š©µ avery cochrane š©µ
if i look back, i am lost
Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
h
hello vonnie
YOU ARE THE REASON
The Bowery Presents
Not today Justin
romaā
Game of Thrones Daily
#extradirty
Fai_Ryy
Show & Tell
No title available
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
š
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
Jimmy Eat World
oozey mess
izzy's playlists!
seen from Japan
seen from Germany
seen from TĆ¼rkiye
seen from Poland
seen from TĆ¼rkiye
seen from Austria
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Nepal
seen from United States
seen from TĆ¼rkiye
seen from Germany
seen from Singapore
seen from Malaysia
seen from Colombia
seen from United Kingdom
@alittleballofhappiness
i truly cannot relate to all these recent posts about not wanting to get a lot of notes on tumblr. i have been posting nothing but flops for the past twelve years and i want the engagement and empty validation for once. give me your notes then punks
i donāt take showers to get clean or relax i take showers to get baked like lasagne
I think now that queens dead they should have her stuffed and put on display in Cairo for the next 150 years.
BLAZE REJECTED MY POST WOW LOL
We'll make sure at least 100k people see it for free then.
The birds who live in my yard absolutely fucking love it when I finally cut the waist-high grass. āFuck yeah, grass salad snack,ā they think. āCut it up. Reveal those hidden seeds and bugs for us.ā
This site latches onto some weird things but āI cut the lawn today and the birds liked itā is not going to garner a massive public response even on Tumblr.
Could a mentally ill person do this ? *sends three emails*
So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled ābig crystal,ā as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This
And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.
So I did some looking around on Etsy.
Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the āwitchyā/āspiritual healingā type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.
Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesnāt form crystals at all, it is not a crystal
Iām not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?
So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.
And as I scroll, I start to see items in...interesting shapes:
āOh,ā I think to myself. āOh no.ā
But it is too late. I have heard the sirenās song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.
These...elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as āmassage wands,ā ācrystal healing wands,ā and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, āyoni eggs.ā
...Right. Okay.
Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.
ITāS A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, ITāS A SEX TOY, ITāS OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THEREāS NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,
OKAY.
Okay. Iām good. Iām fine.
Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.
Additionally, I am not fine.
Why the fuck are there so many of theseā
At this point I stop and start googling.
Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.
For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.
NO. DONāT PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DONāT PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????
I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.
I google fluorite.
Okay.
Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.
Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.
(I google the pH of the vagina.)
I donāt understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:
I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.
Science.
No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.
I have opened Pandoraās box, except Pandoraās box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.
And vaginal steam herbs.
It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.
Okay, so weāre talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.
(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)
At this point, I realize that I havenāt done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used...internally.
First result that pops up:
Thatās, uh. Thatās reassuring.
I decide Iām incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.
There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But Iām getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.
Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.
...pleasure chalk?
How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?
Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?
Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:
I check in with my emotions.
Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I donāt know what they expected.
I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.
This, unlike the other ācrystalsā I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.
Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earthās crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.
Then I see this:
Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. Thereās no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.
I read the description:
I am crying. I donāt want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.
THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THATāS QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTHāS CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IMā
I click on a malachite.
The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.
I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.
Big Brother: loved.
Geology lab Iām supposed to be doing: incomplete.
God: unmerciful.
This post has everything. Price gouging quartz, eating dirt, and fucking poisonous rocks.
Please don't fuck or eat anything that you don't 1000% know is safe, for fucks sake
This was one hell of a ride
:facepalm:
So much quackery that weāre probably at a Daffy Duck costume contest.
Are we gonna talk about uteruses only being around for 2000 years or is it just getting lost in the general rock fucking?
Sounds like somebodyās forgotten the legacy of the malachite stalagmite.
waitā¦.are any americans aware that the cia overthrew the democratically-elected premier of iran in 1953 because he wouldnāt concede to western oil demandsā¦.and how that coup was the reason for the shahās return to power, the iranian revolution, and the resulting fundamentalist dictatorshipā¦..like, america literally dissolved iranian democracy and no one knows about it???
No. No we donāt know about it.Ā
Americans arenāt told this shit.Ā
The only thing weāre taught about any Middle Eastern country in school is that 1) the region exists 2) itās where The War is happening and 3) Muslim people live there. Thatās it. Maybe if youāre lucky youāll get into the Hammurabi Code and some early Babylonian stuff but American schools seem to think that if it happened outside Europe and before the colonial period, or makes America look bad and isnāt about A Very Watered Down Version of What Slavery Was, itās not important.
Info on this is almost notoriously hard to find. Itās not in any texts on American and Russian involvement in the Middle East during the Cold War that I can find. You have to specifically look for a book about the Shahās return to power, and even then youād be hard pressed to find a book like that at your local bookstore. Once you get into some higher level college courses you might know about it, but the people who can afford those are more likely to already be indoctrinated into a certain Way of Thinking (read: theyāre racist as shit) by the time they get there. And itās almost like you have to know about it beforehand if you want to find information on it.
The only reason I knew about it is because thereās a thirty second summary of the event in Persepolis. Those thirty seconds flipped my entire worldview.
āAll the Shahās Menā by Stephen Kinzer is a good, accessible text for people who want to know more about this.
I had to explain literally this to one of my co-workers, who is so fuckin racist against Middle Eastern people itās insane.
Sheās 60. She never heard of this.
As I was explaining this and how, during the Regan years, we funded Osama Bin Laden to fight against Russia, leading to the destruction of much of the infrastructure in the region, one of the plant workers came in to get his badge fixed.
He works in the quality control lab. He served 15 years active duty in the Army. Super smart guy, has a masters in chemistry and another masters in biology, raises saltwater fishĀ inĀ his spare time for sale, has the saltwater aquarium setup of the gods. Ā Raises rare corals too, some of which he donates to be used in re-seeding reefs around the world, but thatās a side tangent.
And he listened for a minute, then nodded and said āYeah. I was there during that. I helped train people to fight. They wanted us to help them build schools and hospitals, after, but we were only interested in them as cannon fodder. Left the whole area in ruins. I wasnāt surprised when they hated us for it later. Told people then it would happen. We let them know then that they were only valuable to America as expendable bodies. Why wouldnāt they resent us for that?ā
And she just looked floored.
āSoā¦ā She started, after a few minutes. āWhat do you think of Trump?ā
āI hate him. Heās a coward and heās going to get good people killed.ā He didnāt even blink. ā
She looked back and forth between us for a second, and then asked how I knew all this.
āI research things.ā I said. āGoogle is great.ā He nodded enthusiastically.
And she just sat there for a second and then said, really quietly, āI didnāt know.ā
She lived through it.
American schools donāt teach you any of this sort of thing.
steadily recognizing that iām allowed to exist in public spaces and not feel embarrassed about itā¦ can you believe i used to feel weird about/too inadequate to sit on a bench in a public space. itās ok. youāre allowed to be. just be. just sit on a bench. itās ok
The trick to getting to this point is to just think of yourself as an extra in a movie.
I used to be so self conscious about existing in public but Iāve slowly realized that if I just saw some random fat guy in the background of a movie I probably wouldnāt even think about him.
This is why Iāve come to describing myself as just some guy. Iām just some guy! Nobody gets mad at just some guy for reading a nutrition label in the grocery store. Heās just some dude. Heās a part of The Public. The Masses. The Customers. Thatās what this place was made for!
Oh good Iām going to get a good grade in Being a NPC, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve
wait are there really new people joining this site. i thought it was a hoax.
Congratulations, that's the vibe
How many gay people does it take to get anything done? They can't do anything, shutthefuckup
I can easily do your mother
can't believe Grimes and Elon Musk called their new baby Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
more cat š¤² ? + name š¤² ? please š¤² ?
Elena gogogy for you, the world
meet Miron, lovingly called Moron. or Meowron, if he's particularly loud
his favourite thing is hiding his stupid little face like this and pretending he's not there
his second favourite thing is hanging out with his adopted sister, Dot - don't mind her looking terrified in this photo
Dot's favourite thing in the world currently is jumping from this shelf over my head, ON my head, when I'm asleep. POV: you're me in bed and you look up
oh and they both love you!
Got these insert for my boots- just lace them in, and your boots are now zip ups! Excellent for people like me with weak joints that struggle with laces but love boots!!
They have so many colours!!! Website is www.tongueties.co.uk
Tongue Ties - colourful inserts to personalise and improve accessibility of boots
NOT A PAID ADVERT I JUST BOUGHT THEM AND LOVE THEM!!
I wish us all one boring day sometime in the future
general tumblr would love dream if they didnāt know him only at a surface level.Ā āhe cheated at minecraftā who cares heās indirectly responsible for ao3 crashing not once, not twice, but three times right after the slow burn friends to lovers fanfiction about him and his best friend updated
Anyway yeah I made some silly little art that represents the change of perspective in an abuse victims' line of thinking, especially in terms of feeling guilt over wanting revenge (I'm bad at words just look at the art)
The tags on this post are literally just free seratonin
imagine a comedian in the year 2035 and they're just like "i was a teenager, and i had tumblr in 2020. i had tumblr in 2020. the only kids who had tumblr in 2020 were too gay for instagram and too neurodivergent for tiktok. i was trapped in a house in the middle of a pandemic with tumblr as my connection to the outside world. tumblr. every single one of the users called it a hellsite, and we were right, but we were all too afraid of the outside world to leave it. and that's not even talking about what happened in 2021. Tumblr in 2020. Fuck," and most of the audience is tiktok or instagram users but there's one tiny sliver who had tumblr and they're just nodding along
āi wrote fanfiction! and donāt you dare judge me for that because i know for a fact every single one of you at least had stories in your heads about fictional characters. even the aces and aros who couldnāt care less about the hot people were desperate for a lovely found-family fic because of the crippling loneliness felt by all teenagers. so we all wrote fanfiction. but i wrote fanfiction in 2020 on tumblr. you are all correct in thinking that i was both a nerd and depressed as hell, and youāll be happy to know iām still both of those things.ā
āand of course iām struggling in school because i was neurodivergent and gay in 2020, and to escape from that i go to TUMBLR. and that never cheered you up. going from schoolwork and the throes of depression to tumblr is like going from getting hit by a truck to getting hit by a plane. theyāre both really bad, but one of them youāre never going to expect to hit you. and i met some lovely people on tumblr, of course, but it was 2020. finding out about politics through fucking destiel is not worth all the humans in the goddamn world.ā
āand so youāre neurodivergent and gay and on tumblr on 2020 and you have no idea what the fuck is going on ever. but every time something happens, every other social media website is treating it like something new and shocking and meanwhile tumblr is sitting in a flaming floating garbage can and watching this happen like āYup. Same shit.ā and all the other people in your life are like āitās a catastrophe! you have to be talking and thinking about this all the time!ā and youāre like āi want to cry and also bury myself in the mud to live with the snails and the crabs! please donāt tell me this!ā but then they DO. and then we win georgia but no one fucking cares because in the spanish dub a character from a show i have never seen said āy yo a tiā which overshadows the entire goddamn election.ā
iāve seen you fuckers trying to bring this post back. donāt you dare. do you know how many times i had to read tags along the lines of āop is john mulaneyā
goddammit i am not john mulaney i will not be mistaken for a fucking chicagoan
so we hit 20 fucking 21 and everything is going great, if by great you mean āholy fuck, what the fuck is going onā. and as if things couldnāt get any more like a season 4 filler episode of a television show born as a horrible lovechild of doctor who, the twilight zone, and black mirror, one day i open my phone and find out that mark zuckerberg is having a very bad day. imagine having your entire social media monopoly crash in the middle of a press conference about why it is Bad, Actually, and then being unable to fix it for hours in a moment that singlehandedly proves the point of anyone who ever criticized the idea of a monopoly, or just your website in general. i would not be surprised if we found out his wife divorced him that day too, because i would believe anything bad ever has happened to mark zuckerberg on october 4th from now on. but after i was done laughing about that i realized with some horror that tumblr and twitter, hellsite and hell respectively, were now easily considered two of the most functional social media websites. tumblr? tumblr, flaming garbage can held together by silly string and chewing gum? that tumblr? the closest i can come to describing my emotions upon realizing that was that it was like sitting on my gravestone and eating expired popcorn while watching my mortal nemesis get mauled by wolves. sure iām well on my way to death and probably dead on paper already but at least iām not the one with their intestines draped across the town square like streamers, mark.
and thatās how tumblr gained a new slogan (āat least weāre not facebookā) and finally became only the second-worst website ever.
...okay this one wins
there needs to be something about how everyone keeps saying ātumblr is dead!ā and weāre out here like the one thing from Brother Bear going āstop telling people weāre dead!ā
excuse me none of you should be saying that weāre not dead that is our DEFENSE MECHANISM if twitter and instagram believes we are deceased they will not invade here! get back in your graves and be quiet
iām late by like 5 days but happy birthday to the worst post i ever made. so many people have called me john mulaney by now that iām starting to wonder if i could be sued for identity theft. time for 2022 everyone letās make it as uneventful as possible
