🍒rat🍒

*hi I’m alyssa I’m 17 and I’m bipolar type 2 *I’ve also got social and generalized anxiety along with OCD, PTSD, and persistent depressive disorder.

[bipolarbratz-blog]

hello, i hope everyone is having a good day.

i’ve decided to at the very least take a break from this blog, if not totally abandon it. i haven’t been very active for awhile. it hasn’t brought me happiness to be here for quite awhile. i’ve changed a lot and i have freedom to do things now with my new living situation. i’m trying to find hobbies i enjoy and i’m trying to start my life. i’ve been changing my mindset to a much more positive one. coming on here at this point makes me personally feel like i’m being forced into an identity i no longer feel is mine. i genuinely do not think i have bipolar disorder. i genuinely do not feel i have persistent depressive disorder. i have had basically a full remission from my OCD. at this point i feel i’m really only affected from social and generalized anxiety along with PTSD. i believe i still have a lot of growing to do, but i’ve grown into someone different than who i was when i started this blog. i still deal with flashbacks from my assault. i am getting frequent flashbacks from my past living situation. i have triggers which i never really even had after my assault. i am going to do what i can in order to see if i have more PTSD from that and work to overcome it with time and healing. this blog has taught me a lot about people living with many mental disorders and/or disabilities. i believe it was a great experience for me and helped me through a hard time. i may or may not make another blog to vent out about flashbacks and all, but am unsure. this blog will never be deleted by my hands. it will stay up so if anyone wants to look at my posts, they can do as they please. i wish everyone well and hope everyone can heal from what they’re dealing with. if anybody would like to message me and possibly ask for other socials, feel free. i appreciate the support i’ve received from the blog, and please remember you are all important and that recovery is possible. there may be no cure, but life always goes on and you deserve a life of happiness and a life you can be content with. things can only get worse for so long until they get better again.

i’d also like to say what really helped me feel better is distancing myself from negative jokes/self depreciating jokes. i get they’re funny, but taking constant digs at myself really took a toll on me. don’t get me wrong, i still struggle with my confidence and think i will for awhile, but you can’t improve if you don’t change. i may not love myself yet but i recognize i am worthy and i am not a doormat and i am not unlovable. i have friends who i love and a life i’m starting to really look forward to. if things fall apart or i’m alone or i’m having a bad day, i have me and that’s why i need to take care of myself and shift my thinking so i can be there in my own times of need and not have a breakdown over how ugly i feel when my world is falling apart. cures unfortunately aren’t there for everyone, but improvements are and sometimes they’re hard to put in place but they’re worth it and putting them off won’t make them come any sooner.

i wish you all the best and please remember to take care of yourselves. i will be looking at messages most likely the rest of today and some of tomorrow. maybe i’ll check again in a week just to make sure. best of luck to everyone.

[anxietyproblem]

[sensationallyslender]

*heavy breathing bc same*

[anxietyproblem]

[lunacyiero]

anyone else ever daydream for 6 hours straight and then after ur just like nah let’s scrap that and do it all again but slightly to the left

[astudyingreer]

my brain: *out of breath* Was that good?!

Me in a beret, taking a long draft from a cigarette and leaning back in my director’s chair: once again, from the top, this time with feeling

[beaubete]

Oh no, that emotionally devastating scene would have been so much more impactful if it had happened earlier.  Better go back to the same kernel of daydream I’ve been basing every daydream of the last three weeks on and do it right this time.  If I’m not swallowing back tears at Starbucks, I’m gonna have to figure out another way to emotionally gut myself.

[mareebird]

I feel so called out

[helvonasche]

But then when you get it right..

[stevenswetdream]

me for the past 7 years

[bizarre-transmission-deactivate]

[thefallensolider]

Me for the past 4 years honestly

[furiousgoldfish]

symptoms of trauma are proof of abuse. if you’re struggling with anxiety, self doubt, self hate, low confidence, trauma symptoms, flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia, panic and severe emotional injuries, those are proof enough that you’ve been subjected to torture. your feelings aren’t fooling you, they’re consequences of abuse.

[bethyneville]

I honestly believe that people who lost their childhood, teenage years to mental illness and/or trauma are so strong for still being here. Especially once you’re about 18-25 and trying to relearn how to be in society and healthy and human.

Especially when you decide to work towards getting better.

Especially when your life isn’t where you wished it would be.

Stay alive okay? If you lost your youth, I’m sorry and I’m so proud of you for still being here. Keep fighting. Your best years are ahead of you.

[mental-ch-illness]

me, as my laptop fan suddenly becomes louder: what is it?? what program?? who is doing this to you????

[sarahsoph]

*opening task manager* Who do I need to kill?

[cash4mould]

Therapist: you know, not everything is your fault.

Me:?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? That… That just doesn’t make any sense.

[self-healing]

forgive yourself for the stagnancy that was produced from your depression

[deepspacepirate]

me: *breaks down crying in the privacy of my own home*

my brain: you’re faking your emotions for attention. you’re just doing this because you think it makes for a cool personal narrative

[serotoninsuggestion]

listen up my buds, if i see another post starting with ‘so sorry i haven’t been active today’/’sorry it took me so long to reply’/’sorry i haven’t made an edit in a while’ or anything of the sort i’m gonna flip!!!!!!!

this site is not ur job!!!!! it’s so important to have other things going on, to see friends, to let life get in the way sometimes and not the other way round. if ur feeling obligated to post, step away!! trust me!!! u don’t need to explain!! 

every time ur about to apologise for what/how often u post on ur own damn blog imagine i’m standing over u shakin my finger sternly, and press that backspace button <3

[lesbianshepard]

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

[lesbianshepard]

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792.....4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

[lesbianshepard]

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

[lesbianshepard]

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me: 

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

[lesbianshepard]

Enemy 1: So, how did the interrogation go?

Enemy 2: We got nothing. All they did was ramble on about their childhood trauma for two hours.

Enemy 1: Hmm. maybe lower the dose of the truth serum next time.

Enemy 2: We didn’t use truth serum.

[twitchyglitchy]

My boss: Alright, what intel did you gather on them?

Me, sipping loudly into a coffee mug: 

Me: Wait I was supposed to do what now?

[cwote]

Just because somebody doesn’t want you, doesn’t mean you are undesirable.

[i-am-a-fish]

yee-haw

yee-haw

love yourself it is the law

[bipolarbratz-blog]

help please

okay so i’ve been doing some research and apparently with PTSD it can create what seems to be hypomanic episodes (*disclaimer it’s late i might not use the vocabulary i’d normally want to so i apologize if some of the words aren’t the best fitting) and i understand environments can have a huge impact on mental health and how intense symptoms are, but literally the moment i left my mothers house and moved in with my dad my life changed so much. my anxiety is still hard to deal with, but i literally am not depressed at all. i am not hypomanic at all. i’m super stable. there have been no medication changes, purely environmental. again, i understand environments have a big impact. i don’t know if i am actually bipolar or not. i personally will not self diagnose or undiagnose, i just like to bounce ideas around and if anyone can give any sort of input or just give me information it would be appreciated. my symptoms really first started when my dad wasn’t living with us anymore due to us moving and just got worse as the environment became more unhealthy. i don’t doubt i have anxiety but i don’t know if my intense mood swings are related to how stressed and unhappy i was instead of a mood disorder. i am not exaggerating when i say for 6+ years i would be lucky to have a 2-3 day of a stable or at least numb mood before i’d either become hypomanic for a few hours to a day or two then dip down into major depression. i want the correct diagnosis because i don’t want to be treated for something i might not have. i will see other doctors eventually because my current one sucks. i know it’s a common thing for people with bipolar to think something along the lines of “oh i’m cured!” and i am not going to take myself off of medications at all, but i’ve really been thinking this through and believe something may be messed up. i want to know the truth and am honestly kind of afraid it might be something else and i’ll feel like a fraud because i’ve built such an identity around having bipolar disorder and even though it wouldn’t be my fault, i would feel guilty. if any of you stuck around and read this whole mess, thank you. if anyone has any information or can just tell me if it’s possible to not have a mood disorder but present as i do due to environmental factors, please reply or send an ask or a DM because it helps.

i love you all so much have a wonderful day and keep going. i am wishing the best for all of you and hope everyone is feeling as good as possible.

💕

[yesbpdbabe-deactivated20210115]

isn’t it fucked up to know that you have lifelong mental illnesses that could’ve been easily prevented if you hadn’t had a traumatic childhood lmao

[turntoturnover-deactivated20250]

be good to people for no reason