Intentionally Missed Connections

We online date losers so you don't have to!

[alrightalrightcupid]

Dating is excess

I was talking to a dear friend of mine a couple hours, days, weeks,whatever it was ago, and she was telling me of her online dating ventures.

Now, I am not a fan of online dating. I have actually never made it to the date part. I’m just too much of a smart ass for it and for some reason my witty charm does not come across well via the Internet. Or i have just chickened out about actually going on a date. Yeah i just admitted that. Sorry to any potential online daters who I said I would meet up with. That point being said, I have tried it. Please see anything to do with Tinder on this blog. And since I have once upon a time tried it, I can comment on what my previously mentioned dear friend said about “online dating being/ creating excess in dating” because of how easily accessible the Internet is to our little eager finger tips.

At this comment I instantly disagreed. Dating is in excess no matter how one dates in the 21st century.

Why yes online dating is easily accessible thanks to apps being located on smart phones. Tinder is a prime example of this. Let’s say one has yet another endless work meeting and the meeting is getting…well boring as most do, so one jumps on Tinder and next thing you know you are swiping left and right, maybe messaging, then before you know it the long exhausting fucking work meeting is over thanks to some easy,conscious-friendly app for judging people based on nothing more than their selfies.

Now my dear friend would like to say that online dating provides more opportunities to “communicate” with multiple people instantly and to book multiple dates within minutes. See my previous mentioned example of Tinder above. To my arguing point though, how are these online dating apps any different than a person going from bar to bar or text message to text message planning dates with multiple people.

To me there is no difference. Dating these days is in excess and connecting, contacting people is as easily accessible via an app versus a phone call or walking up to a person and asking them out (Not that people know how to do this these days thanks to online dating. My grandparents and everyone else’s are turning over in their graves because of it).

Dating is excess. We can date multiple people at a time because as long as there is no title or anything serious who is to say you should only date one person at a given time?

Live a little. Enjoy the excess of dating or don’t. Break the barriers society and this tech driven generation has given us. Or don’t. Either way, it will lead to excess. Welcome to the 21st century!

I have to go now. Selena’s Bidi Bidi Bom Bom is playing on my iTunes on Texas Independence Day. I have to go dance around my whole apartment foolishly now. (Also, if you think Selena Gomez when I mention “Selena” please do not read this blog any further).

Love you, mean it,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

Tinder for the Holidays

I am back home for Christmas and bored.

I have discovered over the last 3 years that coming home for the holidays has become quiet boring. For three reasons.

To start off with, there are the people I always choose to avoid (Family not included. They are in an entire group of their own) and dodge when running around town. You know, they are the former socialite queens, that once use to be your fabulous fake friend that loved judging everyone, even yourself. Then there is the ex-boyfriend from high school who is still friends with your parents because well your parents are still golf buddies with his. Now he is married and lives in your old neighborhood with his former Miss Texas beauty queen wife, who drives a brand new Land Rover, and their two adorable children. Naturally, one boy and one girl. And well you do not want to hear it from your mother and father about how much of a mistake you made to continue not dating him beyond high school every single time you run into them. Yes, ‘him’ became ‘them’ (parents included).

Then there are just the awkward others: neighbors, old grade school teachers, that random guy you hooked up with one night while out drunk at a bar while home for some other holiday, previous school friends, pharmacists, and the general public.

All these people make you not have a life that you once had. And somehow you are more than okay with that. Even if that leads you to boredom for the holidays.

Second, you start realizing the three or four people you actually did like, and do want to hang out with, no longer come home for Christmas because they either have real lives now or have a crazy family like yourself and have been much better at actually disconnecting with their family then you have ever been.

Third, there are your four siblings that will not show up until Christmas Eve. Literary, Christmas Eve because they too have found a better way to dodge your family then you ever could. Once they show up you will be indulged with endless mind fuck entertainment though.

Because of these three reasons it is me, my parents, and too many now empty bottles of vodka and bourbon that I have drank. Meanwhile my parents are one step away from believing I should be their next kid who enters rehab.

So basically, I am so bored out of my mind that I have gone back on Tinder. In my hometown. For the holidays.

Now yes, I am BORED, but my Tinder problem is so entertaining here. Mainly because I have been so deprived of decent men in DC, that I see men here and on Tinder that I just get so excited for because they are a breath of fresh smoggy air.

There are Tinder guys who do not wear pastels, and guys who elude ‘I have been working on the farm all day and driving my duly truck’ which they probably have. And there are guys who actually listen to good music that I like, and guys who have the same mutual friends as I that are are friends outside The Beltway. Well for the most part. Majority wins though. Point being I’m so curious by the next Tinder that it keeps me coming back for more during my too much of my free time.

Based on my Tinder results so far, I believe I’m just going to move back to my home ‘town’ and fall in love. With a guy I met on Tinder,

Oh who am I kidding, I will be back in DC in a few short miserable weeks. Happy Holidays!

Love you, mean it,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

Flip phones make me think of Walter White, which makes me think you are a meth dealer

Okay, so I know certain people who still own flip phones. They are my great grandparents who still live in the deep South, and whistle Dixie while sitting on their front porch in rocking chairs with a shotgun in one hand and a glass of bourbon in the other. That being said, they are 90+ years old and god bless their soles for keeping nostalgia alive.

So when I am on a date with a musician that is going perfectly well (based on stimulating convo and the fact that we are playing footsies), I have high hopes that this will work out and we will continue to date until I can sucker him into marrying me where we live happily ever after as he tours the country with his band and I stand by his side every night as his hot wife knocking off groupies one by one. That dream situation is truly what I hope becomes of my life.

But back to the date…All the sudden 3 hours into the date, the Bass Player (aka the potential husband from said dream life) all the sudden starts acting strange and ask “What time is it?”. Because my Rolex did not match with my date dress, I have to reply with “Let me check my phone”. IN WHICH HE REPLIES WITH “Oh yeah, I can check mine. It’s a flip phone.”

To his credit, at least he admitted it. Believe me, I also get that everyone can’t necessarily have access to an iPhone. Or that maybe you are trying to make a musician statement that "you cannot be molded into the masses". Whatever. Either way you own a flip phone, on top of being a struggling artist, which makes me automatically think you are a drug dealer to help feed your rock and roll lifestyle! (I blame Breaking Bad for this association with flip phones and drug cartel).

I manage to get over the flip phone for about 9 seconds when all the sudden the Bass Player says he has to go, it’s getting late. He awkwardly scurries from the table, hugs me, and taps me on the head before saying “I will see you around. I’m going to run to the restroom before heading out.”

Drug dealer.

I know this is completely odd behavior, and still do not understand what happened. But I can’t even get a walk to my car for a good make out session? Or the simple fact that one needs to be a gentleman and walk a girl to her car after a date!

All that said, the awkward behavior, the “musician”, the flip phone, i have just come to the conclusion that the Bass Player has to be a drug dealer. End of story.

Here’s hopping I do not become Skyler White.

Love you, mean it,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

Why we are all on Tinder and you should be too

Yes, all three of us (even the newly single, Ginger) are on Tinder.

Yes, this is like the straight person's Grinder, except I would like to believe straight people are not as forward as The Gays. Meaning = Tinder is probably like a quick and easy way to get a date vs "lets meet around the corner and bang within a matter of minutes". I mean are there really strait people on Tinder, myself included, who are going to be that forward and hookup with someone in a couple of messages? I am going out on a limb based on my analysis so far and say no. Do not get me wrong, I am sure there are people on Tinder who simply use Tinder to find people in a miniscule mile radius to hookup with, but lets face it, they are the minority.

That aside, Tinder is the modern equivalent, 10x faster, this generations- Hot or Not. This app is purely vain entertainment. So much so that I have multiple married coworkers on Tinder simply because it is entertaining and they are superficial people like me as well.

Now, I am finding Tinder to be so trendy these days that I am to the point where it is no longer cool. Plus every blogger/major digital media news source has written about Tinder's awesomeness which is more of a case to get on the app now before your parents are on there as well.  Example, please see Facebook.

Love you, mean it,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

Becoming a Connisseur of Hands

Some may know of my hatred, okay that is a little aggressive, frustration with the men in DC.  If you do not, let me share a little of why I find DC men so annoying to date.  I like my men rugged and scruffy.  Men who are able to show, with success, that THEY have worked a hard days labor in their life time. Men, who during the day are able to have a nice scruff, wear plaid, load the truck up with hay, then are be able to put on a crisp suit on at night and look dapper.

Maybe my attraction towards these type of men is because I somewhat grew up in the West and I am use to men doing manly things besides taking whey protein or a supplement before they pump iron.  Or maybe because I hate boat shoes, pink whale logos on a polo, bow ties, pastels, seersucker and males who dress like they are 4 year old toddlers, but that seems to be the norm for men in DC life.  It is not my taste or style. At all.  Hence the dissatisfaction.  With that being said though, I am learning to deal with my obstacles by finding men who live in this city and call any where west of the Mississippi River their true home.

Examples of what I am looking for, please see the following: Jase Robertson, Joe Manganiello, Shooter Jennings, Brawny Paper Towel Man, Any.One.From.A.Texas.Band (specifically ANYONE from this Texas band known as Whiskey Myers). and of course the one and only Rhett Butler.

With my annoyance of DC men, there also comes the disgruntlement of their hands. Yes, their hands.  Why? Because again, they look like they have not worked a day in their life!

Now I understand if you are a guy and have rough hands and want to get a manicure to help with the roughness. Believe me, I do not want those rough hands rubbing up against my delicate skin, but I also don't want your hands to look better than my polished, regularly scheduled, manicured, hands either.

I want man hands that make mine look trivial when interlocked between each other.  Hands like the Beast in the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast. Hands that are able to chop me down a tree, hands to comfort me and feel protected.  Needles to say, the hands of men in DC are lacking this.

Because of this missing entity, I have become a frequent connoisseur of male hands.  Now, I'm not going to lie, the hands were usually the second thing I looked at after first glances and realizing an attractiveness of a man (The left hand is necessary to check to see if there is a wedding ring to determine if the cause is worth pursing).  Now though, I automatically look at all hands of men when I come in to occurrence with them.  Married, single, not cute, gay- does not matter, it is the first thing my eye now gravitates to.  The absence of manly hands has done this to me, with good reason, and with material for the blog. This is what my life has come to, how profound (insert eye roll here).

Love you mean it,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

I am on Tinder. It is addicting because I love seeing who is on there, who likes me back, and harmless banter is easy when you text.

However, I just saw a guy I used to see (very casually) and he was on there. So I liked him. Odd thing? He liked me back. So of COURSE I sent him a very awkward message saying "You are seriously on Tinder? Awesome" To which he replied "Seriously awesome" 

All I could say was "How are ya bud?" Because i am a total weirdo about this sort of thing. I wonder if he would grab a drink with me.. 

ANYWAY I have a date tonight with someone else I met on Tinder. 630ish. Will report back! He is an athlete.. which is like my drug of choice

tr

[alrightalrightcupid]

Flatline

Yes, fellow daters, we have been absent for a time that is too long to mention.  So much so, our analytics has shown that this blog flat-lined.  The reason for this absence is mainly because one of our fellow daters, Ginger, has found success in her online dating conquests and is one step away from being engaged. 

As far as TR and myself, we have been dating, flirting heavily, sleeping with, enjoying our much single selves without the dating part. 

That is, until my recent fling has ended.  As it should have.  Months ago, but I digress. 

With the recent break up comes the endless task of now trying to find someone to replace him with.  Because in DC you date your friends, coworkers, roommates, friend's exes, boss, neighbors, and cubicalmates, but never a complete stranger.  And with dating someone who has the same friends, coworkers, neighbors, and neighborhoods you begin dividing assets once the breakup occurs.  This person gets this friend.  That person gets this side of the street.  This person gets the local bar from a certain time frame on even days.  That person gets the metro between this time frame, etc.  Point being, your typical surroundings and life now become property and triumph to see of who can keep what and who can gain the most from the loss, further proving you were not the reason for the breakup, they were in their incompetence.

Clearly, I have some issues to still work out, but it is a slow moving process that is getting better with each day.

And with each day, there is a new opportunity to explore the endless possibilities of dating on the world wide web.

So yes fellow online daters, readers of this blog, we are back!  We are hot on the list of online dating services known as Tinder.

This (I) needs a rebound.  A rebound with a complete stranger via a hook-up app.  Lots of good stories so far, to only be followed by the appropriate blog posts.

Alive and kicking,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

It's not me, it's you

My commitment issues are known (please see figures Grammar Snob, and New Normal).

To furthermore help me face these issues, I noticed something when having dinner with my fellow commentators for this blog.

For online daters, we have all been there.  That moment when you go off of chatting through whatever online dating site you are on, to then communicating via texting.

You are one step closer to confirming that date.  This is all normal.  I know this.  However, my recent observation has allowed me to notice that I, once receiving that SMS, do not save the name in my phone with that new number that is cluttering my messages. My messages app ends up looking like a never ending stream of Pythagorean theorem.

Is this just me?  Because my girlfriends save all the numbers with their appropriate name of their potential online dater.

For me there is too much commitment to SMS with someone and then to save your number and name in my phone.  For a date.  Or if I have a really hard time remembering your name, which believe me has happened, I will probably save your name and number in my phone then.  But then and only then.  There is no commitment in that.  Just the sake of me not making things awkward.  Now, if we go on a date, I actually wind up liking you to where this could lead to more dates, then yes, I eventually add a name to the number.

Until then, all numbers.  Forever.

Love you, mean it,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

Grammar Snob

So call me a snob, nonetheless, in dating, under interest, I find it necessary to list "proper grammar. even in sms" as an interest.

Blame it on the fact that I was an English major, once taught English/Language Arts and Reading, that I somewhat feel like I am practically a copy writer in my day job, or that I am educated, whatever the reason, I list it because nothing turns me on more than someone who not only speaks well (the King's English), but furthermore someone who can communicate using proper grammar when writing.  Why does this turn me on?  Deep down I am a romantic. Of receiving love letters. One day I would hope my dating prospect would be able to write me a letter like John Keats or Earnest Hemingway (cynics: insert eye roll here).

Why I mention all this is simply because I received a message from a potential dater on how he thought. and I quote "it is ridiculous that in this day in age someone should have to list proper grammer as an interest"...yes you read that word grammar just as he typed it.  SPELLED WRONG. Then he goes on to say "that all it takes is for someone to look over what they wrote and hit Spell Check to make sure everything is correct".  End quote.

This was not a joke.  Or an attempt to be funny.  Once again, I wish I could make this up.

Needless to say, I called the poor fellow out on his misstep in to which he replied along the lines of "Some people are good at math and some are good at English.  He's a math person".  So of course, I called bullshit.

I am a writer.  I love it.  It's a passion of mine, I am good at it, I know this.  That being said, I also plan million dollar budgets on a daily basis which means I also deal with math.  Also, my statistic, quantitative analysis, and organic chemistry professors will all vouch for this seeing as how I received A+ in all the previous mentioned classes.

People, STOP USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE!  You are killing my vibe and ruining my appetite for love, furthermore dating.

Love you, mean it,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

When asked online if I have hobbies

[alrightalrightcupid]

I'll be honest- I am incredibly busy. As you know from my earlier post about not finding love in my 20's- I still believe its not something worth worrying about.  

BUT- I still like attention. I like the idea of meeting guys who are interesting and good looking and someone I can talk to. Im not saying I have to love someone to have a good time- 

So that leads me to now. I joined OKC to meet people (and for blogging purposes) And yet, I am filled with this rejection from not having enough messages in my inbox.

Is it me? Am I not pretty enough to be asked out by guys too afraid to meet women in the real world? Is it the picture I posted with a celebrity?

I dont know the answer to this- but I should be getting more inbox action than I am currently.. and that's that. 

TR

[alrightalrightcupid]

You "summer" in Nantucket?

[alrightalrightcupid]

Optimism and Total Despair of Online Dating

First day of online dating: 

After scheduling your first meet-up: 

After signing up for multiple dating sites in a month: 

When you realize you set up a drink date with someone on OKCupid that you rejected on POF:

When someone tells me I'm too pretty and normal to online date: 

When you and your friends recap your online dating experiences: 

[alrightalrightcupid]

All in the name of research

I have become and online dating slut! That part in Mean Girls where Cady calls Regina George a slut for kissing Aaron Samuels at the Halloween party is replaying in my head.  Over and over.

I am now on 5 different online "dating" (I use that term loosely because not all the sites or apps I'm on are for dates.  Use your imagination.) sites or apps.

Why so many you ask?  Well 1) I am increasing my chances of booking a date every day this week.  2) I find most of these sites to be games 3) And most importantly, is that I am conducting research to post on this blog.

You're welcome world.  Be prepared for juicy gossip of the online world.

Love you, mean it,

Lowes

[alrightalrightcupid]

Normal Reactions to Online Dating

When I send a message to someone then realize he is only 5'6." 

When a guy argues his state is better than mine. It isn't. You loose. Always. 

When you successfully schedule 5 dates in one week.  

Oh, you work at the White House? 

After one date, he says he wants to introduce me to his friends. 

When you text me about your sexual fantasies, but haven't even kissed me yet. 

When you tell your friends you think you might like that guy you had drinks with. 

Hey gurl, let's get dinner and YOU pay. (For the record, I'm fine going Dutch... but tell me to pay on the first date and the answer is no.)

When the cute guy online turns out to be cute and normal in person. 

You live in Baltimore? 

[alrightalrightcupid]

When people find out I online date..

[alrightalrightcupid]

ALL I WANT