how to stay within these lines but still be free

[allthelightaboveit2]

Looking for input from some autistic adults. I’m being extremely cautious as I navigate this diagnosis. I want to be jacks best advocate. I want to keep him just the way he is but help him through the hard parts. Something I struggle with is others comments or glares. Glares like I can’t control my kid from people at parks or in public. Comments from adults but also other kids. “Why doesn’t he talk?” “Why’s he doing that?” I don’t want to use his autism as an excuse because maybe it’s not autism, maybe he likes holding his ears, maybe he thinks your boring, maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you??! I know I don’t owe anybody any explanations but I also want them to include him and to play with him despite what they think is weird and to understand he’s just wanting to play too even if he gets clingy or overwhelmed. I don’t want this to sound like I’m ashamed or like this is about me wanting to Validate to strangers. That’s why I’m asking in the actually autistic tag. What’s my best way as a mom to handle these moments for him? With him?

[allthelightaboveit2]

Pearl was not as amused with my Chilton photo shoot as I was.

[allthelightaboveit2]

I am so grateful to the tumblr community in these early days of Jack’s autism diagnosis.  It has been so helpful, sometimes terrifying and overwhelming, but eye-opening and helpful.  Everyone I’ve asked questions to in the Actually Autistic tag has been more than willing to answer me and what they’ve experienced and that means the world to me.

I interviewed a speech therapist and wasn’t a big fan of her personality so I am still on the hunt for a good ST, and also working to try and get the family support services from the county so that we can maybe get assistance to get an ipad and the programming to start picture exchange communication.  I think he would do well with it and it would give us more than me trying to anticipate his wants and guess.  Everything is still just in the beginning stages but I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has been so kind as to answer my questions.

[allthelightaboveit2]

He’s worked so hard to make all of these sounds and I am so freaking proud and excited!

[ingridbergman-deactivated202001]

[allthelightaboveit2]

The one with no help

So a week into our autism diagnosis the one thing I’ve learned is that absolutely nobody wants to help you.

Many insurance company? Zero help.

The two agencies with aba services locally? Sporadic responses and no help.

The internet? A clusterfuck of no help.

So it’s been a week and I’ve gotten absolutely nothing done to help my son and feeling so frustrated with the entire system.

There is a meeting July 30th for resources with the clinic we got his diagnosis from that I’m going to but I’m not wasting three weeks.

So incredibly frustrating.

[allthelightaboveit2]

It’s been a while since my last post. I often find myself intent on blogging and then I fall off the face of the earth. But today as I got my sons diagnosis, I knew I’d need an outlet and a community more than ever. I’m hoping to learn a lot and understand Jack’s autism diagnosis and how I can be his best advocate through your honest experiences. Jack is 3 years and four months old. He is still mostly non verbal, save a few words and has been diagnosed today as severe autism/low functioning. While I expected a diagnosis, I fully expected high functioning. It was quite the blow. Realistically he’s the same boy he was before the diagnosis. My water loving, mud puddle stomping, obsessed with the alphabet, PJ masks loving, arm flapping mama hugging loud but sweet boy. Tomorrow I will read our evaluation and diagnosis again, and then call insurance to see what is covered. I feel overwhelmed and I am going to dive into reading the autism tags now. I’d love to get to know some autism moms and also adults living with autism as well. Any directions anyone can point me to would be wonderful too.

[allthelightaboveit2]

I've never quite found my niche on tumbler. I've had a few different tumbler journals under different names from PLL fandom to parenting to funny random shit; but I don't think I ever truly found what I was looking for on this interface. Until now. Jack is almost 3. We are about to age out of the early intervention program and are still 100% non verbal. We have an interview with the school district this week for an evaluation for continued services. I'm stressed and scared and sad and most importantly, helpless. Today he went for his fourth hair cut. I tried explaining it to him. I tried to help him through it but our communication skills are shit and instead he was shaking and sobbing and panicking while I held him still and kissed him. A boy half his age sat next to us, eating his sucker, shouting "Mickey!" "Donald" "goofy!" As their characters crossed the screen and I sobbed the entire way home. I want my baby to talk. I want him to enjoy the sucker at the barber shop. I want him to be less frustrated. I want to not feel like the biggest asshole ever for feeling embarrassed. I love him so fiercely and I will fight for his voice if it's the last thing I do. Maybe this can be my outlet.

[allthelightaboveit2]

Bloggingforbabes?

Does anyone know what happened to her? I wasn't active on this blog but always was on my old blog babyyerick. I loved following her and I was hoping she is okay and maybe has a new blog? Anyone?

[allthelightaboveit2]

When you hear Marlene king is doing a PLL spin off and you want to be excited but also...

[allthelightaboveit2]

The one with all the meltdowns

So I'm driving home (hubby meets me at work with the kids, I take them home, he goes to work) and the 2.5 year old, JJ, falls asleep. He doesn't really nap anymore so this is a surprise that I welcome. I carry him in to couch and he stays asleep! Score! I bring in baby and her and I have a blast together, she's half a bottle down when JJ wakes up screaming like he's being stabbed so I put her quickly in crib and run to find a total shitsplosion. I mean, it's bad. It's on his hands, on the couch, and he's mortified and gagging. So am I. I'm cleaning everything up while he sobs uncontrollably and then I hear it.

The baby has cried so hard she's now thrown up all of the formula she just chugged. I feel myself tensing. I can't take much more. Jj is mostly clean, the couch is wiped down and a towel over it, and go to the baby whose still screaming in her vomit puddle. I get sheets and clothes from both kids in the wash and get the baby hosed off and hold her bouncing while the toddler snuggles up behind me and falls back asleep. It's 6 pm. Way too late for nap time but I'm so defeated I welcome the sleep.

Get baby back to sleep, and I'm sitting here in silence. She's on my lap and I don't have a clean sheet on crib yet and I don't care. We aren't moving until brother wakes up or daddy gets home because I am DONE!

[momcode-blog1]

[allthelightaboveit2]

The one with no blog friends

I've had a few tumblrs and never really found my niche here. I have a few mumblrs who I can't stop following though and I figured I'd make a new blog and try to find a spot for me in the mumblr world.

I'm 32, a Gemini. My son JJ is two and a half as of the other day. He was a 35 weeker, spontaneously, after a long pregnancy with placenta previa. My baby sweet pea will be 7 months old in a few days. She was an emergency C-Section after having been breech for my entire pregnancy and nasty pre eclampsia at 36 weeks. My baby factory is closed. Tubes were removed during my c section. The finality of my fertility is a relief and sad simultaneously.

My husband of 3 years is amazing. He's our rock. He's a stay at home dad and was truly born for the job. My children worship him and so do I. We are so lucky.

I like tv, food, nature, jam bands and my family. That's about it! I'll end my intro post here.

Looking for some mumblr friends!