Aester R. Holly: don't you hear it, too?

Before my persecuted I stand ashamed Before my life I turn disgusted

[aesterrholly]

The Rod

By Aester R Holly

Earliest memory, I was only 3.

It lingers hazy in my mind;

However,

I remember the flinch,

how I clenched my body.

I knew it like a name,

And I knew the pain like a pulse.

I prepared myself

While my father groped for that in reach.

A cutting board:

Brown, wooden,

Hard.

He swung,

And I waited for the sting.

That day, I learned mercy;

The mercy of a trusty tool.

It break at the handle,

And the pain felt mild.

I breathed a sigh.

Then, my father grabbed a spoon.

[aesterrholly]

Rust

By Aester R. Holly

Tin man,

I'm left out to the weather.

My hands clutching the axe;

My eyes staring at the tree,

But I can not move.

I can not complete my task.

Once, I worked without fail.

My metal glimmered in the sun.

Once, I was young.

How I long to be there once more.

I pray for oil,

Not the pocket change to pay it;

I don't want to work,

Not like this.

It hurts too bad.

I can't move

But that doesn't make me money.

The rust eats at me each day;

I can't do anything,

But I must;

I must eat;

I must work;

I must survive.

Grind my joints,

I must survive.

Then, I find myself envious.

The older models are fine;

They hum without fail;

They worry solely for tarnish

When my metal's half gone.

My screws are loose;

Bolts stripped down.

I can't bare to grip my axe

Lest my fingers fall away.

Wizard, send me oil;

Wizard, send them rain;

Wizard, what good is a heart

When the body can't support it?

[aesterrholly]

Miasma

By Aester R Holly

I hack.

I pray.

I cry.

The air around me made real;

Particles which I opened myself to.

They settled in my lungs–

They made me sick,

But I am untouched.

He never touched me.

We only spoke.

It was an instant.

I’ve survived greater exposure…

I’ve greeted greater festering,

But in this I became unclean

In an instant,

He made me changed.

Was it he?

He who sunk into chair with age?

No threat to me he made,

But to the status of others;

In that, I became victim.

They zeroed in,

My testimony made gospel

And like gospel, unheard.

I became witness to a man I barely knew;

I became shield to innocence

While mine remained debated.

Untouched, am I,

But forever filled with unclean air.

[aesterrholly]

The Doubter

By Aester R. Holly

Was his deadly sin "denial"?

The reluctance of his belief a fatal flaw?

Such hamartia, grief for a friend;

He is forever stained "Doubting Thomas".

We teach the tale to our children

For "to doubt" is sin

And the sin is born of church defection.

No greater study needed:

It keeps them worshipping;

It keeps them in place;

It treads dangerously toward "cultish".

Doubt is a biblical principle,

As free will is stated within Deuteronomy.

If we were never to doubt,

We would never believe.

It's a strive for understanding—

A marvelous piece in being human:

The complexity we so shun;

It proves our devotion,

as it had for Thomas.

May we be doubters who do not cower,

So that we may search for the truth

And live not the lie:

Good Christians never ask "why".

[aesterrholly]

If God is what we see around us,

Then I'm intoxicated with the god of something abundant and green;

Where the trees tower and plains flow,

When the water gives life,

And I know there is hope;

For this is God.

But all I see now is Neit;

And there is no Morrigan in this god.

It's the god of man;

I am made sick.

[aesterrholly]

Mercy and Trust

By Aester R. Holly

In the presence of Mercy,

There is Trust;

In the presence of Trust,

There is Mercy.

To think of it as one and another

Undermines the whole scenario,

For we all dwell in Mercy

Every instance we give Trust.

When we walk the mortal coil,

We are at the mercy of Fate

and trust she be kind each morning.

When the sailor rides wild seas,

He hopes the waves have mercy

and trusts they'll carry him home.

When the driver takes to suburban waters,

She's convinced that others have mercy

and found a mutual trust.

When the baby puts a foot forward,

Mercy comes at the hands of a parent

and Trust follows until the body fails.

However,

When I trust, I'm at one's mercy

And that scares me to death.

Because when I trust my eyes,

They catch movement never there;

When I trust my nose,

I makes my head spin;

When I trust my touch,

It only responds to pain;

And when I trust man,

I cling so tight

and I ball my eyes out,

Since it's the closest I can get

To the one known as God.

The presence of Mercy

Means that there's also Trust;

And, when they come together,

They are Faith.

[aesterrholly]

Dairy Isle

By Aester R. Holly

To gaze upon us in the melting pot of culture,

You'd find a bubbling mass of assorted cheese.

English,

Scottish,

Irish,

Welsh,

German,

French,

Scandinavian,

And the like;

You can hardly tell us apart.

So, we are cheese.

But then there's a visible discoloration:

Red.

From the hair on my head and others,

You finally discern origin,

Yet I can't tell you why.

We're lost in the sea of dairy

Proceed by a system calling us all cheddar

For we could only be cheddar.

They stole all our cattle and sheep

Leaving our pastures empty;

They took the calves and lambs

to feed them English grass;

They killed our cows and ewes

through the binding brand;

They forced us to pay for cheddar.

I can't tell you why I'm a Highland Heifer

or how I ended up with Longhorns,

But I wish I could go back;

I wish I could know more;

I want to study who I could've been

And produce Crowdie, Cashel Blue, and Bierkase

Instead of Kraft Cheddar Singles.

[aesterrholly]

My Voluptuous Lover

By Aester R. Holly

If I had a lover,

who's size surpassed the rest,

I find myself lucky

For what's to lose when there's excess?

No bones will serve to puncture me,

for I am Ruler rich in flesh.

As long as my lover is healthy,

And she serves to me sweetened smiles,

I will love her curves as vikings did

For she be my fair maiden,

That lone piece of home drawn isles.

Nor will I hide from her steps

as she's the goddess making my world quake;

I'm left bow-legged and tumbling to her pace.

I bare myself to her, all but utmost physically,

to take in those vibrantions;

May she make my intestines shake.

My pump, round, exceeding darling,

I want you to make my intestines shake.

[aesterrholly]

Signature Book

by Aester R. Holly

In retrospect, I'll see you as ingenuity:

A response to ends unmet;

So that father sorrows not,

And I have at least one memory forever.

A book bought blank: the bargain

Of an experience crucial.

But now, in this present moment,

I think of you and my heart breaks

Because you are only a thought;

And I want you here, so that I'm included.

I have plans but that most sullen father,

He keeps you from me.

Was his conscience ever tormented?

Is he too distracted in his age?

When I think about you,

I want to cry

For you aren't here in my grasp,

And I can't construct you to beauty;

So that I may be distracted in my own right

From the fact that I'm alone,

And will be, solely surrounded by ink.

Why can't have you?

Why can't I cherish memory?

[aesterrholly]

Not just a Homemaker, But a Mother, too

by Aester R. Holly

Oh, we see you more than maker

Of home which you reside in but neigh

That you never lived in,

Where you slave to a coast.

The men and children's host-

Is this your sole duty?

No, because you are Mother:

Mother of children, possibly husband, too.

When heavy with bump at morning,

You sit in pleased fawning

As they grope, pet, and caress

After hours of your husband's likewise press.

It finally shows, the pride of your life.

The moment it truly starts

Is when another begins in you.

Then your child comes, and more after;

They make you fulfilled, mother.

Now you exist,

For they can truly define you better:

Mommy put to the test.

When a good mother,

You are patient, even tempered;

You care without complaint;

You tend without groaning.

Cleaning, folding, and playing,

You're the perfect mother

For your children say so.

But, that's not true,

That's not you.

Because you are a bad mother,

Who cries in pain and stress;

Who scolds her children;

Who never wanted them to begin

Because they told you

That women aren't people

Til they come pregnant;

And by God,

You just want to be known.

So, you are bad mother

For your children know-so.

They know you not as homemaker

Nor see you as mother,

But understand you are person;

That label which fits you better:

Human.

[aesterrholly]

Effort

by Aester R. Holly

Jamming

Our fingers

In

to

Rocks

They jab back

But we carry on

Grappling

Climbing

Towards Summit

Dusty

Dry

Sweaty

Slipping

But we fight

Until our heads peek over

Til our bodies roll to level ground

And we find water

A puddle, crystal blue

We cup our shaky hands

And

drip

drops

to

our

Cracked lips

It tastes like copper

Tangs like salt

But it is the best we've ever had

And we meet in loving kiss

For we had made it here

We found victory

[aesterrholly]

Taunt Strings Twang

By Aester R. Holly

Tethered tight to me,

We strum together the perefect melody.

Major cord pulled minor,

Our sound changes so subtly.

Never coiled,

We sit at different ends.

The spectrum is broad,

But my field is narrow;

We can not meet,

so it is best to remain friends.

Yet, I love you.

Sure our song's a bit different,

But so are we instruments.

A mist the simple cord progression,

You miss my minor 7th;

It's out shone by my major 6th.

We play on in harmony

As the tones pull away.

We are nearing the point of no return.

When the snap echos in slow beating,

And our melody bare no repeating.

[aesterrholly]

baptist-church: VC 1

by Aester R. Holly

Call began: 1st Century CE

Jesus Christ entered the chat

Peter entered the chat

James entered the chat

John entered the chat

Phillip entered the chat

Judas Iscariot entered the chat

Matthew entered the chat

Thomas entered the chat

James entered the chat

Bartholomew entered the chat

Jude entered the chat

Simon entered the chat

Simple server, call between friends:

What’s for lunch? Any dinner plans?

Where are we going?

Has anyone seen @JesusChrist?

Where are we meeting Saturday?

Who’s bringing what?

@JudasIscariot what have you done?

Jesus left the chat

Judas left the chat

Jesus entered the chat

Jesus left the chat

Amist it all, the invites flowed,

And added unto the server were 3,000;

And the number then grew.

It swelled, sunk, and soared once more.

Then, the chat shattered:

Broken into pieces, factions,

Denominations.

All in one call,

The people grew loud,

Hiding in their chat room

When they began to swoon

To side who saw momentary reason;

The call became thunderous.

We are correct:

You are corrupt.

We know best:

You know nothing.

Lord help them:

Master punish them.

“Punish them”:

The resonant cry

Of Christian’s call.

It is the point of commonality,

Where all find community;

So the call rings, too.

Punish the sinner;

Punish the thinner;

Punish the poor;

Punish the whore;

Punish the queer;

Punish the jew;

But never me and you.

God left the church

And the call continues on

Not knowing what’s now gone.

[aesterrholly]

"Vapor", Son of Adam

By Aester R. Holly

Like little Mary, mother blessed;

Little brother, first to rest

in blood spilt from a wound,

the one who died too soon.

Who were you shepard boy

But God’s little pride and joy.

Jealousy

Envy

He laid his hands on you

and brought you swift to brother’s end.

Did his actions look familar?

Years of watching each delivery to divinity,

He became expert.

Did he use a rock?

Pulled back to thrust forward,

As many times he needed.

Did he hold you tight?

Like keeping the lambs,

He made sure you wouldn’t fight.

You knew death

So you knew yours, too.

Pain and agony of your sheep

made you wonder, in sinking rest,

Will you see the land so blessed?

[aesterrholly]

I need Mary Shelley like- carnally

At this moment

I'd let her hit it

I want her to hit it

Deadass

[aesterrholly]

Fuck it, We Ball

By Aester R Holly

Hardships and trials--

Temptations and tribulations!

Lord, you give me all,

Of which I can handle--

Of which I can stomach;

But here I stand,

Drenched in sweat and tears,

Shaking, rattling

From hunger and desperation.

I say to you, Father,

"What if I have no more balls?"

[aesterrholly]

Years Left Unpromised

by Aester R Holly

How can I plan without promise?

What should I envision in the mirage

Of life laid before me;

A life I was never guaranteed.

“Oh He is coming soon

This world will be over at noon.”

So say the greying men at pulpits,

who gain wives

And lived lives

That soon come to a natural end.

They are satisfied.

They are open to a second coming;

for it is better to be taken

Than to wait for death.

They are able to state

A proclamation of completion.

But what of us?

We, the youth, but lived an instant.

How can we blindly accept

That final statement?

What if he never breaths his first breath

to blow out his first candle?

What if they never learn the alphabet

to write their own names?

What if she never falls in love

to have her first kiss?

What if you never get a job

to buy your first car?

What if I never graduate?

In these years left unpromised,

What if I never graduate?