Funny enough when I wrote those lyrics out from Eminem's "cleanin out my closet", I really have to think hard about if I even have any skeletons in my closet, and to be honest, I really don't think that I do. Maybe I should back up and give a back story of what even sparked this topic. So i'm still "friends" with my ex-boyfriend(daughters sperm donor)'s sister. And when I say friends, I mean I talk to her occasionally, and she works at the place my boyfriend just started at. So yesterday she goes to my boyfriend(they both work 3rd shift) "You do know that she cheated on my brother with my now ex-boyfriend right" and luckily enough he was able to say "yeah actually I do know that" 1-That was almost 5 years ago, you guys aren't even together 2- You told me that you were over it, so why bring it up 3- MOST IMPORTANT ONE- it is not your place to tell my boyfriend anything from my old relationship, even if it was with your brother 4- She ruined what a woman thought was a perfect marriage between her and her husband(and their FIVE kids), plus shes cheated in many a relationship(not my issue, not my problem, not even my point.. just kinda wanted to throw that in there) and 5- Which is the whole point to my ENTIRE topic, My boyfriend and I talked on the phone for almost two months until I came up here to visit him(8.5 hours), (we met back in 2007 but never dated than). So obviously in relationships especially when you’re not seeing somebody besides skype, and having to talk on the phone and text constantly, you talk about things. Now, I myself have a shit ton of issues, between heroin addiction, being an addict in general, an array of mental health issues(including but not limited to: adhd, an eating disorder, addiction, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety, and pmdd) So I feel that of course you need to be open and honest. We are both recovering addicts, who both have mental health issues. But the thing is there are certain things that cause other things, such as issues of trust(something I struggle with on a daily fucking basis) But besides ALL of that, I needed to be open and honest about my past relationship, because it was such a volatile relationship, but also because after 4 years and a kid together, it completely wrecked me. Yes I cheated, but the things I was called, and the emotional abuse I endured, would make a sane woman crazy, and a crazy(ie me) woman, psycho. Yes I was in the wrong for cheating, but in my defense I was also going through postpartum depression and having daily emotional beatdowns. Yes I have 2 beautiful scars on my face from where I took a razor to my face. I had my reasons to do what I did(the cheating), no matter how wrong it was, I did what I did, would I do it again? No, but if I knew what I know now, I would have gotten out of that relationship a lot sooner than I did.
Honestly I feel that if you cant tell other people the truth, than you can’t be honest with yourself. I told my boyfriend something that I lied to everybody about, the truth. He’s literally the only one. I lied to people about it because my depression was so bad that I was crying, just all the time and I couldn’t tell people that I was just depressed, so I made up a lie. A big lie, so I could cover it up. And that still eats at me. Like how the fuck could I lie about something instead of telling people the truth? But I didn’t want to seem crazy, so at the time I just lied and went about my business. Sorry I do tend to go off on tangents. But my point is why am I going to lie? I’ve accepted that I am a recovering addict. I cannot have just one hit, one pill, one shot(shooting up), because I will go back to it. I am crazy, and have insane trust issues. But right now, what I am focusing on- is the here and now. Obviously a little bit into the future, but that’s a way you put way to much stress on yourself. I focus on the things that I can change, not the things that I have no control over. Fuck what everybody else says, its your life not theres, and if that makes me a bad person for saying that, guess what.. FUCK IT!! If you have skeletons in your closet, that you want to expose, that you feel you need to, go ahead. But don’t be the asshole who brings up something from somebody elses past because of whatever reason. I’m not a bad person, I don’t lead into drama, I hate talking bad about people because I hate when its done to me. Yes I have changed as a person, I’ve grown. And yes that actually fuckin happens. People are constantly changing. If I stressed out about what someone says about me instead of writing it down, I’d piss myself off because I would end up doing or saying something that would 1-start drama at work for my boyfriend and 2-start drama between the families. Yes of course it pissed me off, but instead of feeding into it like she wants me to, I’m going to write about it and whatever else comes into my head until it no longer bothers me. Its my outlet, that’s what I do, I love to write.. Thanks if you read my long rant!! What is your outlet? Do you still have skeletons in your closet? What is something you’d like to hear me sound off on next!?
gracieabrams
dailybridgerton
areudirty
2087
