Cosmic Funnies
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Game of Thrones Daily
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Jules of Nature
$LAYYYTER
Discoholic 🪩
⁂
occasionally subtle
Three Goblin Art
Kiana Khansmith
Claire Keane
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
wallacepolsom
dirt enthusiast
shark vs the universe
No title available
roma★
Acquired Stardust
trying on a metaphor
seen from United States
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@adrestar
List of my works: (There are not many, but who cares?)
How Marinette Chose To Go To Gotham Of All Places
Grumpy Cat: Daminette December 2021: Day 1
Prompt
A Lost Bat
Package: Daminette December 2021: Day 2 (prompt)
Cookies|Short: Daminette December: Day 4
Caution/Warning Sign|Kids: Daminette December 2021: Day 5
Frozen Bat Puffs
Jason and Damian meet in the LoA AU where Damian vehemently insists that Jason is his only real brother since they have the same mother and father. The others try to tell him that Jason is also adopted, but Damian will just stare at them like they are stupid and go "is Father not his Father in the eyes of the law?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"Does Mother not call him as her son?"
"I mean she does-"
"Are they not my Mother and Father as well?"
"Yes?"
"The matter has been concluded, then, Richard."
"What about me? Bruce is also my dad on paper?"
"You get half of the acknownledgement, of course, as you have been getting so far."
"What about Tim, then?"
"I don't see how he is relevant to this conversation."
"I'm just curious where he lands on the brother percentage scale."
"Nowhere. Timothy is a neighbour. Though I shall offer him hospitality while he is under our roof."
"You tripped him on the patrol last night."
"Does the alleyway look like our house to you?"
odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”
Oðinn spake:
Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth, And bathed his count'nance fair. Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar, I found on the cold pavement While returning in glory | from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla.
@damn-fuck-i-burnt-myself-again
I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful.
@theshitpostcalligrapher
ay @systlin hmu
@systlin
My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.
Solen sken, skönt gyllene
Dagen Tor föddes
På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell
Där låg Loke
—KJN
My translation:
The sun shone, sweet golden
The day of Tor’s birth
On the tarmac, by Taco Bell
There lay Loki
(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)
@bold-sartorial-statement
ay yo show ur husband
@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes:
(oops spot the typos)
i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it
Sólin skein, björt og gullin við fæðingu Þórs á stígnum við Taco Bell Þar lá Loki
The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing
This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!
And in Danish because why not:
Solen skinnede, skøn og gylden
På dagen for Tors fødsel
På asfalten ved Taco Bell
Dér lå Loke
“LEV MERE (LIVE MAS)”
*Snorts*
When Thor born
He hair shine brite
A very very
Magical site
But then I see
A bab from hell
I pik up loki
From taco bell
the rosetta stone of shitposting
@incorrectnorse-quotes
Now THIS is the best post on this hellsite
Masterlist of the Batfam Social Media AU posts
---
Updated Oct 31, 2024
Pt. 1: The duality of man feat. Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Pt. 2: Dick "The Firstborn" Grayson vs Jason "The Firstdead" Todd
Pt. 3: Gently used casket for sale :)
Pt. 4: Prince of Gotham "Bruh Wayne" aka "Father of 10+ mean children"
Pt. 5: Bruce Wayne is NOT Batman
Pt. 6: BREAKING NEWS: Lex Luthor BUYS Twitter??
Pt. 7: Just another night in Gotham
Pt. 8: God's strongest soldier (the oldest sibling)
Pt. 9: Bruce Wayne texts like a boomer
Pt. 10: Just Gothamtwt things
Pt. 11: Conspiracies in the family group chat
Bonus:
Jay + Roy texts
Jason "I swear I hate my dad" Todd
So I saw this and then just immediately thought of
Joker got beaten by Nightwing, Redhood and Red Robin ❌️
Joker got beaten by Mike Myers, Jason Voorhees and Jigsaw ✅️
Broke: The batfam separates Tim and Damian to stop them from fighting each other.
Woke: The batfam separates Tim and Damian because they both encourage the others' absurd logic to justify feral behavior.
...
Tim: "See when I can focus directly on a case with no interruptions, my success rate goes up exponentially." (Hasn't slept in 56 hrs.)
Damian: "Statistics don't lie"
Tim: "Statistics don't lie"
...
Damian: "When I adopt more animals, it makes me happy, and if I'm happy, I work better with a team."
Tim: "And you help an animal that needs a home."
Damian: "EXACTLY!"
Tim: "If anything, its irresponsible to let them roam the streets as strays."
Damian: "That's what I said!"
...
Tim: "So one of the executives of this firm has been stealing some stuff, but unfortunately, he also has the resources and status to get him off the hook with a light sentence. Which sucks."
Damian: "What if you add a more serious crime to up the charges?"
Tim: "...That is GENIUS! I have dozens of cold cases that I've solved, but the culprits have already died! Im sure one of them could easily pass as him! "
Damian: "I can help if you need any evidence planted."
Tim: "Sure thing! I'll let you know when i find the right felony to give him!"
...
Dick: "At least they're having fun and getting along?"
Bruce: "This is not better. Stop trying to pretend this is better."
Jason's emergency contact is "anyone but Bruce" but folks only read "Bruce" and call him anyway
He catches wise after a while and changes it to "Dick" and everyone assumes he means the mean one and goes "who would Jason refer to as a dick" and *still* call Bruce
Titans: ...what do you have there, Roy?
Roy: oh! This is my daughter, Lian! Say hi Lian!
Titans: She doesn't much look like you...
Roy: oh yeah she takes after her mom more
Titans: and who is she?
Roy: Chessire
Titans: ......the assassin who has tried to kill us so many times?
Roy: Yep!
Titans: ......okay, warn us next time when you get into a relationship, please-
-
Roy: Hey! I know it's been a while, but I thought I should tell you, I'm dating someone!
Titans: oh, we're happy for you! Who is it?
Roy: Red Hood
Titans:
Roy:
Titans:
Roy:
Titans: .....the same Red Hood who cut off people's heads and put them in a bag, attacked the Tower and has tried to kill or maim Batman and everybody else in Gotham multiple times?
Roy: Yep! 🥰
Titans: .......we are sensing a pattern here and it's a worrying one-
Funny: Bruce is completely ignorant about gen z slang
Funnier: Bruce misunderstands slang in general because his brain takes everything literally
For example:
Steph: Bruce, you look dope today.
Bruce, wondering how in God’s name he can look like weed:
Jason: There's a thin line between being a genius and being an idiot.
Jason: Tim uses that line as a fucking jump rope.
When Bruce “died” all his kids ended up gathering together for the reading of his will. Things were split pretty evenly between them with certain assets going to certain people (the company to Tim, the Manor to Alfred etc). At the end of the will there is one last line
“Don’t let your brother turn into a supervillian.”
All of the siblings are busy arguing about who Bruce might be talking about except for Tim and Cass, who are standing away from the group. Tim has an amused gleam in his eye and Cass is staring him down.
“Don’t you dare.” She signs at him knowing full well that Bruce was talking about Tim.
“I’m going to take over the League of Assassins.” He signs back to her.
Which was always the plan, he just couldn’t leave right away. Dick giving Damian Robin was a perfect excuse. Also, Bruce was def alive just lost in the time stream and the league would have the resources he needs to find answers.
Six months later, over 100 bases blown up, and with coordinates to recover Bruce, Tim returns to Gotham. He’s not alone though. Oh no. Drake Industries has had a complete overhaul under the leadership of the teenage heir and if all of the new employees are ninja assassins thats for Tim to know and no one else.
When Bruce returns he gets swarmed with questions from his kids about which brother he was referencing at the end of his will and he gives them all a confused look.
“Tim of course. The kid borrows my morals like library books.” At this, Dick goes ashen.
Tim? Bruce had been concerned about Tim? Tim who has been off the grid for the last 6 months doing god knows what?
“Tim should have known I was referencing him. He should have told you and the fact that he didn’t means I should be concerned.” Bruce glances to his son who can’t contain his smile.
“It’s hardly my fault the Ra’s has the charisma of a used gym sock. Besides, at least I offer benefits and paid time off. Also you don’t have to worry about the LOA anymore. They all work for me now.” He smiles a bit wider and then disappears into the shadows.
Bruce, who wrote that last line after going through Tim’s Young Justice Records, simply signs. “Could be worse. He could have become Gun Batman.” Which unloads an entirely new floodgate of questions from those around him, but as long as his kids are safe, happy, and still walking a mostly moral line then Bruce is happy.
I just had this vision of Tim and Bruce talking to each other via supers:
Tim bursting through the Titans living room: KON! Omg, Kon come quickly I need to talk to my dad.
Kon, utterly confused: Okay? Why are you telling me thi- Wha-
Tim: SHUT IT, Just listen, ok? He turned phone off and I’m grounded. CLARK!! I NEED TO TALK TO DAD!!
meanwhile in Gotham:
Clark, stopping middle making out: Tim needs to talk to you.
My art refs be like: "rabbits are plantigrade, never stand on their toes and move by hopping"
-Rabbits not giving a shit about your "laws of science":
(Video Taken from Pinnapop on Twitter)
An AU in which Jason, upon returning to Gotham, gets really swept up into the whole crime lord thing, and never gets the time to go through with his revenge plan.
It starts small. He comes back and gets to work, and after a while, he has managed to carve out some of the crime from crime alley. This gets him noticed among some of the people there. One night, a group of thugs approach him, but instead of wanting to fight him, they want to work for him.
Jason, still fresh, with not much revenue coming for him yet, tells them that he isn't hiring because he cannot exactly pay them much. The thugs say that it doesn't matter, because they like what he is doing, and would like to be in on it anyway, and, well. If Jason has help managing other things, he can dedicate more time on his bigger plan, right?
Wrong. Things start to move much quicker now, and that means that more people come in and want to work for him. At this point Jason has money coming in, and he starts paying them, too, which makes more people come in, which in turn makes more money to come in as well. Jason can pay them more, and suddenly he notices a difference in many of the goons he has on his roster now. They seem happier. They joke more, many of them have better clothes on them, and they don't look so gaunt anymore, either.
Jason asks about it, once, and the goon tells him that they have had the money to buy actual groceries and new pair of boots, which makes living a lot more comfortable. They even got to buy their kid a new winter jacket! Now, if they save up a little bit, they will be able to get their kid new school books as well!
And Jason, Crime Alley boy Jason, who loved school and reading, feels his heart strings being violently yanked. Don't worry about the books, he says. I will take care of it.
At the end of the month, he has managed to organise a book delivery system for all the Crime Alley kids, where they get school books and picture books and science books about dinosaurs and angient Egypt and all that. He tells his goons that for every kid that stays in school for the semester, he will give them a bonus.
It works wonders. The amount of kids dropping out from school gets cut by 60 percent just during the first semester. The book system grows, and suddenly Jason finds himself pushing some money to get the old local library running again, to make things a bit easier. He even hires some people to run the system for him. Suddenly, he is like actually employing people. He needs an accountant. He hires one for himself, and then another one to run other funds.
Things just keep escalating after that. Local parent group starts to have meetings in the new library, and they put up a babysitting club and start a clothes exhange program as well, where you can bring all the clothes that are too small for you, and people get to take what they need home. A soup kitchen starts as well, first because the kids need snacks, and then it grows so much that Jason needs to find a place for it to run effectively and safely. Many local restaurants get into it as well, and their business starts to rise as well, because people who are fed and have warm clothes have more time and energy to seek for jobs. Many of them are still employed within just Crime Alley, though, because jobs elsewhere require an adress, and some people don't have those.
Jason thinks about himself, after his parents died, on the streets, trying to survive, and thinks never again. He tells his accountant to start budgeting for housing.
He needs to hire more people for it. He needs to run his crime empire, after all, he doesn't have the time for this.
He has so many people working for him now. There are a few thugs that were previously employed by other Gotham Rogues coming in as well, because they have heard good things about the Red Hood. The other Rogues are in and out of the prison or Arkham all the time and the pay isn't reliable and there is a high chance that you will get beaten up by one of the bats as well, and they don't really get offered medical services by their bosses, you know?
There's another thing. Jason now has to organize people to get first aid-training. And also get some sort of vaccination program going. And also get everybody dental.
It's all getting too much for him, really. He doesn't even have a high school diploma.
He mentions this to one of his goons one night, because they said that he looked stressed. Don't worry boss! The goon tells him. We will take care of things, if you want to go back to school! It would be a good example, too, for the older kids, who are still dropping out more than the little kids, you know?
So Jason goes back to school. God he loves school. He barely even thinks about his revenge plan anymore, because he is busy running his programs and studying and making plans with his goons.
He gets his diploma and then starts a community college so people can get degrees.
He then runs into an entirely new problem. The people look up to him, especially the kids. And now the kids also want to help him.
Jason, the second Robin, the bird with clipped wings, tells them no. Absolutely not. You are kids, go back to school, your bedtime is at nine.
He cannot control the older teens, though. They just tell him to fuck off and accept the help. Now train us, so we can start running the more specialized missions too. You can't be the only person jumping on rooftops. If you don't train us, we will do it anyway, dipshit. We ain't scared of you.
And suddenly Jason has his own vigilante team with him. His workers are unionizing. Some of them are actually running for the city council to get things addressed that need to be done the legal way. Crime rates have dropped by 70 percent around Crime Alley.
They can't really call it Crime Alley anymore, can they? It's Park Row again.
The bats are extremely confused by the new team. The Hoods, they call themselves. All of them with a red bat painted on their chests and fighting in an eerily similar manner to them.
Jason is not there on Thursdays. He is busy getting his English degree.
The hardship of planning an elaborate fic about Jason and his crime lord-ing is figuring out how tf to run a crime empire with morals. Oof.
Some ideas from Batman comics itself and yakuza stories
Focus on cleaning up his underlings and underbosses after winning the power struggle first coz that will take a long time to enforce new rules and break old habits if he wants to overhaul the empire
Starting with Jason's character that he won't sell drugs to kids or extort prostitutes and cracking down violently on those who do, until he can slowly phase the drug dealing out
Provide more chances of protection money extension and debt payment compared to other crime boss, even providing alternative solution, so he can still appear harsh while not cancelling old rules
Alter the focus of robbery and money laundering to strip the corrupt rich people of Gotham from their power and redistributing wealth
In yakuza stories they tend to have loyal underlings who the main character saved that end up following and enforcing his ideal, even if they look and act like a thug
Most of the thugs are uneducated small time felon that can be reeducated and have their violent tendencies refocused on something else
Jason can appeal to their needs and wants to make them work for him instead of their previous bosses, if they're on the opposing sides
An easy way is having rebellious underling or underbosses that wants to return to the good old days of actual crime, or rival bosses that's way worse than him
Refocus the violent thugs or even hire assassins to clean up traitors within the empire instead of innocents
Criminal empires tend to have innocent fronts so you can also have it be a better education and rehabilitation program than Gotham prison or asylum, and if the mafia board members ask, say it's a front while showing off to the Waynes at the same time
(Don’t mind me I’m just here taking notes 📝)
Organized crime also operates legitimate (looking) businesses to launder money through. Ie. "This isn't drug money, it's income from this restaurant/laundromat/carwash etc. Here's the receipts Mr IRS. I'm a taxpaying citizen just trying to make an honest living!" he lied.
What business would Jason run? Some yakuza ran orphanages as tax shelters. The Black Panther Party bulk-purchased books then sold them individually to fund their programs. I like the idea of Jason getting a fuckton of books n the cheap then selling them on the cheap to promote literacy, while laundering money through that business.
I’ve also said this elsewhere, but gonna repeat: he patrols the cops. Follows them around and if he spots them engaging in brutality, well…the cops and press and Bruce would definitely demonize him every time a cop goes missing or gets the shit beat out of them, but he keeps his territory safe for EVERYONE.
If he's trying to help the neighborhood on the side...
Restaurant offering good food for cheap prices. Leftovers gets handed out to the homeless at the end of the day.
Grocery store could work the same way.
Daycare center. Daycares are stupid expensive in the US afaik, and reliable childcare would let parents get better legal jobs.
Car repair doubling as a chop-shop for the cars of rich assholes (hello Batmobile tires!). Cheap car repair is also good for the community, since having transportation is critcal for getting many jobs.
Some kind of entertainment place (strip club maybe?) that doubles as a brothel on the DL. Give the working girls a safe place with security ready to throw out any assholes. A cheap hotel/motel could work the same.
((Furiously compiling notes 📝))
Tim: the french have given us many good things
Dick: french toast
Damian and Jason, in unison: the guillotine
