your cellphone to a pay as you go with top-up cards

 sleeping bag

 travel kit of toothbrush, hair brush/comb, mirror

 swiss army knife

 can opener

[spork-of-humanity]

Reblog to literally save a life

[hipsandheartbreak]

if there is a Dollar Tree near you, they have entire food aisles

Planet Fitness also has $10 memberships. you can shower and they have free food days! pizza night 1st monday every month, bagel tuesday the 2nd tuesday every month.

[himynameisrollin-deactivated201]

Save a life reblog

[kukachoosays]

i am so glad that i renblogged this however so long ago. i saw this post and shared it with others in mind, but now i am the one who really needs this. id like to think of this as good karma i guess

[comrade-jiang]

also a good list if anyone ever needs to run away from home for whatever reason.

[queenoftongues]

Wow.

[weirdmageddon]

i am fixated on this peanuts scene in particular. its so unsettling and dreamlike. lynchian in nature, down to the fucking sound design