Untitled

[penny-anna]

also consider: LOTR but hobbits have Tapeta Lucidum

Boromir gets the fright of his life their first night on the road

[penny-anna]

Boromir: *glances over his shoulder* ??!!!!???!!

Hobbits:

Hobbits: what

[tehri]

i will never get over that you used an image of raccoons for this purpose because it is incredibly accurate

[penny-anna]

LOTR au but instead of hobbits literally raccoons

Gandalf: well this raccoon found the ring and has been carrying it around. unfortunately we can’t take it off him or he gets very bite-y. so I figure, the raccoon is the ringbearer now

Elrond: what are those other three raccoons doing here

Gandalf: he brought his buddies. I call this one ‘Merry’

[tehri]

TRASH PANDA HOBBITS

@auraboo THE LEGACY OF FATTY MCFAT LIVES ON

[penny-anna]

Aragorn: *watching Frodo & Sam scamper off in the direction of Mordor* our hopes lie with those raccoons now

Legolas: do they… know where they are going

Aragorn: I sure hope so

[penny-anna]

Faramir: father why is this raccoon in the livery of the citadel

Denethor: haha doesn’t he look precious

[uhtcearemorning]

Elfhelm: Dernhelm, is that a raccoon in your bag?

Dernhelm: *sweating nervously* Uh no, sir.

Eowyn, later: And I said no, you know, like a liar.

[penny-anna]

Denethor: WHY did you let a raccoon go off with the Ring??

Faramir: ….it just seemed like the right thing to do

Gandalf: he scratched you up real good huh

Faramir: ……………gouged my FUCKING arm and bit me on my face

[penny-anna]

Witch King: no living man can kill me - AUGH FUCK, RACCOON, RACCOON ON MY LEG ARGHHHH

Eowyn: *stab*

[ms-demeanor]

Wraiths break into the room at the prancing pony: *UnHoLy ScReEcHiNg*

Trash Panda Hobbits:

Wraiths: Oh, what the fuck, whAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

[ms-demeanor]

Treebeard: Baroom, humm, where are my small, impatient friends?

Merry and Pippin:

[ms-demeanor]

Don’t go where I can’t follow, Mr. Frodo.

[ms-demeanor]

~~~~~~The Hobbit interlude~~~~~~

Thorin: You’re the burgular.Go on and…burgle something! Bilbo:

[ms-demeanor]

Saruman: Well since some fucking TREES took over Isengard I guess I’ll take over The Shire. Farmer Maggot and ever other Halfling down to the Sacksville-Bagginses:

[agoodcartoon]

Guys who complain about the friendzone often don’t care about their female friends’ personal boundaries, forcing their female friends build more walls up. A good cartoon.

- submitted by Gene

[sciencevevo]

why is he tearing down a wall with an axe

[officialcyndilauper-deactivated]

i hate it when your put in the friendzone and made to tear down a wall

[ondoinganevildeedblues]

Mr. Gorbachev…tear down this friendzone

[cheaphalloweencostume]

how you gonna draw some shit that makes you look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining and still feel like you’re the victim

[bogleech]

I DON’T *CHOP* UNDERSTAND *CHOP* WHY *CHOP* YOU CAN’T *CHOP* JUST *CHOP* LET ME *CHOP* BONE YOU *CHOP* ON AN INDEFINITE *CHOP* EXCLUSIVE *CHOP* BASIS *CHOP* WHEN *CHOP* I’M *CHOP* SO *CHOP* NIIIIIIIIIIIICE *CHOP*

[dr-archeville]

“I’m going to wall you up now, Fortunato.”

“Ha ha, and then what? ;) ”

[magistrate-of-mediocrity]

“For the love of God, Montresor!” -Cask of Amontifriendzone, Edgar Allan Poe

[digitaldiscipline]

Incessantly, I heard a smacking, as of some entitled dipshit whacking, whacking on my chamber door.

Resignedly, I placed another layer, voicing a quiet, repeated prayer, “This dude thinks he’s a player, but I am not a point to score, he should fuck off and bother me no more.”

Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

- The Craven, by Edward Allen Bro

[agoodcartoon]

edgar allen bro

[zinglebert-bembledack]

Oh my god

[yournewfriendshouse]

holy shit

[chaoticproximity]

This gets better every time.

[the-cimmerians]

REBLOGGING FOR THAT FUCKING POEM ALL PRAISE

[systlin]

THE POEM

[distinguishedbaloney]

[piss-pirate]

[thoodleoo]

[amazingmotionpicture]

Heartbreaking scene from the film

Schindler’s List (1993)

[fluffmugger]

OK LEMME TELL YOU STRAIGHT UP ABOUT OSKAR SCHINDLER.  Everyone knows the story, right? His protected workers?  How none of his ammo worked?  The full story is a lot more complex and a hell of a lot more breathtaking.

He wasn’t a saint. in fact, he was a bit of a douche, all things considered. Whored around on his wife, worked for the Abwehr, he was a member of the nazi party - not a particularly devout follower, but because he was a big fat remora fish who realised this particular shark could give him business opportunities, and if he wined and dined the upper crust that scored him even better ones.  He realised very quickly he could make an absolute killing on the black market and dove in headfirst with the profiteering.  Hell, he initially hired Jews in his factory because nazi strictures made them much much cheaper labour than hiring normal Polish labourers.  

But the thing is, once you start surrounding yourself with a particular, persecuted demographic, you begin to notice things.  You hear things, things you aren’t insulated from.  You begin to realise something.

And Oskar Schindler began to dimly grasp what was happening and he realised that it was not something he could countenance.  And his whole gameplay changed. He no longer wined and dined for business opportunities, but to protect his workers.  He went flat out fucking balls to the wall to rescue a group of his workers from the jaws of Auschwitz, and built them a “camp” that offered at least the barest of human comforts, right under SS supervision.  He moved his entire fucking factory to save his workers, he realised an SS-provided list of names was left with blank spaces and just started filling in more.  He blew everything he had made profiteering and scheming to protect 1200 people because he found that there was a fucking line and it had to be drawn. He arranged for three thousand Jewish women to be moved to textile factories in the Sudetenland to give them a chance of surviving the war.   He blew all his money, resources and time on feeding, caring for and trying to protect as many Jews as he could.

After the war he failed every business venture he tried.  He became a raging alcoholic, surviving on donations sent by Schindlerjuden.  According to some, he traded the ring gifted to him by his workers for Schnapps.  He died in relative obscurity, almost penniless.

He wasn’t a great man, or a saint. He was an average schmuck, and spent most of his time fucking around until he abruptly found himself in a situation where he couldn’t.  He almost stumbled into his decency.  But once he had, he absolutely took hold of it,  and directly because of him 8,500 people are alive today.

Never, ever doubt the ability of a single human to RISE.

[bluecaptions]

How English has changed in the past 1000 years.

[allowthehype-deactivated2015072]

the big mans a lad i have fuck all, he lets me have a kip in a field he showed me a pond 

[beautifultoastdream-deactivated]

I think my favorite part is how the first three are totally comprehensible to a modern reader, and then the fourth one is just “Wait, what?” You can practically see where William the Conqueror came crashing into linguistic history like the Kool-Aid Man, hollering about French grammar and the letter Q.

[systlin]

^ I FUCKIN SPIT MY DRINK UP

[m4a1-shermayne]

In honor of our great nation’s Independence day, I decided to post the full video.

[sandandglass]

Donald Trump gets attacked by an eagle.

This eagle truly represents America. What a majestic symbol.

[lukcskywalkcrs]

It’s only fitting that this gets reblogged today

[myfrogcroaked]

If this gets reblogged everyday, and not only today, I will still smile every single time I see it.

[elizakursky]

@neurodivergent-crow

[m-l-rio]

Sonnet for President Trump

Shall I compare thee to a Shakespeare play? Thou art less clever and less literate, But how else should poor poets have their say? Alas, our leader lacks a donkey’s wit! Sometime too fierce the fire of ego burns, And when a man is made to look a fool, He rages ’gainst the mockery he earns, As little boys will cry when teas’d at school. But thy eternal tantrums shall not wane, Nor shalt thou e’er unclench thy tiny fists, Nor listen when the people dare to say, “’Tis you, dear sir, who made a scene of this.”         So long as men can breathe and speech is free,         The Bard shall speak and show thy shame to thee.

(4 July 2017, in honor and defense of freedom of artistic expression)

[dukeofbookingham-deactivated202]

Happy Fourth

[linguisticguitarist]

It’s time.

[radiojamming]

ah yes time for the sacred american tradition of IT’S NOT THE 4TH YET ASSHOLE STOP SHOOTING OFF FIREWORKS

[writterings]

fun fact about american history: george washington was apparently so sexy that when he was 17 he went swimming a river and some girl that had a crush on him stole his clothes and watched as he walked around naked looking for them

[writterings]

aaron burr, the guy who shot alexander hamilton and also the second vice president of the united states, tried to start an empire out in texas

[writterings]

marquis de lafayette literally had to sneak out of france to come aid america and while some versions of the story claim that he disguised himself as a commoner, other versions say he dressed up like a woman

[writterings]

literally all the founding fathers had daddy issues, specifically alexander hamilton who refused to even befriend george washington initially because he didn’t want to grow close to someone who had the potential to become a father like figure to him

[writterings]

thomas jeffereson kept a bust of alexander hamilton in his house at monticello for no reason other than the fact that hamilton was his sworn enemy and he felt as though he needed a very expensive bust of his sworn enemy in his house

[pinkbat99]

I love all of this please keep going.

[writterings]

they didn’t let hamilton try this one course of study at king’s college because it was so intense that it made one student literally get sick and have to go home for months on end and that student was james madison

[torchlake]

george washington made a rule banning snacks during cabinet meetings because thomas jefferson would always eat mac n cheese which wasn’t big in the us at the time and all the other founding fathers thought it was disgusting

[peggycatrerr]

aaron burr once set himself on fire because he attempted to light a candle by shooting it because he was too tired to get an actual match and his gun was nearby

[vikingfighter-deactivated201909]

If Stuntmen from the old movies don’t have your full respect then I just don’t know what to say to you

[working--on--excellence]

l tried really hard not to reblog this

[nescientes]

Yeah, it is indeed really hard not to reblog a fucking thing.

[spaceman-v-spiff-deactivated201]

Can we all agree that the man in the first gif is the manliest man in the world?

[jolivet-deactivated20190306]

Are we just going to all silently acknowledge that the last guy is clearly dead and that we just saw him die. 

[antoinetriplett-deactivated2015]

HOLD UP FOR A SECOND

ALL OF THESE GIFS ARE ONE MAN

THE SINGULAR BUSTER KEATON

WHILE FILMING THE GENERAL

HE SNAPPED HIS NECK ON THE RAILROAD TIES AND WENT HOME AND ICED HIS BODY

AND CAME BACK FOR WORK THE NEXT DAY

HE ONCE GOT HIS HIP RIPPED OUT OF ITS SOCKET BY A MALFUNCTIONING ELEVATOR AND WAS DISAPPOINTED WITH HIMSELF FOR BEING INJURED

HE ONCE HAD TO FALL 100 FEET DOWN A WATERFALL INTO A NET

A STUNTMAN TESTED IT AND BROKE BOTH LEGS AND DISLOCATED HIS SHOULDER

BUSTER DID THE STUNT ANYWAY AND LANDED WITHOUT A SCRATCH

IN ‘THE HIGH DIVE’

BUSTER DID A TRICK DIVE THROUGH A CARDBOARD DECK THAT WAS CAMOUFLAGED TO LOOK LIKE THE REAL DECK

ONLY HE COULDN’T TELL FROM 100 FEET UP WHERE THE CARDBOARD STOPPED AND THE REAL DECK STARTED AND THERE WAS ONLY LIKE A THREE FOOT MARGIN FOR ERROR

AND WHEN HE HESITATED A SUDDEN BREEZE LITERALLY KNOCKED HIM OFF THE DIVING BOARD AND HE HAD TO JUMP ANYWAY

AND HE MISSED THE REAL DECK BY LESS THAN A FOOT BUT HE MADE IT

IN THE SECOND GIF HE’S RECREATING SOMETHING THAT THE ACTUAL GENERAL PURSUERS HAD TO DO IN THE CIVIL WAR

IF HE MISSES THAT TIE

THE TRAIN WILL BE DERAILED AND HE WILL DIE IN THE EXPLOSION

IN THE THIRD GIF AN ENTIRE HOUSE IS FALLING HE HAS ONE TAKE AND IF HE HAS NOT DONE THE CALCULATIONS CORRECTLY HE WILL BE CRUSHED

HE HAS AN INCH-WIDE MARGIN ON EACH SIDE

AND THE HOUSE LITERALLY BRUSHES HIS LEFT SHOULDER ON THE WAY DOWN

YOU CAN SEE HIS LEFT ARM JUMP BECAUSE HE’S FLINCHING FROM THE PAIN

THAT LAST GIF

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THAT JUMP

HE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL AND THEY HADNT PLANNED FOR IT

BUT HE SURVIVED

BUSTER KEATON SURVIVED 100% OF THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED LESSER MEN INCLUDING WWI, TORNADOS, HOUSEFIRES, ALCOHOLISM, BROKEN NETS, CRUSHING DEPRESSION, THE DEPRESSION ITSELF, THE MCCARTHY WITCHHUNTS, THE END OF SILENT CINEMA, AND ABOUT 900 MORE OF THE STUNTS YOU SEE ABOVE

BUSTER LIVED TO BE 70 YEARS OLD

FATHERED LIKE FOUR KIDS AND EIGHT GRANDKIDS

HE CAME OUT THE OTHER SIDE OF ALL THAT

THINKING THAT LIFE WAS GOOD AND PEOPLE WERE WONDERFUL

BUSTER KEATON IS NOT JUST A STUNTMAN

HE IS A GODDAMN SAINT

[lodatik]

BUSTER KEATON’S PARENTS WERE PART OF A TRAVELING SHOW.

THEY WERE ACROBATS.

THEY TOOK BABY BUSTER UP HIGH IN THE AIR WITH THEM.

THEY DROPPED HIM.

LUCKILY SOMEONE WHO WAS STANDING UNDER THEM CAUGHT BABY BUSTER.

THAT MAN WAS HARRY HOUDINI. 

HARRY HOUDINI SAVED BUSTER KEATON’S LIFE.

if you don’t think that’s the coolest shit you can get right out.

[ccchildish-deactivated20170818]

he was blessed by houdini oh my god

[fandomhaze]

This whole thing is so rad.

[theblurredline23-deactivated202]

Holy shit

Respect

[mr-baberaham-lincoln]

Ways to Propose to a History Buff

#1 Take them to Gettysburg and visit the High Water Mark together. Get down on one knee and tell them that they are the high water mark of your life.

[sparrowdreams]

(if I may…) #2 Take them to Gettysburg and visit Little Round Top together. Get down on one knee and tell them that they’ve made a left-wing right-wheel straight into your heart. (and when you do get married, cut the wedding cake with a bayonet.)

[mr-baberaham-lincoln]

Now this is the comment content I like to see

[take-me0ut]

#3 Blow them away with grape shot.

[the-affectionate-boy]

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION

[genuinehumanboy]

i arrive at the london airport

customs: would you like to exchange your currency?

me: yeah, but it’s all in quarters.

me: take a fuckin sip babies

[arielenhasarrived-deactivated20]

@iherdulikebees

[writterings]

fun fact about american history: george washington was apparently so sexy that when he was 17 he went swimming a river and some girl that had a crush on him stole his clothes and watched as he walked around naked looking for them

[writterings]

aaron burr, the guy who shot alexander hamilton and also the second vice president of the united states, tried to start an empire out in texas

[writterings]

marquis de lafayette literally had to sneak out of france to come aid america and while some versions of the story claim that he disguised himself as a commoner, other versions say he dressed up like a woman

[writterings]

literally all the founding fathers had daddy issues, specifically alexander hamilton who refused to even befriend george washington initially because he didn’t want to grow close to someone who had the potential to become a father like figure to him

[writterings]

thomas jeffereson kept a bust of alexander hamilton in his house at monticello for no reason other than the fact that hamilton was his sworn enemy and he felt as though he needed a very expensive bust of his sworn enemy in his house

[pinkbat99]

I love all of this please keep going.

[writterings]

they didn’t let hamilton try this one course of study at king’s college because it was so intense that it made one student literally get sick and have to go home for months on end and that student was james madison