Adulting with ADHD

I've tried out a lot of ways to deal with adhd so I'm sharing them here. Let me know what works for you! // main: seawitchkaraoke

[haunted-hideaway]

Organization for ADHD

Hello, Tumblrites. I'm looking for real actual organization methods for people with ADHD that work. I need to be more organized and intentional at work. I'm an administrator so I have a lot of balls up in the air all the time.

Anyone have any books written by actual ADHD people, and not therapists whose entire recommendation is "just don't be like that" when you say you're disorganized, have trouble with future thinking, and prioritizing (among other troubles)? Websites by actual ADHD people who are successful at organizing and prioritizing? Or am I just doomed to not be able to do this for the rest of my life?

[taraljc]

Unfuck Your Habitat will change your life. Also, The Queen of Distraction and Smart but Stuck are good too.

[grison-in-space]

ADDitude magazine is what you're looking for. I generally find them to be evidence based, reasonably sane, and written with the assumption that the audience is harried people with ADHD of varying and often unpredictable ability. The advice is therefore usually phrased in terms of "here are some strategies that might work, try them out" which tends to be much less judgemental.

In particular, you might find the ADHD for Adults page "Getting Things Done" useful, especially the "Time and Productivity", "ADHD at work," and "Prioritization" subtopics.

[ms-demeanor]

I am slowwwwwwly putting together some of the "how to be an adult with ADHD" stuff that I've written on tumblr over the years onto my website (and compiling links to tools created by other people); this will continue to be updated as I continue to find stuff in my archive and port it over.

[mothric]

executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either

[mothric]

ok actually no I’m reblogging this because a) I am clean now (and I smell amazing, thank you), and b) I had a heckin Realize and I wanted to share it with y’all in the hopes it’ll help someone else with a brain like mine.

I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.

anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such: 

sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.

“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.

one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.

let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.

when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.

getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.) 

“what was I trying to do?” 

“was I trying to decide between two things?” 

(the answer’s usually yes.) 

“what were they?” 

“okay, let’s decide. 

“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”

and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.

so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”-  then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”-  and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.

and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” :P

I’m not saying this is a foolproof method. sometimes I don’t have a reason for being stuck, and that’s okay! I’m also not saying this is how every adhd brain works. it’s just how my brain works, and I’m sure there’s at least a few who can relate. for those few, I hope this helps!!

[mothric]

a lot of people are reblogging the original post without the update and leaving frustrated comments and that makes me sad! if I can find ways to hack my brain than so can you! executive dysfunction is a real and frustrating challenge, but don’t buy the lie that there’s no way to work with it or around it!!!

[sometimesyouhavetobebrave]

!!!!

[owlfindmydream]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[adhdadulting]

This is really good advice!

I’ve also been noticing a lot of decision related getting stuck lately. If the decision itself is also really weirdly hard, despite there not really being a wrong choice I sometimes just text a friend “hey should I do the delicate or normal laundry first?” “should i listen to p!nk or to musicals in the shower?” “should i do task x or task y first”. Works best if the friend is currently online (and already texting with me) and immediatly responds.

In the absence of an understanding friend a coin toss can also do the trick

[clowniconography]

i am a:

⚪️ man

⚪️ woman

🔘 person with adhd

and i am seeking:

⚪️ men

⚪️ women

🔘 meals that can be prepared in under 5 minutes

[john-marshall]

Here’s a low spoons meal plan that I made as an autistic, mentally ill person, mostly made for a good friend with ADHD and chronic pain.

All of the recipes don’t require any more cooking than a microwave or toaster, and don’t require any utensils other than a fork or spoon. I tried to make as many ingredients as possible shelf stable so that you can pick and choose as needed. It’s made to minimize dishes, time, and gross motor skills required.

[adhdadulting]

Rating my strategies for dealing with phone anxiety and other things my adhd really doesn’t want to let me do:

- Think of the phone call you need to do and then immediatly do it before anxiety has time to wake up, 3/10 usually doesn’t work bc I think of the phone calls at 2am and also my anxiety is fast, and also executive dysfunction, but when it does work it’s the fastest and best way

- Wallow in misery for hours/days/weeks until I get fed up with myself and somehow manage to hit call, 1/10, it’s the worst, I hate it, but hey at the end of the day at least I did the thing

- Send an email instead 9/10 love this, wish everyone let me do it, sure I still have issues with writing emails but they’re FAR less, only downside is that far too many people still insist you CALL them

- Make someone else do it 8/10, I suck at asking for help but when I do manage, this is great! Makes me feel bad for being “childish” but beats the other options

- Do the thing in steps, write out what I wanna say, put in the number, panic a bit, then finally hit call, 6/10, it works, but I’m anxious every step of the way and the steps take, but makes me feel very accomplished when I finally manage

- Get bullied by a fellow neurodiverse friend into doing it, then go get icecream with them as a reward, 10/10, I love my friends, they the best, one of them threatened to put bread in my ear if I didn’t make myself dinner the other day and it worked???

[guiltyidealist]

Attention, ADHDers who have a hard time brushing their teeth

Download Pokemon Smile. You don't need to know jack shit about (or even especially like) Pokemon to use it, and it is free. You only need a functional front-facing camera and the ability to read (or someone with you who can).

You pick a starter Pokemon and then, as you brush your teeth, the Pokemon battles purple plaque clouds in a little mouth setting for you. It uses your front-facing camera and some AR to see how you're brushing and tells you where to brush and for how long. It shows you yourself as you brush and puts a chosen hat on your head.

A wild Pokemon obscured by the clouds appears partway through and your Pokemon cleans it off as you brush.

At the end, it lets you throw a Pokéball in an effort to catch it, which you have an increasingly better chance at successfully doing the better and better you brush!

You also win little hats that get put on your head while you brush!

You can adjust settings for the amount of time it has you brushing, what hat you're wearing, and things like that. It is friendly to people of all ages and addresses that children should be surpervised. Best of all, when it asks for your gender at the very start, it has a "something else" option! It's trans- and nonbinary-friendly!

Anyway, download it. It's been EXTREMELY helpful for my QPP @awkward-blunt-miserableatbest and I.

[obsessively-compulsive]

Why dont ppl talk abt how adhd affects hygiene and cleanliness more?

I dont have the motivation to brush my teeth every night and I feel like i'm glued in place

I can't shower at least every other day because of the same reason

I wait until I'm out of clothes to do my laundry because it's so many steps and takes sooooo long

And I can't clean my room because its soooo muchhh workkkkkk except not actually it takes 5 mins and I hyperfocus thru it but before I actually start it feels impossible to do

Like?? Adhd isnt just hyperactivity and spacing out and talking fast and all those quirks, it's an actual illness too!!!

[adhdadulting]

I want to ask my psychiatrist about ADHD but I'm worried she'll think I'm faking and also worried she won't diagnose me bc I'm an adult. This isn't because of anything she's said it's just my own brain causing problems. Any tips?

Yeah I worried about that too, before I got diagnosed, but my psychiatrist was great! Maybe it would help to make a list of reasons why you think you have adhd (so when she asks you don’t suddenly forget everything) and try reminding yourself that this is her job and if she just shuts you down without listening to you she wouldn’t be doing a very good job. If she seems like a reasonable person so far, that’s pretty unlikely.

Being an adult isn’t a reason not to diagnose you, though there’s a chance she doesn’t know much about adhd in adults and will have to do some research herself first (psychiatrists can’t keep all the info about every single thing in their heads all the time i imagine)

Good luck!

[literaphobe]

UH WHAT

UH...... WHAT.........

[eirenical]

This entire article is eye-opening, even as someone who has ADHD and has read a lot about it already. There's so much more there than just the bit about the glucose-craving brain. SO. MUCH.

This might have been the bit that hit me hardest, actually:

it would be easy to misinterpret the following scenario as a standoff between two partners: Imagine that your partner asks you to pay the electric bill, and you say to yourself, “OK, I have time to do that today.” But when you sit down to do it, you keep getting distracted. The ADHD brain needs higher stimulation in order to complete this rote task with minimal payoff. Your ADHD brain says, “That task is way too boring, and I refuse to focus on it. Find something that interests me more, which offers me a bigger dopamine reward, and I’ll work with you.” It doesn’t matter that you know you should pay the bill as promised; if your brain won’t engage, it’s an ugly standoff. Perhaps, after a day of procrastination — when your partner will be home in 20 minutes and the bill is still unpaid — there may be enough of an adrenaline rush from a sense of crisis that your brain will engage and you pay the bill.

The ADHD brain and its owner are at odds with one another. It’s difficult to compel a disengaged brain to engage by force of will. In fact, much of the treatment for ADHD involves learning to psych out the brain, so that it will attend to necessary, low-stimulation tasks.

Appreciating the tug-of-war within that pits intellect against neurobiology increases compassion and acceptance for one’s hidden struggle.

I feel SEEN. OTZ

Seriously, though. Read the whole thing. It's a good one.

[blackwoolncrown]

Add to this that it's not just that your brain says "I don't want to"- the prefrontal cortex literally shuts OFF.

[thegrimmlovely]

Me: I don't wanna--

Brain: Great! We won't!

Me: But I gotta--

Brain: (✔✔ Read at xx:xx)

Me: Wait, we--

Brain: (0% battery, won't even light up if you press the power button)

Me: Goddammit.

[dognoselover]

im calling myself out on this one

[abcsofadhd]

Should I be worried that my appointment to get tested for adhd is a telehealth appointment for one hour? I just don’t know how I’m supposed to take effective tests I can’t PHYSICALLY be there to do whatever they do

There’s no reason one needs to be there physically for these tests, to be honest. All my tests could have been done not in person.

Guys, anyone have experience with a remote diagnosis test?

[adhdadulting]

I mean it depends on exactly how the diagnosis works, which depends on country. But I had my diagnosis in New Zealand remotely during lockdown and it was no issue, the psychiatrist just asked a lot of questions and that was it

[c-ptsdrecovery]

(Seen on FB)

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE. 

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.

I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.

“What are you struggling with?” he asked.

I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.”

Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?”

I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it.

I wanted to have something more substantial.

Something more profound.

But I didn’t.

So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes.”

I felt like an idiot even saying it.

What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes?

But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said:

“RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”

I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me.

“Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules.”

It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express.

That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.

I felt like I had conquered a dragon.

The next day, I took a shower lying down.

A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit.

There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.

Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:

THERE ARE NO RULES.

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!

(by Kate Scott 2018)

[cosmomoore]

I’ve been recently realizing this myself.

Like the water heater being set too low, I’m an adult, I have the ability to change it myself, I don’t have small children running around to be concerned about getting burnt with hot water, so who cares if I turn it up 10 degrees even though I live in an apartment?

Also, the worst aspect of my new place was the showerhead, it was absolutely terrible, so again, I’m an adult, and I have the ability to change it. So for about $18 and 10 minutes worth of effort I changed my showerhead.

And that may sound arbitrary, but I really enjoy showering and taking baths as my (radical) acts of self care. Like for a while I wouldn’t take a bath because I felt like it wastes so much water, but my taking one or two baths a week is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I shouldn’t feel guilty for doing something that makes me feel alive again.

It may seem silly, but by making those two small changes, and realizing that a bath does my mind, body, and soul so much good, it makes my life all the better.

So recognizing that some “rules” aren’t really rules is definitely a revelation, because even if it means you use a little more water to take a bath or have to run the dishwasher twice, if doing that helps you out in the long run, the “rule” regarding it must not have been very accommodating in the first place.

[tfw-adhd]

I know some people were saying it was difficult to read with the white writing, so I made another version of the ADHD-PTSD-Depression Diagram with black writing instead!

[mr-squiggley-poufs]

Ok so I’ve found a way to describe what Neurodivergent Can’t Do Task Mode™ feels like to neurotypicals

So you know how you can’t make yourself put your hand down on a hot stovetop? There’s a part of your brain that stops you from doing that? That’s what Neurodivergent Can’t Do Task Mode™ feels like

Even if we want to do it, there’s a barrier stopping us from doing it, and it’s really hard to override

And why does our brain see the task as a hot stovetop? Because when neurotypicals finish a task, they get serotonin, but we don’t get that satisfaction after completing a task. A neurotypical wouldn’t get serotonin from putting their hand on a hot stovetop, it would just hurt. When we can’t do a task, it’s because our brain knows that the task will hurt (metaphorically) and wants to avoid that.

It’s not that we’re choosing not to do the task, it’s that our brain is physically preventing us from doing it.

Neurotypicals can and should reblog but please don’t add anything

(Sorry/not sorry about the random bolding, it makes it easier for us to read)

[dovewithscales]

Oh that’s a great example. It’s not even really a metaphor in some cases. Because this is exactly what some of our brains are doing. For one reason or another the brain thinks that the task in question is dangerous or harmful and the mechanism keeping us from doing it is a survival mechanism.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Sometimes after I did something I was dreading my dad used to say “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” but one day I said “Actually, it was that bad.” and my brother who had gone through the same thing and also has ADHD said “Yeah! It was!” and he doesn’t say that anymore. Because guess what? Sometimes it actually does suck. And there’s no reward for finishing it.

[actualbird]

legitimate fucking lifehack: discord server literally just for yourself to keep track of stuff over devices. links. reminders and checklists. all neatly divided into categories. search function and dates. why didnt i do this earlier oh my god.

[stillwaterseas]

yup. i made a server just for myself, i have a channel for reminders and calendaring, a channel for to-dos, a channel for snippets of fiction and writing ideas that come to me when i’m out and about, and a channel of just “links” for when i need to get a zoom link or whatever from my phone to my computer fast and easy.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Wait this is actually brilliant. I’ve been doing something similar with my email but discord’s UI is so much more ADHD friendly

[adhdadulting]

Tips on telling depression from adhd? At this point they're probably comorbid, but

They are highly comorbid, yes, and they also overlap quite a bit. Both adhd and depression affect executive functioning, so they can be hard to tell apart.

But there are some differences:

- Trouble getting started: ADHDers feel overwhelmed and can’t decide which task to start with, while depressed people feel lethargic.

- Feelings of sadness: Depressed people often have near constant feelings of sadness, while ADHDers might feel depressed when understimulated or when experiencing a setback but the mood will pass much quicker

- sleep: ADHDers can’t fall asleep, while depressed people can, but often wake up several times during the night.

 Depression is also associated with weight changes, while adhd isn’t commonly (though adhd meds can supress appetite)

Hope that helps a bit!

[abcsofadhd]

If anyone wants to get better at cooking but just find it too boring/ serious/ difficult, let me recommend the videos by Josh Scherer (more people know him as Mythical Chef Josh). 

He has ADHD and his videos are informative, entertaining.. and just full of that chaotic ADHD energy.

I’ve genuinely started to experiment with cooking cause of watching his videos. It makes me want to try new things.

(I had HEAVILY suspected he had ADHD while watching his videos.. but only saw confirmation today.)

[adhdadulting]

Hi, I need a bit of help, I'm a university student with adhd, I am completely unmedicated and feel like getting on meds might be able to actually help me, especially since thats like the only option I haven't tried yet, my only problem is that meds are expensive and I can't get them on the medical aid without my parents approval, so the question is how do I get their approval? I was diagnosed at 8 years old, so my parents know I have adhd, and I have asked them to please consider giving me access to medications many times but they won't let me, they keep insisting that I'm just not trying hard enough and when I try to explain it to them they don't listen. What should I do I feel so hopeless and stuck

I’m sorry I took so long in answering this, but tbh I’m not sure I have any great advice here. Your parents shouldn’t be able to control your access to meds or healthcare in general and I’m really sorry you have to deal with that.

Maybe research if there’s any way to get those meds without your parents having to agree?

If that’s not an option I guess you need to convince your parents. For that I suppose it would be ideal to find a doctor/psychologist/psychatrist who might be willing to even just call your parents and tell them about the effectiveness of meds. Finding someone like that could be hard though if you have anything similar to my issues in asking people for help

Otherwise articles and research about adhd meds or adhd in general might help achieve the same thing - assuming your parents are willing to listen to science at all.

If you’re a university student I’m assuming you’re an adult? In that case pointing out that as an adult you should get to make your own choices about this might help. If you’re almost an adult and becoming one will change your situation in regards to if your parents have to agree, the best option might just be to wait for that.

One other idea would be to try and compromise, like “let me get meds for a year and we’ll see if they help me” though of course that’s risky bc they might decide that they didn’t help you even though they did.

But yeah that’s all I’ve really got, sorry :(