it is what it is

i am going to put on here whatever i darn well please

[am-bee]

Much Ado...

Back in high school my English teacher senior year (who also happened to be the drama teacher) had us watch the 1993 version of ‘Much Ado About Nothing,’ mainly because she liked to see Denzel in “those” leather pants. 

[am-bee]

Snippet of a conversation I overheard at work today. 

Guy 1: Can we just look at the computer and not print it out? I don’t like to waste paper. 

Guy 2: I like to waste gas. 

Guy 1: You are a waste of gas. 

What I love is that these are both grown men. Heck, the first guy is married with children and this is still his immediate response. I hope that in ten years when I’m about his age I can use “you are a...” as an insult to something someone just said. 

[am-bee]

You don’t know my life, Ikea!

So I went into Ikea today to buy a new computer chair. While I was walking through I saw a set of coasters, coincidentally I had my eye out for a cheap ones and I thought to myself “Eh, they’re only three bucks, why not?” So, a computer chair and coasters, these were my two things. 

I go up to the register for ten items or less and the girl at the next register over asked “Are you paying with a card?” I was, so she told me to come over to her lane. 

She glances down at my purchases and asks “Just these two?”

I am too preoccupied trying to find my wallet in my large purse to give an answer more than, “Yeah.”

“A chair and coasters, that’s kind of weird.”

It took all of me to keep my composure and not immediately reply, “Bitch, you don’t know my life!”

What the hell else am I supposed to buy? Oh, let me just throw a coffee table, two fake plants, and semi-horse meatballs into the mix, that way my set of items seems a bit less “weird.” 

Seriously, I have never been judged so vocally for the things that I am purchasing and they really weren’t even that strange. I needed a computer chair, not a whole damn living room set and I’m not going to buy twenty things that I don’t need. I do that shit at Target, not Ikea. 

[obviousplant]

Bonus library drop box sign on Instagram

[worthyironman]

with all of these movie reboots i would like to pitch a mean girls reboot staring Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Chis Hemsworth, and Chris Pratt

[aesthetic-dissonance]

o hm ygod

[aesthetic-dissonance]

[am-bee]

Mom: Are you hungry for dinner?

Dad: No, I had lunch today, so I'm good for a while.

Mom: Yeah, I'm not too hungry either.

Me: *Conceal, don't feel...slowly starve to death*

[am-bee]

Being an adult sucks because you have to buy a planner for adult things like doctors appointments and work and oil changes. 

Being an adult is awesome because you can also buy that large superfluous dinosaur eraser because it looked cool and everyone needs a cool dinosaur eraser. 

[am-bee]

To hell with your Pokémon Go! 

I still got this little beauty. 

[am-bee]

Such Angst. Much Anger.

Me: Apparently TV shows make me revert back to an angsty teenager.

Friend: Hahaha I can agree with that.

Me: Certain TV shows, when they pull stupid bullshit, like putting one of my favorite characters in IMMEDIATE TURMOIL IN HELL!

Me: Which happens a lot more than it should because of Supernatural.

[am-bee]

Dad: What an idiot (as someone cuts him off while driving.)

Me: Most people are idiots. I'm glad I'm not one.

Dad: What, a people or an idiot?

Me: Yes.

[am-bee]

When you’re driving and trying to sing along with a song, but the blinker doesn’t go to the beat and all you feel is...

[kittiezandtittiez]

[am-bee]

I am giving this as a present to my friend’s cats for Christmas. 

[am-bee]

Mom: Have you seen this video of cats getting scared by cucumbers?

Me: No, I have not.

Watch the video over my mom's shoulder.

Mom: I can't believe I'm watching this.

Me: Welcome to the internet, you watch a lot of cat videos.

[am-bee]

Starting 'Once Upon a Time'

BFF: You'll like it. Just wait till you see Captain Hook.

Me: I know who plays Captain Hook, because he's in this exorcist movie I like and he is FINE (with snap.)

BFF: Well he looks like 20x hotter as a pirate.

Me: I'm sure he looks hotter as a pirate than a priest XD

BFF: Haha oh yeah way better than a priest.

Me: Even though I know he's not really a priest, it's still weird to look at one and go "damn, he's fffiiine."

[am-bee]

End of Sharp Teeth (S9.E12)

Dad (from the back den): What are you watching?

Me (in the living room): Supernatural.

Dad: Oh...it sounded like a soap opera.

Me: Yeah...it's one of those episodes.

[am-bee]

Five-year-old second cousin and I talking about the difference between mom and mama.

Me: No, mama is m-a-m-a

Cousin: No, it's m-o-m

Me: Do you know who long I went to school?

Cousin: ...forty years?

Me: *completely defeated* Ugh...it felt like that

[am-bee]

So...I rewrote something...

I just read an article where the claim was made that Jack the Ripper was a renowned poet named Francis Thompson. Immediately I was inspired by the song with the hook “I’m a gangster, I’m a straight up G...”* and then this gem was born in about ten minutes. 

I’m the Ripper, I’m the straight up best

Serial killer not like the rest

Writing poems by day, killing whores at night

Being the Ripper is hella tight

I walk around town with a sharp ass knife, about to go and take your life

I saw the bobby and had to flee

There’s no way they’re catching me!

Jack the Ripper now infamous, put historians to the test

Centuries gone, you’ll never know

Just who killed all them hoes

*Which I found out, after some Google searches, was written and performed by Josh Groban or one of his alter-egos, but feel free to correct me if I’m wrong on that.