Dream Journal

just a lil queer with a big subconscious

[analyzemydream-blog]

running out of nuvaring

I dreamed a friend of mine had just moved to the area and was looking for housing. I didn’t have any leads, but I mentioned I’d just gotten a year’s supply of Nuvarings and they could have some if that helped. They said thanks, and took 10 of them. Two months later I went back to Planned Parenthood to get more and they were like, “We literally just gave you 12, what happened to them?” and I felt stupid.

[analyzemydream-blog]

vampires

I dreamed my partner (who I wasn’t dating at the time) and his brothers were vampires and lived in a big creepy manor house. A good friend of theirs was also a vampire, as well as being a successful neurosurgeon. He had an office in town and specialized in covertly inserting giant magnetic plates into people’s heads. Vampires were super into magnets and the brothers’ house had a giant magnetic wall outside that they used to catch prey. Vampires were big on using magnets in their schemes to catch people and liked to brag to each other when they did. In this world, vampires also shared an irrational fear of mice, could teleport, often ran animal sanctuaries and posed as vegans to avoid suspicions, and were all really into campy horror movies and puns. They all had the same sense of humor and were huge dorks.

Also if you dated a vampire it was both socially acceptable and expected for you to fuck all their siblings. I really wanted to date my partner so I came to hang out at the big creepy house and ended up having an orgy with all the vampires who happened to be around. Afterwards they were all very impressed that I’d fucked so many of them and all congratulated my partner on how devoted I was.

[analyzemydream-blog]

back to college

I dreamed I went back to the college I dropped out of 2 years ago for a final semester to finish up and get my degree. I showed up and no one recognized me or would acknowledge me, not even my former roommate. I remembered how much I hated it there, everything was flat and exposed and all I wanted was to go home to my cozy house in the mountains, but I hadn’t brought anything with me, so I didn’t have money to buy a plane ticket or a cell phone to call home. I sat down in the middle of the quad and cried and people walked through me like I didn’t exist.

[analyzemydream-blog]

amateur porn lighting feedback

I dreamed my partner and I shot amateur porn and promised we were gonna keep it just for us, but I decided to email it to my best friend to get feedback on the lighting. But instead I fucked up and sent it to this guy I haven’t really talked to since middle school.

He responded that he was shocked and offended and also that he used to have a crush on me and I had been really shitty to him about it. I apologized profusely and he responded with a 5 paragraph essay that was weirdly homophobic and butthurt about me being into girls. I was confused about why he had brought that up since, yes, most of the time that’s true, but my current partner is a cis guy and I scrolled back up to look at the video.

Turns out I hadn't sent him the porn vid at all, but a really cool music video that started out with a 30 second shot of a girl eating the lead singer out. I was really pissed off about the guy's email, especially since I had apologized for sending him some quality art and validated his homophobia. I felt mortified by the whole situation and wanted to vent to my partner about it, but I couldn't because that would have meant admitting to sending our sex tape to someone.

[analyzemydream-blog]

middle school play

I dreamed I was back in 8th grade and I was in a play. I only had two lines, but I was terrified and kept messing them up in rehearsal. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than having to get up on stage and perform. My stomach was tied up in knots. At some point in the dream I showed one of my best friends my new tattoo (that I recently got in real life) and she said it was the tackiest things she’d ever seen. She was one of the leads in the play, had a million lines, and had already memorized them perfectly.

[analyzemydream-blog]

sleepy newborn

I dreamed I was very pregnant and hanging out at my partner’s dad’s house reading on the sofa. Suddenly labor started. I knew the baby was coming, and fast. My partner was at work about 15 minutes away, but with no cell service. His dad offered to go pick him up, but I told him to stay, that I didn’t want to be alone. He called a friend and asked her to go pick my partner up. I gave birth right there on the sofa before anyone else got there. My partner’s dad had tears streaming down his face as he caught the baby and held him up to me. He latched on and nursed for a little while, then fell asleep on my chest. We hadn’t found out the baby’s sex, but we had been pretty confident we were having a girl and would name her Emmylou. Now that we had a boy (at least as far as we knew, until they got older and told us otherwise), I had no idea what to name him.

My partner got there and immediately started crying. He held the newborn against his chest and rocked him, but the baby didn’t wake up. I thought it was funny that the baby and I were the only ones who weren’t crying. We all cuddled up on the couch and started brainstorming baby names. After my partner’s dad suggested Marc Anthony, Augustus, and Hadrian, we sent him off to the store to get snacks and leave us alone.

[analyzemydream-blog]

instagram famous

I dreamed that I went down on Kimya Dawson in a dressing room at Buffalo Exchange and we filmed it and posted the video on Instagram and it went viral.

Hillary Clinton sent Kimya and I fancy invitation cards in the mail telling us she was a big fan of our work and hoped we’d be able to attend her holiday party.

[analyzemydream-blog]

feminist punk band

I dreamed a good friend took me to see his favorite feminist punk band, but instead of playing music, they did an in depth critique of the new Star Wars movie. They used a lot of Jungian symbolism and said if any audience members had had dreams about the movie they’d be happy to analyze them. My friend looked at me really intensely like he knew I was in the middle of a dream and couldn’t ask them to explain it since it was happening right then. We both giggled and I woke up.

[analyzemydream-blog]

at a biker bar with my baby’s scary grandma

I dreamed I was pregnant and hanging out with my partner’s mom at a biker bar in the middle of nowhere. We were sitting at the counter sipping juice when she looked me dead in the eye and said, “You know, you’ve been hiding my grandchild from me for long enough. It’s time for you to have that baby.”

I told her that these things take time and the baby wasn’t gonna be ready for a few month.

She pulled out a long knife and said, “I’m ready to see my granddaughter.”

A biker came over and told us both that he didn’t know what our deal was, but it was time to get the fuck out. I was really freaked out, so I went outside and got in my truck. My partner’s mom looked for her car but it was nowhere in sight. “It’s time for you to leave,” the biker told her and drew a long knife of his own. I was scared of her, but also didn’t want her to get hurt so I pulled over and opened the door for her. She jumped into the truck and we drove off down the highway singing along to Joni Mitchell on the radio and pretended nothing happened.

[analyzemydream-blog]

NPH’s wedding

I dreamed I officiated Neil Patrick Harris's wedding and he introduced me to his 5 cats, all of whom were named Sam.

[analyzemydream-blog]

so many rats

I moved in with my parents and their house had more rats in it than I could have imagined. You’d be going through kitchen cabinets and find them sleeping in dishes. I was super freaked out and asked why they didn’t try to get rid of them. My dad couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do that. He told me how every morning when he and my stepmom woke up, they picked up their blankets and shook out all the mice. “Are you trying to tell me you’re too good to shake mice out of your blankets?” he asked.

[analyzemydream-blog]

public speaking final

It was time for my public speaking final exam. The professor handed me a manzanita branch and a small Christmas tree and said, “Okay, time for your speech on menstruation and why the manzanita is a bad tree.”

I started crying because the manzanita isn’t a bad tree and I hadn’t prepared a speech and I was overwhelmed.

After a few minutes professor stopped me and said, “It seems like this isn’t working for you…”

I nodded.

She looked down at her notes and said, “How about instead of giving a speech you go fuck your partner on the couch?”

I looked up and my partner was standing next to her. “Want to go fuck on the couch?” he asked.

I nodded.

We went to his house where he lived with a bunch of my extended family (except in the dream they were his family, not mine). We started making out on the couch. Somehow we both implicitly knew that:

we were partners and had had plenty of sex in the past

I had only ever had sex with people who had vaginas and had no experience with PIV penetration

therefore I wasn’t on birth control and we needed condoms

He thought he had condoms, and went to grab one. He came back with a big rubber band (which we both knew was what a condom was). I wondered if it was too big for his cock, but I didn’t want to ask cause I thought it would be rude. At this point I was clothed and straddling him while he was naked, wrapping the rubber band around his erection. We were still in the living room.

A cousin walked by and said hey on his way into the kitchen. I asked my partner whether we should go somewhere more private and he looked confused. I wondered if maybe PIV sex was less intimate than I’d been lead to believe, but I told him I was feeling kind of shy and less sexy.

We went upstairs and walked into a room where some cousins, including one who had died a year ago, were playing some kind of board game. That cousin’s mom was sitting in the corner curled up in a little ball staring at him and crying. No one else had seemed to notice her. I went over and wrapped my arm around her.

After a minute the cousin glanced over at us. “You both know I’m dead,” he said matter of factly. I nodded. “It’s okay,” he said and smiled at his mom. He looked like he was going to say something else, but then it was his turn in the game and his attention turned away.

That afternoon the whole family went to a natural history museum that had just opened an immersive exhibit where you could experience what it felt like to be a baby orangutan taking your very first sip of water.

[analyzemydream-blog]

Onion Celebration!!

My partner and I were lying on our bed scrolling through housing ads on Craigslist and we found one called "Onion Celebration!!" There was a picture of someone's back yard in Boulder Creek and we were intrigued cause we thought the title might be a Steven Universe reference. The description said "My mamma is coming down from upstate and she makes the best onion pancakes you've ever had. Green onions, yellow onions, red onions, potato pancakes, you got it! And there's gonna be a bonfire. Love, Mamma." We loved it, especially how it wasn't clear whether mamma was the author or the subject, and my partner started making up a lil song about onions on mandolin. I asked if I could play his guitar and he said, "Now that we live together, that feels like a bit too much intimacy, you know?” I didn’t know, but I wanted to respect his boundaries, so I said, "okay, no worries." He leaned in and kissed me and I woke up.