adoxography

(n.) beautiful writing on a subject of little or no importance

[adoxo-graphy]

I wish I could say people have tried to break down the wall around my heart, but I think the saddest thing is that no one has even tried.

adoxo-graphy 12/3/16 (via adoxo-graphy)

I think someone is trying to break down that wall. Now instead of feeling sad, I am completely terrified. But also hopeful they succeed.

09/03/2017

[adoxo-graphy]

When you physically can’t stop smiling.

1:53am moments - 06/15/2017

[adoxo-graphy]

I want to pick up my phone and text you and see where this all goes. And I want to know more about you and I tell myself you want to know more about me too. But just thinking of where this could actually go seems scarier to me than anything else. So while I want to pick up my phone and text you, I don't. Instead I'll act like a teenager, uploading posts so you know I'm up, but instead of hoping you get the message and text me first, a part of me hopes you don't. Because if you see my messages and don't respond that just makes things so much easier. It means you aren't interested, so that means I shouldn't be either, and that makes things so much easier, because the idea of you actually being interested is so goddamn terrifying to me.

a part of me hopes you don’t text 06/12/2017

[adoxo-graphy]

Sometimes I wake up on the wrong side of my heart, just wondering about the day I won't open my eyes to a lonely bed. The day I'll wake up to the smell of bacon and pancakes and there is no need to put on pants. The day I lazily walk to the kitchen and the radio has a calm yet energetic toon coming from it. The day I see your smile in the morning and feel like I don't need anything else. The day I'm not waiting for someone to say "I love you" because the look in their eyes and the warmth of their hug and sweetness of their kiss tells me more than those three words ever could. But on the days I wake up thinking about this day are the worst, because I also wake up thinking of every reason why this may not happen. So I also wonder how maybe I'll wake up lonely because no one wanted to fall asleep with me the night before. And how that is just a snowball effect where there is no one there for me making breakfast with the radio on. But, Some days I wake up on the right side of my heart, just wondering about the day I'll wake up to a lonely bed. The day I'll wake up spread as far as I can reach because no one else is there to take up any space. The day I wake up to the smell of lavender on my sheets when my face is buried in my pillow and there is no need to put on pants because I just decided I'm not going out that day. The day I lazily walk to the kitchen and put my Spotify on Discover because I'm feeling a little adventurous that day. The day I smile at myself when I'm lounging on my couch eating cookies because I don't need anything else. The day I'm not waiting for someone to say "I love you" because I made sure that was the first thing I told myself in the morning, because I'm not sure if anyone else would ever say it to me, and that's ok.

04/03/2017 sides of my heart

[adoxo-graphy]

How you're making me feel is so strange and confusing and lovely that I think words aren't enough.

03/28/2017 more than words

[adoxo-graphy]

You.

my first thought when I wake up (02/06/2017)

[adoxo-graphy]

We think we know everything until the day someone comes along and tears down everything we thought we knew and we realize it's all we ever wanted.

1/20/2017

[adoxo-graphy]

I wish I could say people have tried to break down the wall around my heart, but I think the saddest thing is that no one has even tried.

adoxo-graphy 12/3/16

[adoxo-graphy]

Please do more. I can't find adoxography anywhere else.

I'd be happy to write more. Haven't had much inspiration lately but I'm having some feelings that I'd like to let loose. Hope you enjoy.

[adoxo-graphy]

There's something about hearing the rain falling outside your window that makes being awake at 4 am feel just a bit more lonely than you've become used to.

4 a.m. thoughts 7/21/16

[adoxo-graphy]

I usually don't think about what I'll dream about before I go to sleep. But lately I have. And it's honestly so scary. If you aren't in my life while I'm awake why would I want you in my dreams? And it's scary because I don't want to answer that question. I've been trying to avoid it for so long.

sweet dreams 6/23/16

[adoxo-graphy]

Some bucket lists consist of adventures around the world and unknown destinations. But when I think about what I want to do before it’s all gone, I think of holding someone’s hand. Falling asleep next to someone, and waking up next to them too. I think of stargazing in the back of a pickup truck, and maybe falling asleep before I see any stars but it’s still the best night ever because I spent it with them. I think of singing my lungs out at a concert and not being able to talk the next day. But the silence is still comfortable. I dream of having my first kiss. And I think of how it may happen. But the thing about a bucket list is that you only hope to check off the things on your list. But so many people have left this world with so many unchecked adventures. And I am only scared to be one of them.

bucket list 5/30/2016

[adoxo-graphy]

I don't think you just wake up one day and decide to love yourself. It's not that easy. I think it's something that slowly grows one day at a time. One day you're hair may be exceptionally flowy. Another day you eyeliner skills were on point. The next day the outfit you picked hugged your body at just the right curves. The following day you discovered that red lipstick makes your whole face pop. And with every day and every occurrence there's a thought in the back of your mind that maybe, just maybe, you are beautiful. And then there are days (these are the best days), when your hair is mess and you have no makeup on and you're just walking around in sweatpants when you pass by mirror and you will think to yourself that you look beautiful as ever.

unconscious beauty 5/7/16 

[adoxo-graphy]

I think I've learned to live my love life through quotes in fiction books and mentioning different #relationshipgoals because I've never really been in a relationship and my only real goal is loving myself.

#relationshipgoals 5/7/16

[adoxo-graphy]

The important thing isn’t being with someone because you can’t live without them. The important thing is being able to live without them, but you choose to be with them anyway.

I can live without you

[adoxo-graphy]

I recently saw a quote that said “Successful women do not fall in love.” And I couldn’t help but stop and think about it.

While I do see the reasoning behind this, I think the wording is off.

I think that successful women can most definitely fall in love. I think they do it all the time. Falling in love is not the problem.

The problem is falling in love with someone willing to fall in love with a successful women.

[adoxo-graphy]

I don’t know what to call this. It definitely wasn’t expected. I knew we would end up talking but I didn’t know I would feel like this. That feeling that the person you are talking to is actually listening to what you are saying, not just hearing the sounds coming out of your mouth. That feeling that when they ask you a question they aren’t being nosy, they may actually want to learn more about who you are. That feeling where you find yourself endlessly talking to this person. And I know they always say how great it is to be able to sit next to someone in silence and feel comfortable. But the feeling I experience when I sit next to you in silence is simply an urge to fill the silence, not because it is awkward, but because you have so much to say and I’ve always loved listening to people, and because I’ve always held back some things I’ve wanted to say but when you ask I hold nothing back. I don’t want the silence because I’d like to think that you don’t want it either. But I don’t know what to call this.

I don’t know what to call this 2/4/16