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@adhdyingthroughsyltherin
I started dating someone, but now I also started to feel like a wreck.
It’s so damn triggering to actually be vulnerable and not just open - I recently learned the difference between those two and was dumbfounded. Ah well.
I‘m full on loosing control of myself and I guess that’s more or less what I wanted. But I don’t know how to be.. like this. Ofc one can learn but .. I‘m currently drowning in myself and thoughts and I don’t know if I learn how to swim in time.
"I don't know why I would have done that but maybe I did" - possibly the biggest adhd mood
Always:
Someone: you did that!
Me: No, I didn’t! I would remember that.
Someone: Ofc you did !
Me: ... ... did I ? '-'
neurotypicals: no, we won’t give you special treatment or accommodate you in any way just because you have a mental disorder. you can learn to deal with it
also neurotypicals: wait no why are you showing signs of your mental disorder???? why aren’t you accommodating me and my feelings????? i’m uncomfortable seeing you show your mental disorder, you should accommodate me!!!!!!!!
me: why does coffee make me sleepy? why can't i pay attention to my books? why do i get so absorbed into things i like that i mishear or ignore other people around me? why do i constantly stim? why do i get sensory overload? why do i panic when there's an unexpected breach in routine? why can't i bring myself to do this one important task? why can't i fall asleep unless there's some kind of background noise?
my mom:
"I don't know why I would have done that but maybe I did" - possibly the biggest adhd mood
Opposite action
Hello, this week I want to talk about something a little bit tricky that I may have mentioned before. It’s something I’d not heard of until recently but think it is pretty effective and will hopefully be another tool you can take away and use in your day to day life. This is all about changing your emotion through acting oppositely. This is part of the distress tolerance module within DBT and is meant to help you in the moment of distress and to help accept things the way that they are as well as part of being able to be mindful with your thoughts.
Firstly I want to address the elephant in the room, what on earth am I talking about?! Basically, it has been proven that if you try and convince yourself, more so your mind, that you are not actually feeling a certain emotion by tricking it in to thinking your feeling a different emotion by carrying out certain tasks etc then you will reduce the suffering. This relates to any emotion that you deem negative, that causes you issues. It does not mean that you are not suggesting that something is wrong, but however trying to engage in a healthy way of dealing with the emotional struggle. “If we act in accordance with an emotion’s urge, it only serves to reinforce and fuel it, and we’ll continue to feel that emotion, perhaps even more intensely”. - Debbie Corso (Stronger than BPD). When you are working through radical acceptance, which I explained in my last post, there is a step that says to try practicing the opposite action to try and carry out what you really would do had you accepted the reality that’s currently happening, whatever that might be. Get in to the habit of listing the behaviors you would do IF you were to accept the reality, then you can get to work on acting like you have actually accepted it, then low and behold, you’ve pretty much accepted it. Away from specifically focusing on radical acceptance, this is a good trick to learn anyway as it helps us step back and look at what’s going on, what emotion we’re feeling and try to take a better path than immediately acting the way that emotion is telling us to, potentially causing a bigger problem and therefore worsening the initial emotion. An activity I found in the Stronger than BPD book -
1 - name the emotion you are feeling 2 - rate the intensity of that emotion on a scale of 1 to 10 3 - figure out the urges that the emotion is prompting you to have, ask yourself if it will be beneficial to act on them not only for yourself but others around you 4 - if you believe it will be beneficial then you don’t need to go any further, but more often than not it won’t be and you need to tell yourself that you want to reduce or shift this current emotion 5 - figure out what some examples are of how you could act opposite to what the emotion is urging you to do 6 - decide if you are willing to try these and specifically which ones 7 - before you go any further, figure out what actually caused this emotion in the first place to get some clarity 8 - try the opposite actions and note how it made you feel 9 - rate the intensity of the original emotion again on a scale of 1 to 10 and hopefully it has decreased This also goes with practicing mindfulness of thoughts, which is all about accepting your thoughts, not judging them, not taking them as fact and not letting them take over you. One of the ways this can be done is with opposite action, again! You can imagine yourself getting on with things if you stop taking your thoughts as facts, rehearse the things you would do if you didn’t view your thoughts as facts. This is perfect when we have an idea in our head about ourselves, for example that we are a bad person, we often believe these sorts of things to be facts, especially if someone else has made a negative comment about us too. They’re not facts, they’re just thoughts and being able to imagine this, training our mind to remember these are not facts, is technically acting opposite to believing that they are facts. Phew, that’s not the easiest thing to explain! Thank you for reading, Joanna xo
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
— Maya Angelou (via goodreadss)
I love this one
“A moment of patience in a moment of anger prevents a thousand moments of regret.”
— Ali Ibn Abu Talib (via goodreadss)
You’re not bad for having hallucinations. You’re not bad for having psychosis. You’re not bad for being schizophrenia. You’re not bad for having ptsd. Your mental illness does not make you a bad person. Your mental illness has NOTHING to do with your level of goodness (which is a constant maximum. You’re a good person.)
it’s okay to spend time on temporary things. it’s okay to spend time on things that only you will see or enjoy. it’s okay to spend time on things that aren’t necessarily productive. allow yourself to spend time on things that make you happy without worrying about the importance or permanence of the end result.
it’s unrealistic to try to be happy constantly, but you can choose to react to life in a positive manner
Sometimes you fall off the wagon for months. Sometimes you tell yourself you’re gonna start fresh on Monday and by Wednesday you’ve already fallen back off. Sometimes you have to restart a 100 times and it’s frustrating. But it will be okay. You can do this. One day at a time
Personal growth becomes so addictive once you realize that it’s always possible to improve your experience of being.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
