It's the business @adiciavanburen - Tumblr Blog

lil’ poem about interbeing.

Yeah quiet quitting is great and all but have you tried chaotic working?

Like. I remember back in my grocery store cashier days I did so much crazy shit.

When WIC (Women, infants, and children voucher program to help low income mothers/families with children) people were in my line I would pretty much know who they were. Before the cards they had to tell us upfront they were WIC and show us their vouchers for what they were allowed to get (it was awful some times. Like. 2 gallons of milk. $4 worth of vegetables etc etc). They’d always have items hanging back, waiting to see what the total was and if they would have to take it off the belt.

I began to place the fruits/vegetables a certain way on the register scale so that like 1/2lbs of grapes read as like .28lbs or something. Then act shocked when I said that they still had X amount of lbs left. They got all their fruit and vegetables.

I think it started to kinda? Catch on to the women? Because I would have the same moms in my line month after month. And even after they switched to the cards (they worked like food stamp cards?) I’d still do the same thing. They were able to get more produce for whatever shitty max amount Indiana gave them.

Anyways. Be chaotic. It’s more fun that way.

shitpostinguniverse

injuries-in-dust

Random thought...

Modern jobs for fanatasy creatures:

- A bridge troll who works as a tollbooth operator. It’s a lot easier than trying to scare people into paying you, and slightly less chance of being stabbed with a longsword.

- A fairy who works in a coffee shop, or bakery, who’s customers always think they make the best pastries. It’s okay to take the food and drink, since the money exchanged makes it a fair trade.

- Dragons who work in the banking industry. They may, or may not, fully understand what investments, mortgages, or interest rates, mean but they do know that their horde grows year after year and that’s good enough for them.

Anyone got any other amusing ideas? Then feel free to add.

brunhiddensmusings

- healthcare witches - sirens and selkies in the coastguard - satyr bartenders

kiwilemonteanonsense

gnome home security guards (think lawn gnomes)

vampires and werefolk might also be good in a healthcare setting, thanks to being comfortable around blood, and having a heightened sense of smell helps diagnose some stuff

kobolds working sanitation with the promise that they can keep any “shinies” they find amongst the garbage

moon rabbits mass producing mochi and moon cakes

driders in weaving and textile industries

escherenigma

The rental market changed dramatically when vampires got jobs as “tenet agreement inspectors”. Basically, in order for a tenancy agreement to be valid, a vampire must need the tenet’s permission to enter. If they can enter without the tenet’s permission or cannot enter with the tenet’s permission, then the context is considered de facto abusive.

If this is a world where “Medusa” is a kind of monster and not a specific woman… The first army that incorporated medusas successfully was a hit: they were battlefield medics. If a soldier was too injured to be saved on the battlefield, the medusa would petrify them. Later on, in a more robust (and less bullet prone) situation, the curse would be lifted. Fatalities went sharply down.

Fey lawyers.

Zeus and Loki came out of retirement to run a fertility treatment clinic. People always wonder if at least some of the kids they help into the world are actually theirs, but the couples going to them seem pleased anyway.

Brownie maid service.

This is a flip: astrologers found a new audience when they started catering their horoscopes to lycanthropes. Turns out belief in the moon and stars having influence over your life is a much easier sell when you change shape based on the moon’s phases.

This is a maybe: nobody is quite sure what’s going to happen to the first vampire astronaut, but boy are we excited to find out. Same with werewolves.

Another flip: the prevalence of wheelchair ramps and elevators went sharply up when, back in the sixties, the centaur senator from Georgia loudly announced that is he couldn’t get into your restaurant that he would wait outside for you and then stomp you too death with his hooves.

If you want to listen to that famous musical duet, Siren & Satyr, you have to sign a waiver and accept the risk of being charmed.

Less musically inclined sirens run cons as psychics. Sure, most of what they say is gibberish, but sometimes they really *do* give winning lotto numbers, and it’s just five bucks, right?

Rumplestilskin is specifically called out in the laws of thirteen countries as being prohibited from selling gold.

The dragon pawn shop that always finds reasons to not sell anything. They’ve done reality TV shows in the vein of both Antique Roadshow and Pawn Stars.

Dwarves still form the backbone of many miner unions.

Everyone listens to the banshee OSHA inspector.

ode-on-a-grecian-butt

In summer, the Hitokotonushi Shrine in Ibaraki sets up on oasis for bees where they can safely collect water

original-honeychiles

This is everything I mean literally everything. They are doing God’s work together

mushroomjawn

Really wish we could go back to a time when movies were worth something as long as they were fun to watch

Like I mentioned the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot (the all-female one) to someone bc i had a lot of fun watching that movie!! And they were like “that movie wasn’t that good it was just a comedy… It didn’t win anything did it?” like bitch …. The first Ghostbusters movie wasn’t fucking good either but I’m still sitting here watching some dudes chase a ghost through a library to some weird synth music so maybe movies don’t have to win awards to be worth watching

mushroomjawn

Not done.

When I ask people about their fave movies I always ask for two:

1) Which movie do you just fuckin. Watch over and over again (mine is Groundhog Day)?

2) Which movie do you recommend to other people/to me specifically?

Like. These are two VERY different questions. I know my bff from high school is obsessed with the star wars prequels like SHE KNOWS THEY AINT GOOD. I asked my roommate the first question and they were like “fuck dude I just love Mrs doubtfire.” Like yeah you’re not gonna be telling every person you meet to watch Mrs doubtfire! But it’s okay if it’s a movie you like some movies are FUN

lyricwritesprose

There’s an Ebert review, I believe, of the Brendan Frasier Mummy film. It basically goes, “k, there’s only one nice thing I can say about this movie, and that’s … I enjoyed pretty much every minute of it.”

Like. Was it a cinematic masterpiece? No. Do you want to pop some popcorn and put it on while you hang out with your D&D group or whatever? Hell, yeah. It’s fun.

dubiousculturalartifact

“There is hardly a thing I can say in its favor, except that I was cheered by nearly every minute of it. I cannot argue for the script, the direction, the acting or even the mummy, but I can say that I was not bored and sometimes I was unreasonably pleased.”

-Roger Ebert

vanilla-bean-buttercream

So there's this plastic turtle we have outside our school that tells cars to slow down. My kids have always asked me why I don't have a husband, and I got tired of telling them because I didn't want one, so I pointed to him and said, "That dude. That's my husband."

This has been a running joke for two years now. All the kids know the plastic turtle outside the school is my husband. He doesn't have a name, just Miss Cat's husband.

Today was really windy, and the turtle dude fell over. I was taking a kid out to his mom, and he saw it on the ground and went, "Oh look, your husband died."

So I said, "Oh darn. Looks like I'm single again."

And without skipping a beat, he goes, "I'll be your husband."

Mom is standing there trying not to laugh as I got down on my knees, took the kid's hands in mine, and said, "Thanks for the offer, bud, but no thank you. We'll just pick that guy up so he can start being my husband again."

So the kid runs over, picks the turtle up, and goes "Good morning, husband! You're not dead anymore. Good job."

hbizzzle

thelatestkate

Shop , Patreon , Books and Cards , Mailing List

debelice

Whale Shark Gliding Through Bioluminiscent Algae _ Mike Nulty

tragicallybeautifultiger

There wasn't supposed to be anything alive out there in the vast void of space, according to every scientist the Federation had working to make sure the explorers they sent out came back in one piece. Anything that could live out there with no protective barrier had to be dangerous. How else would they survive?

Then they got a transmission from one of their expedition ships, the Nereid-15, with just a video. At first they thought it was video of a well-made ship, but its movements were too fluid to be crafted by hand. No. It was of a creature that looked like a great sea animal that used to inhabit Earth seemingly swimming through the constellations. The creature had to be enormous if its markings rivaled the brightness of the stars it maneuvered through.

The scientists once thought nothing could live in the cold, uncaring vastness of space.

They were wrong, and they were afraid.

They were right to be afraid.

natdrinkstea

only one more day until gay people are real again

neonphoenix

thegaymertrainer

This website has ruined me because I was not expecting a child to speak when he called himself daddy…

elodieunderglass

I can’t say I felt the same, but I have tremendous admiration for his composure

socksolotl

[Transcript:]

Person filming: Can you again ask me what you just asked me? What was that question? I don't think... Daddy didn't hear you.

Child offscreen: When can we have lesbian?

Dad: Mhmm. Okay. Maybe I did hear you right. Um, I don't know what that is, Sweetie, I don't know what you mean. Child, emphatically: Lesbian!

Dad: No, I know-- I know what you said, but I don't think that word means what you think it means, okay?

Child: It's like... spaghetti.

Dad: [Clears throat] Oh, excuse me. [Audibly restraining laughter] Do you mean lasagna?

Child: Yep!

Dad: Okay. Um, yeah, [high pitched with amusement] I'm sure we can have-- [serious] I'm sure we can have lasagna really soon, okay? We'll-- We'll try to... Yeah, we'll make sure that we can-- we can eat that soon, okay? Does that sound-- does that sound good?

Child: Yeah!

Dad: Okay, alright. Thank y--

[end transcript]