Bite Back

If you don’t brush your teeth, I will.

[kalofi]

[avant-gardevoir-old-deactivated]

[yurimom]

the reason they dont sell caprisun by the gallon is the same reason god put a pit in the middle of mangoes....to keep us humble

[goruma]

ive tried opening my mouth and saying words before nd ive gotta say. im not a fan

[johntorrington]

new mold just dropped

[blighttownbitch]

Bitch I been growing red mold in my shower for years

[johntorrington]

early access

[socialdistancing]

[milfy-moved-deactivated20250902]

[jinxies-deactivated20220405]

@scammer

[ratfuck]

next covid stimulus package is gonna be a fucking poster of a cat hanging on to a tree branch with “hang in there!” written in comic sans

[kpopper]

are you living or are you just jumping from one obsession to the other to run away from yourself

[ivan-fyodorovich-deactivated202]

what are you the coping mechanism police or something

[valtsv]

not to sound like a golden retriever on main but the feeling when someone praises me for something i did? indescribable

[kakashi-vibes]

if the police ask i dont date. i dont fuck. i got no holes no cock no balls. send tweet

[cheaphalloweencostume]

ive probably said this before but i LOVE the twilight zone episodes with no quantifiable moral at the end, they just wrap up like “wouldnt it be fucked up if that happened?”

[cheaphalloweencostume]

everyone saying black mirror NO the whole point of black mirror is that it’s rife with unwanted morals! no! i don’t want to be told how technology is making us distant and how helicopter parenting makes kids hate you i want “what if astronauts found their own dead bodies on a random planet and had a breakdown for a full episode then realized they’re dead for real and then forget and do it all again forever, wouldn’t that be fucked? i’m rod serling”

[powerfulwizard]

Had a realization in a dream I just had that this isn’t real and I can just do whatever I want and so I started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small I woke up sleep paralyzed

[powerfulwizard]

I was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing I did was use them to torment the nearest man

[powerfulwizard]

And the actual God woke me up and put me into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what I’ve done

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[honeyjelli]

*buys something online*

wow it sure is good to have a reason to live again

[lahiah]

beam me up scotty (beam me up inside) can’t beam up (beam me up inside)

[i-write-sins-not-poems]

Mum:hey -

Me, returning from a walk in the woods after still being unsuccesfull in getting abducted by the fair folk: I don’t wanna talk right now

[probably-a-velociraptor]

Ye olden days: “ we must never go in there, the fair folk may take us away from this world”

Millennials: *banging pots and pans together in the middle of a mushroom circle during a full moon on an equinox * “IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF SOMETHING ABUCTED ME RIGHT ABOUT NOW!”