I am not normal about Project Hail Mary or Outer Wilds, and I am especially not normal about Eva Stratt.
Spoilers for both (tagged #project hail mary/#outer wilds)
god willing
(just a tiny fic that came to mind. the ship deck scene, my beloved)
She has always loved the sea. Not many people know this about her. Not many people bothered enough to ask. But she does love it, the vastness of the ocean, the sound the waves make bringing her comfort.
And the sunsets, oh, she has always loved those too. Eva takes a deep breath, marvelling at the way the water before her reflects the fading sunlight. She feels tired. She is not allowed to feel tired, she knows that, but today is a special day, and maybe after years and years of sleepless nights, and early morning briefings, and status reports, this fatigue that is creeping into her bones will not crush her, as long as she hears the sound of people laughing and cheering below her feet.
The last party on the Gansu. The only party on the Gansu, actually. (At least the only one that she authorized, among the goodness knows how many clandestine gatherings that Ilyukhina was so fond of organizing behind Stratt’s back.) (As if Stratt didn’t know about those too).
She is tired, but at least her astronauts, and her scientists, and her staff seem to be happy right now, and maybe that’s all that matters.
She hears Grace’s footsteps on the little ladder leading to the deck before he calls out to her. He asks her whether she has her free hat, and her brain freezes for a second. “Yeah, I… kinda… bought them?” is the only thing that comes to her mind, because, well, she did buy them. All of these hats are technically hers as a result of the transaction, but she doesn’t really need one. She is the Big Boss, but it’s not like she… belongs. People wear matching hats when they are a part of something, together, and her position doesn’t allow for a lot of togetherness. Seeing Grace wearing it is nice though.
She is indeed very tired if the sight of Ryland Grace in a baseball cap (that she bought) makes her want to smile. She suppresses that smile, but the fondness within lingers, which is why she cannot help sharing a little part of her past with him. The Eastern German youth choir is just a distant memory now, but the sea before her, the fading sun above her, and Ryland Grace next to her bring something to the surface.
Grace says she is mysterious, but she is not. She doesn’t think she is. It’s just that… not many people bother enough to ask.
She is not that mysterious. She is not that great at conversation either, which is why talking to Grace outside of their usual roles of the Big Boss and the Leading Scientist feels a bit… awkward. Right now they are just… people. Stratt sometimes feels like she has forgotten how to be, well, a person. And yet the fondness and the warmth within her grows and expands, as Grace continues his description of a party that is, apparently, weird, and as he comments on the hard decisions that she has to make.
“Must be hard, having to ask everybody to… you know?” Grace doesn’t have it in him to finish the sentence, but Stratt finishes these kinds of sentences every day. “Actually it isn’t”, she says, and it really is not. (A thought pierces her right then and there, a thought that perhaps it should feel harder. But luckily for her nobody she had to ask ever said no. It’s not that hard, when she knows what she has to do, and when her astronauts, and her scientists, and her staff know it too.)
Grace looks surprised, and this time Stratt cannot control the smile that appears on her face.
“So, what do you think? Do you think you gotta pull it off?” is his next question, and she has to think for a second. Yes, she does. If she doesn’t believe in the success of this mission, she doesn’t think she can bear it. “God willing”, she finally answers, because as much as she hopes that all of their hard work pays off, she would be a fool to believe that her word alone can bring their plans to fruition. There must be something, someone out there who has the final say in their salvation. The alternative seems too cruel (too heavy) (too much, the pressure crushing her lungs).
“Do you believe in God?” – and maybe she does. Maybe it brings her comfort too.
Grace smiles back at her, and laughs, and salutes her before leaving, and Stratt knows that she believes in him as well. She is disgustingly tired, but sharing the burden with Ryland Grace tagging along to every conference and every meeting has been making the weight on her shoulders feel a little bit lighter.
She has always loved the sea, and the sunsets… and singing in that Eastern German youth choir. The thought surprises her, and the ocean breeze hits her nostrils, and she turns around, heading to the little ladder and making her way downstairs.
Maybe she can allow herself to sing a song. One song.
Maybe tonight Eva Stratt can allow herself to feel like a person too.
Chose the final scene with Eva retrieving the Beetles for this one. Probably my favourite addition to the movie. Love seeing an older Eva still saving the world and her fond smiles as she watches the logs <3
Here are some of the glamour shots of the Outer Wilds project 🖤 This was the largest kit bash I have done yet, I made the ship almost entirely out of trash lol! Also incase you were wondering, the hatchling is almost 3cm tall! They're so tiny!! Anyways, I hope you guys like them!
