I’m 27, you can call me Andi. I’m a proud bisexual and Heathen. Bigotry and discrimination of all sorts aren’t welcome here. This is a house of love, validation, and probably shitty memes.
My son once came back from a record shop visit with his uncle and with wide eyes and excited smile presented me with a cassette tape. “Look what I found!” As though he’d unearthed ancient pottery at a dig sight.
I love it. I love when my kids discover something that I take for granted. I hear songs with new ears because they are in a state of wonder. My son played me “Paint it Black” the other day, I’m like yeah Rolling Stones so what? And then I see his face and that LOOK like he just discovered sunsets and he’s like yeah but listen to this part, listen to the guitar right here - and I hear a song anew. Like watching a puppy see a bird for the first time, and oh oh right yeah birds are fucking amazing, forgot about that.
#finally a comment that doesn’t have disdain for kids discovering old things #isn’t it cool that someone didn’t know Queen and they got to hear it for the first time? #isn’t it cool to witness that excitement?
I think this is largely why “react” channels on YouTube have become so popular. Watching someone experience something you love for the first time is exciting. Rediscovering that thing through their eyes is also exciting.
This is my own spin on the Ultimate Deity Communication spread. I combined two spreads when originally trying to identify my deities, and it resonated really strongly for me. This and this are the originals I combined. I did NOT write the bulk of the descriptors, that goes to The Tarot Guru who has some AWESOME material! The numbers on the cards are NOT a strict order to lay them in, they are simply for identification with the meanings. I lay them in different orders depending on where my intuition is calling me. Make sure to consider the interplay of different cards in this one! I always wait to flip the middle card until the very end because I want a good picture of the deity before I prejudice myself. I prefer to do this spread with my most neutral deck, specifically a Rider-Waite, because I have found that my deities have very different preferred methods to communicate with my but all of them can make this work. I only use this for identifying spirits, I use other spreads once I have identified them.
1. Past Relationship
This may not have been the first time that you are receiving either communication or an outside influence from this particular deity, you just may not have been aware of it. This card will inform you whether they have influenced your life previously, as well as the instance that they involved themselves in. If you experienced a moment in your life that you did not understand, or if something happened with no explanation, you may finally get the answers you were seeking.
2. Present Relationship
Similar to the previous card, this one will inform you of the current influence that this deity is having on your life. Again, this may provide you with an explanation of events currently occurring in your life, or clarify any confusing feelings you may have. This card will, more than likely, relate to the influencing sphere of the deity.
3. Sphere of Influence
The third card to be drawn will represent that deity’s sphere of influence. This will provide you further insight into the identity of the deity, as each deity has its own specific spheres of influence. The sphere that has been represented on this card may relate to the conversation or advice that the deity wishes to share with you, usually meaning that this sphere is going to change or is changing within your life.
4. Personality Traits of the Deity
Now that you have an overall image of what the deity is like, the following card will inform you further on their specific personality traits. This card may represent the deity’s most overwhelming personality trait, alternatively, it could symbolize a personality trait that the deity shares with yourself. The personality trait could also be one that you should either develop or become more attuned to.
5. Why work with this Deity?
At this point of the tarot reading, you may be wondering why you should work with this deity, this card will provide you with the answer. Perhaps you have been seeking help relating to this deity’s influencing sphere, or maybe change is coming in this sphere within your personal life. Either way, the deity will know whether you need their help or support. They are here to help you, and you should absorb and understand the guidance and advice that they are giving you. Remember that just because a deity wants to work with you doesn't mean that you have to accept.
6. What They Desire From You
Most of the time, deities will wish to communicate with you when they want to give you advice relating to their influencing sphere. This card will inform you of what they wish you to do after understanding the conversation. This could be an action that they wish for you to complete or inner contemplation and reflection that you should partake in.
7. How to Respect the Deity's Wishes
If the previous card confuses you, or you require further information, then this card may help. With all the information that the deity has provided so far, it may confuse you on how you should proceed. This card will provide you with insight on how you can respect the deity’s wishes and follow their guidance to the best of your ability.
8. How This Will Improve Your Relationship
This card will symbolize how you can improve your relationship with this deity. Whether you already have a strong relationship, or if this is the first time you are communicating, every relationship always requires work to either maintain its high level or improve it. This card will inform you on what you can do in order to improve the relationship, whether that is following their advice or opening yourself up to further communication.
9. Past Lessons
What lessons have I learned from you in the past that can benefit me now?
10. Present Impact of Past Lessons
What is the best way to learn this lesson? How should I use what I gained from these lessons?
11. Signs
What signs should I look for from you?
12. Preferred Offerings/Service
Do you have any preferred offerings or things you would like me to do for you at the present moment, or in general?
13. Card Representing the Deity
The last card to be drawn will symbolize the deity themselves. This will be the strongest card to provide an overall representation of the deity rather than a specific part of their personality or attitude. You must remember, however, that this will not directly identify the deity but will simply provide you with a deeper insight that will allow you to trust and bond them.
Additional Cards
I often lay additional cards to get further clarification or additional details. Where that card is placed in relation to the others is very much based on your intuition. A few cards I usually lay are a card that they will use to represent me, and my other deities. I usually lay the one to represent myself crossing the 13 card, and the deity cards also go in the center. These give perspective on how the deity will work within and with your current pantheon and life.
still so charmed by the way rose tyler is so unapologetically lower class without the narrative like. consistently telling you that. it’s all stuff you see between her flat and her bottle blonde hair with roots poking through and and her clumpy mascara and her clothes that don’t fit quite right and her passion for looking out for the underdog. it’s just so refreshing to have the protagonist of a show not be so squeaky clean and polished or a complete antihero but just some completely normal girl shaped by the way she grew up
When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay
Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe
4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger
1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix
1 TBs ketchup
1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,
1 Tbs bbq sauce
1 Tbs steak sauce
1 egg
mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)
You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf
here’s a mashed potato recipe from my homophobic mother that i swore to never share that would pair perfectly!
(6 servings)
-2lbs red potatoes
-1 cup butter (2 sticks)
-1 cup cream cheese (1 pack)
-Chives (optional)
-Salt & Pepper to taste
1. drop those bad boys (potatoes) in a big ol pot. U don’t even have to chop them just wash them
2. boil til soft!
3. Drain
4. Mash (usually they’re small enough you can use a fork if u don’t have one of those squashers) until its a pretty chunky mix
5. add the other stuff. Keep mashing
I like my mashed potato consistancy more lumpy but its all up to you!! Peel the potatoes or keep them on, it literally makes the creamiest fluffiest mashed potatoes which she always served with the nastiest fuckin meatloaf
So after spending hours combing through the recipes in the comments of this post I have created a cookbook. Feel free to use it. The link should work for everyone, its the only file on the google drive! I have referenced all of the recipes I used, all of which are from this thread. I made it for myself, but figured after all that work I should probably share. Happy spite cooking!
A lot of people with childhood trauma (and, from my experience, especially attachment trauma) find themselves yearning for a parent figure. A mother, a savior - someone to hold you and love you in all the ways you needed when you were a child. Someone to hold you while you break into a million pieces.
At some point in recovery/therapy you will have to face the harsh reality: there will never be anyone. Not like that, not anymore. And mourning that? That’s too much, that feels like a pain that cannot be survived. A pain that will swallow you whole, a pain that will drown you.
Therapists can offer a lot of support, but not like that. So maybe you want to switch therapists in hopes of finding someone who can (even though, if they are a good therapist, they can’t), or you would rather be without therapists because then at least they won’t have to suffer the pain of “someone’s here but they’re not enough”.
Getting a little support, a little of everything we missed, a little of everything we want… Getting a little is worse, in some ways. Because getting a little bit activates the pain; it triggers the feelings of what we miss. Dripping a couple drops of water in an empty bucket makes you feel how devastatingly empty that bucket is.
Getting nothing and being absolutely alone is dull. It’s a drag of depression and darkness. But getting a little bit but not everything? That’s sharp and flashing pain, it’s dry heaving from the heavy crying. It’s intrusive thoughts and self-destructive thoughts. It’s breaking apart again and again and again.
liSTEN my therapist warned me about this and then she told me THERE IS A SOLUTION
you DO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY FOREVER
the solution is reparenting yourself
YOU be the parent you wish you’d had.
YOU give yourself comfort and love and acceptance (and ice cream and stuffed animals).
YOU talk to yourself the way a good parent would – tell yourself “it’s okay” and “everybody makes mistakes” and “you will feel better soon”.
YOU can change the voices in your head. listen to those thoughts and hear whose voice they’re speaking with. your parents programmed those intrusive thoughts. and then ARGUE with them the way you were never allowed to before. tell yourself “YOU DESERVE NICE THINGS” and “YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY” until someday someday someday with enough time you CHANGE your programming into something BETTER.
It’s a process. it’s a looooooooooong process. I’m still going at it. BUT. it can really really help to know that the way you feel right now is not forever, and that you can re-parent yourself and start to feel better. that you have power now that you didn’t have before, and you can use that power to reinforce your programming and you can use that power to change that programming, and it’s all up to you.
OP is right that no one else can do it for you. you can’t get adopted by a new perfect family. your therapist / partner / BFF can’t do it.
but YOU CAN.
(p.s. https://www.outofthestorm.website/ is a really really great resource from anyone suffering from complex ptsd due to relational trauma, A++ highly recommend)
I think this is a good thing to do even if you had fantastic parents. No parent is perfect and there will always be things you missed out on, even if on the surface everything was fine.
My parents, for example, are awesome and i love them very much, but they are not the most emotionally available people in the world. Strong emotions make my family suuuuuper uncomfortable. Words of affirmation weren’t really a Thing we did that much. Praise was usually tempered with the caveat that future performance was expected (ie you did good this time but you need to make sure you keep working at this, or nice work but now you need to make sure you buckle down so next time we do better–that kind of thing). Learning to be unconditionally supportive and proud of myself, or to give myself a break when I was really at the point where I just needed rest, was a really important step for me.
No matter what kind of parent you had, there will probably be things you missed out on, and learning to provide those things to yourself is a really great skill.
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