Coffee, Toast, and Disenchantment

39 he/they gay AuDHD

[sg1]

SG1'S 1K CELEBRATION ☆ Anonymous requested ↳ A Radek Zelenka and Evan Lorne set

[merainytwo]

I have a question

who would you vote for in the Clacton bi election.

Count binface

Nigel farage

Voting ended onJul 16

@spence-does-life @nightwingdickrider

You obviously do not have to be a UK or Clacton citizen to do this poll it's not the actual bi election.

I just want to see what the world thinks

Please reblog

[the-clacton-affair]

[penny-anna]

okay, for those interested, here is a full timeline of how we got to Count Binface:

1977: Star Wars is released, featuring, of course, Darth Vader

(Pictured: Darth Vader)

1984: Director Todd Durham releases his Star Wars parody movie, Hyperspace, featuring Darth Vader inspired villain Lord Buckethead.

(Pictured: Hyperspace poster featuring two Jawa-esque aliens flying through space in a shopping trolley.)

1987: Hyperspace is released on video in the UK, under the new title Gremloids.

(Pictured: Gremloids cover in the style of the original Star Wars poster, featuring Lord Buckethead.)

To promote the film, Mike Lee, the owner of the distributing company, ran for parliament as Lord Buckethead. He ran in Margaret Thatcher's constituency, Finchley, in order to get on TV. Lord Buckethead was representing the Gremloids party.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with Margaret Thatcher.)

1992: Gremloids is re-released. Lord Buckethead rides again, this time against prime minister John Major in Huntingdon. (Here's a fun fact about Huntingdon: I was born there! :D) 87/92 Buckethead seems to have leaned pretty hard into the space supervillain thing, with campaign promises including 'demolish Birmingham to build a spaceport'.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with John Major. Other notable candidates include Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.)

2017: comedian Jon Harvey, having recently watched Gremloids and learned of Lord Buckethead's candidacy for parliament, decides it's a great bit. He runs against Theresa May in Maidenhead. 2017 Buckethead seems to have a wackier and also more political approach, with campaign promises ranging from nonsense like 'nationalise Adele' to gesturing at actually sensible policies with stuff like 'lower the voting age to 16 and restrict voting after age 80'.

He also made an appearance on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. As with his previous incarnation, he was a member of the Gremloids party.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead dabbing on stage with Theresa May.)

2018: Director Todd Durham asserts his legal ownership of Lord Buckethead. Jon Harvey opted not to go to court over Buckethead and handed over the reins. Todd Durham extended an invitation to anyone who wanted to be the 'authorised' Lord Buckethead.

(Pictured: the new Lord Buckethead.)

2019: Lord Buckethead, now played by journalist David Hughes, stood against Boris Johnson in Uxbridge and South Ruislip. He ran for the Monster Raving Loony Party, the UK's pre-existing gag candidate party. He ran with a similarly silly manifesto as the 2017 incarnation, but with a bit less of a political edge. His promises included 'All doorways to be increased by 1 foot (30 cm) in height' and 'Nigel Farage to be sold for parts'.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead and Count Binface square up.)

Meanwhile, Jon Harvey in his new persona Count Binface, also ran against Boris Johnson. Buckethead and Binface face off! Binface ran as an independent with a manifesto once again blending silly and semi-serious promises such as 'nationalising model railways' and 'giving £1 trillion a week to the NHS'. This was also I believe the debut of his promise to 'move the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a more sensible position'.

(Pictured: Count Binface presenting the offending hand dryer, inconveniently close to both the sink and the urinals.)

He has a point.

2021: Count Binface runs for the position of Mayor of London for the first time, with promises such as 'London to join the European Union'. He notably finished ahead of far right party UKIP.

2023: Count Binface runs in the Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election following Boris Johnson's resignation. He once again gets more votes than UKIP.

May 2024: Count Binface once again runs to be Mayor of London, debuting his now iconic 'build at least one affordable house' promise. Notably, he finished ahead of far right party Britain First.

(Pictured: Count Binface with Rishi Sunak. Also pictured: Monster Raving Loony Party candidate Sir Archibald Stanton with a ventriloquist's dummy.)

July 2024: Count Binface stands in the general election, running in Richmond and Northallerton against prime minister Rishi Sunak. He debuts his promise to cap the price of 99p flakes at 99p. This is his most successful election to date with 308 votes.

(Pictured: Count Binface with Andy Burnham. Also pictured: independent candidate Robert Pownell, dressed as a fox for his own reasons.)

June 2026: Count Binface stands in the Makerfield by-election against Andy Burnham, (recently) former Mayor of Manchester running for parliament with the intention of standing in the Labour Party leadership contest.

(Pictured: Count Binface on BBC's Newsnight.)

July 2026 (this week): Count Binface announces his intention to run against Nigel Farage in the upcoming Clacton by-election. He is briefly the only other candidate in the race and by the time other candidates announce themselves the narrative of 'Nigel Farage vs Count Binface' has already bedded in. And then it was now, and then I don't know what happened.

[kingcatnine]

reminding everyone to wear sunscreen because the sun is a deadly laser: 😁😊

having to spend 10 minutes slathering yourself in grease just to safely be outside in the sun for 20 minutes. because the sun is a deadly laser: 😐👎

[theconcealedweapon]

[agentmilocade]

I remember my dad being *disgruntled* when my sister (at 15) brought home a boyfriend (also 15) who'd already fathered a child.

He was even *grumpier* when (at 16) her new boyfriend needed driving home urgently when they realised the time in relation to his curfew and ankle tag.

But he wasn't outright *furious* until she introduced a mixed race boyfriend at 17.

The next boyfriend was German, which he didn't like, but accepted as a step up from non-caucasian.

He miserably told me the only way I could outdo her, was if I brought home a *anti-Semitic slur for a Tottenham Hotspurs fan* girl.

In the greatest "hold my beer" moment of my life, I went ahead and accidentally fell in love with a Spurs fan... who was also male 😆😂🤣

[hungrymilliek]

So. Ipsos UK put out a poll in the Clacton by-election. For my fellow non-Brits, that's the one that Nigel Farage triggered by resigning in order to try and avoid a corruption probe, where his main opponent is a man with a trash can on his head.

And. Well.

I see it's going swimmingly for him.

Legitimately, how shit do you have to be to run third in a two candidate race?

[anarchic-miscellany]

It's important to note that Nigel Farage has already lost this. His goal at the beginning of the year was to market his assortment of scumbags, grifters, liars, weirdos, plagiarists, racists, wankers, losers (and in the case of MattGPT Goodwin: all of the above) and fuckholes into a "sensible future government", his biggest member other than him being "Consistently Wrong and Terrified of Children's Drawings" rat from a sinking ship Robert Jenrick. It was going to be an uphill battle. His second goal was to buy legitimacy with the public by stating that "the elites were out to get him, and he'd have the people on his side" by winning a by-election he called himself after an investigation into bribery was launched. Everybody, even shit-for-brains and back-up-against-the-wall Kemi Badenoch (having lost her "best" operative to a defection to Reform... that husk of a person being Robert Jenrick... she was also going to have an uphill battle) has seen this for what it was and stepped aside. Farage is claiming "harassment" of his family is causing him to throw this pissy fit. The "harassment" in question is a single journalist turning up at his 3rd property at lunchtime, knocking on the door, and leaving when nobody answers. When utterly debauched waste of life Jeremy Hunt - remember him?- (wheeled out of his den to be a vacuous talking head) manages to score a zinger by pointing out how fucking weak he is due to Hunt having to endure round-the-clock helicopters and daily reporter barrages (rightly so) in his tenure as a minister fucking the NHS raw, it fucking kills me to agree with the cunt. Would you want Farage in government if he folds like a fucking origami shit-bird? Nige is now taking the "fight to the establishment" and fighting a shit-poster in a bin. He's going to be remembered as the guy who lost votes to a bin. Even if he wins, he had to fight a bin to get the votes. Liz Truss will inevitably breathe some weapons' grade cringe into this.

[rhube]

Is Tumblr aware of Count Binface, current hope for our nation?

Let me explain:

Grotesque fascist grifter, Nigel Farage, is the leader of Reform, the racist far right party he created because UKIP got what it wanted (Brexit) and it sucked.

Having tried and failed to be an MP many times (but somehow getting more screentime than any Liberal Democrat or Green politician), he finally succeeded in the last election because people were so overwhelmingly pissed off with the Conservatives, and many right-wing people saw Reform as the new Conservative Party; partly because it's full of rejects from the Conservative Party.

Speculation: he doesn't really want to be an MP, he wants to be a fascist grifter. He's annoyed by suggestions he do things like Be In His Constituency and Serve His Constituents.

He's recently been caught having accepted a VERY large amount of money from some unsavory people that he insists was a totally legitimate 'donation' and not breaking any rules.

Only it did break the rules and it's very clear that it did and things are in motion to hold him to account.

To avoid this, he has resigned as an MP, saying this is a protest at his treatment by the 'establisment' (he is a rich fascist grifter, but he likes to cosplay as a Man of the People). This has triggered a by-election, in which he is standing, with the hope that the people of his constituency will either elect him in a resounding win, indicating they don't care that he's corrupt (having not heard everything the investigation is uncovering), or someone from Labour or the Conservatives will win and he can swan off to America, free to grift again because of what the 'establishment' did to him.

Only, all the major political parties have agreed not to stand, stating openly that this is an obvious stunt and they won't legitimise it. So if he doesn't win, he can't say it was because he was too much of a rebel and the Establishment went against him, he'll just be a loser, which doesn't play too well with the right-wingers he wants to grift. And if he does get back in the investigation will go forward without any kind of 'mandate' from his constituency buoying him up.

But. There is another option.

COUNT BINFACE IS RUNNING.

Count Binface is part of the grand British tradition of joke candidates who stand as a protest option. They usually don't get enough votes to get their deposit back (which is supposed to deter unserious people) but they don't care, because DEMOCRACY.

Of course, Count Binface has never won, but it is hilarious to see a completely serious pathetic fascist concede defeat while standing next to a man with a bin on his head to whom they are democratically equal.

But if nobody else is standing. And if enough people in Clacton-on-Sea are finally cheesed off enough with Farage not doing anything for them, there is just a chance that one of the funniest things to ever happen in politics will happen.

Imagine. Imagine for just a moment that the Grotesque Fascist not only loses, but loses to Count Binface.

[agentmilocade]

Count Binface has some brilliant policies, too: he's pledged to cap the price of a croissant, campaign to get rid of VAR, get a 99 flake back down to 99p, and build at least one (1) affordable house.

And I genuinely believe he will actually have a good go at fulfilling his pledges if he wins.

Which is more than I can say for pretty much any other politician. Ever.

[jeffgerstmann]

If someone jerks me off with a puppet it counts as a threesome, right?

read your bible

[marsixm]

thanks!

[queer-as-city-folk]

Being a heterosexual doesn't mean you're normal, it means you're a bore

[queer-as-city-folk]

It's an uninspired and tactless choice

[queer-as-city-folk]

Consider being a dyke

[queer-as-city-folk]

Or a fag for that matter

[queer-as-city-folk]

Just choose something with a modicum of decorum, Heterosexuality is disgusting and joyless

[agentmilocade]

Imagine being Factory Settings and considering it an achievement or something.

[agentmilocade]

In 2025 the Netflix series Adolescence was met with wide praise. It was dark. It was terrifyingly realistic. I was still teaching at the time, and I could have pointed out 5 pupils I taught who I could believe capable of murder. We collectively shook our heads and muttered that we really ought to do something.

In 2026 a 14 year-old boy has been arrested for the murder of a 14 year-old girl.

Obviously this is not the first time this has happened, but it feels like TV drama is just a straight-up reflection of life now.

[agentmilocade]

Can I get me some of that whatsitcalled, "therapy"?

[wordfather]

idk if this is an usamerican thing or not but it always blows my mind as a small european country resident that yall have many names and types of apples???? what do you mean its not just red yellow or green??? why is it so complicated??? who is granny smith????

[wordfather]

'whats your favorite apple' 'red' 'no i mean like what type' '??????' actual conversatiom i've had with a mutual from usa

[wordfather]

THIRTY TWO??????

[phillyphillyphilly]

Listen that doesn’t even account for all the weird shit local farmers are getting up to.

May I present the best apple:

[wordfather]

the world is so big and beautiful

[agentmilocade]

The correct answer is "Pink Lady"

[funstyle]

I saw someone spell it "whimsicle" today. Like popsicle

[agentmilocade]

Whimsical is the adjective, whimsicle is the noun.

Example: That whimsicle is very whimsical!

[quakerjoe]

[bees-with-swords]

"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

[hearnoweevil]

Last year I finally had an excuse to illustrate this simple little Tumblr story I've had bookmarked forever for class.

I hope you like it :]