Phel here with your daily dose of potassium! Am I a simple banana seeking world domination? Or am I just a simple genderless eldritch bog abomination? The world may never know! What I do know is that I'm 30 and still not done living my best life. Those that have been here since the early days know me as Lynn, but don't be confused if you hear me called Phel. I'm more than happy to go by both! When not betraying my friends in space, or sinking into the comforting bog waters, I'm an avid FFXIV player with a pension for making the hard working folks at my bar suffer the antics of their catman boss. Ya know, just dude things~
part of the reason I think it’s so sad that we collectively write so few stories about unrequited love is bc I feel like there’s very little public acknowledgment of how much it sucks to be the one somebody is in unrequited love with??? and not in a way of like, oh they’re crossing boundaries or putting expectations on me or whatever. becoming close friends with someone and then finding out they’re in love with you and you don’t love them back the same way is heartbreaking, bc a) someone you love is in pain and there is literally nothing you can do about it, and b) it usually means that whether you like it or not there’s going to be distance in your friendship that wasn’t there before as they try to get over you. idk man I just feel like we’ve all discussed the tragedy of loving someone who doesn’t love you back quite a lot and very rarely discuss the tragedy of finding out the way that you love someone just isn’t enough.
a compilation (so far) of all my scumcum xxxholics redraws ^_−☆
links with 1st being the oldest: 4, 3, 2, 1 ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪
please feel free to lmk which of these are your favorite!!! so far i love the 4th for the border details, 3rd for the flower rendering, 2nd for its colors, and the 1st for its sketchy vibe if that makes sense? id love to hear your thoughts though!!! (*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)
I just think Shang Qinghua should get so angry one time that he unconsciously overrides the System and unlocks Admin privileges and just deletes entire clans out of existance in the blink of an eye while going "writing you in was a mistake".
And I also think everyone who saw that refuses to ever talk about it, but they're all scared shitless of the tiny human by Mobei-jun's side now because they realize he's not just really smart and an amazing strategist, he's also a god and can kill them all in 0.5 seconds. And now they all think that Shang Qinghua is actually the one running the show and Mobei-jun is just, like, the face of the Northern kingdom only.
Shang Qinghua is utterly horrified when he snaps out of it and realizes what he's done (somehow??? He doesn't know wtf just happened) and how now everyone is terrified of him except for Mobei-jun who is just looking at him with heart in his eyes lmao
AU where he transmigrates into a rogue cultivator? Love those. Demonic cultivator for some spice, secret cultivator, beast expert cultivator, and more!
Transmigrate into a no name desciple? It's good to expand on dynamics. Same age as the protagonist? His shidi? His shixong? Or is he among the Qing generation of disciples! Lots of options.
Into a pidw harem member? Why not? There's at least 300 of them, go nuts, make one up for kicks or pick a canonical name to play with! Canon's your oyster.
Into other existing characters? Of course, that just makes sense. Other peak lords, other cultivators, his students, whatever suits your fancy.
Into a random new npc somewhere in the world doing average stuff? We love the creativity. A young master, a scholar, sometimes a farmer.
Into a sword! Love it!! Xiu Ya, Xin Mo, or maybe he's a different artifact entirely!
Into a demon? Definitely, there's several. Noble demons, no name wife material demons, new never before seen kinds of demons.
Into a CAT!? WE GOT YOU. other animals too, but catzun is classic. Dragons are also up there.
Into a worm?!? We love him even as a worm.
Into a SYSTEM? IVE SEEN AT LEAST 2 OF THESE.
He's sillyputty. We throw him at transmigration concepts to see how he sticks.
Awww shit, it's popping off fr. More amputee!SY for the spooky month.
Between writing Tumblr stuff and my fics on my mature AO3, my bag's heckin full lmao. But I'm enjoying writing this, so I'll keep doing it hehehehe
Ah, also, I refer to Amitabha Buddha as such instead of his Mandarin Chinese name, Amituofo. So, any ascetic practitioners will be saying "Amitabha" for their greetings and such. Just a head's up.
Prev: Part 5
---
He absolutely planned this. Of course he did.
Never underestimate Binghe.
Shen Yuan sent a withering stare over to the demon emperor, but he seemed to ignore it this time. Though, the blood mites warmed in a spot around his shoulders, the exact spots he sometimes holds and rubs him placatingly. So, the man knew he was giving him the "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" look and asking him to roll with the situation for now.
Ach, fine, fine. Gods forbid he have some peace.
"The first accusation this brought against Shen Qingqiu was that he abused me on Qing Jing Peak. Back then, Shen Qingqiu made no plea, and he was found guilty. How do you plea now, my love?"
...Not sure where you're going with this, but as he promised, Shen Yuan would go with the flow.
"Guilty," he answered plainly, with the crowd starting to murmur at his admittance.
"So he says. And yet, the case at the time was missing important context that I, at the time, was too blinded by my own hatred to pursue."
"And what would that be?" Yue Qingyuan asked, his voice low and hands clenched.
"One, that many of the punishments bestowed upon me were quite common for Cang Qiong Sect."
Immediately, many demons expressed outrage, griping about how they were called cruel for their disciplinary actions when the cultivators were no different. Some of the cultivators in attendance, sensing blood in the water, also began yelling, denying that their sect would ever do something like that.
Some, of course, still sided with Cang Qiong. And amongst the demons, a few were quiet, perhaps thinking that what Binghe suffered through hadn't been that serious.
Yue Qingyuan pressed his lips tightly together, not saying anything in response. The Zui Xian Peak lord, seeing this, did not have the same restraint.
"Surely you jest! Cang Qiong Sect does not abuse our disciples!"
Luo Binghe smiled, happy for the man to have taken the bait.
"Is that so? Then, this lord presumes whipping was not practiced on any peak other than Qing Jing?"
"Not to the extent you mentioned, no."
"Was kneeling in the sun not practiced on any other peak than Qing Jing?"
"...Not to the extent you described."
"Were no disciples ever ostracized by their peers on any other peak than Qing Jing?"
"Of course, some disciples find it difficult to fit in, but we would not go out of our way to worsen it!"
"So, Peak Lord He, you've never dumped out a disciples wine?"
"Not on their head! Yes, Cang Qiong Sect does discipline our disciples, but the punishments you mentioned at the trial went too far. We could not reasonably accept what he'd done, and so, he was ousted at the trial. Why do you bring up our methods now?"
"Simply because, if you knew that what Shen Qingqiu was doing was inappropriate, why did no one take any steps to stop him?"
At this, Qi Qingqi spoke up.
"The peak lords do not interfere with each other's disciplinary decisions. How would a parent feel if someone interfered with the discipline of their child? This lord, for one, would not take it kindly for these men to tell me how to care for my girls. And I'm sure you would hate for someone to tell you how to treat your wives, since you've not had any children yourself."
"Ah, but is Cang Qiong Sect not familial? This lord recalls that you all have generational names and function like a family unit. In such a case, would an aunt not beseech that her brother treat her nephew lightly?"
"Even families have rules amongst each other. And if that aunt is her brother's younger sister, why would she have any real say in his childrearing?"
"What then of the eldest brother?"
At this, her lips shut, a grimace just slightly flinching on her face.
The eyes of the crowd swiftly settled on Yue Qingyuan.
Ah...yeah. Shen Yuan was sure of it now.
Luo Binghe certainly did not like Yue Qingyuan.
In fact, that was an angle he'd considered when reading the book, as much as he loathed to admit there was anything wrong with the man. As the sect leader, he had the authority to set Shen Qingqiu straight, but he did not. He did nothing.
Just like he did nothing to come back for hi—Shen Jiu.
How many times did Luo Binghe look to him for help? Clearly, the book didn't explain everything, as it didn't explain Shen Jiu's past.
So, perhaps there were instances, where Binghe gave him a look. The sort that a child does when they need an adult to help them. Perhaps he had outright asked him for it, asked him to confirm if he deserved what was happening to him. And him, being a child, perhaps didn't know.
But Yue Qingyuan would've known. And he did know, judging by his silence.
He knew what Shen Qingqiu was doing was wrong, but he allowed it. And each time he refused to do anything, he was stabbing Binghe in the back.
...The trap with those thousand arrows now looked quite different to Shen Yuan.
He'd thought it was the typical overkill revenge plot from Luo Binghe the character. But, considering the circumstances, perhaps it was more symbolic than he'd thought.
Yue Qingyuan finally opened his mouth.
"This lord was in the wrong."
Well no shit, Sherlock!
"...So you say," Luo Binghe said quietly. "Is there any reason you did not govern your younger sect sibling and guide him to more reasonable disciplinary tactics?"
"...This lord has no excuse."
"Surely you don't. Though, an explanation would suffice."
None left his mouth. Instead...
"I admit that I was complicit in Shen Qingqiu's poor treatment of you."
"Tch."
When the crowd looked toward Shen Yuan, he stared away, his fan concealing the scowl on his face. His eye, though, held all the emotion they needed to see.
Typical. Irritating.
With the mood sufficiently cooled, Qi Qingqi attempted to speak again.
"If you wish to bestow punishment upon Sect Leader Yue, this lord asks that you allow the judgement to be fielded with his peers. Considering the damage you've caused to Shen Qingqiu's body, I am distrusting of your ability to discipline others reasonably."
Despite the jab at him, Luo Binghe smiled.
"Indeed, I can agree that my handling of Shen Qingqiu's treatment leaves much to be desired. After all, in addition to him not receiving guidance, this lord can no longer say he was abusing me whilst in his right mind."
At this, the crowd began to murmur again, confusion evident in their expressions. The Ku Xing Peak lord interrupted their musings, his voice forcefully calmed.
"Amitabha. To what are you referring? Do you mean to say Shen Qingqiu was insane before but that he is not now?"
"Frankly, yes. Two, Shen Qingqiu was mentally unfit to function as a peak lord prior to his current state, and Cang Qiong Sect should have easily noticed this to be the case. He was, in a specific capacity, incapable of differentiating right from wrong. As such, this lord unjustly punished Shen Qingqiu for the wrongdoing of his whole sect."
Even Shen Yuan wasn't sure about him following such a jump in logic. Hey, Binghe, what are you going for with this?!
"Beloved."
"Hmm?" he responded reflexively.
Shen Yuan looked up to see Binghe smiling at him kindly.
"Could you remind me of the definition of insanity?"
"Ah. Ahem. Insanity is mental illness of a severe nature, to the point one cannot distinguish fiction from reality, cannot conduct their affairs due to psychosis, or display...rather, is subject to uncontrollable and impulsive behavior... Ah, it's also known, in some aspects, as lunacy."
A few wolf demons immediately understood, murmuring amongst each other.
"You mention psychosis. And that is?"
"A loss of touch with reality. A symptom instead of a diagnosis itself. Psychosis can include hallucinations, delusions, disorganized speech, and abnormal movements."
"Thank you, my love."
Shen Yuan huffed and fanned himself, looking away as he turned to address the others.
"Peak Lord Mu, as a physician, are you aware of these mental maladies?"
Mu Qingfang, who had been silent throughout, stepped forward.
"This lord is a medical physician, not a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, mental maladies are beyond my scope of expertise."
"Ah, but you know the definition of some of the words, this lord presumes."
"...You would be correct."
"Then, if you would please define the ones you believe would be relevant for the others to know."
He remained quiet for a moment, but with a sigh, he began to speak.
"Hallucinations occur when you perceive something that doesn't exist, like a shadow, an object, or a person. Delusions are false beliefs held by individuals or groups that are fanciful, self-deceptive, demonstrably false, patently untrue, or impossible. Even so, the person or people with said delusions will be resistant to evidence that their belief is incorrect.
"Disorganized speech refers to interruptions in speaking patterns that makes it difficult for others to understand them. For example, incoherent babbling is a form of disorganized speech. And abnormal movements can range from seizures to motionlessness."
"Thanking Peak Lord Mu for your educational evaluation. Then, from your professional opinion, would you say that a qi deviation can be a cause of psychosis?"
"It is possible. Yes. Qi deviations have similar results to the psychosis you mention."
"And it can result in death, yes. Have you noticed personality changes as a result of a qi deviation in your field?
"Yes."
"Then, from your professional opinion, could persistent qi deviations alter someone's personality? If not forever, at least for a period of time?"
Mu Qingfang paused. Luo Binghe tilted his head in quiet, eerie curiosity.
"Hmm?"
"...It...may be possible."
"I would think so. After all, is it true, from your profession as a physician, that qi deviations can have permanent ramifications on someone's physical wellbeing, such as a loss in core stability?"
"...Yes."
"I see! However, with treatment, can these qi deviations be reduced, alleviated, or their symptoms treated?"
"...They can be, depending on the situation."
"Indeed, indeed. Then." Luo Binghe's jovial tone dropped. "Did Shen Qingqiu ever receive long-term, thorough treatment for the results of his constant qi deviations?"
Ah.
Even Shen Yuan paused.
"A normal cultivator may qi deviate once or twice, if that many times. Some never deviate throughout their entire journey. But Shen Qingqiu deviated many, many times. Enough that Qing Jing Peak used to have protocol for functioning when he was indisposed.
"Had this happened to any other peak lord or disciple, would you, as a sect, as a family, not done everything in your power to help and heal them? Would you not have done anything you could to stop them from suffering? What made Shen Qingqiu so different? ...Ah. Sect Leader Yue."
He did not look as firm and staunch as he had before. Instead, there was something a tad haunted about him. He kept shooting that pleading look toward Shen Yuan.
The latter had begun to hate it immensely.
Why look at him like that? What do you want?
Will you do anything beyond looking like that?
"When was Shen Qingqiu accepted into Cang Qiong Sect?"
His gaze flickered, then he turned back to Luo Binghe.
"...When he was brought to the mountain, the Peak Lord of Qing Jing decided to accept him."
"Hmmh. Beloved."
"Mm?"
"Tell me again how you met with Yue Qingyuan."
"...Right." He had to think a bit, remember to say it as though it was his memory rather than a dream he had. If... They were still just dreams. Right? "There was an Immortal Alliance Conference. This one was...under the tutelage of Wu Yanzi. He brought us there to...kill disciples and take their hearts for some sort of elixir. When he targeted Yue Qingyuan, I...killed him."
"I see, thank you. Then, to more accurately state how Shen Qingqiu was accepted into Cang Qiong Sect, it was after he rescued their then top disciple in the entire sect from being murdered by his then shifu. Ah, but Wu Yanzi...I didn't know anything of him, but I recall learning that he was reveled in the cultivation community for being a criminal. Murder, arson, robbery. He was a human practitioner of demonic cultivation.
"Therefore, Shen Qingqiu, prior to his acceptance in disciplehood and rising to his position of Qing Jing Peak Lord, was also a human practitioner of demonic cultivation, correct? After all, that's all he'd really come to know. That was all someone like Wu Yanzi would teach him. So then, I wonder how he was treated, as a demonic cultivator among the many little ladies and lords of Cang Qiong Sect."
Qi Qingqi cut in again.
"You think he was mistreated? That's just conjecture! You have no evidence of any mistreatment you can try to claim he faced!"
"And I have no intent on interrogating my future empress on it either. But this lord can say, demonstratively, that the previous Qing Jing Peak Lord taught Shen Qingqiu righteous cultivation. In teaching him your cultivation practices, they were either purposefully or unknowingly negligent, causing his qi to clash with the core he'd form during his years as a demonic cultivator.
"Neither they nor anyone of their generation did anything substantial to help him adjust to their teachings and practices despite him trying to follow the righteous path. Without any known treatment given to him, Shen Qingqiu struggled and formed a core with both spiritual and demonic qi in a human body. Such a situation would prime anyone for a lifetime of constant, rampant qi deviations, wouldn't it?"
Binghe's eyes narrowed at them.
"Then, instead of growing beyond what their shifu taught them, the Qing generation of Cang Ciong Sect, either knowingly or ignorantly, neglected to help him change, whether to purge the demonic qi or to help him manage both flowing through his forcefully altered meridians.
"And, during the time of my trial against him, Shen Qingqiu, took on the blame for all wrongdoings brought against him, either with or without the context that, for a good portion of the time he functioned as Qing Jing Peak Lord, he was likely suffering the symptoms of severe qi deviations that may very well have killed him at any point, twisting his mind and perpetuating actions beyond what he potentially would have ever done.
"And instead of coming to his defense with any of these details, Cang Qiong Sect...no, Sect Leader Yue, who we can quite clearly prove knew that all this happened, did absolutely nothing to help him."
Luo Binghe laughed.
"Indeed, what a loving, close-knit family."
...Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
...Shen Yuan understood.
He understood it now.
Why Shen Jiu became intolerant of Yue Qingyuan.
Why he'd so firmly overlapped Luo Binghe and Qiu Jianluo.
Why he'd just as firmly overlapped Ning Yingying and Qiu Haitang.
Why he was an acerbic piece of shit spiraling further out of whack the longer he lived.
...One of the two things he'd been guilty of.
Of abusing Luo Binghe. And he hadn't even been mentally sound enough to teach, much less run a peak.
And the other thing he'd been guilty of, killing all the men and destroying the Qiu House...that had been the trigger to his future psychotic symptoms. He hadn't killed just the men for no reason.
He knew why now, having dreamt it. Experienced it.
Felt the pain in his broken legs. Heard Yue Qi call to him from the other side of the door. Waited.
Waited.
Waited.
And could wait no longer, his mind shattering as he burned everything he could to the ground.
...It hurt.
It hurt to realize the Qiu House had not been the only group to wrong him. That Wu Yanzi and Qiu Jianluo hadn't been the only men to abuse him. That the Cang Qiong he'd loved had let him hurt and hurt him more.
And all he could feel, aside from the pain, was...
...the same resignation he felt the first time he was judged.
He was guilty. He felt guilty. But he was not the only one to blame.
----
"We plead not guilty to this charge for reason of insanity."
— Luo Binghe, defense attorney and prosecutor, apparently.
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