a million little pieces

like ballet dancers with crippled feet

[aliceinsomniac]

Love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, I'll be anybody you want me to be. Use me. Change me. I can be thin with big breasts and big hair. Take me apart. Make me into anything, but just love me. #invisiblemonsters #brandyalexander #thequeensupreme #art #photography #bodypositive

[aliceinsomniac]

- here is the secret that nobody knows words unspoken that wither my bones so in love with the art of decay...

[aliceinsomniac]

So convoluted I dream of you The way you make my heart pound & I can't get you out of my head I love you for your silence For the way you set my soul on fire & I hate you for it All the same I hate you for how I need you & I hate you because you're not here I hate you because he took everything that night & you never even tried To set it right I hate you because you walked away All those years ago Because you didn't stay & fight It splits my soul in half But I love you still Your smile, The taste of your lying lips I cannot forget I'll never find it in my heart to forgive So give me this fleeting moment A tangle of limbs Star kissed skin I don't want to fall in love again So you dream of me & maybe you'll know how it feels... In this lie I find divinity So blessed & sinfully pure.

[aliceinsomniac]

If I could have forever I would But this moment is enough

[aliceinsomniac]

Erotic & Divine

She lay supple & supine on the bed, big blue eyes watching me, trusting yet full of lust. Clad in black garter with red silk panties, erotic & so divine. I murmured her name under my breath as I drank in her appearance, loving how starkly enticing the red silk was against her soft white skin. Oh I could devour her completely, lose myself in her wilful embrace for days at a time with no reason or rhyme but to know every secret corner of her young perfect body, to have her writhing in bliss beneath my hands, knowing nothing but the ecstasy of my touch. I run one hand up her perfect white thigh, delighting in the smoothness of her silky white flesh, the little sparks of unbidden desire that flash in her eyes. I don't suppose she knows how beautiful she is to me in this moment. Skin flushed, the heady scent of her divine flower mingled with perfume, oh it was almost too much. My senses full to the brim, drunk on the exotic elixir that was her. Tonight she was mine, mine to enjoy. A vibrant dancing flame, so innocent even in the throes of passion. I could speak volumes into the dark curve of her ear, whisper for nights on end of the love I have for her, how every graceful sway of her hips & nimble footstep captured me completely. But it was a love unrequited. Adored by so many, her heart was a dark & secret thing, always kept closed. For tonight though, I could know her body as so few have. I could stroke & suckle, devouring her endless lust even as I fed its flame. Silently I worship her. Let me hold this moment in my memory forever. Her back arched, fingers grasping the sheets as she cries my name amidst the divine haze of her bliss. Legs spread, her graceful white knees encompassing me, like arches of silken marble. I longed to devour her. Cast aside all notions of being gentle, pour myself into her & lose myself in the sense of pure wonder she so readily & unknowingly evokes. I could sell my soul to know this every night, to have her here by my side. Her head thrown back in laughter as I'm brought to my knees by the graceful curve of her lily white throat. Botticelli himself couldn't capture the lovely serenity of her countenance, her blue eyes that could draw any man from afar, made all the more vivid by her fiery red hair & erotic rosebud mouth. I could write pages about her beauty & still it couldn't compare to the sight of her. Angels would bow before her, resplendent in their total worship. I loved her completely. She was a child of the stars, dancing in silken skirts woven in every colour of the sky, barefoot with her magnificent red hair flying around her, a beacon of purity & utter freedom. Painting wild landscapes in a whirling fury of colours & laughter, indigo child of the earth, bound only as the stars are bound. Nobody in this world could ever want to bring her harm, though she knows what it means to lose everything. There were some that would seek to enslave her, to keep her flame only for themselves even as it burns out but she is too quick to be caught. To know her heart as I know her body, that is what I truly desire. To have her by my side, to love her as she deserves. Cherish her, even as she has the world at her feet & sorrow in her young & noble heart. But at least I have this fleeting moment. For as long as my heart beats I'll remember the feel of her skin, how her eyes dance with innocence melded with an untouchable fire. Her unknowable heart, the feline curve to her cheek upon which I could plant a tender kiss for each day she has lived, & ten thousand more. Her delicate mouth, so gentle & ready to be kissed but always sharp & quick of wit. Rosebud lips from which honeyed words can drip as easily as venomous words that would break your heart. No, she is no fool. I claim her mouth with mine, unleashing a dark torrent of my need tinged with a touch of sadness that it can only be tonight, that after she has lost herself in my embrace time & time again she must slip away like a cherished phantom, back into the world she so briefly left to feed her eternal flame. The despair only sweetens the moment, heightening my need for her & driving me to claim her in rapture. This memory I will possess forever. Know you, I do not but I love you as the moon loves the stars. Tonight I will cross your bridge of sighs & walk through fire to stand before you, you so nimble & righteous in your beauty. Look into my soul with your shining eyes & find me pure of heart, wanting only to please you, to love you until I no longer draw breath. Know I would give up everything to be yours...

[aliceinsomniac]

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.

Left now feeling nothing
 In this moment The world will never make sense Torn Between the void or a chasm
Knowing or ignorance But only one is bliss. The veil of honesty fallen Now we must end. So I am drawn Into the other The nuances of understanding But fallen on deaf ears Give me true golden silence For a moment, a minute, a month, a year Collect my thoughts for me & send them in a ship in a bottle to the moon So I may know the feeling of being mentally empty At least until they come sailing back A blistering crash as worlds collide once more But only from one perspective Defined in these shadows The rise & the fall Only you’re waiting halfway Running now in these cold winter streets Pursuing my desperate dreams Your heart in one hand Truth in the other But I can only claim one as my own No savior to guide me now I am the leader, nobody to follow The future is so very uncertain. Inspired or disillusioned Awake or catatonic This is what lies before me With no other direction to go I choose to live To think, do more than just exist Our lives tell a story That isn’t finished yet We’re all just trying to escape Trying to find a way out. A way up. A way home.

[aliceinsomniac]

The Green Messiah & I at Gary Numan. Love love <3

[aliceinsomniac]

The sad state of the world.

So I was watching My Strange Addiction on YouTube & in this particular episode, a couple is addicted to coffee enemas. The first time I watched the episode I just found them weird, but after watching it a second time I realized it's beyond weird. I mean, how fucking white & spoilt can you get? This couple do it up to 4 times a day. They have particular ways & fucking blends of coffee they like to use, to FLUSH OUT THEIR GODDAMN ASS. What the fuck. They plan their lives around this bizarre habit, to the point they don't travel, work from home & don't leave the house for long periods of time. & the woman, she talks about how bad drinking coffee is for your body. Like putting it up your ass isn't? You're risking puncturing your rectum, not to mention it's like full of blood vessels & you're pumping them full of caffeine (which is waaaay worse for you, at least when you're drinking coffee it gets filtered by your liver & such). But I digress. These people believe it's beneficial, to the point they can't take a fucking shit without it. How lazy can you be? You can't even use your stomach muscles to take a shit!!!!! That's fucking disgusting, & a waste of coffee. You can't say that's normal. It really makes me just want to switch off the computer for a few hours & forget such shit head spoiled lazy rich people exist. -sigh-

[aliceinsomniac]

- Like worms on a hook That were plucked from the Heart of the bodies of gods That were rotting to DUST!!

[aliceinsomniac]

I saw Otep in Sydney last week & bought a shirt (& got to meet Otep, aww Yiss!) had a wonderful time seeing old friends from school, it's the first time we've all caught up in 4 years. It sucks living so far away from each other but it's nice to know that bond is still there. I had heaps of fun in Sydney, we went to the Chinese gardens & I fed giant Koi fish. They were beautiful, I surrendered to them & fed them pieces of fortune cookies. I'm really glad I went & had so much fun. The gig was fantastic, I'm so thankful I got the chance to see Otep before she stops recording/touring (super sad) :(. Anyways this photo was taken on the way to see a doctor about my wisdom tooth. I love long walks :)

[aliceinsomniac]

George! He thought I was going for a walk without him. Life has been happier since he's been here.

[aliceinsomniac]

Surrender

I surrender To this silence that descends I sought a meaning in emptiness & sold pieces of my soul for a means to an end Searching now for a vague sense of hope Something I can believe I reach for distant memories, a way to reverse the flow. Eternally feeding this illusionary need. Now is the choice between fight or flight, I can't keep watching through the fog. If I open my mind I know I'll find light. Show me the path that leads where I belong How much do I love this whirring in my ears? Since there is only one thing to love, & it cannot be you. The undercurrents of despair grew unseen over the years Plunging me now into a world of opaque blue. Remember me then, before the darkness came When the world still gleamed, & I could sleep. For now I'll keep trying to find my way & hope my scars don't run too deep. But I know that somehow I'll survive. I'm not lost. I'm still alive. But at what cost...

[aliceinsomniac]

Dinosaurs

So I'm hanging out, & it's been a great day. For most people, it's probably nothing to be excited about but whatever man. My life is pretty simple. I got a new bra, found out I dropped a dress size & a cup size (go me!) did my first work in like 2 years, helped people out, planned a trip to Albury, found out that The Red Paintings new album, The Revolution Is Never Coming is finally really actually coming. For real reals. (I'm sososo excited!!) Weeeee. Anyway, I digress. I feel like I'm finally getting to the point I want to be at, & now I can find out where I go from here. I've rediscovered my love for TOOL; is there anything more amazing in life than that? My head feels like it weighs a thousand million tons & I'm so sleepy tired happy excited. Laurie, if you're reading this (& I know you're out there in internets land somewhere) you owe me a visit & a painting! & white cats are following me again >.> It's been too long man, where you at? Haha. Onwards, & upwards. I'm gonna go & sleep now, & dream of strange things & shoes & ships & ceiling wax. Namasté Angelfaces <3

[aliceinsomniac]

Dreaming

This tiny moment Suspended, breathtakingly inconsequential The way you noticed all the little things When I looked into your eyes there was a silence so heavy So beautiful & I needed no words to capture the intensity To run someplace far away & forget time Travel through space Creating new worlds, & infinite moments. The way your voice holds my attention so completely Each word from your lips A perfect melody & it is already too late To save me from my fate Just tell me I exist...

[aliceinsomniac]

Fuck I want to run away. Somewhere, anywhere, just not here. I'm so tired of not sleeping. I can't write, I haven't picked up a brush in months. & I'm scared that when I do, I won't be able to do it anymore. I won't be able to make words flow & change, creating & invoking thoughts, memories. I won't be able to paint until I can't feel my hands. I know life wasn't meant to be easy but I just can't keep up with it. So much to worry about. Bills, employment, how much longer I'll have a place to live. & I'm lying to myself. I keep telling myself that I'm happy where I am & in love but none of its true. I want to be happy. I want to be all sunshiny again. I want to sleep more than a couple hours a night, if I'm lucky. I sound so fucking selfish. I want, I, I, I. I don't know what to do, or who to talk to. You are the only reason I'm still here, & I can't tell you. Everything about you makes me believe that maybe there is hope. You're different, you understand. Whenever I fall apart, you're always there to help me rebuild. & that's what I like most. You're always there when I need a smile with your wise words & good advice. Your soul burns bright, much brighter than anyone I've ever met before. Maybe one day I'll find the courage to tell you all these secrets that nobody knows. & maybe we'll create new worlds, ever expanding universes, things nobody has ever seen. Until then, I have my dreams. Goodnight, wherever you are..

[aliceinsomniac]

Down The Rabbit Hole

Further into this darkness I fall

Without a thought

As to how I'll get out again

& there is nothing but silence

On all sides

I don't care where I'm going

I'll just close my eyes

& hope it's somewhere better than here

So be my white rabbit

& take me to Wonderland

Show me how to love again.

We can create new universes

& paint the future

So many tomorrows,

The spark of promise

In my solitary thoughts,

I am forever.

[aliceinsomniac]

My Majestical Daily Life

So, I've just gotten back from 10 days in Tasmania, followed by a sporadic trip to Melbourne to see the wonderful green messiah, Trash McSweeney. It was only a 15 minute set (total balls man) but it was worth the trip. It was amazing to see Trash play acoustic & his voice was fucking incredible :) ! Afterwards we hung out & consumed copious amounts of beer & talked about art, life, animal rights, music, aliens, the human race & lots of other wonderful things. I had one of the best nights of my life. There was no negativity or bullshit, it was so simple & relaxed. So many people say don't meet your heroes, or favourite musicians because they're never what you expect but I couldn't be happier. This is what makes life worth living, the amazing people I meet & experiences we have. It's a fragment of time that fits the moment, a-spin & shining in the gravitational pull we all have on each other. Life is so very good right now, I hope that the rest of the year holds similar things. Namaste & goodnight angelfaces <3