=requested, pt.2 of the lonely nights
another sleepless dawn breaks upon the horizon. you lay there, and even amongst the sweat and blood and dirt, your eyes watch the sky turn purple unblinkingly.
you’re done with your mission, the veil is down. you can go home now.
the autumn breeze is gentle on your cheeks. you can still see the stars, and the moon, just like you, doesn’t seem to want to go home just yet. so you just lay there, basking in each other’s presence as you finally feel something akin to that you once felt in your youth.
its been years. seven? eight? all you know that its been long enough to forget his voice. his features started to fade away a little too, but when it gets so bad that you start to panic, you get out the old stash of grainy old pictures to reminisce on how his hair used to feel between your fingers, but you’ve long forgotten that too.
has he changed? did he cut his hair short or is he letting it fall to his back?
has the skin beside his eyes begin to wrinkle?
you dont cry about it anymore. you’ve already done your fair share of that. now all that remains is an empty, hollow place in your chest where he once occupied.
the purple of the sky turns into lilac, and your eyes begin to feel heavy. you can’t get up. you’re not severely injured or anything, a scratch here and a gash there, but the very will to get yourself on your feet remains lost, and you don’t even care. they’ll probably send someone to check the scene out soon, they can take you home then.
the weather is nice, its peacefully quiet, and you haven’t slept in over 48 hours. what can a little nap do? your eyes flutter closed.
in a split second, your dagger was aimed up to protect your face. your vision is a bit blurry when u snap your eyes open to see a sea of faded features exactly above you. only the dagger in your hand separates your faces.
you blink furiously, trying to get the impaired vision to set straight. the person above you is squatting behind your head, its a man for sure. his shoulders are so broad he almost blocks your whole vision, casting a shadow over you. he tilts his head as your eyes begun to scan his face, vision returning gradually.
the skin beside his eyes did start to wrinkle.
“suguru.” it comes out in a breath.
“what are you doing out here?”
“suguru?” your fingers loosen on the dagger for only a couple of seconds, your body just never used to having its defenses up in his presence, but this isn't the same person anymore. no longer the geto suguru you knew and loved. you need to remember this.
“i can’t think of a worse place to nap in, to be frank.”
your knuckles turn white around your dagger again.
“you made quite a scene.”
he let his hair grow longer. way longer than you thought. some of it falls on his shoulder, and he’s keeping it up from his face in a bun like he used to. they say hair keeps memories. you sigh in relief.
despite everything, your hands are aching to reach for him. to cradle his face and brush through the silky strands, but you only keep a firm grasp on the sharp instrument between you two.
the sky is getting brighter. you don’t want the moon to leave you alone with him. the sun will only make him more real.
“are you just going to lay there?” he tilts his head again, gesturing at you. “don’t you have somewhere to report back to?”
“you see, i happen to sorta eat curses, and you just exorcized my dinner.”
“oh,” it comes out uncontrollably.
“impressive show to watch, to be honest.” you feel his hand on yours, it makes you flinch. he pushes your armed hand away from your faces with the littlest of forces, but your hand now rests beside your head, the dagger tumbled out of your grasp. “you’ve gotten stronger.”
“i was never weak.” it was intended to be a harsh snarl, but you feel choked. your voice barely held any venom in it.
geto smiles a bit. “i never thought you were.”
you push him away with a hand to his chest that you wish lingered a bit more than it did, pulling yourself up in a sitting position with your back to him. it’s an open meadow, theres no where you can run and hide. you need to get out of here. his very scent is intoxicating you, pulling tears up from somewhere you thought you buried deep.
“leave me alone.” you throw over your shoulder. you catch a glimpse of him, he’s still squatting down, watching you intently. “i dont want you here.”
he stays quiet, you can only hear the sound of your own harsh breaths. your eyes blur, this time with tears, but you don’t think you can hold out for long.
what is he thinking, showing up like that? after all this time? did he think you’ll run into his arms like you once did? does he take pleasure from watching you like that, body shaken up with choked back tears, unable even to look him in the eye?
that’s it. you push yourself up despite the gash on the side of your thigh that pulls out a yelp out of you.
“i’m leaving, then.” you begin to limp away. the first tear betrays you.
suddenly, the ground in front of you is split by a line of shadows from which a curse materialized in front of you. a dragon, it’s tail wiggling with its teeth pulled back in a snarl. a certain curse that you were always practically fond of.
you stumble back. the eyes widened in shock fell back to familiarity, a gaze that still holds the pain of loss. somehow you still know that none of this is the way it used to be, no matter how familiar.
the curse draws closer. it’s not threatening, just forcing you back until you hit a solid figure behind you. you turn back abruptly, hands immediately in a position to push geto away, but he was always quicker than you were.
his hands were there to welcome your wrists instead, grip unyielding despite your trials to break away. he doesn’t look tense when you look up at him. doesn’t look threatened, nor angry, just…
“come on, baby,” his voice was so low, you’d thought it was a part of your imagination if you didn’t see his lips move. “don’t do this to me.”
don’t do this to me??? you want to scream at him. want to bang on his chest until it cracks open, but all you seem to be able to do is look up at him as tears flow freely down your face, and he looks so fucking sad.
he lets go of one wrist, hesitant for a second to see what your reaction will be. his hand traces up to your face, big fingers cradling your face with the world’s gentleness in them. the other hand softens around your wrist, slipping up until his thumb rests in the palm of your hand, then geto heaves out a sigh.
his eyes scan your face for a few seconds.
“you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you.”
you almost hear the sound of your heart shattering. your lips fall apart, you too scanning his face, except you’re doing it to find any sign of bluffing, anything that can mend whatever remains of your shattered heart, but all you find is sincerity.
“what are you doing?” disbelief is evident on your features.
his forehead falls to yours, and your fist unclenches on his chest. you can feel the heartbeat under his bones.
“i dont know,” he breathes out, he still smells the same. your noses touch. “i don’t know, but let us just have this.”
“sugu…” you sob. your hand traces up to rest on the side of his neck, almost scared to touch his hair.
“y/n…” his chest heaves, your lips brush as he whispers your name. “please.”
you barely manage a little nod, a broken sob escaping past your lips only to be swallowed by a pair of desperate ones that knock the very oxygen out of you.
his lips on yours are so familiar. you’ve done this hundreds of times, yet never enough. your hands, finally, slip through the silky strands, and you almost cry out because you remember it all all over again. the sleepless nights and the calls until dawn breaks, the silly braids you used to decorate his hair with, it all slams into you like a high-speed train.
but a strong grasp is holding you firmly, preventing your knees from giving out. he kisses you like a starved man, like he misses the very air you breath, like it’s been tearing him up inside not having you in his arms like this.
you let yourself believe that this is all true. that he’s been spending even more sleepless nights than you are. that no call of his name sounds as soothing as the way your tone sounds.
but its not gonna last long. you two begin to treat those few minutes like they are your last on earth. his hand slips under your uniform to touch as much skin as possible, and you cradle his face, planting the feeling of his hair between your fingers deep in your memories.
i love yous and im sorrys are muttered, but you’re not sure who says them. you pull back to look at him and he’s never looked this vulnerable. you hold yourself back from asking why and how could you, but you know you wont like the answer. geto suguru never regrets the choice he makes.
as much as his love for you and for his friends remains, his mind has been set on this path long ago.
“next lifetime,” you breathe shakily, holding his face to yours intimately. “let’s stay away from jujutsu altogether, hm?” you try to smile, swiping a thumb under his eye. “we’ll just run, okay? we’ll run and stay together.”
geto smiles, wiping your tear-stained cheek with a calloused thumb, but he says nothing.
"no, you have to promise me." your grip tightens on the material of his clothes, panic surging through your eyes. "you'll find me."
"I'll find you. I promise."
