An End of the Year Thing
I haven’t done this in a long time, too long, but the end of the year brings out the annoyingly mushy nostalgic side of me. I guess I should probably write more, but I’ve taken the living life approach over the writing about it one and I have to say, it’s been an amazing run.
From a “what did I accomplish” perspective, I don’t have any complaints. Of course, once upon a time I thought I’d graduate college with multiple job offers and start working, but I’m letting go of some of my perfectionist tendencies and realizing that it’s okay to take some time to figure things out. In doing so, I’ve learned what does work from me and been introduced with wonderful opportunities, and I’ve also learned what I’m absolutely not willing to stand for. I’ve taken things into my own hands and I still don’t know exactly where that’s going to take me, but I’m finally at peace with not knowing and micromanaging everything in my professional life, and letting the pieces fall where they may.
I’ve also learned to do that with my personal relationships, which has been a much harder struggle. I spent a lot of this year letting go of a situation that was unhealthy for all parties involved. It has been far from easy and incredibly emotional, but I feel I’ve turned it around. For the first time in years, I feel free of guilt and anxiety that was ultimately unnecessary, and open to move forward. In the process, I got one of my best friends back. I couldn’t think of a better end to that chapter.
I’ve met a few really great people this year. It’s always a terrifying and anxious process for me to open up and let new people in, but doing so has been empowering. I had a lot of personal limits, walls I didn’t even know were there, and there have been people who bust right through them. The result? I’m happy. Honestly, simply happy. It’s become clear that being fed compliments 24/7 and having your ego fed has nothing on someone you can talk to, someone who can make you laugh.
Speaking of laughter and happiness, I met my favorite band this year. It sounds ridiculously dorky and fangirl-esque (which makes sense since I am entirely these things) but this was one of the best days of my life. I got to hang out with four guys who are responsible for at least 90% of my happiness at any given time. I could probably go on and on, but there aren’t enough words to describe how much that night meant to me.
Last but not least, I spent a lot of time with my family and friends this year, both of which are constantly changing and growing, and both of which are absolutely insane. After a really shitty, drama-filled few years, it's been great to see all the people I care about most at peace and happy. I'm lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life who care about me so much (even if they do have the most ridiculous ways of showing it). My friends particularly, for going to great and often embarrassing lengths to remind me how worthy I am of love and happiness, and for helping me let go a lot of the insecurities that kept me from doing the things I want to do.
With all of this off my chest, I think I'm ready to go into the new year and see what it holds (although obviously I don't exactly have a choice). This will be the year I finally finish school for good, the year I become a big sister, and the year for a whole lot of other things I probably couldn't even imagine. If you told me at the end of last year that I'd feel like this, I would've never believed it. Here's hoping we all feel this way again next year.