YOU BIG TOURIST !

her lie reflected my lie.

[tomyrot]

SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY THE MEEK GUY GOT ALL THE FAME. MAYBE I’M TO BLAME FOR HIS SHORT, BITTER, FUCKED UP LIFE.

[acidnitrate-blog]

im not not here i just am working wild hours babey

[boeing747]

NO MORE NEGATIVE SELF TALK. I AM CRAZY AND THATS COOL AND SEXY OF ME

[twerklina]

[acidnitrate-blog]

@rekant.

      ‘ let me crash at your place. ’ it’s not a question, she would not be gripping bunny’s right arm with both hands and a force that might leave nail marks if it was a question. marla needs to get out of dodge or she will die, get royally whacked, her own farewell plans thwarted by a bunch of hormonal monkey punks. some things you just can’t let stand. ‘ the shit i’m in is so deep i’m going to asphyxiate, and it’s not even my fault i’m in it. ’

[acidnitrate-blog]

KODO-KAI‌.

@acidnitrate​ – LIKED.

     “What, do you have group hugs in the shower or something?”

    ‘ sounds like you don’t go in for that kind of thing. big shame. the constant threat of accidentally slipping and cracking your head open on the tile is a natural high like you wouldn’t believe. ’

[johannescena]

42 character development questions!

PHYSICAL PRESENCE AND GESTURE. 1. How do they move and carry themselves? Pace, rhythm, gestures, energy? 2. How much physical space do they use, active and at rest? 3. How do they position themselves in a group? Do they like to be the center of attention, or do they hang back at the edges of a crowd? 4. What is their size and build? How does it influence how they use their body, if it does? 5. How do they dress? What styles, colors, accessories, and other possessions do they favor? Why? 6. What are they like in motion–in different environments, and in different activities? What causes the differences between these? 7. How do they physically engage with other people, inanimate objects, and their environment? What causes the differences between these? 8. Where and when do they seem most and least at ease? Why? How can you tell? 9. How do they manifest energy, exhaustion, tension, or other strong emotions? 10. What energizes and drains them most? 11. How are they vocally expressive? What kind of voice, accent, tones, inflections, volume, phrases and slang, and manner of speaking do they use? 12. How are they bodily expressive? How do they use nonverbal cues such as their posture, stance, eyes, eyebrows, mouths, and hands? DISPOSITION AND TEMPERAMENT. 13. How do they greet the world — what is their typical attitude towards life? How does it differ in different circumstances, or towards different subjects? Why do they take these attitudes, and why do they change? How do these tend to be expressed? 14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed? 15. What kind of inner life do they have — rich and imaginative? Calculating and practical? Full of doubts and fears? Does it find any sort of outlet in their lives? 16. Do they dream? What are those dreams like? 17. Are they more shaped by nature or nurture — who they are, or what has happened to them? How have these shaped who they’ve become as a person? 18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why? CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS. 19. How do they behave within a group? What role(s) do they take? Does this differ if they know and trust the group, versus finding themselves in a group of strangers? Why? 20. What kind of individual relationships do they have with others, and how do they behave in them? How are they different between intimate relationships like friends, family, and lovers versus more impersonal relationships? 21. What kind of relationships do they tend to intentionally seek out versus actually cultivate? What kind of social contact do they prefer, and why? 22. How do people respond to them, and why might these responses differ? 23. How do they respond to difficult social moments? What makes them consider a social situation difficult? 24. How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference? 25. What do they need and want out of relationships, and how do they go about getting it? 26. How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does? ACTIVITIES AND PREFERENCES. 27. What do they strongly like and dislike, in any category? Why? 28. What are they likely to do if they have the opportunity, resources, and time to accomplish it? Why? 29. What kind of activities, interests, and hobbies do they have? What significance and impact do these have in their lives, both positive and negative? 30. What is their preferred level of activity and stimulation? How do they cope if they get either too little or too much? 31. Is there anything that counts as a “dealbreaker” for them, positively or negatively? What makes things go smoothly, and what spoils an activity or ruins their day? Why? 32. Do they have any “props” that are a significant part of their life, identity, activities, or self-presentation somehow? What are they, how are they used, and why are they so significant? How would these props’ absence impact them, how would they compensate, and why? THINKING AND LEARNING. 33. How do they learn about the world–what is their preferred learning style? Hands-on learning with trial and error? Research, reading, and note-taking? Observation or rote memorization? Inductive or deductive reasoning? Seeking patterns and organization? Taking things apart and putting them back together? Creative processing via discussing, writing about, or dramatizing things? 34. How do they understand the world–what kind of worldview and thought processes do they have? Why? 35. How and why do they internalize knowledge? What effect has that had on them? 36. How much do they rely on their minds and intellect, versus other approaches like relying on instinct, intuition, faith and spirituality, or emotions? What is their opinion on this? 37. Have they had any special education or training that colors their means of learning about or understanding the world? Conversely, do they lack some kind of education considered essential in their world? What kind of impact has this addition or lack had on them? 38. Is there anything they wish they could change about their worldview or thought processes? What, and why? 39. What sort of questions or thoughts recur in their lives, either specifically or as a theme? Why are these never answered, or answered permanently to their satisfaction? 40. What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is? FREE FOR ALL. 41. What associations do they bring to mind? Words or phrases, images, metaphors or motifs? Why? 42. I have a question of my own!

[acidnitrate-blog]

@glyceren.

marla cleans up to come visit. she doesn’t swipe on eyeshadow with her thumbs before leaving the house, she doesn’t do her hair up into horns. it’s not out of deference to him and what he thinks and what he likes, it’s a precaution. the first time she marched in, floor length snakeskin print trench coat dripping onto the linoleum, the orderlies spared no evil eye. they’re just underpaid enough that lurching at guests in the off chance they might secure a fat finder’s fee for admittance is a real possibility. eccentricity is a thin but viable cause. god forbid they find the time to actually administer her a neuropsychological evaluation. even now, in slacks that’ve only been worn once to a job interview, she swears someone in scrubs was just frothing at the mouth. their wages have probably dropped below minimum. budget cuts or some shit. 

        ‘ i brought you a brand new pack of cigarettes but they found it in my waistband and threw the whole thing in the trash. ’ she moves her hands from the table to her lap and back again. it’s still hard to know what to do with him, the only easy approach is to stop thinking. ‘ you look bad. better than before, but still bad. ’

[musingmeme-blog]

beep beep how’s my portrayal ?

[romanoff]

“Marla’s philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn’t.”

[acidnitrate-blog]

TOKUSHIS‌.

               THEY PAY NO MIND,  not usually, to the milieu of cryers that scatter down freeside; the siren call that bleeds into the cacophony of the strip.  the river of noise usually settles into the background in static overlay;  disappears along with the semblance of everyday settling around the crumbled debris of a town.

               but her voice, particularly, catches their attention, and the out of focus static of their typical surroundings resurface with a certain clarity to the forefront of her attention.  and it’s dizzying, almost, like the relief of the sun at high noon after finally finding your way out of a vault full of ferals & amber-locked pockets of days gone by.  it’s overstimulating, really.  her eyes, they find, are particularly captivating.  their brows knit together.  they finally register what she’s saying.  they almost have to laugh.

               “  all outta luck, i’m afraid.  ”     a cigarette punctuates the upward tug out of the corner of their lips.  they offer a second to her.  a wink is as much an offered gesture as it is to bat away the smoke from their eyes.     “  what do you do when you wanna get lucky?  ”

@acidnitrate     /     wanna get wucky!?

    marla’s not supposed to smoke on the job. it’s a turn off, supposedly, even though she’s done it a million times and there’s never been any shortage of customers with money to lose. it’s mostly a credit to how well she can still annunciate with a cigarette sandwiched between her teeth, but i guess you could say the atomic wrangler being the only worthwhile joint in freeside has something to do with it too. you could, but you shouldn’t. 

she takes the one on offer with a sleepy grin, happy to have a brand new stranger to size up. a lot of people don’t stop, and most of those that do, she doesn’t care for. they look they’ve got purpose for a change, direction, and marla likes that. that gives her something to be nosy about. prying into personal lives is her favorite kind of escapism. 

    ‘ i don’t shit where i eat if that’s what your asking. ’ she takes a purposeful step closer and leans in for a light. ‘ i think luck’s a made up concept anyway, except the bad kind. everyone’s got the bad kind. ’

[kitchentable]

no more self building or theorizing for the day, third eyes taped shut

[jessicahide]

THE MASTER (2012) SENTENCE MEME modify as necessary! cw: alcohol, death mention.

“I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.”

“There’s no right or wrong answers.”

“What’s this about a crying episode?”

“It wasn’t a vision, it was a dream.”

“Tell me about the dream.”

“You have such pretty eyes, I want the light to catch it.”

“Just look at me and smile.”

“You need to shut up.”

“You need to back off.”

“Please take your hands off me.”

“You were acting aggressive because you drank too much alcohol.”

“Why all the skulking and sneaking?”

“You shouldn’t work in your condition.”

“You’ve wandered from the proper path, haven’t you?”

“I don’t have any problems.”

“You seem so familiar to me.”

“I’m sorry if I got out of hand last night.”

“I’ll make something special for you.”

“Leave your worries for a while. They’ll still be there when you get back. And your memories aren’t invited.”

“We fought against the day and we won.”

“You are not ruled by your emotions.”

“Are you thoughtless in your remarks?”

“Do you linger at bus stations for pleasure?”

“Do your past failures bother you?”

“Is your life a struggle?”

“Do you like to be told what to do?”

“Are you often consumed by envy?”

“Are you concerned with the impression you make?”

“Are you usually truthful to others?”

“Do you often think about how inconsequential you are?”

“Do you believe that God will save you from your own ridiculousness?”

“Have you killed anyone?”

“What are you running from?”

“Are you trying to poison me?”

“I was drunk and she looked good.”

“I told her I’d come back, and I never went back.”

“I thought about you while I was away.”

“How come you didn’t write me back?”

“I don’t think you should go. No, you’re not going to go. I came all this way to see you, and I want you to stay here.”

“I got a job that takes me away.”

“Don’t ask me so many questions. I don’t know anyway.”

“You are the bravest boy I’ve ever met.”

“I can see the resemblance.”

“Open your eyes, come back to me.”

“Good science, by definition, allows for more than one opinion, does it not?”

“You travel down the river around the bend, look back, and you can’t see around the bend, can you? But that doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

“There’s nothing I can do for you if your mind has been made up.”

“If you already know the answers to your questions then why ask?”

“We are not helpless, and we are on a journey that risks the dark.”

“The only way to defend ourselves is to attack.”

“City is just noise.”

“I know this city. I know its rotten secrets, its filthy lies.”

“They invited us here and welcomed us only to throw us down and kick us out.”

“My little soldier, what did you do?”

“You need to tell me so that I know.”

“You are a mischief.”

“When we’re in love, we experience pleasure, and extreme pain.”

“You can do whatever you want as long as I don’t find out.”

“You can’t stay with us any more.”

“Tell me that you will quit boozing.”

“He’s making all this up as he goes along. You don’t see that?”

“I can sleep and wake up and not have missed one thing.”

“You should say something. Do something. Say, ‘fuck you.’”

“Is it illegal in this city to get better?”

“What honour? What honour do you have?”

“You’re making this shit up. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Fuck you, you lazy ass piece of shit!”

“Who fucking likes you except for me? Nobody!”

“I’m the only one who likes you. The only one.”

“You’re a fucking drunk and I’m done with you.”

“Thank you for your honesty.”

“I don’t want to hear any of this.”

“It’s a hard, slow process.”

“You’re sick, and you’re tired, and you need to be alone, away from people.”

“How many people did you kill?”

“Take command of your life.”

“I think I’ve been halfway around the world since I last saw you.”

“We’re tied together.”

“You look sick. You don’t look healthy.”

“You can’t take this life straight, can you?”

“If you figure a way to live without serving a master, any master, then let the rest of us know, will you? Because you’d be the first person in the history of the world.”

“If you leave here, I don’t ever want to see you again.”

“If we meet again in the next life, you will be my sworn enemy, and I will show you no mercy.”

[acidnitrate-blog]

CHARACTER SHEET.

BASICS.

full name.  marla singer pronunciation.  marla singer nicknames.  marla singer height.  5′2″ age.  31 zodiac. listen i dont know but a water sign probably a scorpio  spoken languages.  english

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.  dark brown eye colour.  amber skin tone.  warm brown body type.  petite, looks like she’d fall over after a light breeze but she doesn’t because fuck you accent.  the vague midwestern one that uk actors playing americans default to  dominant hand.  right  posture. pretty okay considering she’s always trying to look taller and that means standing up straight scars.  none really, just bruises on her legs from tripping up steps at 3am and things of that nature tattoos.  none....that i know of  most noticeable features.  big big eyes, cigarette aways in hand, purple eyeshadow on the regular, never gonna look thrilled to see you

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  a public bus hometown.  city......place......usa birth weight / height.  literally what the fuck  manner of birth. on a public bus first words.  ‘asshole’ siblings.  none that she cares about at least parents.  sure has got them parental involvement.  her mom sends her bags of her own fat 

ADULT LIFE

occupation.  former funeral parlor assistant, unemployed current residence.  a shitty hotel that i know the name of i swear to god i did but i dont right now shut up close friends.  tyler :^/ relationship status.  :^/ financial status.  broke broke broke driver’s license.  she drives without a license criminal record.  has gotten pulled over for driving without a license vices.  stupid men, good sex that makes you forgive stupid men, cigarettes, self-destruction as a concept

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.  bisexual romantic orientation.  biromantic preferred emotional role.  submissive  |  dominant  | switch  |  unsure preferred sexual role.  submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  sex repulsed libido.  it sure is there! turn on’s.  being stupid  turn off’s.  being smart and bad at sex love language.  being kept awake all night :^/ being listened to  relationship tendencies.  being too nice ugh god marla get a girlfriend

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song.  gold guns girls by metric i literally just posted this the other day but listen to it and think about how right i am or ill kill you hobbies to pass the time. pioneering the concept of depop  mental illnesses.  lots baby, but they’re undiagnosed physical illnesses.  she just needs to eat more left or right brained.  right fears.  dying alone, knowing how she’s going to die self confidence level.  depends on the day vulnerabilities. too nice  :^/

tagging: uhhhhhh @tokushis @keyhop (for anyone) @rekant tagged by: @glyceren who is like half at fault for this blog existing really

[gael-garcia]

💖 Ruth Negga 💖 

[bored-skater]

Visit Original Link

[acidnitrate-blog]

GLYCEREN‌.

@acidnitrate

Marla has been spending so much time in mine and Tyler’s house that I walk past her thinking she’s a piece of furniture. A sad, torn-cushion barstool with a twisted stem. A bread box growing mold in its belly. A moth-eaten old armchair that creaks and yawns when you sit in it. 

I back up and stop to watch her because she hasn’t noticed I’m here yet, or maybe she has and she’s just ignoring me. Marla eats spite for breakfast. Maybe during the night she made up some imagined grievance with me, and now she’s down here, acting it out, one big pantomime.

I say, What are you still doing here?

I know she’s waiting for Tyler. But Tyler is out picking up business cards or the paper wrappers he puts around his bars of soap, like pink wads of cash in a briefcase, like he’s about to trade them off for a damsel in distress.

If any of us is a damsel in distress, it’s me.

The difference between me and Marla is that we’re both in distress, but my distress is like a pair of old jeans worn out through bent knees and scuffs against sidewalks and brick walls, and hers is the kind that they rub on with industrial grade sandpaper before the jeans ever get to be folded on shelves in a Levi’s or whatever. Her distress is artificial. I am Jack’s Cluster Headache.

marla’s sat on the middle of the table, knees pulled up to her chin, painting her toenails. the color’s dribbled onto the wood in a few places, she likely won’t remember to clean it. 

      ‘ are we completely past the point of saying hello? ’

she doesn’t overstay her time upstairs out of love for suffering, there are better ways to punish yourself on your own terms, her reasons are more suited to be filed under self-interest. he’s a pitiful man, sometimes a wretched one, and marla’s trying to prove that she can still care about something. anything. doesn’t hurt that you’d find their faces on either side of the same coin. 

saint marla singer of extreme patience, that’s what they’ll call her when she finally skips off into the big black abyss.  even in her own hour of suffering and despair and various undiagnosed chemical imbalances, she valiantly stood by a charity case. showed him a fun time. 

that said, the scorn still hurts. like a bitch. like she’s the bitch, saved from a lethal injection shelter on the pretense of being treated as a whole, spayed anyway. valley of the dogs style. would a kind word really kill him? he deserves to be blown away if that’s the case, she’d pull the trigger. how hard is it to say: “your hair looks nice today, marla” “i had a really fun time last night, marla” “i’m so lucky you haven’t completely abandoned me, i can’t understand how you put up with it all. you’re a genuinely good person and i’m jealous, marla.” 

        ‘ if you want me to leave, you should just start saying so. i'm so sick to death of passive aggressive bullshit. i’ll give you the lock off my own door, you can even throw away the key. ’