i just wanna ask how do you do self love? i feel like i'm not good in self love, i constantly trash talk about myself. i could say i hate myself down to the depth, whenever i did nothing wrong i think i always put the blame of myself. at this point, i really don't know how to start. i just don't know myself.
I think the big thing I would say is that self love is a skill. It's something you have to work on and learn - And even when you've gotten good at it, you will have times where it's harder or you slip up. And that's okay! Here are some little things that come to mind:
One of the things I try to do is treat myself as if I'm a third person. When I force myself to think 'but would I ever think that about someone if it wasn't me?' or 'would I ever say that about someone else?' it helps me to avoid being unnecessarily harsh on myself. We're always hardest on ourselves - I'm definitely guilty of that - so forcing yourself to look at yourself in the third person helps a lot.
What would you say in this situation if your friend was the one having this problem, not you? How would your thoughts change?
This is pretty generic therapy stuff, but let your feelings happen. I am really bad at having thoughts/feelings that upset me or I'm ashamed of, and then getting really down on myself for having them. Learning to let emotions and thoughts come like a wave - they come, they're here, they leave (and it is inevitable that they'll leave, even if it takes time) helps me in the moment. Learning this took a while for me, but it helps me a lot now and eventually you stop realising you're doing it consciously. You don't have to acknowledge them or think about them, but they will come, so learning to let them come and go in their time helps a lot.
I would say, start small. Self love takes all these different forms, and some might seem monumental compared to others. So start small: Start a skincare routine, buy yourself something nice, put on a nice outfit - whatever. For me, I wear eyeliner almost every day now, even if I'm just going around the house, and it's because it makes me feel pretty. That's my only reason. And it's the little things that I think really add up!
Be aware that you can't control everything! Again, this is one I really struggled with, but: Society has unrealistic expectations and you can never meet them. No matter how kind you are, some people just don't trust kindness. I try to keep this in my head: "self care is not arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you". Learning to assign worth to certain opinions and not others is also a skill, but really helps, and you will get there.
We really are our own worst critics, and self love is a skill you need to develop - but it's worth doing. I've been working on it myself and I am so much happier for it. Have patience with yourself and work on it. I also suggest doing some research - there are lots of great lines and articles about learning to love yourself, far more than I can cover here. Do some research and try to implement the steps that call to you.
You got this. Remember that we're our own worst critics, and we're all trying to learn to love ourselves. You're not alone and you will get there! ❤
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