mercenary of slime

The clitoris is a direct line to the matrix. the VNX matrix. he/they!

[addlepater]

put me in a little jar with holes in the lid please please please I promise I won't dry in the sun PLEASE

if you understand the reference in my header i will love you forever

looks at you with the most pathetic face, my shoulders droop in the rain, a single perfect tear runs down my left cheek. I am hit by a truck. Several times. Then, I am put into a garbage truck, because they confused me for the trash can.

You feel like shit. That sucks. You Feel Like Shit is a game designed to help you help yourself through your shitty times and practice self

(cmon tntblr play the game were all sad this will make it better if only a little)

I am not leaving tntblr, o7 to those who do. personally I am stuck here for at least another 4-12+ months like a piece of chewing gum underneath a desk.

update: what the fuck wilbur what the fuck? my stay in tntblr is now more up for debate

update: hyper fixation isn't budging, were in it for a the long one boys

update: still in it. Dunmeshi too now. but still balls deep in tntblr. its still there. the hyper fixations not budging. send help. thanks.

update: still in it. still unwell. now dipping my toes into TMA. hell is the only comfort to a vengeful pacifist etc etc

[mercuryfountain-deactivated2024]

Gerard P Donelan

[mercuryfountain-deactivated2024]

I love the notes saying this femme knows exactly what she's doing and it's all part of her flirting technique. You get it.

[kyrianne]

More of his stuff and about him

[kyrianne]

[kyrianne]

[laslloronas]

My absolute favorite of his work

[callali1y]

you are mommy's brave little warrior. and you're going to go into the nether and get mommy's fucking glowstone.

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

they killed him for this

[jame7t]

God I’m so hungry I could eat a h- *looks around nervously to make sure my friend Devin, the Talking Horse isn’t nearby* phew. Well I’m so hungry I could kill and eat my friend Devin

[fairycosmos]

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

[nyancrimew]

dude how am i supposed to focus on djing with the inflation porn behind me 😭😭😭🤤😭😭😭

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[itseasytoremember]

I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts

[anna--ahha]

[captain-price-returns]

[crowboy-bebop]

unauthorized fucking thing!!!!!!

(warning: loud chirping throughout)

source: hellgate osprey cam

[storm-of-feathers]

EVERYONE STOP TELLING ME HOW OLD YOU WERE IN 2008 I DONT WANNA HEAR THAT SHIT

[storm-of-feathers]

SOME OF YOU SHOULD BE AT THE OPRHANGE

[storm-of-feathers]

preschool. I meant preschool.

[pangur-and-grim]

[i-give-animals-cigarettes]

[ratboyhole]

[godblessthesickos]

World historical loser

[drwiltz-official]

[doomdaysdecays-deactivated20251]

if i had to explain what tumblr is like i’d only show this

[moon-grub]

No one seems to be acknowledging the far funnier element of this, which is, that when you go to the commenter’s account, you find out they are actually fucking roleplaying as a sexually repressed skeleton and jjst really committed to the bit while everyone in the reblogs is talking about how much they hate minors or whatever. thank you kharak the skeleton servant of the almighty lich king

[nerdragons-hoard]

if i had to explain what tumblr is like i’d only show this

[baddyzarc]

If you wanna know the state of Yugioh TCG collecting in the wake of Overframes in the core game…

[baddyzarc]

The situation is so funny man

Basically, Mr grifter announced that he might be getting into the collecting side of yugioh, which would lead to the scalping hell that now plagues the Pokémon and One Piece TCGs

As a joke, MBTYugioh gave them pointers on what to “invest in”, recommending some of the WORST shit products that this game released in the years

He then followed up with a tongue-in-cheek, clearly trolling video recommending shit like Legendary Duelists sets, Duelist of Deep and Synchro Storm, and the Platinum cards, and exclusive COINS before ending the video with “Don’t invest in yugioh. You will lose money due to this game’s reprint policies”

Like, it was very obvious for anyone with half-a-brain cell and is familiar with Yugioh that the video is a joke

BUT a bunch of scalping bots took the video at face value and bought out these doodoo, worthless products immediately after his fuckass video came out

Now they’re sitting on unsellable trash. 100% deserved, I hope everyone whose trying to grift this game like Pokémon loses their money

[themainspoon]

Yu-Gi-Oh fans really saw the scalpers coming and said "You've activated my trap card".

[segamascott]