Neruda's 101st Sonnet

25/USA/INTJ/Bi

[totalariana]

I’m such a fan of low soft lighting like turn off that room light and turn on a lamp bitch

[wlw]

things to remember:

• bisexual wlw who are in a relationship with a woman aren’t “technically gay” they’re bisexual

•bisexual wlw who are in a relationship with a man aren’t “technically straight” they’re bisexual

[unpretty]

i love cutthroat kitchen but bingewatching makes it really stand out how often alton brown refers to himself as ‘daddy’ and makes contestants wear spreader bars

[dr-hollands-deactivated20190209]

I’m sorry what

[unpretty]

you heard me

[unpretty]

[elkian]

#I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW KNOW WHERE TO BUY THE EXACT FETISH GEAR THEY USE ON MY FAVORITE COOKING SHOW

[fiskeorn-deactivated20180416]

@genericrevenge

[son-of-maglor]

OKAY BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY USING SPREADER BARS ON A COOKING SHOW??!??! DOESNT THAT MAKE IT KINDA HARD TO COOK???!?

[unpretty]

kinda, yeah

[renthebarbarian]

@datas-vibrating-robot-dong this seems like your speed

[gregorydickens]

That logo looks familiar.

[unpretty]

WHAT

OH MY GOD

[sylveonce]

[goondis-and-the-plupples]

I love this meme and we need to bring it back

[goondis-and-the-plupples]

Part Two™️

[feministism]

[russellmiller-deactivated202002]

[taraatrandom]

Oh. My. God.

[raven-ofthe-sun]

republican arguments in a nutshell everyone

[ourweirdflights]

this is literally just painful

[muppetmolly]

Enchantress: I turn you into a hideous Beast. What are the names of your servants?

The Prince: Lumiere, Cogsworth, Mrs. Potts -

Enchantress:

[lumiereswig]

I BURST OUT FUCKING LAUGHING OMG

[kingjaffejoffer]

[breathinginbiology]

Please reblog.

[shellcollector]

I have an ongoing fascination with Amazon Dash buttons. They are little Internet Of Shit items you can stick to a wall or any other surface and push to order One Specific Product. For example, pressing this button:

will immediately order six tubs of Hasbro™ Confetti sprinkles multi-coloured Play-Dough™ to be delivered to your house at the next post.

They’re simultaneously

Deeply dystopian/absurdist, in that ‘Straight out of a satirical near-future scifi novel’ way we all love so much

I’m not going to lie here, really oddly or maybe not-so-oddly alluring to someone who is very disorganised and struggles to keep on top of daily life skills

Somehow still weirdly broken, even for that - eg the one for toilet paper can’t be used to order a normal amount of toilet paper; you have to order 48 rolls at a time. And I have never, ever been able to form a model in my head of a person who runs out of Hasbro™ Confetti sprinkles multi-coloured Play-Dough™ so often and so urgently that they need a button to push as soon as it’s getting low. I want to be clear here that you can’t order regular Play-Dough™ with the button; it is only the confetti sprinkles variety. Yet presumably someone must have bought one of these at one point. I want to find that person and ask them a lot of questions.

Other things you can order with an Amazon Dash button:

Mentos

Organic Raw Virgin Coconut Oil

“Eyebrow cleanser”, which I didn’t know was a thing until just now

Black shoe polish

Nerf darts

Tins of 36 Derwent watercolour pencils

[wnq-anonymous]

You are under no obligation to be the same person you were a year, month, or even 15 minutes ago. You have the right to grow. No apologies.

anonymous (via fy-perspectives)

[meladoodle]

my friend angella was doing a comedy gig, and as soon as she came out a guy shouted ‘can i give you my number?’ and all the crowd groaned cause it was so inappropriate but angella was like ‘yeah sure’. the guy started shouting out his number and she started entering it into her phone. the whole crowd was like woaaah. she got the whole number and then dialled it and it rang. everyone lost their shit. finally the guy answered and angella just said “hello? shut the fuck up” and it was the most incredible thing i’ve ever seen 

[alex-plante]

So some of these details are probably wrong, it happened a long time ago so I don’t remember the specifics leading up, but it was incredible. A friend of mine who does stand up was doing his bit at open mic one night, and a guy was heckling him. Just being a total asshole, and then his phone rang and he started talking loudly on his phone about how he’s at open mic and this guy isn’t funny, etc. Now the weird thing about hecklers is that they just want to be a part of something most of the time, so my friend said, “hey man, what’s your name? Can I see your phone for a second?”

The guy actually handed over his phone, and my friend hung up, and scrolled through his contact list until he found the person he was looking for. He hit dial, and starts.

“Hello? Is this [Name’s] mom? Great! It’s very nice to talk to you. I’m a comedian in the middle of my standup routine, and your son is being very rude, [lists off some of the things her son said]…. hold on, can I get you to repeat that?”

He takes the phone away, puts it in speakerphone and holds it up to the mic.

“I said, I’m sorry my son is being such an asshole.”

Everyone lost it. Fuckin’ destroyed by his own mother. My friend said it was one of his proudest moments ever.

[silvaalarcon]

lordstark:

ho ho holy shit it’s almost christmas

[birdschoolforbirds]

WILL???? IS THAT YOU WILL???? W I L L 

[un-arcane]

[mymodernmet]

Man Builds Custom-Made Monopoly Board to Propose to His Girlfriend

[giraffepoliceforce]

That man has a lot of guts, assuming anyone will still love him halfway through a game of Monopoly.

[not-all-the-prayers]

Happy Bisexuality Week!

[chloedeckar]

Clay, you’re the slowest yet. What is taking you so long? It’s hard. To listen.

[unflatteringcatselfies]

Bug

[mayordog-deactivated20160926]

he has a w on his forehead

[catscatscatss]

wario