Aetherium

clusterfuck autistic system rants, vents and other stuff

[aetherium-soul]

Hello!

I am Aetherium, a 21 year old autistic C-DID system who suffers from multiple PDs (primarily PPD, NPD + AvPD) and decided to make this blog to have a place where I can rant to my heart's desire. And trust me, I rant a lot. Expect many text walls.

I don't know if I want to do anything else with this blog, I am very new to tumblr and still figuring things out. This whole thing might be very disorganised.

I am open to questions about my lived experience (ask me all the questions, whether it's about my disorders or just life/myself, doesn't matter, makes me feel like a micro celebrity lmao).

I appreciate any suggestions about what I can use this blog for, and if there are none, it'll likely remain kind of an irregular diary/journal.

I don't know if anyone will even see this but if so, nice to have you here and I hope I won't bore you to death with my rambles.

That's all for now, bye :)

DNI:

Everyone under 16

Radqueers/TransIDs

Pro contact harmful paras

Endos/Polyminds/anyone who spreads misinformation on DID (as of now we still have reblogs from pro endo blogs on our page, that is due to a technical issue which we still need to resolve, we can't seem to easily delete them)

People who believe that having a disorder makes a person abusive

Just be decent and we'll get along lol

[aetherium-soul]

Y'all.

Since SP is probably going to shut down eventually, Octocon too (although I could never figure out the workload of the transfer anyway) and Ampersand is dying already at the amount of sorting tags I'm creating while not having a single alter logged...

Any alternatives that work for a polyfragmented system who wants to log every single thing separately?

I had an extremely exhaustive folder system in my SP (probably 1k in total, Ampersand started increasing in loading time at "only" 300), and I currently have above 200 alters logged with potential for it to become more.

I'm thinking about just building an excel chart, but even that will be extremely difficult with the amount of stuff I want to track.

So yeah, I need functional alternatives.

[questions-about-blorbos]

Could you win against your Blorbo in a hand-to-hand combat?

Yes, I could win against my Blorbo

No. My Blorbo would win

Voting ended onMar 13

Every poll on this blog is about fictional characters only. This request was sent to us and we made a poll in response to it. Send any Blorbo-related question you want to our inbox and we’ll make a poll on which people can vote with their own Blorbos in minds

[aetherium-soul]

He's not even good at hand to hand combat... but I am worse at it. Plus he has the advantage of having a literal symbiotic entity within him that enhances his reflexes and intuition lol.

[catadromously]

the kids aren’t cooked, you just need to hang out with them in the woods.

[catadromously]

I mean you meet these young people trapped in their classrooms or nuclear families in paved over neighborhoods, you are going to see them at the lowest points of forced routine, atomization, gutted autonomy, academic stress, you are going to see them at their worst. you’re going to see addictive behavior. bad social skills. lashing out. uncreativity. laziness and distraction. they do look totally cooked.

you need to take them into the woods

I do outdoor education work, and within minutes of any elementary to middle schooler getting free permission to mess around with their friends in a clearing, they’re curious and driven again. they’re asking each other questions and yeeting pinecones at trees (science) and using their bodies. sometimes for evil. as is developmentally right. they want to know the names of birds! they want to teach someone pokemon! they want to build stuff and kick stuff and tackle each other and you into the snow!

they’re basically fucking institutionalized for 90% of their lives but their spirits are alive. you need to take them into the woods you need to treat them like animals with powerful inner lives and they’ll show you they are.

and you, if you feel like you’re relating too much, remember that you can also take YOURSELF to the woods

[aetherium-soul]

Sometimes I wonder whether or not I've been posted on r/systemscringe before, because a friend of mine (medically recognized DID btw) has been accused of faking there, and we both don't really give a shit about what we post so it isn't even that unlikely that I was posted there too.

And then I shake my head and move on with my day because I literally have also been medically recognized with DID by my current therapist, am seeking full diagnosis (which btw is really fucking hard to find a clinician for, who's qualified for that and accepts people without them having private health insurance or paying out of pocket... people always act like it's so easy).

And strangers on the internet can only be wrong if they assume they know better about my mental disorders than my clinicians from reading a few online posts that are partly intentional engagement bait, partly attempts to connect/relate to the world, partly unfunny jokes I'm making on purpose and partly random anecdotes from my life (including DID related moments because, newsflash, this disorder impacts me 24/7!!!).

If people think I'm oh so cringe, they can block and protect their peace from my accounts. I share what I want to share and I don't share what I don't want to share and it's nobody's business except my own.

Anyways fuck everyone who has fun bullying people on the internet for having or not having a disorder. Really speaks of maturity and all.

I don't know if some of y'all view yourselves as "activists standing up for real people with DID by calling out the fakes" but you sure as hell are not, given how many times "real people with DID" end up posted on that subreddit.

Word of advice: If I think a person may be wrong about suspecting DID in themselves or might even be faking it, I don't post them on the internet to have them be made fun of. If I'm close to them, I have a conversation with them to clarify things. If not, and their behaviour bothers me, I know where the block button is.

That's how easy it is to live and let live. Surprised that some of you don't seem to understand that concept. You're not going to stop fakers from faking by bullying them online. And generally, if you believe that bullying of all things is a good and justified thing to do, even if "only in some situations", I fear for your moral compass and the people living around you. People kill themselves from being bullied. Most commonly children, and especially children who have no adequate support (which people with DID rarely have, especially not if they are still children). And yes, cyberbullying counts.

Anyways. Think that's it for now. Woke up in a mood for ranting, so I did.

Aeth out.

[aetherium-soul]

I've seen enough lack of media literacy and critical thinking skills today. Leaving to another galaxy.

Anyways this is a safe space for everyone who can tell apart fiction and reality and understands that roleplaying as a villain with fucked up views etc. doesn't mean that the person behind the character shares these views.

Aeth out.

[aetherium-soul]

Imagine trying to get evaluated for DID and then, after two years of talk therapy and no proper evaluation, you receive the diagnosis "multiple personality (disorder)".

So not only did my psych use an outdated term, no, he also called me a non-disordered system. And told me to my face at some point that he didn't believe I was traumatized (but he still put PTSD on the diagnosis list anyway).

Thanks I guess????

I surely hope the clinic I'll be going to knows what to do with that "diagnosis" and can actually treat my DID.

[so3cially-challenged]

Decided to make my own blog because why not.

Hey, I'm Remyn, 24, from the Emberfield subsystem in Aetherium ( @aetherium-soul ), I'm the host of both my subsystem as also the whole system. I also run @ask-a-narc lmao.

I've been getting back into typology recently and while it can be quite painful and confusing, I guess I do like to self reflect and grow with the help of that.

My current typology (incomplete and probably influenced by my subsystem, therefore contains contradictions) is:

LSE so/sp 3(w4)78 EFVL rLu[E]/N/

Our system's base typology is sp/so 6(w5)41 ELVF, we don't define it further than that because it is impossible. We frequently have periods during which we act more like a so/sx 4(w5)61 instead and have typed as that for a long time before moving to type sp6.

I don't have a strict DNI for this blog. Don't be 16 and under (we're bodily 21), don't be a bigot, don't be ableist, you get the gist. We're autistic and have NPD + AvPD which will affect the way I communicate. Be mindful of that.

Primarily looking for the typology community on Tumblr and this blog will be primarily about typology and self reflection/exploration.

[aetherium-soul]

Made my own blog, it's typology centered

- Remyn

[aetherium-soul]

So tired of asking people something, wanting to brainstorm together and then two minutes later receive a long response that sounds like Chat GPT, misses 80% of the point and idk man...

If I want to ask an AI, I'll do it. I asked humans though.

And yes, bla bla, don't assume someone used AI unless you have proof, but these people have frequently used AI in the past and pretended it was theirs, admitted to it when they got called out on it and I'm sick and tired of it.

I genuinely don't care if people, on their own, use AI for things. None of my business. But if I ask humans for help and get some AI response I could've just generated myself, that's when it becomes my business.

It feels like I'm not even worth that people use their brains for me. And that is an awful feeling.

Not to mention that I already know that these people can't really stand me and view me as beneath them. And they are the damn admins of the server that this is happening in and since I do want to be a part of the community (not theirs, just the community itself), I need to keep my mouth shut about things that piss me off.

Oh well. Whatever. Didn't blow up on them, surprisingly, managed to fawn my way through this while still criticising the lack of quality in the response they gave me.

Anyways. Don't give two shits about people using AI for things. But at the very least, rewrite it so I don't have to know that I didn't get a human response. Obviously it's better if you just use your damn brain, do proper research... but I guess you can't expect that from people anymore nowadays.

[aetherium-soul]

Also while I'm at it... and since I just remembered that this discourse exists...

I'd rather know that someone is reading/writing tons of proship/darkship/whatever (doesn't even need to be ship lol, can also just be violence/abuse centered etc.) to cope instead of coping by actually doing harm to others or getting themselves into dangerous situations.

Fiction doesn't hurt real people. Actions do.

I used to be a "don't like, don't read" person and then was pushed towards being heavily anti-fiction by the outrage about "problematic fiction" and then I realized that it literally doesn't matter what gets written and what doesn't except that the people who use it to cope would need other ways to cope if they can't write their fiction and depending on the issue that can get difficult to find.

Yes, there may be awful people who seek out that specific fiction to get off on it, you can't prevent that from happening, but even if: I'd rather know someone who would be willing to hurt a real person is reading proship than hurting that real person.

By the way, do you want to forbid authors to write morally fucked up stuff now? Like do you want to ruin the horror/thriller genre etc. by forbidding all that? Because that's where this is going.

Fiction literally exists to explore themes that aren't possible in the real world. That includes themes that shouldn't be happening in the real world because they're inhumane, etc..

Make sure minors don't see it and it's tagged accordingly (if you do end up publishing it) and do whatever the hell you want.

[aetherium-soul]

One thing I've never understood while in DID spaces is how many people genuinely care about sources, especially fictive sources. Like... I can be sourced from whatever and still not act like that character/person at all? Knowing my source does literally nothing for you except create an image in your head of how I "could"/"should" be.

And then some spaces banning "problematic" sources. As if systems had much of a choice what they split and had absolutely no choice but be problematic and hurt others if they split introjects from problematic sources.

Guess what, I have a source many might consider problematic. No, I don't run around telling everyone what it is unless they find out by circumstance. No, you can't guess it from interacting with me, not from my name, not from my profile picture, nothing (so even if my source was some well known historical figure (*cough* yknow who I mean) I WOULDN'T FUCKING GO AROUND TELLING OTHERS BECAUSE I HAVE SOME SOCIAL AWARENESS OF WHAT'S APPROPRIATE AND WHAT'S NOT.

Yes, I have issues that my source has that have no place in this world. No, I'm not the same morally fucked up person that my source is, so I will not act on said issues and instead work on them (on my own, and also in therapy if I ever find a therapist who I trust enough). My source has done awful things to people. Doesn't mean I will.

It's pissing me off to see how much introjects are reduced to their source in this community when they're literally just one brain's interpretation of a character or a real person or whatever else (because song/concept/etc introjects also exist btw, it's not just fictives and factives).

We have many introjects who are nothing like their source. We don't want to be treated like our sources, either. We don't need "source calls" or whatever (we're not going to treat complete strangers like friends or even potential partners just because they have an alter of a "sourcemate"... that just sounds so absurd to us).

If anything, we need therapy for the things that we carry within ourselves that caused us to exist in the first place. Because that's the only fucking part where sources might become important. Because they contained something that the brain either needed or that was already present and couldn't be coped with. And that goes for every single type of introject, type of alter even, regardless of the actual source.

Thanks for listening. Remyn out.

[aetherium-soul]

Nobody:

Me: *drags out a scene in a roleplay for an excessive amount of time to get everything right that is going through the characters mind* (he had extreme decision paralysis due to fighting his childhood conditioning to try and make the right decision)

And then afterwards realising how healing it was that the scene ended well because damn I experience that shit too often with it not ending well.

Plus the fact that my roleplay partner was alright with my way of writing the scene instead of getting frustrated because it "could be unrealistic/exaggerated". Made feel super validated.

And only then realising that I'd been projecting onto my character this whole time. And that's why I feel so validated.

Oops.

[aetherium-soul]

Recently got back into roleplaying due to the launch of OCSN. Then switched to discord with some people because the app has such a low character limit per post *sobs*

Turns out one of the people I'm rp'ing on discord with now is a 1-5 sentences person, and turns out I went from being a 1-2 paragraph person to being a 6-8 paragraph person. Oops.

Anyways this is good practice in creative writing that I haven't had in years. Since I want to write my own book eventually, I really need this. I've especially noticed that I struggle to give side characters more than 1-2 defining traits and reduce them to those. Time to practice making them full people lmao

It's just quite frustrating to not get the same effort back (I told my current rp partner and at least they are trying to give me more to work with now).

Anyways if anyone is up for roleplay that may or may not involve heavy themes (violence wise), potential dead dove: do not eat, and can either be Marvel themed or completely original, hmu!! Currently have two OCs who I love to roleplay as (one is the leader of a global mutant rebellion, the other is a HYDRA experiment/agent (with potential for redemption if he meets the right people).

I don't really have many requirements. I write in a regular storytelling style, don't care too much about yours, I'd like to see at least 1-2 paragraphs from my partner per post (unless there's literally nothing else to write about, and I won't be mad if you can't always do that). No controlling each others' characters, proper communication when we want significant changes/events in the story or if we have a problem with the other person's ideas etc. (that's so important ngl).

[aetherium-soul]

I don't care how cringe some might think it is, but as an OC introject I genuinely enjoy roleplaying as my source. I need to heavily source separate IRL since I'm host, but fiction has become my favourite outlet.

- Remyn

[bpdmaxxer]

[aetherium-soul]

me when it was super easy to find out I had NPD and it took me a whole year longer to realize I had AvPD as well

[plural-questioning]

Question: Do you have any subsystems? If so, how'd you go about figuring them out, etc? (basically, tell us whatever you want about them!)

question 110:

[aetherium-soul]

We have many subsystems.

The way we figure them out is that usually they realize themselves that they show symptoms of DID on their own aside from being part of the big system. For example that they fluctuate in age, gender, primary emotion... Many of our subsystems are alters at different ages or in different versions (for example A2 who is relatively unemotional has different parts that hold different emotions, plus a child part).

[plural-questioning]

On simply plural (if it's used) do all members use the same kind of template/layouts or is everyone allowed some creative freedom for profiles?

question 105:

[aetherium-soul]

We used to give everyone creative freedom but it ended with nobody caring enough to put any info in at all, so now we have a template that is used. We don't like it anyway when things wildly differ.