Amelilitha

She/Her | Writer just for fun!! AO3 Current hyperfixation: Danny Phantom x dcu Call me lia!! 🫶🫶

[spicy-apple-pie]

He has standards goddamnit

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

[dcxdpdabbles]

Mugger: Give me all your money.

Danny: Dude, I'm walking around with a cane. I have obvious medical issues. You think I have money?

Mugger: Shut up! If you don't do what I say, I'll sell your organs!

Danny: Again, medical issues. Who would buy organs that were already failing?

Mugger: Fine! This death is on you-

Batman: *dropping onto the mugger and beating him to pulp*

Danny: Ancients beyond! *pick up dropped gun* Sir. Sir, he's unarmed now.

Batman: Drop that or you get what he's having.

Danny: Oh. *puts gun down slowly* Thanks for saving me. I'm just gonna-

Mugger: HELP ME

Danny: What you want me to do? Fight Batman? I have serious medical issues! I can't beat him.

Batman: Go home.

Danny: I'm going home.

Mugger: No! DON'T LEAVE ME! WHAT ABOUT GOTHAM UNITY!?

Danny wobbling away rapidly: I'm sorry! I have to put myself first! I only moved to this city because of Wayne's medical forgiveness program.

Batman: Is that so?

Danny: *wobbles faster* Please dont take a interest in me, sir! I have enough problems as it is!

Batman: ....

Danny rounds the corner as the screams of the mugger increase: I have to put myself first. Don't look back. He belongs to the Dark Knight now. There was nothing I could do.

Three days later:

Jazz: Danny! This is a miracle!All of your medical bills were paid!

Danny: What!? By who!?

Jazz: Bruce Wayne! Apparently, Batman told him about you.

Danny, in a low whisper of terror: Give back the money.

Jazz: What?

Danny: Give it back. I do not want Batman's attention. He's a menace. Im unarmed 90% of the time, and he will not care.

Jazz: What?????

Danny, closing the blinds: Do you think he knows where we live!?

Jazz: Are you scared of Batman?

Danny: You would be too if you saw the man burst from the shadows and beat brain damage into someone!

[spacebubblehomebase]

✨ Gee, Bruce. I wonder why.🤔✨

-Bubbly💙

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[inthememetime]

Idea: Batfam arrives to take down Scarecrow only to find him screaming and crying and trying to pull a teenager away from giant containers of fear gas, which the teenager is sucking down hungrily.

Danny: "leave me tf alone man, I'm in a food desert and this is tasty"

"Batman he won't stop eating my fear! He's gone through my entire supply!"

Danny: *drinks faster*

Batman: "Hmm. Hn." (Translation: good for him. Now do you want to go to Arkham quietly or in an ambulance?)

[meridien313]

[suzie-bee]

he's a 14 year old in 2004 he's allowed to say that to his arch enemy

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny: I'm sorry?

Jazz: You are part of a entail

Danny: Hmmm, yes, I know the meaning of that word.

Jazz: *sigh* Basically, it means a long time ago someone wanted a property and riches to be passed down through male descendants to ensure it was never sold or gifted out of the bloodline. You have been identified as the only male descendant on mom's side.

Danny: Woah. That feels sexist

Jazz: I think so too. Anyway, we have to go to Gotham and sign some paperwork for a estate.

Danny: Who's estate?

Jazz: The Kanes. I'll be going as your lawyer.

Danny: Cool.

Jazz: Plus help you deal with a small requirement

Danny: Which is?

Jazz: You have to marry a Wayne.

Danny: Does it matter which one?

Jazz: I don't think so?

Danny: Excellent. I'm going to propose to Bruce Wayne

Jazz: Bruce? He's as old as dad!

Danny: Exactly! He'll reject me and boom! We'll be home in no time. In fact I'll send him a proposal now through text. This is his number right?

Jazz: it should be.

Danny: Annnnnd done. Oh he saw it already and- what.

Jazz: What?

Danny: He accepted.

Jazz: HE WHAT?!

Meanwhile in Gotham:

Damian puts his phone down: I'm engaged. Take that, Mother. I am NOT just like my Father.

[cryptidstatusbreached]

Cackling at this, someone make it a fic

[papayafromtv]

unrealistic to me that at no point during Jason's time in the League of Assassins was there a period of Ra's desperately trying to figure out what the fuck brought Jason back to life inside that coffin and that at no point was there a conversation that was like,

Jason, on a medical table for the twelfth experiment that day: how do we even know it was me, though?

Ra's: what do you mean?

Jason, shrugging: like- maybe i was just in a magic coffin. maybe it had nothing to do with me, maybe it was my environment. have you ever read the book 'pet cemetery'?

Ra's:

Ra's: *squints deeply*

Ra's: no. if it was the graveyard then you wouldn't be the only person that came back to life. you're being ridiculous.

Jason: i dunno. maybe it was just that one specific patch of grass.

Ra's:

Ra's: hm.

Bruce finds out Jason came back to life way earlier than planned because halfway through patrol he gets an alert of a disturbance at Gotham Cemetery and when he and Tim get there it's to see Jason and Ra's in the dark with headlamps on next to Jason's now dug-up grave, dirt everywhere as Jason holds a shovel and Ra's holds the corpse of a dead chicken over the hole, ready to lower it, surrounded by league assassins either standing guard or holding notebooks and pens for if something actually happens and Ra's wants to take notes.

Damian is in the car with the window cracked wrapped in Jason's jacket and tiredly playing temple run on Jason's phone while he waits for them to be done so they can go home. when he sees Bruce arrive he sighs loudly and does up the window. Batman and Robin land in the graveyard and everybody freezes like the scene in ratatouille when the humans catch the rats in the kitchen, and it takes Jason two solid weeks to convince Bruce that no, they were not trying to replace his corpse with a chicken, they were doing science-

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny: I felt very safe in his arms.

Nurse: Did you?

Danny: Yes. Like nothing could ever hurt.

Nurse: That's lovely. How long have you two been together?

Danny: Oh, we aren't together.

Nurse: Ah, a friends-with-benefits situation then?

Danny: Nope. I don't even know his name.

Nurse: Oh.

Danny: Yeah.

Nurse: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume. The way you were brought in and the way you're speaking about him, I just thought-

Danny: No. No. Its alright. It is confusing. See he broke into my house and-

Nurse: He WHAT?!

Danny: To be fair, he was scammed by a false rental ad and was given false paperwork to prove it. They even gave him a copy of the key, so...I mean, the good news is that my home security system isn't deadly. The bad is that it mistook me for an intruder and shocked me too when it went to tase the guy. He was able to get up first and took care of me while the ambulance arrived. So sweet.

Nurse:.... I'm going to put this conversation down as "side effect of strong pain meds"

Two doors down:

Damian dubiously: The garden gnome tazed you? Maybe I should gather a report for Father when you're not on pain medication.

Tim: NO, I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. THE GARDEN DECORATION AT MY NEW HOUSE IS ALIVE AND ITS COMING FOR ME!

Damian: Riggggghhht. And what about the man who was brought to the ER with you?

Tim seriously: He's the King of the Gnomes. He tried to distract me with his pretty face and sexy body, but he plans to take over Gotham with his Gnomes of Doom.

Damian:....Drake, move back home. You obviously can not survive on your own. I worry you'll lose the fraction of mental stability you possess.

[cryptidfuckery]

Hey so like omen wise how are we doing. Are we doing okay

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

Could mean good things!

[lets-nuke-it-from-orbit]

Hey @evilwizard. So, you up to anything new lately?

[evilwizard]

haha it’s funny you ask

[dcxdpdabbles]

Jason: I'm bringing my boyfriend to dinner at this month's family game night. I need you all to be chill about this.

Bruce flipping a table covered in glass figures: YES! YES. BOYFRIEND! MY BOY HAS A LOVER.

Jason: Bruce this isnt a football game stop-

Dick pull out his phone: TIM GET THE FIREWORKS!

Tim on face time: What for?

Dick: Jay has a Boyfriend! ONE HE WANTS TO INTRODUCE TO THE FAMILY!

Tim: WHAT?! YES. GOD YES! I'LL GET MY GUY FOR THE FIREWORK SHOW READY IN A HOUR

Jason: Tim has spontaneous fireworks shows guy?

Damian: Of course, he does. He's not a barbarian. Why are we celebrating?

Jason: Oh, hey, Dami. Sorry to wake you up from your nap. Bruce and Dick are just being dramatic about meeting my boyfriend.

Damian: You have a paramour?

Jason: Yes I do. What's with the tone?

Damian: I'm just surprised anyone would agree to that type of relationship with you.

Jason: The hell is that supposed to mean!?

Damian: I hear you tell Harper once that you would only enjoy the pleasure of flesh and that you would never commit to a relationship. I assumed that meant you would only have brief lovers for debauchery.

Jason: Oh. Yeah I told Roy that but that was before I meet Danny. He's more then a one-night stand.

Damian: Hmm. What does this Daniel-

Jason: His name is Danny

Damian: No. What does this Daniel do for a living?

Jason: He's a brain surgeon

Damian dropping to knees and ripping his shirt from overwhelming glee: YEEEEEESSSS!!!! OH MY GOD, HE'S A BRAIN SURGEON!!! TODD IS BRINGING A BRAIN SURGEON HOME!!! THERE IS HOPE FOR THE BLOODLINE!! FATHER TELL DRAKE TO CALL HIS BOUNCR HOUSE DEALER. WE MUST CELEBRATE TO THE FULLEST!

Jason: This is why I dont bring anyone home. Bruce, you good?

Bruce foaming at the mouth: SON-IN-LAW BRAIN SURGEON.

Jason: Mmh-okay. You're too far gone. I'll have to put you down.

Dick: *Twitching on the ground overwhelmed by happiness*

Jason: This one needs putting down too. Damn, I liked that one.

[charl0ttan]

dog i gotta move like yesterday

[pukicho]

Please stay

[dcxdpdabbles]

Amateur actor Danny: Hello?

Tim: Yes?

Danny: Is this the location for the casting audition of My Brother's Wedding?

Tim, who was left alone in a newly purchased Wayne Studio and bored: Yes. Yes, it is. Why don't you take a seat in the lobby, and I'll call you in when I'm ready.

Danny: Oh okay.

Tim: It will just be a minute.

Danny: Alright.

Tim is speed-reading the script: Trash. Horrible. The main character is in love with his brother's bride and tries to steal her the entire wedding planning up to the actual wedding. Blah. At least the Best Man knows what he's planning and stops his plans every time- Oh! Plot twist: He ends up with the best man!?? Nice.

Tim opening the door: You can come in.

Danny: Is there a reason why the building is dark like this?

Tim: We forgot to pay the electricity bill. Now, can I have your name and the role you're auditioning for?

Danny: I'm Danny Fenton. I'm interested in Eric. I'll be doing scene seven.

Tim: The Best Man. Good choice. You may begin.

Danny: "You think I didn't notice?! The way you look at her.... She's going to marry your brother!"

Tim: Stop. I've seen enough.

Danny: Oh- I-

Tim: You got the part.

Danny: Really!? Oh my gosh thank you!

Tim: You're welcome. I'll send you details for the script reading and filming. The email on your resume good?

Danny: Yes! Yes, it's good. I'll be waiting. Thank you!

Tim: of course. Okay take care. Bye-bye now. *watches Danny leave then yanks out his phone* Hey Bruce can you buy me a moive? I lied about being someone on staff of My Brother's Wedding and I sort of promised the second lead to some random guy.

Bruce: Why? There was literally no reason for you to do that.

Tim: I have severe mental problems.

Bruce sighs: Alright. I'll pull some strings and get you that moive.

Tim: I knew you loved me the most.

Bruce: You need to stop lying Tim.

[nealashitposts]

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?” 

[nealashitposts]

I suspect they were trying to keep me busy and distracted while they cleaned up the corpse in the living room?!?

[nealashitposts]

someone said tumblr nuked this post, but I could never be so lucky.

[dailymarvelheroes]

get you a man who can do both

[nitramaraho]

one of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so fucking hard she snapped it. that is the fucking funniest shit ever to me this tiny 17 year old girl thirsting so goddamn hard she busted steel

[crystalitesummerstar]

Y'all, it gets better. She found out.

[buzzfeed]

We interviewed her, obviously.

[buzzfeed]

update:

[rainbowselfies]

[blvckgeezus]

Such a developing story.

[pastdueeverything]

I love this story

[athenadcvell]

This was a wild ride from start to finish

[gambit-of-a-small-rabbit-deacti]

I know I say this a lot, But this is one of the best things on this website

[nitramaraho]

Sophia is currently doing great in college, and I still get about one kid a month in the office who asked if this really happened.

[demigoddessqueens]

I found it!! The original post!!

[urcadelimabean]

HAS SHE SEEN SINNERS

[madenthusiasms]

Preferably when she wasn’t wearing the retainer.

[animentality]

[quasi-normalcy]

Every single person I know who did football in high school, without exception, has a chronic injury. Many regret what it's done to their knees and back, even major organs like the brain.

There is no serious legislative push to ban high school football.

[quasi-normalcy]

Also, like, if you want to talk about social pressure on minors to undertake activities that will result in regrettable, irreversible damage to their bodies:

No one, *ever*, tried to persuade me to transition.

My gym teacher tried to persuade me to try out for the football team almost every single day that I was in junior high.

[quasi-normalcy]

#i firmly believe that the reason why concussions and brain damage in general#are not taken nearly as seriously as they should be#is because of football#if we take concussions and brain trauma seriously then we have to acknowledge the risks that children are undertaking at even#high school level football#but we can't do that#because the kids need to play football in high school so they can play football in college so they can join the NFL#This time I'm really gonna queue it.

[astrologamage]

I recently watched this video by hydn called “The Great Concussion Denial” and holy fucking shit. Made me sick to my stomach. The tldr is that it’s all the NFL pushing football on kids but that’s really diluting the story