Writer. Once an artist. Maybe again? Crocheter. Unapologetic slash fangirl.
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OG Fandoms:
Gundam Wing
Fullmetal Alchemist
Naruto
Harry Potter
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Recent Fandoms:
My Hero Academia
The Witcher
The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi
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Starting another thread because last one was getting long. Again. And I have things to say.
I finally, finally, finished my first full chapter! (Woo-hoo!!)
...Which is actually Chapter 52 because I continue to be insane and write out of order. I started writing the chapter on May 18th and finished today, the 24th. That... was significantly longer than I was expecting it to take. Of course, the chapter is significantly longer than I was expecting. (I should have known better. As you've no doubt ascertained, I R Verbose.)
For some reason, I decided to write my first chapter and my first ever erotic scene at the same time. Mostly because it looked reasonably simple in my outline. It didn't seem plot heavy, just a good establishing shot for where their relationship stands/where they stand with each other at this point in the fic. Not a particularly important sex scene - not the one where they first sleep together, not the confession chapter or the aftermath chapter. Just a nice, low-stakes porn-fest. Maybe 2-5K in total.
Ha.
Ten thousand five hundred and eleven words later... I have a sprawling, emotionally complex, surprisingly tender character study on Roy 'He Fell Harder' Mustang. Only about 2K of it is even technically porn! The first quarter is silent and seductive body-worship while the last half is pure domesticity! #couplesgoals.
I am Roy Mustang taking the Alchemist Exam levels of naive, apparently.
More after the cut because Jesus Christ this got long:
I... don't know whether to hope that not all of my chapters end up this long or just embrace the fact that I'm apparently writing a Superfic as a new author. I have 66 chapters outlined and we've not even made it as far as the Liore/canon timeline yet. This... is gonna take a while.
On the other hand, I fucking love what I've written. Totally. Completely. Entirely enamored. It's so good. I mean, it needs major editing. I still don't have spell check on because I don't want to deal with the squiggles, the tense keeps bouncing from past to present and back again - sometimes in the same sentence, there's a few incredibly clunky sentences in there, and I need to go back and rework any instance of "Roy thought/contemplated/wondered/considered/whathaveyou" so that the reader is actually in his head rather than being narrated at. But all that is standard second draft work.
What I actually love is... everything else. Roy's thought process, his actions, Ed's reactions, the porn is hot, the domesticity is sweet, their emotions read as real, their dynamic actually came across natural to who they are as characters... And I learned so much? About who they are at this point in the story? Like, I had nearly 500 words of outline just for this chapter and managed to take that and "discovery write" (your words and I love them; I'm keeping them) character motivation and emotion and even hints at the greater plot?
This is kind of a middle ground scene between when they first start sleeping together and when the feelings realization/confession happens. Neither of them are aware that they, themselves have greater feelings for the other, much less that the other does as well. All the while they move around each other with the comfort of long-time partners. Roy acts and thinks of Edward as a permanent fixture in his life. Edward treats Roy's home like communal property. And both are completely oblivious to the implications!
Writing this was so much fun. So much discovery.
I got to figure out how Roy navigates having a lover who has such little life experience whom he nonetheless views and treats as an adult. I'll be able to take that back several chapters and establish that dynamic from the very beginning of their relationship. I apparently decided that one of his coping methods is appropriate communication with the inexperienced partner so he feels like they're both on equal ground, as much as possible. (Which means if/when miscommunication does happen, it'll not be because they're both shit at talking to each other. Probably, it'll be a sign of one or both of them tripping over a trauma response.)
I kinda fell into writing a hilarious bit of banter that revealed so much about Roy. Made me go "Oh! Apparently Roy is a Wine Snob. Did he get that from Chris? Hmmm, no. He must have cultivated that on his own as part of his ambition to work his way up in society by looking like One of Them (the rich and influential)" and then I connected that to earlier in the chapter when i realized Roy speaks with an affectation - he fakes a upper-middle class Central accent/dialect, even in private, that isn't the one he grew up with. Why upper-middle and not just upper? Because he knew he wouldn't be able to fake being upper class amongst a group where everyone knows everyone else. He could fake a higher social status that has been known to translate into upwards social mobility with enough work and connections, though. And this told me that Colonel Mastermind's ambitions and games have thoroughly saturated who he is as a person to the point that they've become a part of him even when he is safe and at home.
None of that was fucking planned! But it works so well. Works in this chapter and in the larger plot and with Roy's canon upbringing.
And I realized half way through that I'm almost entirely against the 'describe someone rather than use their name' habit a lot of writers of slash get into because it's hard to figure out which "he" they're talking about. None of that the smaller one, the older man, the golden eyed Adonis, the Colonel that I've read so much. Nothing against it, it just didn't fit the writing style. Instead, I have the narration - in Roy's POV - almost aggressively use just their names. Which, on one hand, is a fun bit of character writing because Roy always calls/thinks of Ed as 'Edward' when they're alone (as opposed to Fullmetal when they're working, a nice way to compartmentalize) whereas Ed thinks of himself as 'Ed' in his own POV and Roy as either 'the Colonel' or 'the Bastard' or 'Roy' depending on the state of their relationship. This also means when I do break the Names Only rule its with purpose. In this case, I have Ed referred to as "the boy" several times, but only when pointing out his age is particularly uncomfortable - to both Roy and the audience. Because I'm evil đ.
Also? Ed makes Roy laugh. It's great to compare how he is while alone with Ed against how he is in the office or around others.
What's fandom for, if not to communicate and share with people also into your thing?
I'm a life long lurker. I've spoken to you more than anyone else in 30 years of fandom... combined. 10/10 would actually recommend!
That kind of situational comedy is golden! I'm so impressed. I find humor one of the hardest things to write, and dialogue is one of my strengths. Situational humor like this is delicious (and way hard imo).
Having not written since high school and never finished anything (ever, in my life), I honestly don't know what my weaknesses and strengths will turn out to be. I know I likely wouldn't have managed that bit of situational humor without having an outline. I was able to see the character's progression all together and realized that the most reasonable reaction from Ed concerning [redacted] would actually be the exact opposite of Roy's. As this is before they're on personal speaking terms, they have no clue what the other thinks in the aftermath. Everything just fell into place from there.
But with longfics like that, I don't plot them in advance (eyes current problem child fic). Usually, with fics over 100k, I don't really start plotting them until I'm hitting about the 2/3rds point... or when I'm really ready for this damn thing to be done, and a little more structure helps push through. Even then, the outlines are still pretty bare bones.
Do you also skydive without a parachute? Deep sea dive without a depth gauge? Go spelunking without a map? You scare me (positive).
Personally, I've already found multiple instances where I decide {something happens} in the outline and I realize I need to set it up ten chapters before. If I were writing from chapter one forward, without an outline, I wouldn't know I needed to add that setup until it was too late. Like, I have Gen Armstrong showing up (years too early) in reaction to [reacted] but realized if I wanted her personally coming down from the North to seem natural, I needed to sprinkle hints throughout previous chapters that would make the [redacted] more important than it seems to Ed while he's in the thick of things. I'm in absolute awe of anyone, yourself included, who can write full stories and post them while still writing without that sort of crutch.
Knocked 100 years off the AC timeline and said the first colony went up in 1910
The Wright Brothers first flew on December 17, 1903. How the fuck... That is one hell of a space race. You know what? I'm just gonna have to read it, aren't I.
Because we get such deep insight into what's going on with Roy and his team, it's really easy to miss the fact that Roy's considered somewhat dangerous--both because he is obviously ambitious and because of his power as an alchemist--but, to your point, "overthrow the government" is a whole different level of ambition, and a lot of people really think he's just some young upstart. It's an image he takes cares to cultivate and reinforce, but we don't really see what kind of toll the work to hide what he's doing takes one him.
Yeah, turns out I apparently like to explore the ways he 'cultivates and reinforce[s]' his public persona and how it and his manipulations effect his personal life and the toll the constant deception takes on him. It's just so juicy. Especially when he tries to show someone new in his life (Ed) who he is inside. He's made to confront parts of himself that don't come naturally yet have still become integral to his mental image of himself. Who is Roy Mustang has got to be a hard question to answer even from the inside. Wrote those parts of the chapter before ever reading your reply. lol
What a heartbreaking bit of naivety. I really love when we can see where young Ed might be crazy smart but he just doesn't have the real-world experience to make the right decisions
I have multiple instances where Ed's intellect and his experience clash planed out - some small, some life changing, some devastating. Part of it is that broken moral code I mentioned but a larger portion is how he's actually pretty sheltered, socially speaking, when he first gets commissioned. Grew up in a small farming village on the ass end of Amestris. Spent a year living with a butcher's family in a small town. Pretty much raised himself. Fucking twelve. He's missing a lot of the nuance and socio-cultural subtleties that come with 1) being an adult, 2) in the big city, 3) in the military, and 4) all three at once. Poor Roy is going to have to suffer Ed's ignorance in the worst ways for a while.
You want to read what I got so far? I'm considering posting the unedited version. It's chapter 52, doesn't have any real spoilers for whomever reads it, but gives a peek at what I'm working with writing-wise. I'm not planning to post-as-I-go with other chapters, I don't think. There's not many that aren't very plot relevant like 52 is.
Ten thousand five hundred and eleven words later... I have a sprawling, emotionally complex, surprisingly tender character study on Roy 'He Fell Harder' Mustang.
đ€Ł Okay, one thing about writing/updating weekly means I have a 2k minimum per chapter, which means that I'm *very* conditioned to chapters of a certain length. It's very rare for me to have a single chapter balloon like that (if I do, it's usually because it's a particularly kinky sex scene. đ). After having at least one fic updating weekly for the better part of the last five years, I've got a really good internal sense of how long 2k is, and when I need to start wrapping up a scene.
I freaking love Roy and Ed being soft with one another, and having a remarkably healthy relationship. There's so much about their world and their lives that's so fucked up, I love their relationship being a surprisingly wholesome juxtaposition to that.
Roy cultivating an upper middle class accent to the point that it actually becomes his real accent totally tracks. 100% something he would do. I love finding happy accidents like that.
And I realized half way through that I'm almost entirely against the 'describe someone rather than use their name' habit a lot of writers of slash get into because it's hard to figure out which "he" they're talking about.
These are called "epithets" and they are a *bane* in fanfic. They mostly come from the fact that if you're writing a scene with two people of the opposite sex, you can go *literal pages* without having to use either character's name because the "he" and "she" are such clear markers. So when you come to slash fanfic specifically (though I wouldn't be the least-bit surprised if this habit bled over into het fanfic too), where both of your characters have the same pronouns and you can't use that shortcut, using their names a lot can feel very repetitive.
What is *usually* actually happening is that using their names all the time highlights that you're using repetitive sentence structure (e.g. every sentence in a paragraph starts with "[character][verbs]"), and by using an epithet and having the sentence start with "the [adjective] one" *feels* like it's changing the sentence structure and it feels less repetitive.
It's not. It's a crutch at best. There is some high-level use of epithets that make sense, but they're usually things that mark out your character as singular or a unique *role* they have (e.g. referring to Roy as "the colonel" would make sense to reinforce his military role), but *in general*, my recommendation is to avoid them. Using their names all the time will feel repetitive--especially in the beginning--but they become invisible to your readers like said/asked, and they avoid confusion.
Once upon a time, I did some editing for a small slashy trashy (affectionate) publisher, and, unsurprisingly, a lot of the authors came from the school of fanfic to write original. They must have brought the epithet habit with them because avoiding epithets was *literally* in our style guide. đ
If you feel like you're using their names too much, look at your sentence structure, because that's probably what's actually repetitive. I usually check this when I'm writing by making sure I don't start 3 paragraphs in a row the same way. It's a really easy gut-check, because that first word is so noticeable, and I've done it that way for so long, it's something I can actively and easily adjust as I'm writing.
Btw, the more characters you have in a scene, the worse the epithet problem can become. One of my friends--who has much higher tolerance for it than I do--once came crying to me because the use was so overboard, that they referred to the "blond man" in a scene where there where multiple blond characters present. Easy whoops to make when you become over reliant on epithets. I'm pretty impressed you naturally avoided them considering they are basically a staple of most fanfic.
I've spoken to you more than anyone else in 30 years of fandom⊠combined. 10/10 would actually recommend!
I've ended up with some irl friends out of fandom. It can be a wonderful place to make connections. đđđ
Having not written since high school and never finished anything (ever, in my life), I honestly don't know what my weaknesses and strengths will turn out to be.
I've kind of always written, but I rarely posted anything until right before the pandemic (I had a few fics on FFN back in the day, but that's it). I just wrote for myself because I had a fic that got relatively popular but I totally wrote myself into a corner with it, and GW had an embarrassment of riches in terms of high quality longfics that got finished, so I somehow internalized the idea that I *had* to finish things. I felt so bad about abandoning it (b/c I still can't figure out how to work it out to the end I wanted), that I just... didn't post again for like... 17 years. đ Pretty much always wrote but didn't post.
When I started posting again (right before the pandemic started was a weird coincidence of timing), I made a promise to myself that if I started posting, I *had* to finish it. Since then, with weekly update schedules, I've overwhelmingly finished nearly every longfic I've started posting (and the outliers tend to be shorter longfics, like less than 5 chapters--I've learned that those, I need to write all the way through before posting b/c without a schedule, I just crash on momentum). But even going back to high school, I was always told that my dialogue was my strength.
I'm so excited that you hit such a huge sure of inspiration. I hope the outlining will help you along the way as the initial rush peters out. Finishing things is literally the hardest part. The more you write, the more you develop the "muscles" for learning how to anticipate what will and won't work, and suss out the details that make the story come alive.
Do you also skydive without a parachute? Deep sea dive without a depth gauge? Go spelunking without a map? You scare me (positive).
đI am a lazy homebody who does none of that. But I don't (typically) set out to write long, Plot-heavy fics where I *need* to know more than the general shape of what's going to happen. 50-100k of idiots in love trying to figure out how to make their relationship work? All day every day. Add capital-P Plot to that? And I'm usually fleeing in the opposite direction. Wreckage started as just "how would a group like the BAU react to RoyEd?" My GW/MCU crossover is "What if Duo Maxwell was Tony Stark's bio kid?" (I'm a fucking sucker for "bio family found" fics, and I have Feelings about how awkward that would likely be, so...). I've got other novel-length fics that are "Can I believably make this character fall in love with someone who is a genuine monster of a human being?" and "can I believably take this victim-to-lover setup and have them overcome it to have a happy ending?" Those are usually my plot bunnies. The relationship is the core plot, and then other plotty things that happen are... subplots at best? Incidental at worst? They are things that happen that force the characters either together or to adjust the relationship in some way.
There are definitely places where I can find things that would have been better written if I wrote everything ahead, and it'd be a lot easier to go back and add in details that will make later payoffs be even better, but I really struggle to write long-form without some kind of external accountability (like a posting schedule). I'm so impressed by people who can not only pre-write a whole dang novel-length fic, but who have the self-control with posting after. I've had one 50k fic I wrote entirely before I began posting, and it's the one I would absolutely forget I had to update the most because I wasn't live writing it. đ With fic, I have successfully defeated "perfect being the enemy of good," because if I try to make it perfect, it will never be finished, so putting it up as I go along is how I get a complete, if not perfect, project.
I'm just gonna have to read it, aren't I.
I did say I had to handwave some things to make it work. đ It's a monstrosity (the whole series is over 500k). Focus on your fic first. It will be there if you get bored/curious.
You want to read what I got so far? I'm considering posting the unedited version.
I am 100% procrastinating by writing this and not the fic. Shame shame shame.
I decided to try my hand at Actual Chapter One and it is kicking my ass... while wearing Izumi's house shoes. I've not written even 500 words of Ch1 in three days compared to how the words just poured out of me for Ch52. This is probably partially because my outline for this chapter is basically "Ed has nightmares" and I have no idea how to write nightmares and partially because I have even less idea how to write a genius ten year old before the trauma digs into his psyche but during the traumatic event itself. But i kinda need these first few chapters of set up because it changes his and Roy's dynamic in a subtle but important way. :sob:
More after the cut...
After having at least one fic updating weekly for the better part of the last five years, I've got a really good internal sense of how long 2k is, and when I need to start wrapping up a scene.
Every time i learn something new about your writing habits, I get more impressed. I aspire to something so disciplined in my future but it looks like I'll have to have a good portion of the fic written before I can even begin to post.
I cannot really force the chapter to "wrap up" simply because of the Ed-Roy-Ed-Roy way I have the chapters organized. There were at least two, maybe three, places I could have cut the chapter in half or thirds to knock down the word count but the next chapter is supposed to be an Ed chapter and I wanted that whole section in Roy's perspective. It would throw off my whole system if I just cut it and made a new chapter.
And I like what I got down. I like all the things I learned about the characters, especially Roy, throughout it. Without letting it balloon, I don't know I would have discovered so much. So I don't regret letting it balloon like it did. I'm just intimidated by the size of the chapter and afraid it'll become a habit. Fortunately, Ch1 is currently proving my concerns unnecessary. Unfortunately, that just means the word count per chapter will vary wildly between one and the next. :/
There's only one non Ed-or-Roy pov chapter outlined and it's because I literally could not come up with a way for it to work from either of their pov's. So instead A Wild Maes Hughes Appears! It's far enough into the fic that I think I'll use Hughes's chapter as a transition point between Part 1 (pre-canon) and Part 2 (where the canon timeline around Liore picks up).
Roy cultivating an upper middle class accent to the point that it actually becomes his real accent totally tracks. 100% something he would do. I love finding happy accidents like that.
Doesn't it, though? Roy's upbringing combined with mastermind tendencies make for such fertile ground to plant weird and wonderful quirks like that.
The more I write the more I uncover delightful little tidbits like that about the characters that i simply Did Not Know until it showed up on page or in my notes or while writing you. Roy's public persona eating his identity is one, we've discussed Hughes's age as another, and I came up with two really fucked up ways to make the night Ed committed taboo even worse for him. And they are not something I'm willing to talk about at length here because they are capitol S Spoilers, unlike most of the rest of the stuff I post. (Even if building the foundation for it is defeating me atm.)
I tend to use these conversations like a brainstorming session/ external ways to work things out in my own mind; it's worked several times so far. It's part of the reason my replies are all so long. Also. I R Still Verbose. So, while spitballing ideas just now, I realized:
Despite the fact that Roy Mustang, Revolutionary and Resistance Leader, seems like the kind of guy who would know himself thoroughly and accurately, that's not how it's shaking out. I'm actually going with the idea that Ishval caused a total ego collapse and Roy has spent the last several years building himself back up from the few bits and pieces of who he used to be that survived combined with who he thinks he needs to be - or at least who he needs to be perceived as - in order to achieve his goals. That he sort of surfs on the surface of who people think he is in the day-to-day, while remaining aware that much of it is shallow or a farce. He's a chameleon, being who and what he needs to be depending on the circumstance or interaction. Maybe he wonders if there even is something left of him beneath the facade, sometimes, or if the hollow feeling inside him is all that's left. (Oh, shit, and that'll make him such a good foil for Envy later on! Happy. Accidents. Huzzah!)
He already plans to essentially commit Suicide by Justice Department when forcing a trial for himself and the others who fought in Ishval, what's maintaining a stable and coherent identity in the face of that? It would be interesting for him have a significant personality shift after Ishval to the point that people who knew him before were able to clock it immediately. (Hmm. Would also be interesting to have his identity solidify in his own mind while with Ed... Maybe have parts of himself he thought lost come back up to the surface because of their relationship?)
(No, seriously. I worked all that out by writing it to you. This was Not Planned. Sorry and/or thank you for using you as a sounding board.)
Once upon a time, I did some editing for a small slashy trashy (affectionate) publisher, and, unsurprisingly, a lot of the authors came from the school of fanfic to write original. They must have brought the epithet habit with them because avoiding epithets was *literally* in our style guide. đ
Ouch, looks like I accidentally set off your muscle memory (or a trauma response) as an editor when I brought that up. Those are called epithets? I've heard the word before, of course, but from context clues I had assumed it meant something like pejorative. A lot less neutral than what "the blond" implies.
It's easy to see why a community who mostly write slash would fall into that habit even if it is a bad habit to have. I generally give a lot of grace for grammar and stylistic writing choices in fic that I wouldn't normally tolerate in published work. For the most part, fic writers aren't professional, they're writing for free, and they don't have professional editors looking over everything. I try to keep that in mind.
Neat that my own preferences overwrote the collective habits of fic writers given fic is 98% of all I read. You'd think I would internalize the writing styles I read most. Instead, as soon as I started writing I realized my POV characters would not think about each other that way, even in 3rd person limited pov. Other than the occasional the boy used when i want to hurt the reader, the only other exception is having Roy referred to as The Bastard in Edwards younger years and that's specifically because that's how Ed thinks of him. Not with his rank or his last name. With a curse. (Very Edward Elric of him.) And I will be using the shift from The Bastard to The Colonel to Mustang and finally to Roy in Ed's head as indicative of their shifting relationship, so it makes sense to use within the world. Just like Roy compartmentalizing and calling Ed by his name in private and his call-sign in public. I like that I can show so much subtle change happening through just how they refer to each other.
I do think I managed to keep the names from becoming repetitive, so that's good. Of course, part of the reason I don't have significantly more Roys and Edwards floating about is because I tend to drop the subject in all but the first sentence of a paragraph, which is.... less good. Grammatically, at least. Stylistically, it's fine. The only time I have a first name start a paragraph three times in a row is when I was using intentional repetition for emphasis. And the only time I used an epithet was, as previously mentioned, "the boy" used specifically to bring attention to Ed's age at unfortunate times. It's supposed to make the reader at least a little uncomfortable with what they're reading. Realized I can't use it too often or it'll lose it's power.
I made a promise to myself that if I started posting, I had to finish it. Since then, with weekly update schedules, I've overwhelmingly finished nearly every longfic I've started posting
You are very inspirational. Like I said, I aspire to write/post like that. Less the pantsing, though. The first and only time I've ever posted was back in '09. It was a destiel fic written back when Castiel had only been on the show for a few episodes. Despite being posted on AO3 for over a decade, it didn't manage to get even one hit. Lost in all the other fic out there, I guess. So I recently took it down. :P
I have successfully defeated "perfect being the enemy of good," because if I try to make it perfect, it will never be finished
I hear that. It's something I'm not particularly good at yet but something I'm actively trying to practice. I used to write and edit and edit and edit and edit the first chapter of a fic until I got sick of it and never picked it back up. This time, I turned off the squiggles and just wrote. Get stuck trying to think of a word? Put an underscore ______ down where it goes and come back to it later. Can't figure out how to word something? Best guess and add brackets around it to make it easier to find. Et cetera. Et cetera. I keep telling myself that's future me's problem, save it for second draft. I... mostly succeeded? I did do some editing while reading it over but it was mostly spelling errors and things, the big changes will have to happen on second.
:Laughs at grabby hands: As you are no doubt aware, I've successfully posted my first (52nd) chapter so far, in two parts because it was so long. Lemme know what you think, ya? I'm super excited.
I've not written even 500 words of Ch1 in three days compared to how the words just poured out of me for Ch52. This is probably partially because my outline for this chapter is basically "Ed has nightmares" and I have no idea how to write nightmares
Aside from the obvious fact that the writing isn't always going to flow effortlessly, when it's this much of a problem, try taking a look at it. Sometimes, it's writerly instincts knowing that something's wrong. Sometimes, it's because you're bored (in which case, it's a safe bet your audience will be too). It could be because you're heading in the wrong direction. I love this interview between Daniel Greene and Mary Robinette Kowal about writer's block (it's queued up to the beginning of the relevant 3-minute part), because I love how Mary Robinette approaches writer's block like a diagnostic tool.
From my side, if you were asking for actual help with it, I'd tell you to not write the nightmare itself. Dream and nightmare sequences are super common in writing, but I don't (personally) tend to find they actually serve the narrative, but they're super common and writers love them. This kind of rug-yank matters more when writing original (where you're working to make readers care about your character) than fic, where people are reading specifically because they *already* care about the characters, so you can do it in fic more-so than I'd say in original.
In the case of writing nightmares specifically, I like the old horror trick of "never showing the monster." Your audience's imagination of the horrors are often better than anything you can come up with yourself, so less is typically more. It's also not the strongest opening because you're bringing in the reader, and then going to tell them almost immediately that everything they're being introduced to isn't real, and therefore, doesn't actually impact the narrative--beyond leaving the character dreaming a little sleep-deprived. Try starting with having Ed wake up shaken from the nightmare, maybe have a few lines of ideas or images from the nightmare (supposing it's related to Truth, white hands, infinite eyes, so many, many hands... for example), but the effect of the nightmare is probably a lot more important and informative than the nightmare itself is. If you're struggling to write it, skip it. There are times to push yourself through something that you need to write, and there are times where you can just *not write* the thing that you're not enjoying. I think this is the latter.
(No, seriously. I worked all that out by writing it to you. This was Not Planned. Sorry and/or thank you for using you as a sounding board.)
It's amazing how much just talking through ideas with an interested and informed fandom friend can help. I can't think of the number of times I've basically talked myself through something that had me stuck just because I had a friend who was a good sounding board (even if they didn't *actually* say much, just the right thing to trigger my brain to unpack the problem. It's one of the funnest parts of fandom friends, in my experience.
Ouch, looks like I accidentally set off your muscle memory (or a trauma response) as an editor when I brought that up.
Lol, I probably should have said "ubiquitous" instead of "a bane." I'm not so much of a snob that I drop anything that has them. There is a *threshold* at which point they become actively distracting, but *especially* in my old stomping ground of Gundam Wing, they're virtually impossible to avoid. I certainly was as guilty of using them profusely as anyone in my younger days. đAnd if you mostly read fic, it's just the standard.
... I admittedly draw the line at things like "greenette" and "pinkette." Those are automatic back buttons when I hit them. I am a weirdly bigger snob about fic than I am about original stuff. Fic I have Opinions about characters and characterization. Original stuff, it's on the author to sell me on.
By the way, one of the reasons they're so ubiquitous in fandom is because--in the vast majority of cases--you're working with fandom of a *visual* work. You have established and (generally) universally understood ideas of what characters look like, so referring to them by their appearance is a lot easier, because everyone *knows* what they look like. This is much, much, *much* harder to do in books because 1) you're not always given a lot of details about what someone looks like and 2) everyone's idea of their appearances may differ. I am in the middle of listening to a book where it just revealed--like a solid two+ hours in, that one of the main characters is biracial. It threw me because there were no clues before then that he was (or if there were, I totally missed them). I'm now two hours into a book and my whole mental image of this main character needs adjustment. In original work, the *author* may have a very strong idea of what the characters look like, but that doesn't mean the readers do, or that epithets based on appearances could immediately be parsed.
Using epithets intentionally is just fine--especially in third-person limited (obviously my favorite POV). The Specificity of Names is something I *love* and personally do a lot (though I don't know how much my readers notice--I enjoy it, so it doesn't matter), but I tend to be very specific about how people *think* about other people in my fics. Also how they address them aloud. Ed would 10,000% think of Roy as The Bastard. The "would Roy think of Ed as 'the blond man'?" is a good way to think about it, at least if you're doing a close third person limited POV.
Of course, part of the reason I don't have significantly more Roys and Edwards floating about is because I tend to drop the subject in all but the first sentence of a paragraph, which is.... less good.
Eh, Roys and Eds in narrative are fine. There's a tendency in writing to overuse direct address (calling someone by their name) in dialogue (we address people by name to their face *far less* than most people realize. Except for kids. I say my kids' names probably dozens if not hundreds of times a day, but my husband's? Maybe once every few days? It's rare enough to hear him address me by name that I always find it jarring to hear him say it. đIt gets overused in dialogue because writers use it to avoid a dialogue tag and remind readers who is being talked to. Don't overthink this one, though. There are people who say people's names incessantly (will never forget the girl I worked with who literally could not talk to her SO without saying "babe" to him). We tend to use people's names when we're greeting them, introducing them, or when we're talking *about* them (not to them). Otherwise, it's usually something you do to get someone's attention (which is why parents say their kids' names over and over and over đ). When I'm checking the first sentence of paragraphs, I'm not specifically looking for names, but for patterns. "did the last three paragraphs all begin with someone's name?" I also get antsy when the last three paragraphs all start with gerunds (since that's my favorite sentence structure switch-up), or too many lines of dialogue all starting with the quotes). I give more leeway to dialogue (especially quick, snappy dialogue) than the other two.
Names will *feel* repetitive when you're starting to write, especially if most of your reading is in fandom. You're just primed to expect the change-up of an epithet. It really is just a matter of sentence structure. When all your sentences start with "Roy did this" and "Ed did that," it gets super noticeable.
And once you've started seeing it, it's almost impossible not to. đ
Despite being posted on AO3 for over a decade, it didn't manage to get even one hit
I... would honestly not have believed such a thing could exist for the flagship for a megafandom. Makes me think it was likely the tagging (or lack thereof) that was more likely the issue. Especially if it were the only fic you had. I'd be curious to see what would happen if you put it back up without backdating it (just from a curiosity perspective. I'm afraid I'm a Wincest girlie all the way đ).
I used to write and edit and edit and edit and edit the first chapter of a fic until I got sick of it and never picked it back up.
I've heard this is a pretty common issue with perfectionists. The cure here is exactly what you did--you're not allowed to edit the first draft. I will sometimes do the brackets of [Look up what this stupid thing means], especially because I use sprinting a *lot* to write last minute. I mentioned deadline pressure works well for me? It does in sprints too. đ. Because I'm so used to doing minimal editing, I have 1000% posted a chapter with one of those notes still in there. đ€Ł Fortunately, my readers let me know ASAP and I fixed it.
I did do some editing while reading it over but it was mostly spelling errors and things, the big changes will have to happen on second.
I think everything I saw was just spelling errors. Anything I would have usually said was "continuity" I can't actually say because it's only the one chapter I've read and I don't have broader continuity, just my assumption of where this chapter was in the story from what you told me.
And for some reason, I thought it was their first time sleeping together. Whoops. đ You can see why I might have been a little thrown from a "continuity" angle until I figured it out. But I think you'd mentioned previously that it took them a LOT of chapters to sleep together, and I just got the specifics muddled. I'm actually delighted that they get intimately involved earlier than I thought, even if it hasn't progressed to penetration.
I really enjoyed it, though! I left some comments in the notes (not as wonderful as your comments, I'm afraid, but I loved what I read!) Thanks so much for sharing!
I love this interview between Daniel Greene and Mary Robinette Kowal about writer's block (it's queued up to the beginning of the relevant 3-minute part)
Watched the vid earlier and loved it. The diagnostic thing is really interesting. Probably something I'll try going forward. I also put the two mentioned books in my wish-list... because reading a new book is something it have time for. >.>
if you were asking for actual help with it, I'd tell you to not write the nightmare itself.
Yeah, i figured that out on my own. Ended up banging my head against it for a couple days before scrapping everything I had so far (not much at all) and decided to come at it from a different angle. I initially wanted to show the aftermath of Ed's encounter with Truth - and really lean on the trauma of it all, hence the nightmares - and drop hints at how it had gone down differently to canon without actually showing the encounter itself but... It totally wasn't working.
Instead, I decided to just show the encounter itself - because it really did go different - and that worked out so much better. Once I got into the groove, I managed to add details that pushed the horror aspect of the Gate farther than in canon. Like, I've been hinting at how I came up with two separate ways to make that whole experience worse for Ed (one hinted at in this chapter, one not going to be revealed until later) and then while writing I came up with a third. This boy is going to need a wheelbarrow to carry around all the trauma I'm dumping on him.
After scrapping my first attempt, I banged out 3507 words today and have now officially written two (2) chapters of this fic. Woohoo! (Future me is going to hate me during second draft)
I also went back and combined a couple of the first chapters of the fic in my outline, changed who the pov was for some of the scenes, so the beginning of the fic looks far more streamlined than before. I realized that I just didn't have enough to say for a couple of those chapters. That I was setting myself up to rehash canon scenes for no other reason than to add one or two tiny little details that won't pay off for 40 chapters.
Not worth it. Not when I'm able to slip that detail into a different scene. So that worked out.
It's amazing how much just talking through ideas with an interested and informed fandom friend can help.
Are we fandom friends now? I've never had one. I would like to be. Gotta admit, I'm constantly a smidge terrified I'm bothering or otherwise harassing you with my long exchanges. But I'm having too much damned fun to stop.
⊠I admittedly draw the line at things like "greenette" and "pinkette."
Oh, god. The Naruto flashbacks. I didn't need that. Begone.
Fic I have Opinions about characters and characterization. Original stuff, it's on the author to sell me on.
I agree to a certain extent. Most of my grace is for grammar. A little is for characterization. Even less for plot. I swing back and forth between being a canon purist and accepting - or even liking - fanon content. There's a few fandoms I read in where characterization that's completely opposite of the source material is absolutely rampant and sometimes that can be fun if well written but sometimes I want to strangle the author instead. (Best Uncle/Brother Jiang Cheng comes to mind, as well as Woobified Obi-Wan Kenobi) I'm a big fan of the back button.
I never considered how visual media as the source material actively changes peoples writing styles but it makes so much sense when you explained. That's really cool.
The Specificity of Names is something I love ... but I tend to be very specific about how people think about other people in my fics. Also how they address them aloud. Ed would 10,000% think of Roy as The Bastard. The "would Roy think of Ed as 'the blond man'?" is a good way to think about it, at least if you're doing a close third person limited POV.
Specificity of Names is such a neat way to describe that! I kinda love it. Yes, I'm trying to be very intentional with how the pov characters think of others. It really does deepen the reader immersion and gives so much good insight without having to exposition it. I think its funny that how Ed thinks of Roy can be used as a key to read the evolution of their relationship whereas Roy's thoughts on Ed reinforce his tendency to compartmentalize his life. Two completely different sets of information being given to the reader using the same method.
I seem to have Ed call Al "Al" as well as "Alphonse"? I'm pretty sure he does both in canon (it's been a while). I'll go back and be more deliberate with it come second draft.
"would Roy think of Ed as 'the blond man'?" - Absolutely fucking not. That's pretty much what had me tossing epithets out the window early on. That said, I kinda had to use a bunch for chapter one because what the hell do you call God, The Universe, The Truth, The One, The All, and You? Especially during their first encounter, before Ed has settled on how he refers to it. That whole thing is also going to be overhauled in post production.
Eh, Roys and Eds in narrative are fine. There's a tendency in writing to overuse direct address (calling someone by their name) in dialogue (we address people by name to their face far less than most people realize.
I mostly meant as action tags rather than in dialog. Roy did this. Then Ed did that. Roy did the other and then he did something else as well. You've read 52 by now. You probably saw what I meant by "dropping the subject after the first sentence of a paragraph". I'm calling it a grammar sin but writing style win. I do have Roy calling Ed by his name a couple times but he also uses Ed's name (or at least call sign) a lot in canon, so I'm going with it. Had to look up what a gerund was. Learned me something new! That was fun.
I'd be curious to see what would happen if you put it back up without backdating it
After editing it a bit, I may well try reposting it. Not something I'm too worried about right now. And because it's set so soon after Castiel was introduced, I'm not sure if modern readers would like my interpretation of him, or of how I predicted the Rightious Man plot line to go. (I was completely wrong and I'm mad about it, wasted opportunity for good Jesus-rose-from-the-dead comparisons).
because I use sprinting a lot to write last minute. I mentioned deadline pressure works well for me? It does in sprints too. đ. Because I'm so used to doing minimal editing, I have 1000% posted a chapter with one of those notes still in there.
What's sprinting? Also, that is hilarious. XD
I think everything I saw was just spelling errors. Anything I would have usually said was "continuity" I can't actually say because it's only the one chapter I've read and I don't have broader continuity, just my assumption of where this chapter was in the story from what you told me.
There's no real continuity issues but there are several sentences and paragraphs I want to rewrite to be less clunky. I also want to go back and tighten up the 3rd person POV - edit out the "Roy thought/wondered/considered" etc. Sometimes it's necessary for clarity, but often it just puts unnecessary distance between the reader and Roy and I can feel it on reread. Better to just have him do the thinking than tell the reader he is thinking. We've discussed my use of the epithet "the boy" for Ed and when/why I use it. Used too often and I feel like it would lose it's power so I want to go back in and edit out all but one or two instances of it per chapter. In the first draft, i put it everywhere I think it could work well and second draft is where I will axe all but the most effective use.
I assure you, you are not going to guess where this fic is going, much less where it's come from. Remember, that chapter was number 52 in my outline. They have had so much ground to cover before this. Shit has happened. Their worlds have been thoroughly rocked, and not necessarily in a good way. The whole point of the fic was to break them, after all. ;P
And for some reason, I thought it was their first time sleeping together.
Yeah, I got that. :) They have 100% done penetration. They're actually doing pretty much everything back-asswards. Fucking before kissing, fucking before oral, exclusivity before officially dating/being together, Ed all but moving in before the confession... Insert Will Smith They're a little confused, but they got the spirit meme here.
I've been talking at length about what I've figured out about Roy, his motivations, his background, shit like that. And a lot of it was because I was actively writing in his POV at the time. But even more is because so much about Ed's :waves hands: everything is so plot relevant that it counts as major spoilers. Any time I want to write about him it comes out as Ed [redacted] and [redacted]. Then he [redacted] with [redacted] while [whoo boy, is that redacted]! đ
I want to talk about this! I want to tell you all the shit that went down with Truth that makes it so different from canon. What changed. Why. How that changes Ed's experience afterwards. How that changes Ed's trauma responses. Why his morals broke under the pressure. How that leads to him [motherfucking redacted]!!! Why Al is still in his body. How him having his body changes so much about the story in general and Ed in particular. Just, so fucking much. It's juicy. It's all so juicy. It's a well seared filet mignon. I have a feast and yet I cannot invite anyone to my table.
After scrapping my first attempt, I banged out 3507 words today and have now officially written two (2) chapters of this fic.
I don't have to scrap often, but when I do, I usually find this happens too. Follow the writerly instincts. Even if you haven't written much, if you read a lot, you pick up a lot of these.
Are we fandom friends now? I've never had one. I would like to be. Gotta admit, I'm constantly a smidge terrified I'm bothering or otherwise harassing you with my long exchanges. But I'm having too much damned fun to stop.
I think so! Trust me, if I weren't having fun, I wouldn't keep replying.
I swing back and forth between being a canon purist and accepting - or even liking - fanon content.
I tend to strongly favor canon-based fics. It can go extremely divergent, but I tend to shy away from fics that aren't set in the original setting in some capacity. Since damaged child soldiers are definitely my jam (Gundam Wing, FMA, Naruto, My Hero Academia--it's a legit trend đ), removing those core parts of the worldbuilding that made them child soldiers tends to lose me. If Ed didn't lose his leg trying to resurrect his mother and then sacrificed his arm to save Al, it just doesn't hit the same. Roy who isn't an outright war criminal? Which means I'm picky about characterization first and foremost. I *can* be sold on most things if the writing is good enough, but I do a lot writing than reading these days, and most of the "reading" I do is audiobooks, so I'll push through lower-quality original slash. đ I will nope out at a certain point, but I'm much pickier in what I'm usually looking for in fic.
That said, I kinda had to use a bunch for chapter one because what the hell do you call God, The Universe, The Truth, The One, The All, and You?
"The thing." đ Genuinely. This is where I'd lean into Ed's POV.
What's sprinting?
Sprinting is setting a timer and doing a task as nonstop as possible until the timer stops. I tend to do 15-minute sprints to force me to focus. I usually use a sprint feature on Discord, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are other online options. I've always been a pretty fast writer (when I sit down and force myself to focus), and when I started, I would regularly get about 350-450 words per sprint, so I could do about 2k in ~2 hours? After 4-5 years of sprinting somewhat regularly, I'm usually more around 550-650 per 15-minute sprint. The trick is to keep putting down words and don't overthink it. And I'm crazy and will usually do this... hours before I'm supposed to post. đ
You probably saw what I meant by "dropping the subject after the first sentence of a paragraph". I'm calling it a grammar sin but writing style win.
Oh, that's normal writing. The last subject you used is what would be referenced with the pronoun until otherwise indicated.
Fucking before kissing, fucking before oral, exclusivity before officially dating/being together, Ed all but moving in before the confession...
I LOVE sex-to-lovers. (not because it gives me the excuse to write the smut before they've actually grown the feels, nooooo...)
And a lot of it was because I was actively writing in his POV at the time. But even more is because so much about Ed's
Okay, obviously from Wreckage, Outsider POV is one of my favorite things ever, and I am *definitely* guilty of doing it with the partner of my blorbo. That lets me see blorbo through external eyes. I love it so much.
I want to talk about this! I want to tell you all the shit that went down with Truth that makes it so different from canon.
I don't mind spoilers, so if it helps to have someone to bounce off of, I'm happy to help!
Because @angelselene made grabby hands at it, I'm posting Chapter 52 of Forever at a Price. Because it is so long, I'll be posting it in two parts.
Forever at a Price was born from Selene asking what it would take for Roy to accept a love confession from Ed when he was fifteen or fourteen and I started wondering how bad they would need to be broken to make that happen. This chapter is after the initial breaking phase where they've begun to put themselves back together and find equilibrium between them. As such:
Edward is extremely young in this! That is the whole point!! Read at your own risk!
Chapter 52 is the first chapter I've written because I'm crazy and writing entirely out of order. This is the First Draft. While it's had some minor editing, it will have spelling errors, tense issues, clunky sentence structure, etc. I also use [brackets] to indicated sentences/paragraphs I want to rework in the Second Draft, [(bracket/parentheses)] when I'm in conversation with the text itself, ie: needing to research something and a line of __underscore__ when I couldn't find the word I was looking for and didn't want to loose my writing momentum. Also, copy/pasting into tumblr killed my formatting and I'm not fixing it, so assume there is significantly more italicized words than you're seeing.
Forever at a Price: Chapter 52, Part 2
Read Part 1 here
(see more under cut)
âWelcome home, Edward.â
This close, Roy could see the small flecks of amber mixed in with the liquid gold of Edwardâs eyes. Could see the spark of ammusment light that gold from within moments before he threw his head back and laughed.
Roy wanted to live in that laughter.
Edward drapped his arms across Royâs shoulders, ran his fingers through his thoroughly mussed hair, and grinned. âThatâs some welcome, Bastard. Should I expect to get jumped whenever I get in before you or was this a special occasion?â
[Roy leaned back, settled his weight more solidly on Edwardâs lap, knew those strong thighs could support him, and laughed at his own folly. âNo. No special occasion. I simply saw you and couldnât help myself.â]
Edwardâs laugh was in turns disbelieving and delighted, âSure. Sure. Automail maintanence is notorious for revving the engine of people all across the country. Itâs an observed phenomena. A scientificaly proven fact, even. â His grin turned mean, âUnless youâre just such a horny bastard that the amputated look does it for you.â
âYou do it for me.â
That was, perhapse, more honest than Roy entirely meant to be [but he had not intention in retracting the statement.]
He wished Edward didnât look so startled whenever he gave him a complement. Wished there was something he could say or do that would convince Edward he wasnât some hidious monster due to his scars and prosthetics and past. But if wishes were hourses, as the saying went. They both had their neurosis and Roy was uninterested in letting Edwardâs ruin the moment.
With a final quick peck against his lips, Roy swung himself out of Edwardâs lap, turned, and collapsed next to him on the couch. [Dragged the tails of his buttondown up to wipe at the mess across his face. Knew it would do little good.]
[He lift an arm and draped it across the backrest to accomodate Edwardâs wriggling form as the boy tried to bury himself into Royâs side without seeming to be seeking out something as undignified as post orgasm cuddles. ]
âYou didnât come,â Edward dragged his flesh hand from Royâs knee up his thigh.
Roy had to grab at his wrist before he could make contact with his crotch. He was far too sensitive at the moement to suffer Edwardâs clumsy pawing.
âYes, I did.â
âNo-â
âEdward,â Roy cut him off. There was the embarrisment. He had wondered when it would show. Felt the flush only just beginning to cool rise back up across his cheeks. Saw Edward eyeing him in disbelief before undertanding lit across his too-bright eyes.
âWait, really?â Edward sat up and leaned over, eyeing Royâs crotch.
Roy tried not to laugh at the look of distrust Edward was giving his lap. Like he expected Royâs dick to sit up and prove Roy a lier.
What an utterly ridiculous thought. He must still be high on endorphans.
âYes, really.â There was no use in denying it.
Edward bounced his sceptical look from Royâs crotch to his face and back again. âYou didnât even unbuckle your belt.â He slanted a wicked grin Royâs way. âKinda juvinile, dontâca think? Cumminâ in your pants is something someone my age would do.â
[Roy coughed, not sure if he should laugh or cringe at the truth of that statement. Eventaully decided he wasnât going care about the state of his reputation as a lover - not here, not with Edward - and shrugged, a helpless smile growing on his lips as he continued to bask in the endorphan high. âWhat can I say; I was inspired.â]
Scoffing in disgust, Edward threw himself back against the couch, this time with inches to spare between them. âGuess cripples really do it for you, huh?â He looked down and away.
Roy followed his gaze down to the seam where scarred flesh became molded steel. Reached out. His hand, large compared to Edwardâs small size, covered most of the thigh, flesh and metal both.
Roy would not let the happy, sated atmosphere turn sour on them. Not tonight. Not after they had shared such an intimate experience. He dragged his hand up Edwardâs thigh, over his abdomen and chest, until he could grip Edwardâs chin and gently but firmly tilted his head so they were facing each other. Ducked down to catch Edwardâs eyes. Made sure his own face was as open as he could make it. He wanted Edward to be able to read the sencerity on his face.
âI told you, Edward. You do it for me.â He shook the chin in his hand when it looked like he would argue. âNot automail. Not âcripplesâ. Just you.â He sighed and slumpped forward, let his forehead thump against Edwardâs maybe a little harder than was necessary. âEdward. I came home in a foul mood, wanted to just go to bed, and-â Edward tried to interupt. Whether he wanted to appologize or swear at him, Roy didnât care. He just moved his hand from the narow chin to cover his mouth. Ignored Edwardâs growing ire before continuing, â-And then I saw you. Sitting in my parlor, at ease and at home. Beautifulââ
âIâm not!â Edward bit out through Royâs fingers.
Roy ignored him.
âBeautiful. Golden and glowing in the firelight.â Roy ignored Edwardâs scoff. âIâve never done that before,â he admitted.
âWhat, the⊠the licking? On my-â Edward cut himself off, blush rising up on his cheeks once more. âBecause that was pretty weird, Bastard.â
Roy bounced his head against Edwardâs in mild rebuke. âRimming. Oral sex involving the anus is called rimming.â
âIt- itâs got a name?â
He ignored Edwardâs embarassed stuttering. âMy mouth on your cock is called fellatio. A blow job, in coloquial terms.â
âI know what a blow job is, Bastard!â Edward squirmed in Royâs hold. He had been getting better about not drowning in embarassment when discussing what they did together but apparently these new circumstances outpaced his tollerances.
âOh?â This was, of course, not news to Roy.
Edward turned his face away until Royâs nose was burried in his hair. âYeah, I mean- Iâve heard plenty of guys in the dorms or the showers or whatever talking about âem. And- And, you know. With that- I just-â He cut himself off in frustration.
Roy kissed the flesh next to Edwardâs ear. Because it was in reach. Because he could.
Edward apparently took that as encouragement because he turned back to face him once more. âI didnât think it would be like that, is all.â
Roy frowned. âWhat did you think it would be like?â
He watched Edward chew on his lip, visibly thinking over his answer.
âI dunno. Dirty, I guess. Demeaning.â Edward looked up at Roy through his bangs, eyes wide with concern. âA lotta guys kinda make it sound like they gotta⊠you know. Coerse their girlfriends into doinâ it.â
Edward reached out, tugging on Royâs shirt with nervous agression. Roy tugged his hand free before his shirt could be even more ruined than it alreay was and laced their fingers together instead. Squeezed.
âI figured thatâs why we ainât never⊠done that before.â
Roy felt his lips twitch up in a smirk. âDo I seem demeaned to you?â He drew his thumb across the furrow between Edwardâs eyebrows, trying to ease his frown, and said more seriously, âYou are correct, of course. It can be a demeaning act under the right - the wrong - circumstances. With the wrong person. You know that as well as anybody.â He kissed Edwardâs brow in apology, this time, now trying to sooth his growing scowl. âAny sex act can be.â
He rolled his shoulders as much to shrug as to loosen the tension building between his scapula and up his neck. âI have never personally experienced fellatio as coersive but Iâve known those who have. The differenceâŠâ
ââ is in the concent.â Edward parroted along with him, nodding in understanding. This was a lesson he had thoroughly internalized by now.
Roy had noticed Edwardâs voice took on an upper-middle class Central lilt â much like Royâs own affectation â when he used words he specifficly learned to be able to effectivly communicate as an adult. As opposed to the rounded vowles and dropped consenants of his rural upbringing.
Demeaning. Coerse.
Concent.
Warm affection filled Royâs chest.
This boy always worked so hard to learn from his mistakes. Edward was a better man at fourteen than most men Roy knew with decades of life and experience.
Roy wondered if Edward realzed he used Roy as his template when he spoke like that. Wondered if the mimicry was intentional. Decided he was flattered, if so.
âYes.â He pulled their joined hands together and kissed Edwardâs knuckles. âAs I was the one to initiate the encounter, my concent was implied. And while I did not ask for verbal permission, you are more than capable of telling me to stop.â He frowned himself for a moment. âIf I pushed you too farâŠâ
âNo!â Edward gripped his hand so hard it began to ache. âNo. I- I liked it. All of it. The licking and the blow job and my⊠my automail. That was⊠good. Weird, because youâre always fucking weird. But. Nice.â
[âWeird.â Maybe he should feel insulted, but Roy was in too good a mood at the moment to be anything but entertained by Edwardâs perception of the sex they just shared. âNice.â]
âYou stuck your tongue in my ass.â Edward stuck his own tongue out at him to dimonstrate. âThatâs fucking weird no matter what itâs called.â
Roy lauged lightly. âFair enough,â he agreed. He leaned his head against the back of the couch and just watched Edward. Watching Edward was fast becoming his favorite pastime. He might have a problem.
There were worse problems to have.
Edward fiddled with the fingers entwined with his own. âSo⊠youâve never done that before?â
âHmmm?â
ââRimmingâ,â the word rolled off Edwardâs tongue with Royâs own accent. âYou said youâd never done that before.â
âAh.â A hint of embarasment warmed his cheeks. âNo, Iâve rimmed before. Giving and recieving.â
âThen what.â Edwardâs nose wrinkled in confusion. It was unfairly endeering.
Roy coughed, trying to think of a polite way to put this. Gave it up as a lost cause and waved his free hand towards his own lap. âIâve never come in my pants like a teenager before.â
âWhat, really? Not since you were a teenager?â
âNot at all,â Roy countered.
âBullshit.â
âOn the contrary.â
âYou tellinâ me youâve never cum in your pants before, even when you were my age?â
Roy didnât know whether to be annoyed or preen at the disbelief in Edwardâs voice. âJust so.â
Edward stared at him, the scepticism of before back in force.
Roy elaborated, âBaring nightly emisions, I have never ejaculated in my clothing before.â
ââNightly emisionsâ. You mean wet dreams.â
âYes.â
âShit,â Now Edward sounded more impressed than angry. âYouâve had me doinâ that from the very beginning.â He shook his hand free from Royâs then flopped over untill his back was pressed against Royâs side and he was sitting perpendicular on the couch. Then proceeded to squirm until Roy wrapped his arm back around him.
Roy loosed an inelegent snort but chose not to say anything about Edwardâs stamina. Just relaxed back into the couch cushions and enjoyed the feel of Edward, warm and solid against him.
After several minutes, Edward broke the silence. ââŠWhat was the difference?â
âPardon?â
âThe difference. The reason you came in your pants like a kid today when you ainât never done that before. What was it?â
Roy trailed his fingers through Edwardâs hair as he considered his answer.
âYou.â
It was the truth, after all.
Edward tried pull away with an angry swear but Roy tugged him back into his side. Gruntted at the elbow to the ribs he recieved in responce. âEdwardâŠâ
âFuck off. Fuck you,â Edward snarled at him. âWeâre already fucking, you donât need to seduce me.â
â⊠Is that what you think Iâm doing?â [Roy hadnât realized how Edward would interpret his words.]
Edward slumped back against him and huddled down, trying to make himself smller. âFuck you,â he repeated. âI know what I look like. What I am like. Youâve probably had scores of people in your bed-.â
âHow many lovers do you think Iâve had?â
âShut up. You could probably have anyone if you wanted. Smarter and more beautiful and less fucked up. Betâcha just have to bat your eyelashes at âem and women fall all over themselves to go out with you.â Edward grumbled, âDunno why you bother yourself with me.â
Roy tightened his hold on Edward - not that that would stop him if he really wanted to move - while he thought about how to answer.
âFirst of all, I can assure you Iâve never even met someone smarter than you, much less bed them, so you can get that thought out of your head. And Iâm not convinced that anyone could possibly be more beautiful than you were tonight.â He squeezed Edward in his embrace before he could start denying Royâs truth before continuing. âI came home in a bad mood-â
âYou already said that.â
âHush.â Roy covered Edwards mouth with his hand again, winced when sharp teeth bit down but didnât move his hand away or release him.
âI came home in a bad mood. Which almost immediatly lifted when I saw you.â He tapped a finger against Edwardâs cheek while he thought on how to say this in a way he would understand. âThe time Iâve spent with you tonight - getting to care for you and bring you pleasure - was a better anelgesic for my foul mood than high quality opium would have been. The privalege of watching you, listening to you, sharing with you. It turned me on, yes, but not in a way that demanded I act on the arousal for myself. Giving you pleasure brought me pleasure.â
He let go of Edwardâs mouth and tugged at a lock of his bangs before draping his arm back around his shoulders and chest. âIâve been with my share of people before and enjoyed myself plenty. But this - coming when you came - isnât something Iâve ever experienced before. Not like that.â He shrugged helplessly. âI wasnât lying before. You do it for me. I donât know how else to describe what happened.â
He would not be convincing Edward of his genuine admaration and esteem tonight. If ever. Better to let his words sit and percolate in that brillian brain for a while than push so hard that Edward felt the need to defend himself. Roy wasnât interested in going to war against Edward - the best defence is overwhelming offence - Elricâs self esteem issues tonight.
Sitting up, Roy bussed a kiss against Edwardâs hairline before standing. âHave you eaten?â
âHave I-?â [Edward blinked up at Roy in a daze before visibly shifting his focus with the change in topic.] âNo. Didnât have a chance to do proper mainanecne out in the middle of fuck-all nowhere. Got muck and fuckinâ tree sap all in the joints. I jumped in the shower soon as I got in.â
Roy bent over and scooped his jacket up into his arms. âWhy donât you call and have something delivered while I wash off?â The mess in his shorts was growing uncomfortable as it began to dry.
Edward nodded enthusiasticly, energized at the thought of food. He bounced off the couch, mis-matched feet landing lightly on the rug.
Roy couldnât help but drag an appreciative look down the boyâs body.
Realizing that the robe was still open wide and hanging off his elbows, Edward hastily pulled it back up and tied it closed, face heating.
Roy laughed as he walked out of the room, Edward sputtering and swearing behind him.
âBastard! What do you want me to order?â Edward called up the stairs. From the sound of it, he was already clomping through the kitchen towards the little phone alcove.
Roy began to unbuckle his pants as he entered the bathroom. He stuck his head back out the door and answered, âSuprise me!â They had eaten together often enough for Edward to have some idea of his prefrences. He wasnât entirely unobservant.
[As the water heated, Roy finished stripping down. His shorts and uniform pants were quickly rinced in the sink then left to soak. Thankfully, the armyâs uniform was made of a color fast wool designed to suffer the idgnities of far more staining bodily fluids than simple semen. With a mental reminder to hang them to dry before bed so they could be sent out with the rest of the laundery, Roy climbed into the shower and breathed in the heavy steam.]
The water sluced hot over Royâs shoulders and he felt the last bit of tension drain out of him. While he hadnât planned for his week to end this way, he was hardly going to complain. Even with some of the uncomfortable directions their discussion had taken.
The orgasms were relaxing, the conversation engaging, the company generally enjoyable.
Perhapse he could convince Edward to stay for more than a night.
Roy hummed in thought as he soaped up a wash cloth and ran it down his chest. It was late Friday evening. Roy had no plans for the weekend other than to look at some reports due Monday. No one should be calling on him for the next two days. And no one else even knew Edward was back in East yet.
[A part of him wanted to linger in the shower for as long as the hot water remained but Roy pushed himself to finish effeciently. He didnât trust Edward to not eat all the food should he delay unnecessairally. ]
Drying off, he padded naked into the bedroom and pulled on some soft lounge pants. Grimacing at the mess of his bed, he quickly stripped it of bedding â heâd never managed to internalize the habit of making his bed every morning no matter what his drill sergent had tried to beat into him. While he was at it, he picked up the few pieces of clothing that hadnât quite made it into the hamper as well. The bedding, underclothes, and few pieces of civilian wear went into one canvas bag, his dirty uniforms into another. His laundry service would pick them up tomorrow.
[Pausing to listen at the door, Roy decided he had enough time to remake the bed. He could hear the off-beat thump that signaled Edward moving about downstairs but heâd not yet heard the door bell heralding dinner being delivered so he had at least a few minutes remaining. ]
[The sheets he pulled from his linen cabnet were not the plain white he used to prefer but a rich, dark navy. They were an extra expense to launder if he didnât want the color bled out with bleach but a necessary investment nonetheless. It wasnât until the third set of whites hadnât been able to be bleached completely clean that he realized Edwardâs clothing chioces were as much a matter of practicality as fashion. After multipe set of sheets were runed with blood and machine oil early on, he realized he, too, needed dark colors. Especially if he didnât want his laundress to ask about the questionable stains on his linen. ]
He had just tossed the duvey out over the bed when he heard the alarm buzz at the door followed by Edwardâs lopsided stride down the hall. Laundry and linens handled for the moment, Roy padded down the stairs and strode into the kitchen mere moments after Edward.
Edward practically stuck his head in the bag and took as deep a breath as his lungs would alow and let out a loud groan.
Roy wondered if he should be jelous that food so easily drew the sort of sounds out of Edward that Roy himself had to work for.
Given how much Edward loved food, perhaps not.
âWhat did you order?â
[Edward popped back up and turned to him, a tense set to his shoulders and embarassed twist to his smile at being caught. ] âCalled the Aeurogonian place âcause itâs just a few blocks away. Got a couple orders of that fish-in-leaves thing you like.â
Grilled salmon, spiced pepper cream, and black rice packed into wraps made of an Aeurogonian leafy green Roy had never been able to properly pronounce. Edward had been paying attention.
âGood choice.â Roy moved towards his wine rack to pick an appropriate ventage then grabbed glasses, plates, and cutlery to bring to the table. [Edward had already unpacked the bags and was effecently portioning out dinner between the plates so Roy focused on pouring the wine.]
Edward wrinkled his nose at the glass handed to him. âIâll stick to my port, thanks.â
Roy rolled his eyes but took the glass back. âThat ruby port is far too sweetââ
âWhich is why I like it,â Edward insisted.
ââto be paired with the rich and creamy flavors of this salmon,â Roy continued like he had never been interupted.
âSo?â
âThe flavor profiles will clash.â
âDonât care.â
âThis Cretian Pinot Noir isnât like the Desert Shiraz you tried last time.â
âIâm not listening to this.â
âItâs lower in tannins, lighter-bodied, and full of fresh fruit flavors and aromasââ
âMy port is plenty fruity and smells just fine, Bastard.â
ââwhile the acidity of the Noir will be able to refresh the palat between bites.â
âOh my god.â
âSalmonâs rich, fatty texture calls for a wine that can balance it without overpowering itââ
âYou are so ridiculous!â
ââand this one has just enough tannin to stand up to the fish's richness--â
âIâm leaving!â
ââwhile remaining delicate enough not to dominate the dish!â Royâs voice rose to follow Edward as he stomped out of the kitchen to get his port. He had to fight with himself not to burt into uncontrolled laughter at Edwardâs retreating back.
Edward returned with both bottle and glass in hand. The boy stalked his way back to the kitchen table and all but threw himself into his seat, glaring at Roy disdainfully all the while.
Roy tried to hide a smile but wasnât sure he succeeded when Edwardâs scowl darkened briefly before he rolled his eyes and slumped back into his seat in disgust. Roy enjoyed the play of emotions across Edwardâs face and body even as he fought to get himself back under control.
âAppologies, Edward.â He handed over Edwardâs napkin and cutlery as a show of peace. Being willing to arm him with a knife should garner him some points, surely.
âWeirdo.â Edward stabbed into his first wrap with more agression than finess.
Roy winced at the scraping sound but didnât say anyting about it. He was well aware of Edwardâs issues with dexterity.
âI would like you to at least try the Noir, please.â Roy began to cut his own wrap in half. âYou donât have to drink it if you donât like but you should at least refuse the wine based on actual experience and not presumption.â
âYouâre presumptive,â Edward grumbled back while he tried to ballance an entire half of a wrap on his fork.
âManners, Edward,â Roy chastised mildly.
âFuck you.â
âI believe you already did.â
[Edward looked at him in confusion for a moment before it hit him. He dropped both fork and wrap as the blood rushed to his hairline once more then covered his face with his metal hand and groaned in embarasment.]
Roy smirked at the reaction.
Edward pointed at him in silent fury before diving back in to his food, eschewig the fork entirely to scoop one of the fish wraps up in his bare hands to take a big bite. He was almost immediatly distracted from his embarasment. âHey, his is actually pretty good!â He took another enthusiastic bite.
âDo chew your food before trying to swallow, Edward. I enjoy neither the thought of having to call an ambulance to come pick you up because you caused yourself injury while eating nor having to explain your prescence in my house. Or your attire.â
Edward flipped him the bird but did slow his chewing, so Roy chose to count that as a victory.
Edward made grabby motions at him over the table.
Roy cocked an eyebrow, not even pretending to understand.
Edward swallowed. âHand me your glass, Bastard.â Once in hand, he sniffed it, wrinkled his nose, and took a big sip.
Roy watched in amusement as he held it in his mouth a moment before swallowing.
Introducing Edward to different types of alchohol had been an entertaining pastime of late. The results so far were generally mixed. The port was an obvious hit, as was the chocolate liqueur the Madam had given him. He thought Edward didnât like scotch so much as had simply gotten used to the flavor in Royâs mouth â a distinct posibility, given how often Roy drank it while Edward was in his home. Wines had been hit-or-miss so far and Roy didnât keep beer in the house to begin with. He wasnât planning to give him any of the truely strong liquors and spirits in his collection like the Drachman Heavy Water or the strange Tequila the Madam had smuggled in. He was interested in seeing how Edward fared with bourbon, though, given how enamored of the pourt he was and Royâs own preference for whiskeys, and several of his sisters were partial to different liqueurâs and mixes that would likely tickle his sweet tooth.
Edward wrinkled his nose and pushed the glass back towards Roy.
âWell?â
Edward took another bite. Roy recognized a stalling tactic when he saw one.
[They both knew Roy could wait him out. ]
With a huff, Edward admitted, âItâs not bad.â He reached for the bottle of port. âBut itâs not my favorite.â Edward poured himself a half glass and took a large sip. âIâll stick to this, thanks.â
Roy shook his head in amusement and began eating his own meal. âSuit yourself.â
They ate in comfortable silence.
[Roy liked these sorts of dinners with Edward. Not that he didnât enjoy the lively debates they often fell into, but there was something settling about eating quietly together. Grounding. No need for conversation, no need for distraction. Just the two of them sharing in the same ritual as humans across all of time and place. ]
Unsurprisingly, Edward finished first. He got up to wash his plate, absently trailing a hand across the back of Royâs shoulders as he passed.
Roy hummed in contentment around a sip of wine and then smiled in truth when Edward backpeddaled and burried his face in Royâs neck, taking a deep breath.
âCan I help you?â
âMmm. You smell good.â
âThank you. I did just shower.â
Edward smacked him in the shoulder for his sas. âNo, I mean you smell better than before. Less flowery. Did you try out a new cologne today or something? Doesnât suit you.â
[Roy frowned in confusion before he realied what Edward had to be referring to. ]
Amalee.
While they were out, she had hung off his arm and leaned against him for most of the evening. Her perfume must have transferred enough for Edward to smell it.
[Horror suddenly filled his limbs with heavy dread. ]
He couldnât imagine what he would have told Amalee had he invited her home just to find Edward all but naked on his couch. He canât imagine her reaction would have been good. Nor his motherâs, once she was inevitibly informed.
Edwardâs reaction to him bringing anyone home, much less a woman, was too dreadful to contemplate. None of the nightâs sweet intimacy or companionable banter would have been possible. Would very likely never be possible again.
Heâs not sure how Edwardâs responce to his dating habbits hadnât occured to him before. Possibly it sliped his mind simply because Edward was so often away on assignement and rarely in town on days that would interfeer with his weekend plans. Or perhapse he had compartmentalized the different spheres of his life a little too effeciently. Maybe he was a fool who didnât think things through.
Likely, he was just a coward who never considered the the ramafications of his own actions until it was far too late.
He was hardly dating the boy but Roy couldnât help the conviction that Edward would react⊠negativly to Roy bringing women home. Eating at the same table Edward was clearing of dishes. Sitting on the same couch theyâd so recently had sex on.
Lying in the same bed he and Edward shared.
Roy watched his lover putter about the kitchen â cleaning dishes, corking and putting away their unfinished bottles, packing the leftovers in the cold box.
If Edward found out about the women he regularly saw â or anyone found out about Edward â he would lose this. Would lose the easy companionship he had found himself sharing with Edward. Would lose the passion and the comfort and the joy.
Would lose Edward.
And Edward would lose so much more.
Roy couldnât forget how this all started. Why Edward had a key to his home in the first place. Losing Roy like this might do him more harm than never having come together in the first place. Edward would hate Roy for thinking it but he was so very fragile in many ways. He wasnât sure he would survive any betrayal to his trust at this stage.
Roy needed the information he got from his contacts, though, and playing the part of the vain and inconsiderate dilettante protected more than just his ambitions.
Oooh, the domestic intimacies. Ed's insecurities. All the accommodations Roy has made to make being with Ed easier. The sharing of things. It's all so good. That he's never considered how Ed would react to his habits when Ed's not around. *woof* But an easy oversight to make. So good. Also interesting that--by this time--Roy has given up (at least mostly) beating himself up over being intimate with Ed. I actually kind of love that--at some point--he just throws his hands up and is like "I can't resist this and don't want to." I'm sure he still has plenty of moments, but at this point in the story, he's pretty much just given in and accepted. Very interesting. đđđ Thanks for sharing the preview!
Whew! Iâm gald all the domestic fluff landed well. I really wanted to show how comfortable they are with each other - their space, their bodies - at this point. Itâll juxtapose nicely with earlier chapters where they donât have that ease yet. I especially wanted to show Royâs comfort (because itâs Royâs chapter. Ed gets his own elsewhere) due to shit that happens in earlier chapters and also to highlight how how his ambitions and his rank keep him at a distance from the people he would otherwise be closest to - Hughes, Hawkeye, even Christmas. I wanted to show how relaxed he can get with Ed, that heâs willing to be serious when needed but also able to be joyful and teasing.
I kinda want to rework Edâs insecurities a little because I donât actually think he would be self-conscious about his looks. He doesnât believe Roy when he calls him beautiful but heâs mostly neutral about his appearance outside its similarity to Hohenheim, otherwise. He looks like what he looks like and thereâs no room in him to worry about something he canât change. I do think he would be self-conscious about his automail and scars and what they represent. About the visual proof of his sin. (second draft issues) He is absolutely insecure about his place in Royâs life (with good reason) and compares himself to previous lovers because at this point all he knows about Royâs history is his reputation as a lady killer. Why would Roy be with Ed if he had the most sought after women in East City throwing themselves at him?
I love the idea that Roy has internalized the belief that Edâs place is in his home without ever consciously realizing it. Not yet, at least. And then he acts on that belief. Making accommodations for Edwardâs disabilities (and the sheets arenât the only ones). Welcoming Ed âhomeâ when he does not actually live there. Having Ed call a local restaurant to order dinner.
I especially loved writing all the domesticity. Writing Ed moving about the house as if he belonged - not just raiding the alcohol cabinet but also showering while Roy isnât home, receiving and serving the food, washing dishes, commenting on Royâs cologne. Things that actual couples do in each otherâs homes. The banter between them was a delight, though I do feel as if Ed was maybe too quiet through some of the chapter. I loved doing their exchange where Roy was being a wine snob and Ed kept trying to interrupt him. I could hear that bit in the actorâs voices. I even read up on wine to try to make Royâs part sound legitimate.
I figure Roy has compartmentalized his life so well and for so long that he didnât consider what would happen if the different spheres collide. Internally, he considers his dates as business meetings of a sort, not personal at all. Even though he intentionally encourages his reputation as a Lothario at work, he forgot that Ed might have an opinion on the matter - forgot that it would have anything to do with Ed at all, honestly. âLikely, he was just a coward who never considered the the ramifications of his own actions until it was far too late.â I love dumping a bucket of cold swamp water on Roy and ruining his evening. :)
So, at this point (and for a while later), Roy is absolutely beating himself up about Edâs age. Hence his internal aside in Part 1 ââŠby all rights, he shouldnât be here at all. Shouldnât be kneeling with his head between Edwardâs spread thighs, the boy open and willing to give him free reign to do whatever he wanted⊠If there was any justice in the world, Edward wouldnât even know the kinds of pleasure Roy regularly gave him. Not for some years yet.â However, he is not going to let that stop him. And his reasoning actually makes some sort of logical sense in the context of the greater story in Price. (He didnât start sleeping with Ed because he was suddenly jonsing for underage ass. Thereâs an actual fucking reason they started fucking. But I canât explain because Spoilers!)
My read on Roy is that he does not believe himself a good man (as we have discussed before), is willing to do the work to be better, but will never be worthy of forgiveness for his sins.
This is a man who was ordered to kill thousands, tens of thousands, in the most horrific manor imaginable, and did it. Even if he was sick about it, he didnât do anything to stop himself - he didnât defect, didnât argue, didnât turn on his superiors, didnât kill himself. This is a man who looked a couple of doctors in the eye and shot them. Who recruited a 10 year old into a corrupt military because it served his purposes.
Honestly, Roy is kinda self destructive - even outside the suicide attempt in â03. He really leans into his questionable decisions and owns them (because nothing about staging a coup is a safe life choice). And thatâs how heâs viewing his relationship with Ed at this point. A sort of necessary evil. That he enjoys himself in the process is probably further stain on his soul but it does make things easier. Heâs made the decision to move forward in this direction, no matter the moral implications, and he wonât let anyone get in the way of that, not even himself. (Heâs completely oblivious to the deeper emotions already taken root.)
I really wanted to show how comfortable they are with each other - their space, their bodies - at this point.
I definitely got all of this from that scene. So. Many. Domestic. Intimacies. Loved it so much.
I kinda want to rework Edâs insecurities a little because I donât actually think he would be self-conscious about his looks.
I can definitely see Ed thinking he's ugly because of the automail, but I think he'd probably be more dismissive of Roy calling him beautiful? Sort of "you're biased and delusional, we both know that." But if he's a little younger, I can see the push back harder. I could go either way, but it is the one thing that kind of rocks the intimate and cozy vibes of the scene (I generally assume that's intentional unless given reason to assume otherwise).
I love the idea that Roy has internalized the belief that Edâs place is in his home without ever consciously realizing it.
This TOTALLY tracks for me. Roy's "Oh shit" moment at the end of the chapter nearly made me cackle. You think Ed belongs in your home and in your bed, and forgot how he might feel about other things you have going on in your love life... Silly Roy.
Roy is absolutely beating himself up about Edâs age. Hence his internal aside in Part 1 ââŠby all rights, he shouldnât be here at all.
Not sure if it's a difference in perception. I did catch the "I shouldn't be doing this if I were a good man" vibes, but it felt like he's kind of accepted that he's not a good man, and he is going to do this, and he's even beyond feeling that bad about it. Like, he reminds himself he *should* feel bad about it, but I didn't see him *actually* feeling bad about it, if that makes sense?
My read on Roy is that he does not believe himself a good man (as we have discussed before), is willing to do the work to be better, but will never be worthy of forgiveness for his sins.
All of this.
Also yes on the self-destructive streak. If he gets killed trying to balance the harm he's done? Well, he deserves nothing less, doesn't he?
Because @angelselene made grabby hands at it, I'm posting Chapter 52 of Forever at a Price. Because it is so long, I'll be posting it in two parts.
Forever at a Price was born from Selene asking what it would take for Roy to accept a love confession from Ed when he was fifteen or fourteen and I started wondering how bad they would need to be broken to make that happen. This chapter is after the initial breaking phase where they've begun to put themselves back together and find equilibrium between them. As such:
Edward is extremely young in this! That is the whole point!! Read at your own risk!
Chapter 52 is the first chapter I've written because I'm crazy and writing entirely out of order. This is the First Draft. While it's had some minor editing, it will have spelling errors, tense issues, clunky sentence structure, etc. I also use [brackets] to indicated sentences/paragraphs I want to rework in the Second Draft, [(bracket/parentheses)] when I'm in conversation with the text itself, ie: needing to research something, and a line of __underscore__ when I couldn't find the word I was looking for and didn't want to loose my writing momentum. Also, copy/pasting into tumblr killed my formatting and I'm not fixing it, so assume there is significantly more italicized words than you're seeing.
Forever at a Price: Chapter 52, Part 1
See Part 2 here.
(see more under cut)
Roy leaned hevily against the side of his house as he fumbled his keys out of his pocket. The week had been long. The night had been longer. As much as he appreciated Amaleeâs company - and the information she passed on to him - he honestly would have been happier had he been able to go straight home at the end of the workday. Paperwork and administration had no busness being as tiring as it was.
Was this getting old? He wasnât yet 30 but he was exhausted.
Used to, he could stay up half the night studying and be fresh and awake with the sun the next day. [Heâd spent years on the front, mastering the art of pushing through sleepless nights by focusing on the next step to achieve their objective. Then the one after that. And the one after that.]
He was less than impressed to find that paperwork, of all things, had the potential to defeat him. He couldnât simply skim through and sign off on every form like he knew some commanders did. Not with his position.
Nor his ambitions.
Day after day he had to focus and interpret and understand the words on the page â and identify the ones missing from the reports â so that he could weed out threats to this country, itâs military, and the civilians who lived there. A moment of innattention could mean [missing] that one subtle clue that told him where a problem was brewing before it could explode.
He simply couldnât afford the inattention, no matter how [much] he playing the part of the lazy slack-off.
Now that he was finly home, he just wanted a glass of scotch and to go to bed. If only he could fit the key into the lock.
It would help if the key wasnât upside down.
Scoffing at himself and cursing North Commandâs ISO for offloading work on him that should really be directed to Central, Roy stumbled his way into his home, closing the door with a sigh of releaf. [It wasnât until he went to take his boots off that he realized he wasnât alone. A sudden spike of adrenaline shot through his blood, waking him instantly, before he realized he recognized those unique, red-soled boots â kicked under the shoe rack reather than placed neatly on top as was proper. He realized he could see the flickering of firelight coming through the parlor door, could smell the fire.]
[That he had not clocked the invasion immediatly was possibly concerning. His home was his safe space and he had worked hard to ensure it remained so. Even in the face of happenings in the last year. To not notice an invasion of his private space could be disastrous.]
As he hung his overcoat on the coat rack and tucked his gloves into its pockets, he grew concerned. Edward wasnât supposed to be home yet. Amaleeâs report placed his whereabouts outside a logging village somewhere just interior to the north-western boarder, tracking smugglers trying to peddle alchemically enhanced weaponry to the local discontents. Either something had gone very wrong or, less likely, had gone so well Ed was able to take the five day train ride [(check Amestris map to confirm)] directly from the West border to East City without anyone aware of his movement. And without Roy being informed of any violent demolitions suffered by the local archetecture.
It was not common for Roy to lack information on Edwardâs activities. He paid good money to have him under near constant watch. [(Roy, are you aware you are a stalker?)] He was aware, however, that his motherâs information network was not infaliable. His own contacts in the west where wholy inadiquate to keep track of someone who only sometimes bothered to rent a hotel room on his travels, being just as likely to sleep on a bench outside.
Roy was stalling. He was tired. Didnât feel quite up to managing Edwardâs volitile emotions in this state. However, what he wanted wasnât the important part. If something had gone particularly bad on his mission, Edward would need the support. And Roy would give it to him, to the best of his ability. Thatâs why he was here, why Roy had given him a key, why he made sure to be avalable to Edward whenever needed.
So that he could catch him before he fell.
Again.
Crossing the hall to the parlor, Roy braced himself for what disaster he was about to walk in to.
ExceptâŠ
A quick glance around the room showed nothing broken, nothing unreasonably out of place. The thick velvet privacy curtains were drawn. The fireplace was lit and burning cheerfully. It was late enough in the season for a fire to be generally unnecessary but his house was too old to have radiant heating and it still got cold enoug for dew to frost over at night in this climate. No other lights were turned on to illuminate the space.
Then there was Edward.
Bathed in the warm light from the hearth, Edward lounged back against his couch, perfectly relaxed. His hair was down, dripping over his shoulders. Heâd showered and wore only Royâs thin summer housecoat, right arm pulled free from the sleve, wet hair leaving translucent patches across his shoulder and chest. A bottle of ruby port [(decide on ventage later)] sat open on the coffee table, a half-full glass at his elbow. As Roy watched, Edward reached over the arm rest to delicately scoop up the glass in his automail hand.
Roy was always in awe of the control Edward was able to exert over his metal limbs. The same hand that cradled the bowl of the wineglass could so easily shatter bone. He may not have been as dexterous as someone with two flesh hands, but he had made significant effort towards ensuring he only caused harm when he wanted to, never by accident.
The firelight glinted off something metal next to the port and Roy realized just what he was witnessing. Edward pulled a large dropper from the bottle of machine oil and brought it to his hand, intentionally and precisely feeding the oil into each individual joint in his automail fingers. The fingers flexed and stretched, letting the movement of his hand work the oil deeper into the joints. A stained handkerchief followed, mopping up any excess oil.
Roy leaned against the doorframe, entranced by the sight before him. Edward rarely talked about his automail. Had flinched away from Royâs touch at the beginning of their association. Had hesitated to touch him with his artificial limbs, in turn.
An understandable hesitance, given their history.
Roy wasnât sure if it was shame or practicality that had him hiding them from view when he could. Edward had lost his limbs to his own hubris, the automail a permanent reminder of the worst day of his life. [They were also the things that allowd him to live something like a normal life]. Conversely, by law he was still too young to have actually suffered automail surgery. It was just as likely that he hid them from people to prevent awkward questions like âwho the hell did automail surgery on a kid?â as out of a sense of shame.
[Either way, this was the first time he had the privlege of seeing Edward perform the kind of maitenance that, logically, must be standard to keep his limbs functioning.]
Roy took a moment to wonder if he shouldnât leave Edward to his privacy. He was not invited to witness this private moment. However, Edward had made himself at home on his couch and in his house. Roy was disinclined to be run out of his own parlor to cater to Edwardâs possible hangups.
He could announce himself but he didnât really want to shatter the moment. Edward didnât look anguised or bleak or like his mission had ended in blood and screaming, as was most common. He seemed⊠calm. Peaceful. At home here in Royâs sanctuary.
It was a enticing sight to witness.
Firelight flickered and danced across soft golden skin, shone in sharp golden eyes, highlighed the vibrancy of golden hair, and brought the inorganic angles and curves of Edwardâs automail to sharp releaf.
Edward was beautiful.
Roy was always aware of this. It was as immutable a fact as the sun rising in the east.
He tried not to notice, though, outside the bedroom. Edward didnât need Roy lusting after him during work hours any more than Roy needed be be caught eyeing up his fourteen year old subordinate. There was a time and a place to indulge Royâs apparent perversions. When he had Edward spread out on his bed, speared on his cock, Roy could look all he wanted. Was allowed to take in every inch of skin displayed before him. To kiss and carress his scars, new and old. To catalog every change in the boy that hinted at the man he would one day become.
Edward was beautigul.
He will be stunning in a few yearâs time.
Roy tried not to think about that, either. Tried not to think on what this wild creature would look like - would be like - when his years finally cought up with his experience.
[Better to merely focus on the current view than contemplate the uncertain future. Better to wish futily for a camera. To desire the pencils and paints he hadnât picked up since he was Edwardâs age and mourn the oppertunity to immoratlize this moment on canvas.]
Edward was meticulous in this maintanence. Ritualistic. He started with the first joint of each finger, before moving up to oil the knuckles, the thumb, the overlapping plates in his palm, the rotational joints and ball berings in his wrist. Up and up, working the oil in and whiping the excess off, leaving the finished metal glossy and shining in the firelight.
The shoulder port was the last to be attended to and Roy was once more impressed by Edwardâs flexability. [He certainly would not have been able to reach over his head, behind his back, to gain access below his own scapula.]
Edward dropped the oil rag into his lap and stretched, popping his neck and shoulder. He remained oblivious to being observed from across the room. Reached for his glass
Roy wondered how much of that port he had alreay consumed. He was loath to interupt the strangely meditative moment but he did have a responsiblity to ensure the boy didnât imbibe to excess. Especially as it was his own actions that had introduced Edward to the sweet alcohol in the first place.
Roy was aware he was a hypocrite.
Edward sipped from his glass onece more before moving on to his leg and Roy came to the breath taking realization that Edward was not wearing anything under his robe as he pulled up the hem to reval the entirity of his metal leg. The robe opened more than he was likely aware and from his position at the door, Roy could see the faintest slip of soft inner thigh peaking out between the rumpled cloth.
Heat pooled in his gut at the sight, unrelated to his own eveningâs alcohol consumption.
Without consious thought, Roy found himself striding forward into the room on socked feet. [He ignored Edwardâs start of suprise. Ignored his stuttered greeting and the practiced inquiry to his wellbeing. No, all of his focus was on that sliver of vulnerable flesh peaking out from beneath the robe.]
He came to a stop at the couch, aware he was looming over Edward as he looked down on him. Edwardâs stuttering ground to a halt. He watched Roy with wide, cautious eyes, brow beginning to furow in habitual agression.
Roy should say something.
Instead he dropped to his knees before Edward. He wanted to reach out, to take and possess what Edward likely didnât even realize was on offer.
Roy forced himself to keep his eyes on his own hands as he touched a metal knee, cupped both hands around the calf and drew them down. Let his thumbs dip into the long lines of the shin to a surprisingly delicate ankle and back up again.
[The metal was warm from the radiant heat of the fire. ]
Edward wouldnât be able to feel the touch, Roy knew. The pressure plates under the exterior shell werenât nearly sensitive enough to pick up his gentle caress. But he could feel Edwardâs eyes on him, on his hands and how he touched him. Knew he had Edwardâs undivided attention.
He cupped Edwardâs heel in one palm, gently pulled it up into his lap. Then pulled it higher. Bent his leg untill his thigh nearly pressed against his chest.
Roy could see, in his periphery, the thin robe slide higher up the boyâs thigh untill it pooled in his lap, barely covering the cut of his groin. Below, a single buttock was revealed, with just a hint of shy testicles peaking out below the cloth, pink hole fully on display.
Edward gasped.
Roy broke the self induced staring contest with own hands, dragged his gaze up and up. From Edwardâs silver leg to his narow waist, up his scarred torso to his face. Until at last he made eye contact.
Edward was beautiful.
[He was wide eyed and flushed. The blush spread from his cheeks, down his throat, across his chest. A hint of perspiration had begun beading at his hairline. His bottom lip gripped desperatly between nawing teeth.]
Roy maintained eye contact as he dipped his head and brushed his lips against Edwardâs ankle and dragged them down his instep to his toes.
Edwardâs breath hitched.
He opened his mouth to say something but Roy didnât want to hear him speak. Not yet. So Roy slid his hand down, dug his thumb into the pressure plate on Edwardâs sole, forced the toes to splay in responce, and kissed his way across each one. He watched Edward watch him mouth along and then swallow down each toe, one right after the other. Watched Edwardâs reaction as he kissed and licked across the sole of his foot.
The dialation of Edwardâs eyes - only a thin ring of gold surounded the vast black depths - was gratifying.
The tent growing beneath his robe even more so.
[Edward couldnât feel what Roy was doing. Could only watch and react to what he could see. Yet still he was entranced (arroused?). ]
[Roy reached behind him for the machine oil. Watched the confusion then understanding cross Edwardâs face. The growing resolve as he pulled his flesh leg up and out across the couch, spreading himself wide. As blatant an invitation as Roy had ever seen.]
Sweet boy.
If Roy hadnât already had a goal, if he were not currently drowning in the desire to tend to him and see to his needs, then he would have jumped on the offer. Jumped him. As it was, Roy had a different plan for the oil.
He cupped the metal heel to keep it stedy and carefully dropped the oil into the joints of Edwardâs toes, manipulating and masaging each one to spread the lubricant around the delicate machinery.
Edward wimpered and Roy felt a frizon of accomplishment run up his spine at the sound. At the sight of Edward throwing his head back against the couch, his flesh hand gripping the cushons over his head and his metal one fisted in the robe across his lap.
At Edward coming appart not from physical pleasure but from Roy taking care of him.
[Roy felt the build up of laughter deep in his chest and let it out. Let it grow louder when Edward snapped his eyes back open to glare at him for the percieved insult. He didnât want to upset him but was unwilling to explain himself, to convince the boy he wasnât being mocked. That Roy laughed merely to express joy. ]
He reached across the short distance between them and snagged the oil cloth in Edwards lap, tugging gently. Edwardâs fist tightened instinctivly around his handfull before releasing the robe and kerchief both only to clench back around the robe as Roy dragged it away.
[Finally breaking the sustained eye contact he had been maintaining to watch what he was doing, Roy used the cloth to wipe up all the extra oil that had spilled across Edwardâs toes and down his arch. He put it to the side and reached for the oil dropper once more.]
Edwardâs breating was starting to pick up now. His chest rising and falling in jerky motions as he failed to styfle the noises tring to come out.
Roy wanted to hear more of those noises but was willing to wait. Wiling to earn the privalege of Edwardâs moans.
With precision and care, Roy oiled each plate, each joint of Edwardâs foot. Remained peripherally aware of Edward slowly coming undone in his hands. When he reached the ankle once more, he paused to shrug out of his uniform jacket before propping the foot on his shoulder. He wanted easy access to Edwardâs calf with his mouth and standard white buttondowns were comparably more simple to replace if ruined.
Edward groaned, long and breathless, as Roy kissed his way up his calf to his knee, around the artificial patella, and down again.
Like his foot, Roy systematically oiled every henge and every plate in his knee. Used the excess oil accumulated on the handkerchiff to buff and shine the ridged shinplate and calf.
By the time Roy made it to his docking port, Edward was gasping and moaning. Eyes locked on Roy and what he was doing to him.
This shouldnât be erotic, but it was.
For both of them.
Edward was so agressivly independant. [Even as he relied on Roy for emotional regulation in the face of dispair, he often held himself appart. Would build his walls back up as soon as he walked out Royâs door. Until such time as those same walls were shattered by the horrors found in duty and he came crawling back to Roy. Hoping to be put back together. ]
He didnât like relying on Roy. He didnât trust it. Didnât trust others to offer help without asking for more than he could afford to lose in exchange.
Except, he came here, to Royâs house, while Roy was not home. He stripped himself down and bared his vulnerability to these four walls.
He let Roy take care of him.
Edward squirmed in Royâs grip, desperatly trying to get contact, any contact, between Roy and the parts of himself that could actually feel but Roy continued to deny him, careful to keep his hands and lips and tongue on hard steel rather than suple flesh.
[Roy looked up from where his lips were pressed to the underside of Edwardâs port, near the back of the knee. Edwardâs tented erection hovered near his face, directly in view. His eyes were black-on-gold, wild in his desperation. Edward squirmed in his grip, trying to get Roy to touch some part of him â any part of him â that could actually feel. Nearly frantic with want.]
[Making sure Edward was watching, making sure they were keeping eye contact, Roy finally dragged his lips down the docking port to the warm, scarred skin below.]
Edward sobbed.
Roy didnât flinch as the knee over his shoulder clinched, hard, despite knowing it would likely bruse come morning. He couldnât help but to revel in the quiet satisfaction he garnered from being able to take Edward apart like this. Felt pride bubble up as he watched Edward throw his head back and moan in ecstasy from just a single touch from Roy. No one else in the world had the power Roy posessed in this moment. No one else had ever seen Edward come so undone. Lost to pleasure from anotherâs actions.
Roy shouldnât be as enamored of that fact as he was.
Of course, by all rights, he shouldnât be here at all. Shouldnât be kneeling with his head between Edwardâs spred thights, the boy open and willing to give him free reign to do whatever he wanted, with impunity. Shouldnât have already memorized and catagorized Edwardâs moans and wimpers and sighes. Shouldnât be able to play Edwardâs mind and body like the most delicate instrument to achieve the finest music heâs ever heard.
If there was any justice in the world, Edward wouldnât even know the kinds of pleasure Roy regularly gave him. Not for some years yet.
If there was any justice in the world, Edward wouldnât have suffered the kind of pain he knows just as intimatly as Royâs caress.
But he does and he has and the only justice Roy has ever encountered is what he was able to make with his own hands. So heâll continue to appreciate this sin even as he mourns its necessity.
Roy kissed and licked across the sensitive scar tissue above the port, laving the ragged scars from surgery and injury both with his tongue. [He ducked under the metal knee, switching which shoulder it lay against, so he could reach Edwardâs outer thigh. Locked his lips over a sunken scar - knife wound that wasnât tended to in a timly manner - and sucked. Licked and bit his way up to Edwardâs hip and back down again.]
Edwardâs moans had taken on a desperate [(using word âdesperateâ too often)] tone, Royâs name a chant he didnât appear to be aware he was repeating.
Roy had been to symphonies that didnât move him so well as the sound of Edwardâs honest pleasure.
He ducked back down, pushed Edwardâs leg up and back again, pressed the thigh up high. Hummed in appreciation for Edwardâs flexibility. Swallowed down his humor at Edwardâs enthusiasm when he reached down with his flesh hand, wrapped it around the back of his knee, and pulled it flush to his own chest.
Roy pulled back a moment to appreciate the view. Edward was flushed nearly down to his navel. Perspiration glistened across skin bathed in firelight. Pretty cock erect and leaking, uncovered from beneath the robe due to his squirming. His legs spread wide for Royâs eyes and hands and mouth.
The sunset over the northern montains, ocean waves breaking against rock cliffs, the magesty of the milky way across the desert sky. All paled in comparison to Edward Elric at this moment. Roy doubted that anything in the world could possibly be more beautiful.
Roy tucked himself closer, between those thighs. Turned his head to kiss his way down the back of the thigh to the first curve of buttox and up down again. Bit and licked the soft skin of the inner thigh, so much less scarred than the rest. Catagorized the different tectures he came across until his face hovered over Edwards erection.
Paused. Looked up. Waited.
It took a moment before Edward realized he wasnât moving, before he pried his eyes open to look at Roy, face hovering mere inches from his weeping cock. Roy made sure he was watching as he blew gently against the head.
Edward watched him, wide eyed and concerned even as he panted for it. For Roy.
Edward wanted it. Wanted everything Roy could give him. Could probably be pushed to beg for it.
Edward didnât know what he wanted. Not yet.
Heâd learn.
[Despite the intimacies they had shared, Roy had never put his mouth on the boy before. Not like this. An ovesight on Royâs part. A failure for Roy to neglect this part of Edwardâs education.]
An easy one to rectify.
Gently, with only the barest tip of his tongue, Roy licked the cock before him.
Edward cried out and arched his back.
He was close. Roy could hear it in his voice. See it in his face. One touch of his tongue was almost enough to throw him over the edge. Given how responsive he was being, Roy wondered what it would take to make Edward come without ever touching his cock or ass.
An experiment for another time, perhapse.
[For now, Roy didnât want this to be over so soon. He reached up, grasped Edwardâs hip in his left hand and Edwardâs cock with his right. His grip was firm but not painful. Edward squirmed and tried to thrust up into his fist but Roy wouldnât let him, controlled his movements with one hand. Edward didnât have the leverage in his spralled position to force Roy to speed up. It was, admittedly, a bit of a thrill to be able to control the motions of someone who had proven to so easily over power him in similar situations [(in the past?)]. ]
[Before the desperation could tumble over into overwhelm,] Roy put his mouth back to use. Licked from base to tip. Again. Held Edward still as he mouthed at the glands, dipped his tongue beneath his foreskin and licked around the head. Every time Edward was able to push up past his controlling hands, Roy backed off until he settled down again. Then went back to work.
He dipped down, drew a single testicle into his mouth and sucked. Gently. Gently. Laved at the other before sucking it down as well. Pulled back and just breathed on the damp skin for a moment.
Enjoyed the way Edwardâs voice broke on his name.
Down, down, he licked. Over Edwards perenium. Further back. Until his lips pressed against the furl of Edwardâs enterance.
When he licked, Edward wailed. Bucked and cursed and cried out. Roy smiled against him before pushing forward. His nose pressed against Edwardâs perenium as he licked a wide stripe against his hole. He could listen to the sounds Edward made for years, the rest of his life, forever. He turned his head, bit against the soft swell where ass met thigh. Dove back in.
This wasnât something Roy had much practice in. Heâd done it before, had it done to him a time or two. He knew it felt good. It just wasnât an intimicy he was interested in sharing with most of his lovers. He had no idea how his technique compared.
Not that it mattered.
Edward wouldnât know the difference. Had nothing else to compare it to.
When he seemed suffeciently wet, Roy contracted his tongue to a point and began to work it in. Softly at first then more firm, more insistant. He wanted to know every inch of his lover, in every way possible. He wanted to be invited in, here, now. Wanted to crawl inside Edwardâs scarred skin. To settle down beneath his haeving ribs. Wanted to make a home inside his chest, to be cradled by his lungs.
Roy wanted to own and be owned in return.
He would have to settle for simply being the source of all of Edwardâs carnal pleasure.
With his tongue shoved as far inside as he could reach, Roy suctioned his lips to Edwards skin and moaned.
[The cursing this produced was impressive. Heâd have to remember that line for future use. However, if Edward was aware enough to be creative in his swears, Roy obviously needed to redouble his efforts. ]
Giving one last flick of his tongue, Roy pulled away. Catching Edwardâs eyes once more, he wondered what he looked like. His cheeks and chin were wet with Edwardâs sweat and his own saliva. His face was flush from arrousal and holding his breath. His breathing was beginning to shallow. He likely looked nearly as debauched as Edward himself.
And what a sight that was.
Hair plastered to his cheeks and neck, face more red than Roy had ever seen, mouth open in continuous moans. Edward looked compeltely undone.
Roy dragged his tongue back up, accross his taint, over his balls, to Edwardâs cock. Slick with his own precome, it practically glowed in the firelight. A shining beacon to light Royâs way.
This time when he put his lips around Edwardâs cock, he went down. All the way down. Until his lips pressed tight against the base and his nose was crushed agasint Edwardâs pubic bone. He used both hands at Edwardâs hips to control him, to hold him down, as he sucked. Rolled his tongue up and around the shaft on the up stroke befor bobbing back down to his base. Felt Edwardâs cock just kiss the back of his throat.
He wasnât big enough to reach all the way in.
Roy could work with that.
Swallowed. Swallowed again.
A curse and a thump of automail-heavy thigh falling to Royâs shoulder was the only warning he got before both of Edwardâs hands dug into his hair and pulled.
[He gruntted at the pain, the vibrations from this simple noise running through Edwardâs cock and leading him to tug again at his head. ]
Roy reached up and untangled the automail fingers from his hair, genuinly afraid Edward would pull it out. Heâd teach him proper fellatio etiquite later.
Adjusting his grip so he was holding his wrist, Roy pushed Edwardâs hand down to the couch, felt the fingers clinch in the cushons. Spared a brief thought to the structual integrety of his couch.
Decided it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.
He was far more interested in feeling Edwardâs helpless little thrusts. Tasting the salt of his precome. Breathing in the oil-and-musk scent surrounding him.
He hummed, letting the vibrations roll down Edwardâs cock once more. Pulled off to take a deep breath. Dove back in.
Then let go.
Without Royâs hands to stop him, the tiny jerks of Edwardâs hips turned into full thrusts.
In and out, in and out. Edward rolled his hips at the same time he held Royâs head in place against his groin. No real rhythm, just primal, animal need.
Roy groaned around his full mouth. Made sure to keep his tongue flat, his lips over his teeth. Fought to keep his eyes open in his own pleasure.
He wanted to see everything. Wanted to watch the boyâs face while he fucked for the first time.
He let Edward move him, move in him, at his own pace.
Wished, vaguely, that the rest of their lives could be as simple as this.
He knew it wouldnât last.
Nothing about this would last.
Edwardâs desperate tempo increased from merely fast to ragged and discordant. His voice had gone high and tight, sounded almost pained but Roy could tell the difference. Could tell that he was almost there. Tears gathered in Edwardâs eyes, glented in the firelight as he staired sightlessly into the middle distance.
Any momentâŠ
Edward tightened his hand in Royâs hair, holding him in place. Curled over his head with a final thrust. Clinched his jaw and screamed through his teeth.
Roy came mere moments after.
[The sight of Edwardâs pleasure, the sound of his cries, the taste of his come in his mouth. For a brief moment, these were the cornerstones of Royâs entire existance. He was merely a means to gift pleasure to the most amazing creature he had ever known.]
He sucked and licked and moaned. Swallowed down every drop of Edwardâs release. He didnât want to miss a single molicule. Kept going until the hand in his har tried to tug him off. Until Edwardâs sounds of pleasure flirted with genuine pain.
[They both lay spralled on the couch - Edward slouching down the backrest, Roy with his face pressed against Edwardâs lower stomach - and fought to get their breathing under control. ]
Edward was shaking. Overwhelmed with pleasure. Roy was lightheaded from mild oxygen deprevation and comming completely untouched in his uniform trousers.
He had the vague sence that he should be embarrased about that last bit, but all he felt was vaguely impressed.
Mostly, Roy was basking in a giddy sence of accomplishment.
He enjoyed sex as much as the next man. Enjoyed giving his partners pleasure and receiving plesure in return. But this was the first time his own pleasure had been so wholy subsumed by his partnerâs. The first time he got off on someone else getting off.
It appeared he had at least one First to gift Edward after all.
With a choked laugh, Roy dragged himself out of the floor. Winced at the crack of his knees and sudden flood of sensation as the bloodflow was restored to his lower extremities. Still laughing, he crawled into Edwardâs lap, looming over him once again with hands on the back of the couch, thights on either side of his hips.
Roy didnât give Edward time to calm himself before he dove in for a kiss.
It was wet and filthy, more tongue and teeth than lips. He tasted the sweet port on Edwardâs tongue. Knew Edward would taste his own come and the soap from his skin on Royâs.
If Edward had a problem with second hand cum, he didnât show it. Roy groaned into his mouth when Edward reached up to grip his hair again. Pulled back long enough to gasp in some air, drag his lips across Edwardâs, kissed his cheeks and the corners of both eyes, before diving back in again.
Eventually, the kiss realaxed from frantic and passionate to⊠Soft. Warm. Comfortable.
Roy pulled away for a final time. Let his head drop down onto Edwardâs. Brushed his nose against Edwardâs playfully. Felt a sated smile streatch across his lips.
Ooo, this was really slow and sensual. I love the idea of seeing Ed do something as intimate as caring for his automail (something I don't think we ever actually see in canon). That it's what pushes Roy over the edge to need to touch Ed? Really enjoyed that. Such a clever spin. That Roy passed on his taste for alcohol to Ed in some way is also an interesting detail. It's a cool way to kind of show that this relationship is not like canon, that things have changed, that there's something about Ed that's also different. It's really cool. When you said this chapter is the first time they sleep together, I didn't expect that they'd been intimate before this point, but it's cool to me that Roy seemed to have been trying to control himself, keep things at a certain level before he pushed it to the next step, but I'll have to see how the second half of the chapter shakes out. I'm clapping happily in anticipation.
Hi! Welcome back. Glad you liked it. :]
Slow and sensual was 100% what I was going for. Glad it came through. As it's MY first sex scene, I wasn't sure if what was in my head was translating to paper. The lead up was exactly what I imagined when I was outlining but the sex itself took a surprisingly southern turn. My outline can be summed up as body worship [blow job] aftermath (amalee!) with some detail. I was not expecting Roy to take advantage of the fact that Ed just showered to introduce rimming to the proceedings. XD
My absolute favorite part of this whole chapter is that Roy says nothing for the first half of it. All that intimacy and he didn't say a thing. Not until "Welcome home, Edward" (and no, he doesn't realize he's just referred to his home as Ed's as well. Captain of a boat in Egypt). It seemed incredibly intimate for them to communicate entirely in touch at first.
I know most of the fandom jokes about Ed not taking care of his automail but that doesn't ring true to me. Yeah, he gets it broken multiple times - but that's in life-or-death fights while he's in the military. I think there's a point where Winry complains about scratches and scuffs as well but, again, he's a field agent in the military. I don't think Ed enjoys automail maintenance but he doesnât resent or avoid it, either. He makes sure to do it - both in my fic and in canon - because he needs to be as functional as possible to achieve his goals. We see him doing exercises and practicing martial arts in the show. I think maintenance would be like that, something he has to do regularly to keep his body fighting fit.
About the first time thing, I think there was some miscommunication? Yes, this is the first time they did oral but not their first time having sex in general. They've been going full penetration for⊠maybe five months? Lemme check my timeline⊠Yeah, five months, give or take a week. I thought I had mentioned that I chose to write this chapter because it wasn't one of the BIG FIRSTS in their relationship and wasn't plot heavy, which made it easier to write. In fact, Roy thinks in this chapter "There was a time and a place to indulge Royâs apparent perversions. When he had Edward spread out on his bed, speared on his cock, Roy could look all he wanted." Yeah, they've had sex before. :}
What IS different is how Roy approached Ed - with genuine lust as well as affection - because lust⊠really wasn't the driving factor for them getting together at first. That will make sense when I post the "getting together" chapters. Roy kinda Pavlov's Dog'ed himself into being sexually attracted to Ed (oops). For some reason, I really love the idea that the first time Roy feels genuine Big-D Desire for Ed leads to an hour of body-worship and a complete dismissal of his own pleasure. I was really, really leaning into the He Fell Harder of it all and made the man a service top instead.
So, the alcohol thing is weird for me. Or I'm weird about the alcohol. I'm a teetotaler myself but go absolutely feral for the idea that Roy is, at the very least, a functional alcoholic after Ishval. I fell in love with Roy in the '03 adaptation and never really shook the impression of him I got from that version. We don't really get to see the small, every day responses to his trauma in Brotherhood - partially because that's not the point of the show and mostly because we know him through a young Ed's eyes for the first half of the series. We see the big things! His ambitions and his guilt. But there's got to be more than that. And given the background Brotherhood/Manga gave him, alcohol as a coping mechanism makes the most sense.
Hence, my Roy Mustang is an alcoholic.
As such, when Ed starts spending time at his house, Roy is often drinking. I had Ed start drinking as well because a) he's mimicking the coping mechanism of the adult he's closest to (though not to the same degree), b) because he is curious about everything and wants to learn, and even a little c) wants to prove himself not a kid (even though that's exactly what a kid would think).
Roy, on the other hand, started offering Ed drinks as a sort of automatic social nicety the way he would any guest in his house and that ballooned into him introducing Ed to different types to see what he likes. Roy is an alcoholic, yes, but that started as genuinely enjoying the science of brewing and distillation (maybe he bartended for Christmas when he was younger). Therefore, his interest in alcohol has a foundation other than its numbing effects (I needed this man to have some life outside being a subversive revolutionary. Home brewing and distilling sounds like something an alchemist would get into. Unfortunately, this is a case of trauma taking something he enjoyed for itself and turning it toxic). He comes to enjoy sharing that interest with Ed. Edward reacts to Royâs enthusiasm about drinks with expressive grouchiness and accuses Roy of being both a weirdo and a dork (affectionate), much to Roy's amusement.
The meta reason I have Roy giving the 14 year old alcohol is to show/don't tell another example of how he automatically thinks of and treats Ed like an adult even outside the bedroom or the office. Ed being comfortable enough in Roy's home to get something out of his liquor cabinet while Roy isn't there read as surprisingly intimate, as well, in an our lives are beginning to intertwine even when we're apart kind of way.
Slow and sensual was 100% what I was going for. Glad it came through.
It absolutely did come through! Sometimes the scene does evolve in such a way that some action you weren't planning makes perfect sense (like the rimming in this scene). Going with it almost always makes for a better scene.
All that intimacy and he didn't say a thing.
All that intimacy *absolutely* came across. I loved how at home Ed was willing to make himself (DOMESTIC INTIMACIES!!), both in his use of Roy's home and in helping himself to the liquor cabinet, and how he reacted to Roy coming in and touching him without saying a word. It definitely spoke to their relationship (I'm just stupid and clearly misread something somewhere in our conversations). Once my brain caught up to "they're clearly lovers at this point," it was so much fun. So sweet and tender and speaking of genuine intimacy.
Ed taking care of his automail makes sense to me too. He does his best to take care of it--he's dramatically disabled when he doesn't have his automail, and he's very well aware of it. I think the reason we don't see him complain about breaking it when he does is because he almost always breaks it in a life-or-death situation. I enjoyed seeing him taking care of it.
What IS different is how Roy approached Ed - with genuine lust as well as affection - because lust⊠really wasn't the driving factor for them getting together at first.
This totally makes sense to me. I'm sure you've got a lot of fun and interesting lead-up to show them getting together, but one of the things that always does it for me with them, is they're both suckers for intelligence. Even if Roy weren't physically attracted to Ed in any capacity when he's young, I think he'd be hard-pressed to not be drawn to Ed's intelligence. One thing I do enjoy with big age gap relationships (especially if one starts under 18), is that the older partner finds themselves more and more attracted as the younger partner gets older. Ed going from cute kid to startlingly beautiful is absolutely a favored headcanon of mine, and I'm always delighted to see it in fic.
Or I'm weird about the alcohol.
Same. đ But I think it makes sense here. Both from it being a coping mechanism for Roy, and him offering it to Ed as a sign of treating him as an adult and an equal. I wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason he first decided to introduce it to Ed was because he consciously decided that if Ed were old enough to be doing what he is in the military, then he's old enough to drink. Them kind of bonding over it also makes sense, and Ed just treats it as an indulgence or a hobby.
As far as Roy having been interested in the science behind it, being exposed to it constantly because of Chris' bar also probably made alcohol both mundane and commonplace to him. I would also bet that Roy's the type of person who just enjoys the taste of alcohol.
I love having both in-universe and out-of-universe reasons for doing things. đđ
it shimmers like no gemstones i've ever seen: green as malachite and emerald but shot through with opal, gold, copper. photographs can't do it justice because of how it shines, as well as the way the actual material elements have their own dimensions. you can lean in and study all the fine lines of the circuits or step back and admire how the rearranged whole forms new patterns. it's one of the most beautiful creations i've ever seen.
Starting another thread because last one was getting long. Again. And I have things to say.
I finally, finally, finished my first full chapter! (Woo-hoo!!)
...Which is actually Chapter 52 because I continue to be insane and write out of order. I started writing the chapter on May 18th and finished today, the 24th. That... was significantly longer than I was expecting it to take. Of course, the chapter is significantly longer than I was expecting. (I should have known better. As you've no doubt ascertained, I R Verbose.)
For some reason, I decided to write my first chapter and my first ever erotic scene at the same time. Mostly because it looked reasonably simple in my outline. It didn't seem plot heavy, just a good establishing shot for where their relationship stands/where they stand with each other at this point in the fic. Not a particularly important sex scene - not the one where they first sleep together, not the confession chapter or the aftermath chapter. Just a nice, low-stakes porn-fest. Maybe 2-5K in total.
Ha.
Ten thousand five hundred and eleven words later... I have a sprawling, emotionally complex, surprisingly tender character study on Roy 'He Fell Harder' Mustang. Only about 2K of it is even technically porn! The first quarter is silent and seductive body-worship while the last half is pure domesticity! #couplesgoals.
I am Roy Mustang taking the Alchemist Exam levels of naive, apparently.
More after the cut because Jesus Christ this got long:
I... don't know whether to hope that not all of my chapters end up this long or just embrace the fact that I'm apparently writing a Superfic as a new author. I have 66 chapters outlined and we've not even made it as far as the Liore/canon timeline yet. This... is gonna take a while.
On the other hand, I fucking love what I've written. Totally. Completely. Entirely enamored. It's so good. I mean, it needs major editing. I still don't have spell check on because I don't want to deal with the squiggles, the tense keeps bouncing from past to present and back again - sometimes in the same sentence, there's a few incredibly clunky sentences in there, and I need to go back and rework any instance of "Roy thought/contemplated/wondered/considered/whathaveyou" so that the reader is actually in his head rather than being narrated at. But all that is standard second draft work.
What I actually love is... everything else. Roy's thought process, his actions, Ed's reactions, the porn is hot, the domesticity is sweet, their emotions read as real, their dynamic actually came across natural to who they are as characters... And I learned so much? About who they are at this point in the story? Like, I had nearly 500 words of outline just for this chapter and managed to take that and "discovery write" (your words and I love them; I'm keeping them) character motivation and emotion and even hints at the greater plot?
This is kind of a middle ground scene between when they first start sleeping together and when the feelings realization/confession happens. Neither of them are aware that they, themselves have greater feelings for the other, much less that the other does as well. All the while they move around each other with the comfort of long-time partners. Roy acts and thinks of Edward as a permanent fixture in his life. Edward treats Roy's home like communal property. And both are completely oblivious to the implications!
Writing this was so much fun. So much discovery.
I got to figure out how Roy navigates having a lover who has such little life experience whom he nonetheless views and treats as an adult. I'll be able to take that back several chapters and establish that dynamic from the very beginning of their relationship. I apparently decided that one of his coping methods is appropriate communication with the inexperienced partner so he feels like they're both on equal ground, as much as possible. (Which means if/when miscommunication does happen, it'll not be because they're both shit at talking to each other. Probably, it'll be a sign of one or both of them tripping over a trauma response.)
I kinda fell into writing a hilarious bit of banter that revealed so much about Roy. Made me go "Oh! Apparently Roy is a Wine Snob. Did he get that from Chris? Hmmm, no. He must have cultivated that on his own as part of his ambition to work his way up in society by looking like One of Them (the rich and influential)" and then I connected that to earlier in the chapter when i realized Roy speaks with an affectation - he fakes a upper-middle class Central accent/dialect, even in private, that isn't the one he grew up with. Why upper-middle and not just upper? Because he knew he wouldn't be able to fake being upper class amongst a group where everyone knows everyone else. He could fake a higher social status that has been known to translate into upwards social mobility with enough work and connections, though. And this told me that Colonel Mastermind's ambitions and games have thoroughly saturated who he is as a person to the point that they've become a part of him even when he is safe and at home.
None of that was fucking planned! But it works so well. Works in this chapter and in the larger plot and with Roy's canon upbringing.
And I realized half way through that I'm almost entirely against the 'describe someone rather than use their name' habit a lot of writers of slash get into because it's hard to figure out which "he" they're talking about. None of that the smaller one, the older man, the golden eyed Adonis, the Colonel that I've read so much. Nothing against it, it just didn't fit the writing style. Instead, I have the narration - in Roy's POV - almost aggressively use just their names. Which, on one hand, is a fun bit of character writing because Roy always calls/thinks of Ed as 'Edward' when they're alone (as opposed to Fullmetal when they're working, a nice way to compartmentalize) whereas Ed thinks of himself as 'Ed' in his own POV and Roy as either 'the Colonel' or 'the Bastard' or 'Roy' depending on the state of their relationship. This also means when I do break the Names Only rule its with purpose. In this case, I have Ed referred to as "the boy" several times, but only when pointing out his age is particularly uncomfortable - to both Roy and the audience. Because I'm evil đ.
Also? Ed makes Roy laugh. It's great to compare how he is while alone with Ed against how he is in the office or around others.
What's fandom for, if not to communicate and share with people also into your thing?
I'm a life long lurker. I've spoken to you more than anyone else in 30 years of fandom... combined. 10/10 would actually recommend!
That kind of situational comedy is golden! I'm so impressed. I find humor one of the hardest things to write, and dialogue is one of my strengths. Situational humor like this is delicious (and way hard imo).
Having not written since high school and never finished anything (ever, in my life), I honestly don't know what my weaknesses and strengths will turn out to be. I know I likely wouldn't have managed that bit of situational humor without having an outline. I was able to see the character's progression all together and realized that the most reasonable reaction from Ed concerning [redacted] would actually be the exact opposite of Roy's. As this is before they're on personal speaking terms, they have no clue what the other thinks in the aftermath. Everything just fell into place from there.
But with longfics like that, I don't plot them in advance (eyes current problem child fic). Usually, with fics over 100k, I don't really start plotting them until I'm hitting about the 2/3rds point... or when I'm really ready for this damn thing to be done, and a little more structure helps push through. Even then, the outlines are still pretty bare bones.
Do you also skydive without a parachute? Deep sea dive without a depth gauge? Go spelunking without a map? You scare me (positive).
Personally, I've already found multiple instances where I decide {something happens} in the outline and I realize I need to set it up ten chapters before. If I were writing from chapter one forward, without an outline, I wouldn't know I needed to add that setup until it was too late. Like, I have Gen Armstrong showing up (years too early) in reaction to [reacted] but realized if I wanted her personally coming down from the North to seem natural, I needed to sprinkle hints throughout previous chapters that would make the [redacted] more important than it seems to Ed while he's in the thick of things. I'm in absolute awe of anyone, yourself included, who can write full stories and post them while still writing without that sort of crutch.
Knocked 100 years off the AC timeline and said the first colony went up in 1910
The Wright Brothers first flew on December 17, 1903. How the fuck... That is one hell of a space race. You know what? I'm just gonna have to read it, aren't I.
Because we get such deep insight into what's going on with Roy and his team, it's really easy to miss the fact that Roy's considered somewhat dangerous--both because he is obviously ambitious and because of his power as an alchemist--but, to your point, "overthrow the government" is a whole different level of ambition, and a lot of people really think he's just some young upstart. It's an image he takes cares to cultivate and reinforce, but we don't really see what kind of toll the work to hide what he's doing takes one him.
Yeah, turns out I apparently like to explore the ways he 'cultivates and reinforce[s]' his public persona and how it and his manipulations effect his personal life and the toll the constant deception takes on him. It's just so juicy. Especially when he tries to show someone new in his life (Ed) who he is inside. He's made to confront parts of himself that don't come naturally yet have still become integral to his mental image of himself. Who is Roy Mustang has got to be a hard question to answer even from the inside. Wrote those parts of the chapter before ever reading your reply. lol
What a heartbreaking bit of naivety. I really love when we can see where young Ed might be crazy smart but he just doesn't have the real-world experience to make the right decisions
I have multiple instances where Ed's intellect and his experience clash planed out - some small, some life changing, some devastating. Part of it is that broken moral code I mentioned but a larger portion is how he's actually pretty sheltered, socially speaking, when he first gets commissioned. Grew up in a small farming village on the ass end of Amestris. Spent a year living with a butcher's family in a small town. Pretty much raised himself. Fucking twelve. He's missing a lot of the nuance and socio-cultural subtleties that come with 1) being an adult, 2) in the big city, 3) in the military, and 4) all three at once. Poor Roy is going to have to suffer Ed's ignorance in the worst ways for a while.
You want to read what I got so far? I'm considering posting the unedited version. It's chapter 52, doesn't have any real spoilers for whomever reads it, but gives a peek at what I'm working with writing-wise. I'm not planning to post-as-I-go with other chapters, I don't think. There's not many that aren't very plot relevant like 52 is.
Ten thousand five hundred and eleven words later... I have a sprawling, emotionally complex, surprisingly tender character study on Roy 'He Fell Harder' Mustang.
đ€Ł Okay, one thing about writing/updating weekly means I have a 2k minimum per chapter, which means that I'm *very* conditioned to chapters of a certain length. It's very rare for me to have a single chapter balloon like that (if I do, it's usually because it's a particularly kinky sex scene. đ). After having at least one fic updating weekly for the better part of the last five years, I've got a really good internal sense of how long 2k is, and when I need to start wrapping up a scene.
I freaking love Roy and Ed being soft with one another, and having a remarkably healthy relationship. There's so much about their world and their lives that's so fucked up, I love their relationship being a surprisingly wholesome juxtaposition to that.
Roy cultivating an upper middle class accent to the point that it actually becomes his real accent totally tracks. 100% something he would do. I love finding happy accidents like that.
And I realized half way through that I'm almost entirely against the 'describe someone rather than use their name' habit a lot of writers of slash get into because it's hard to figure out which "he" they're talking about.
These are called "epithets" and they are a *bane* in fanfic. They mostly come from the fact that if you're writing a scene with two people of the opposite sex, you can go *literal pages* without having to use either character's name because the "he" and "she" are such clear markers. So when you come to slash fanfic specifically (though I wouldn't be the least-bit surprised if this habit bled over into het fanfic too), where both of your characters have the same pronouns and you can't use that shortcut, using their names a lot can feel very repetitive.
What is *usually* actually happening is that using their names all the time highlights that you're using repetitive sentence structure (e.g. every sentence in a paragraph starts with "[character][verbs]"), and by using an epithet and having the sentence start with "the [adjective] one" *feels* like it's changing the sentence structure and it feels less repetitive.
It's not. It's a crutch at best. There is some high-level use of epithets that make sense, but they're usually things that mark out your character as singular or a unique *role* they have (e.g. referring to Roy as "the colonel" would make sense to reinforce his military role), but *in general*, my recommendation is to avoid them. Using their names all the time will feel repetitive--especially in the beginning--but they become invisible to your readers like said/asked, and they avoid confusion.
Once upon a time, I did some editing for a small slashy trashy (affectionate) publisher, and, unsurprisingly, a lot of the authors came from the school of fanfic to write original. They must have brought the epithet habit with them because avoiding epithets was *literally* in our style guide. đ
If you feel like you're using their names too much, look at your sentence structure, because that's probably what's actually repetitive. I usually check this when I'm writing by making sure I don't start 3 paragraphs in a row the same way. It's a really easy gut-check, because that first word is so noticeable, and I've done it that way for so long, it's something I can actively and easily adjust as I'm writing.
Btw, the more characters you have in a scene, the worse the epithet problem can become. One of my friends--who has much higher tolerance for it than I do--once came crying to me because the use was so overboard, that they referred to the "blond man" in a scene where there where multiple blond characters present. Easy whoops to make when you become over reliant on epithets. I'm pretty impressed you naturally avoided them considering they are basically a staple of most fanfic.
I've spoken to you more than anyone else in 30 years of fandom⊠combined. 10/10 would actually recommend!
I've ended up with some irl friends out of fandom. It can be a wonderful place to make connections. đđđ
Having not written since high school and never finished anything (ever, in my life), I honestly don't know what my weaknesses and strengths will turn out to be.
I've kind of always written, but I rarely posted anything until right before the pandemic (I had a few fics on FFN back in the day, but that's it). I just wrote for myself because I had a fic that got relatively popular but I totally wrote myself into a corner with it, and GW had an embarrassment of riches in terms of high quality longfics that got finished, so I somehow internalized the idea that I *had* to finish things. I felt so bad about abandoning it (b/c I still can't figure out how to work it out to the end I wanted), that I just... didn't post again for like... 17 years. đ Pretty much always wrote but didn't post.
When I started posting again (right before the pandemic started was a weird coincidence of timing), I made a promise to myself that if I started posting, I *had* to finish it. Since then, with weekly update schedules, I've overwhelmingly finished nearly every longfic I've started posting (and the outliers tend to be shorter longfics, like less than 5 chapters--I've learned that those, I need to write all the way through before posting b/c without a schedule, I just crash on momentum). But even going back to high school, I was always told that my dialogue was my strength.
I'm so excited that you hit such a huge sure of inspiration. I hope the outlining will help you along the way as the initial rush peters out. Finishing things is literally the hardest part. The more you write, the more you develop the "muscles" for learning how to anticipate what will and won't work, and suss out the details that make the story come alive.
Do you also skydive without a parachute? Deep sea dive without a depth gauge? Go spelunking without a map? You scare me (positive).
đI am a lazy homebody who does none of that. But I don't (typically) set out to write long, Plot-heavy fics where I *need* to know more than the general shape of what's going to happen. 50-100k of idiots in love trying to figure out how to make their relationship work? All day every day. Add capital-P Plot to that? And I'm usually fleeing in the opposite direction. Wreckage started as just "how would a group like the BAU react to RoyEd?" My GW/MCU crossover is "What if Duo Maxwell was Tony Stark's bio kid?" (I'm a fucking sucker for "bio family found" fics, and I have Feelings about how awkward that would likely be, so...). I've got other novel-length fics that are "Can I believably make this character fall in love with someone who is a genuine monster of a human being?" and "can I believably take this victim-to-lover setup and have them overcome it to have a happy ending?" Those are usually my plot bunnies. The relationship is the core plot, and then other plotty things that happen are... subplots at best? Incidental at worst? They are things that happen that force the characters either together or to adjust the relationship in some way.
There are definitely places where I can find things that would have been better written if I wrote everything ahead, and it'd be a lot easier to go back and add in details that will make later payoffs be even better, but I really struggle to write long-form without some kind of external accountability (like a posting schedule). I'm so impressed by people who can not only pre-write a whole dang novel-length fic, but who have the self-control with posting after. I've had one 50k fic I wrote entirely before I began posting, and it's the one I would absolutely forget I had to update the most because I wasn't live writing it. đ With fic, I have successfully defeated "perfect being the enemy of good," because if I try to make it perfect, it will never be finished, so putting it up as I go along is how I get a complete, if not perfect, project.
I'm just gonna have to read it, aren't I.
I did say I had to handwave some things to make it work. đ It's a monstrosity (the whole series is over 500k). Focus on your fic first. It will be there if you get bored/curious.
You want to read what I got so far? I'm considering posting the unedited version.
I am 100% procrastinating by writing this and not the fic. Shame shame shame.
I decided to try my hand at Actual Chapter One and it is kicking my ass... while wearing Izumi's house shoes. I've not written even 500 words of Ch1 in three days compared to how the words just poured out of me for Ch52. This is probably partially because my outline for this chapter is basically "Ed has nightmares" and I have no idea how to write nightmares and partially because I have even less idea how to write a genius ten year old before the trauma digs into his psyche but during the traumatic event itself. But i kinda need these first few chapters of set up because it changes his and Roy's dynamic in a subtle but important way. :sob:
More after the cut...
After having at least one fic updating weekly for the better part of the last five years, I've got a really good internal sense of how long 2k is, and when I need to start wrapping up a scene.
Every time i learn something new about your writing habits, I get more impressed. I aspire to something so disciplined in my future but it looks like I'll have to have a good portion of the fic written before I can even begin to post.
I cannot really force the chapter to "wrap up" simply because of the Ed-Roy-Ed-Roy way I have the chapters organized. There were at least two, maybe three, places I could have cut the chapter in half or thirds to knock down the word count but the next chapter is supposed to be an Ed chapter and I wanted that whole section in Roy's perspective. It would throw off my whole system if I just cut it and made a new chapter.
And I like what I got down. I like all the things I learned about the characters, especially Roy, throughout it. Without letting it balloon, I don't know I would have discovered so much. So I don't regret letting it balloon like it did. I'm just intimidated by the size of the chapter and afraid it'll become a habit. Fortunately, Ch1 is currently proving my concerns unnecessary. Unfortunately, that just means the word count per chapter will vary wildly between one and the next. :/
There's only one non Ed-or-Roy pov chapter outlined and it's because I literally could not come up with a way for it to work from either of their pov's. So instead A Wild Maes Hughes Appears! It's far enough into the fic that I think I'll use Hughes's chapter as a transition point between Part 1 (pre-canon) and Part 2 (where the canon timeline around Liore picks up).
Roy cultivating an upper middle class accent to the point that it actually becomes his real accent totally tracks. 100% something he would do. I love finding happy accidents like that.
Doesn't it, though? Roy's upbringing combined with mastermind tendencies make for such fertile ground to plant weird and wonderful quirks like that.
The more I write the more I uncover delightful little tidbits like that about the characters that i simply Did Not Know until it showed up on page or in my notes or while writing you. Roy's public persona eating his identity is one, we've discussed Hughes's age as another, and I came up with two really fucked up ways to make the night Ed committed taboo even worse for him. And they are not something I'm willing to talk about at length here because they are capitol S Spoilers, unlike most of the rest of the stuff I post. (Even if building the foundation for it is defeating me atm.)
I tend to use these conversations like a brainstorming session/ external ways to work things out in my own mind; it's worked several times so far. It's part of the reason my replies are all so long. Also. I R Still Verbose. So, while spitballing ideas just now, I realized:
Despite the fact that Roy Mustang, Revolutionary and Resistance Leader, seems like the kind of guy who would know himself thoroughly and accurately, that's not how it's shaking out. I'm actually going with the idea that Ishval caused a total ego collapse and Roy has spent the last several years building himself back up from the few bits and pieces of who he used to be that survived combined with who he thinks he needs to be - or at least who he needs to be perceived as - in order to achieve his goals. That he sort of surfs on the surface of who people think he is in the day-to-day, while remaining aware that much of it is shallow or a farce. He's a chameleon, being who and what he needs to be depending on the circumstance or interaction. Maybe he wonders if there even is something left of him beneath the facade, sometimes, or if the hollow feeling inside him is all that's left. (Oh, shit, and that'll make him such a good foil for Envy later on! Happy. Accidents. Huzzah!)
He already plans to essentially commit Suicide by Justice Department when forcing a trial for himself and the others who fought in Ishval, what's maintaining a stable and coherent identity in the face of that? It would be interesting for him have a significant personality shift after Ishval to the point that people who knew him before were able to clock it immediately. (Hmm. Would also be interesting to have his identity solidify in his own mind while with Ed... Maybe have parts of himself he thought lost come back up to the surface because of their relationship?)
(No, seriously. I worked all that out by writing it to you. This was Not Planned. Sorry and/or thank you for using you as a sounding board.)
Once upon a time, I did some editing for a small slashy trashy (affectionate) publisher, and, unsurprisingly, a lot of the authors came from the school of fanfic to write original. They must have brought the epithet habit with them because avoiding epithets was *literally* in our style guide. đ
Ouch, looks like I accidentally set off your muscle memory (or a trauma response) as an editor when I brought that up. Those are called epithets? I've heard the word before, of course, but from context clues I had assumed it meant something like pejorative. A lot less neutral than what "the blond" implies.
It's easy to see why a community who mostly write slash would fall into that habit even if it is a bad habit to have. I generally give a lot of grace for grammar and stylistic writing choices in fic that I wouldn't normally tolerate in published work. For the most part, fic writers aren't professional, they're writing for free, and they don't have professional editors looking over everything. I try to keep that in mind.
Neat that my own preferences overwrote the collective habits of fic writers given fic is 98% of all I read. You'd think I would internalize the writing styles I read most. Instead, as soon as I started writing I realized my POV characters would not think about each other that way, even in 3rd person limited pov. Other than the occasional the boy used when i want to hurt the reader, the only other exception is having Roy referred to as The Bastard in Edwards younger years and that's specifically because that's how Ed thinks of him. Not with his rank or his last name. With a curse. (Very Edward Elric of him.) And I will be using the shift from The Bastard to The Colonel to Mustang and finally to Roy in Ed's head as indicative of their shifting relationship, so it makes sense to use within the world. Just like Roy compartmentalizing and calling Ed by his name in private and his call-sign in public. I like that I can show so much subtle change happening through just how they refer to each other.
I do think I managed to keep the names from becoming repetitive, so that's good. Of course, part of the reason I don't have significantly more Roys and Edwards floating about is because I tend to drop the subject in all but the first sentence of a paragraph, which is.... less good. Grammatically, at least. Stylistically, it's fine. The only time I have a first name start a paragraph three times in a row is when I was using intentional repetition for emphasis. And the only time I used an epithet was, as previously mentioned, "the boy" used specifically to bring attention to Ed's age at unfortunate times. It's supposed to make the reader at least a little uncomfortable with what they're reading. Realized I can't use it too often or it'll lose it's power.
I made a promise to myself that if I started posting, I had to finish it. Since then, with weekly update schedules, I've overwhelmingly finished nearly every longfic I've started posting
You are very inspirational. Like I said, I aspire to write/post like that. Less the pantsing, though. The first and only time I've ever posted was back in '09. It was a destiel fic written back when Castiel had only been on the show for a few episodes. Despite being posted on AO3 for over a decade, it didn't manage to get even one hit. Lost in all the other fic out there, I guess. So I recently took it down. :P
I have successfully defeated "perfect being the enemy of good," because if I try to make it perfect, it will never be finished
I hear that. It's something I'm not particularly good at yet but something I'm actively trying to practice. I used to write and edit and edit and edit and edit the first chapter of a fic until I got sick of it and never picked it back up. This time, I turned off the squiggles and just wrote. Get stuck trying to think of a word? Put an underscore ______ down where it goes and come back to it later. Can't figure out how to word something? Best guess and add brackets around it to make it easier to find. Et cetera. Et cetera. I keep telling myself that's future me's problem, save it for second draft. I... mostly succeeded? I did do some editing while reading it over but it was mostly spelling errors and things, the big changes will have to happen on second.
:Laughs at grabby hands: As you are no doubt aware, I've successfully posted my first (52nd) chapter so far, in two parts because it was so long. Lemme know what you think, ya? I'm super excited.
I've not written even 500 words of Ch1 in three days compared to how the words just poured out of me for Ch52. This is probably partially because my outline for this chapter is basically "Ed has nightmares" and I have no idea how to write nightmares
Aside from the obvious fact that the writing isn't always going to flow effortlessly, when it's this much of a problem, try taking a look at it. Sometimes, it's writerly instincts knowing that something's wrong. Sometimes, it's because you're bored (in which case, it's a safe bet your audience will be too). It could be because you're heading in the wrong direction. I love this interview between Daniel Greene and Mary Robinette Kowal about writer's block (it's queued up to the beginning of the relevant 3-minute part), because I love how Mary Robinette approaches writer's block like a diagnostic tool.
From my side, if you were asking for actual help with it, I'd tell you to not write the nightmare itself. Dream and nightmare sequences are super common in writing, but I don't (personally) tend to find they actually serve the narrative, but they're super common and writers love them. This kind of rug-yank matters more when writing original (where you're working to make readers care about your character) than fic, where people are reading specifically because they *already* care about the characters, so you can do it in fic more-so than I'd say in original.
In the case of writing nightmares specifically, I like the old horror trick of "never showing the monster." Your audience's imagination of the horrors are often better than anything you can come up with yourself, so less is typically more. It's also not the strongest opening because you're bringing in the reader, and then going to tell them almost immediately that everything they're being introduced to isn't real, and therefore, doesn't actually impact the narrative--beyond leaving the character dreaming a little sleep-deprived. Try starting with having Ed wake up shaken from the nightmare, maybe have a few lines of ideas or images from the nightmare (supposing it's related to Truth, white hands, infinite eyes, so many, many hands... for example), but the effect of the nightmare is probably a lot more important and informative than the nightmare itself is. If you're struggling to write it, skip it. There are times to push yourself through something that you need to write, and there are times where you can just *not write* the thing that you're not enjoying. I think this is the latter.
(No, seriously. I worked all that out by writing it to you. This was Not Planned. Sorry and/or thank you for using you as a sounding board.)
It's amazing how much just talking through ideas with an interested and informed fandom friend can help. I can't think of the number of times I've basically talked myself through something that had me stuck just because I had a friend who was a good sounding board (even if they didn't *actually* say much, just the right thing to trigger my brain to unpack the problem. It's one of the funnest parts of fandom friends, in my experience.
Ouch, looks like I accidentally set off your muscle memory (or a trauma response) as an editor when I brought that up.
Lol, I probably should have said "ubiquitous" instead of "a bane." I'm not so much of a snob that I drop anything that has them. There is a *threshold* at which point they become actively distracting, but *especially* in my old stomping ground of Gundam Wing, they're virtually impossible to avoid. I certainly was as guilty of using them profusely as anyone in my younger days. đAnd if you mostly read fic, it's just the standard.
... I admittedly draw the line at things like "greenette" and "pinkette." Those are automatic back buttons when I hit them. I am a weirdly bigger snob about fic than I am about original stuff. Fic I have Opinions about characters and characterization. Original stuff, it's on the author to sell me on.
By the way, one of the reasons they're so ubiquitous in fandom is because--in the vast majority of cases--you're working with fandom of a *visual* work. You have established and (generally) universally understood ideas of what characters look like, so referring to them by their appearance is a lot easier, because everyone *knows* what they look like. This is much, much, *much* harder to do in books because 1) you're not always given a lot of details about what someone looks like and 2) everyone's idea of their appearances may differ. I am in the middle of listening to a book where it just revealed--like a solid two+ hours in, that one of the main characters is biracial. It threw me because there were no clues before then that he was (or if there were, I totally missed them). I'm now two hours into a book and my whole mental image of this main character needs adjustment. In original work, the *author* may have a very strong idea of what the characters look like, but that doesn't mean the readers do, or that epithets based on appearances could immediately be parsed.
Using epithets intentionally is just fine--especially in third-person limited (obviously my favorite POV). The Specificity of Names is something I *love* and personally do a lot (though I don't know how much my readers notice--I enjoy it, so it doesn't matter), but I tend to be very specific about how people *think* about other people in my fics. Also how they address them aloud. Ed would 10,000% think of Roy as The Bastard. The "would Roy think of Ed as 'the blond man'?" is a good way to think about it, at least if you're doing a close third person limited POV.
Of course, part of the reason I don't have significantly more Roys and Edwards floating about is because I tend to drop the subject in all but the first sentence of a paragraph, which is.... less good.
Eh, Roys and Eds in narrative are fine. There's a tendency in writing to overuse direct address (calling someone by their name) in dialogue (we address people by name to their face *far less* than most people realize. Except for kids. I say my kids' names probably dozens if not hundreds of times a day, but my husband's? Maybe once every few days? It's rare enough to hear him address me by name that I always find it jarring to hear him say it. đIt gets overused in dialogue because writers use it to avoid a dialogue tag and remind readers who is being talked to. Don't overthink this one, though. There are people who say people's names incessantly (will never forget the girl I worked with who literally could not talk to her SO without saying "babe" to him). We tend to use people's names when we're greeting them, introducing them, or when we're talking *about* them (not to them). Otherwise, it's usually something you do to get someone's attention (which is why parents say their kids' names over and over and over đ). When I'm checking the first sentence of paragraphs, I'm not specifically looking for names, but for patterns. "did the last three paragraphs all begin with someone's name?" I also get antsy when the last three paragraphs all start with gerunds (since that's my favorite sentence structure switch-up), or too many lines of dialogue all starting with the quotes). I give more leeway to dialogue (especially quick, snappy dialogue) than the other two.
Names will *feel* repetitive when you're starting to write, especially if most of your reading is in fandom. You're just primed to expect the change-up of an epithet. It really is just a matter of sentence structure. When all your sentences start with "Roy did this" and "Ed did that," it gets super noticeable.
And once you've started seeing it, it's almost impossible not to. đ
Despite being posted on AO3 for over a decade, it didn't manage to get even one hit
I... would honestly not have believed such a thing could exist for the flagship for a megafandom. Makes me think it was likely the tagging (or lack thereof) that was more likely the issue. Especially if it were the only fic you had. I'd be curious to see what would happen if you put it back up without backdating it (just from a curiosity perspective. I'm afraid I'm a Wincest girlie all the way đ).
I used to write and edit and edit and edit and edit the first chapter of a fic until I got sick of it and never picked it back up.
I've heard this is a pretty common issue with perfectionists. The cure here is exactly what you did--you're not allowed to edit the first draft. I will sometimes do the brackets of [Look up what this stupid thing means], especially because I use sprinting a *lot* to write last minute. I mentioned deadline pressure works well for me? It does in sprints too. đ. Because I'm so used to doing minimal editing, I have 1000% posted a chapter with one of those notes still in there. đ€Ł Fortunately, my readers let me know ASAP and I fixed it.
I did do some editing while reading it over but it was mostly spelling errors and things, the big changes will have to happen on second.
I think everything I saw was just spelling errors. Anything I would have usually said was "continuity" I can't actually say because it's only the one chapter I've read and I don't have broader continuity, just my assumption of where this chapter was in the story from what you told me.
And for some reason, I thought it was their first time sleeping together. Whoops. đ You can see why I might have been a little thrown from a "continuity" angle until I figured it out. But I think you'd mentioned previously that it took them a LOT of chapters to sleep together, and I just got the specifics muddled. I'm actually delighted that they get intimately involved earlier than I thought, even if it hasn't progressed to penetration.
I really enjoyed it, though! I left some comments in the notes (not as wonderful as your comments, I'm afraid, but I loved what I read!) Thanks so much for sharing!
Starting another thread because last one was getting long. Again. And I have things to say.
I finally, finally, finished my first full chapter! (Woo-hoo!!)
...Which is actually Chapter 52 because I continue to be insane and write out of order. I started writing the chapter on May 18th and finished today, the 24th. That... was significantly longer than I was expecting it to take. Of course, the chapter is significantly longer than I was expecting. (I should have known better. As you've no doubt ascertained, I R Verbose.)
For some reason, I decided to write my first chapter and my first ever erotic scene at the same time. Mostly because it looked reasonably simple in my outline. It didn't seem plot heavy, just a good establishing shot for where their relationship stands/where they stand with each other at this point in the fic. Not a particularly important sex scene - not the one where they first sleep together, not the confession chapter or the aftermath chapter. Just a nice, low-stakes porn-fest. Maybe 2-5K in total.
Ha.
Ten thousand five hundred and eleven words later... I have a sprawling, emotionally complex, surprisingly tender character study on Roy 'He Fell Harder' Mustang. Only about 2K of it is even technically porn! The first quarter is silent and seductive body-worship while the last half is pure domesticity! #couplesgoals.
I am Roy Mustang taking the Alchemist Exam levels of naive, apparently.
More after the cut because Jesus Christ this got long:
I... don't know whether to hope that not all of my chapters end up this long or just embrace the fact that I'm apparently writing a Superfic as a new author. I have 66 chapters outlined and we've not even made it as far as the Liore/canon timeline yet. This... is gonna take a while.
On the other hand, I fucking love what I've written. Totally. Completely. Entirely enamored. It's so good. I mean, it needs major editing. I still don't have spell check on because I don't want to deal with the squiggles, the tense keeps bouncing from past to present and back again - sometimes in the same sentence, there's a few incredibly clunky sentences in there, and I need to go back and rework any instance of "Roy thought/contemplated/wondered/considered/whathaveyou" so that the reader is actually in his head rather than being narrated at. But all that is standard second draft work.
What I actually love is... everything else. Roy's thought process, his actions, Ed's reactions, the porn is hot, the domesticity is sweet, their emotions read as real, their dynamic actually came across natural to who they are as characters... And I learned so much? About who they are at this point in the story? Like, I had nearly 500 words of outline just for this chapter and managed to take that and "discovery write" (your words and I love them; I'm keeping them) character motivation and emotion and even hints at the greater plot?
This is kind of a middle ground scene between when they first start sleeping together and when the feelings realization/confession happens. Neither of them are aware that they, themselves have greater feelings for the other, much less that the other does as well. All the while they move around each other with the comfort of long-time partners. Roy acts and thinks of Edward as a permanent fixture in his life. Edward treats Roy's home like communal property. And both are completely oblivious to the implications!
Writing this was so much fun. So much discovery.
I got to figure out how Roy navigates having a lover who has such little life experience whom he nonetheless views and treats as an adult. I'll be able to take that back several chapters and establish that dynamic from the very beginning of their relationship. I apparently decided that one of his coping methods is appropriate communication with the inexperienced partner so he feels like they're both on equal ground, as much as possible. (Which means if/when miscommunication does happen, it'll not be because they're both shit at talking to each other. Probably, it'll be a sign of one or both of them tripping over a trauma response.)
I kinda fell into writing a hilarious bit of banter that revealed so much about Roy. Made me go "Oh! Apparently Roy is a Wine Snob. Did he get that from Chris? Hmmm, no. He must have cultivated that on his own as part of his ambition to work his way up in society by looking like One of Them (the rich and influential)" and then I connected that to earlier in the chapter when i realized Roy speaks with an affectation - he fakes a upper-middle class Central accent/dialect, even in private, that isn't the one he grew up with. Why upper-middle and not just upper? Because he knew he wouldn't be able to fake being upper class amongst a group where everyone knows everyone else. He could fake a higher social status that has been known to translate into upwards social mobility with enough work and connections, though. And this told me that Colonel Mastermind's ambitions and games have thoroughly saturated who he is as a person to the point that they've become a part of him even when he is safe and at home.
None of that was fucking planned! But it works so well. Works in this chapter and in the larger plot and with Roy's canon upbringing.
And I realized half way through that I'm almost entirely against the 'describe someone rather than use their name' habit a lot of writers of slash get into because it's hard to figure out which "he" they're talking about. None of that the smaller one, the older man, the golden eyed Adonis, the Colonel that I've read so much. Nothing against it, it just didn't fit the writing style. Instead, I have the narration - in Roy's POV - almost aggressively use just their names. Which, on one hand, is a fun bit of character writing because Roy always calls/thinks of Ed as 'Edward' when they're alone (as opposed to Fullmetal when they're working, a nice way to compartmentalize) whereas Ed thinks of himself as 'Ed' in his own POV and Roy as either 'the Colonel' or 'the Bastard' or 'Roy' depending on the state of their relationship. This also means when I do break the Names Only rule its with purpose. In this case, I have Ed referred to as "the boy" several times, but only when pointing out his age is particularly uncomfortable - to both Roy and the audience. Because I'm evil đ.
Also? Ed makes Roy laugh. It's great to compare how he is while alone with Ed against how he is in the office or around others.
What's fandom for, if not to communicate and share with people also into your thing?
I'm a life long lurker. I've spoken to you more than anyone else in 30 years of fandom... combined. 10/10 would actually recommend!
That kind of situational comedy is golden! I'm so impressed. I find humor one of the hardest things to write, and dialogue is one of my strengths. Situational humor like this is delicious (and way hard imo).
Having not written since high school and never finished anything (ever, in my life), I honestly don't know what my weaknesses and strengths will turn out to be. I know I likely wouldn't have managed that bit of situational humor without having an outline. I was able to see the character's progression all together and realized that the most reasonable reaction from Ed concerning [redacted] would actually be the exact opposite of Roy's. As this is before they're on personal speaking terms, they have no clue what the other thinks in the aftermath. Everything just fell into place from there.
But with longfics like that, I don't plot them in advance (eyes current problem child fic). Usually, with fics over 100k, I don't really start plotting them until I'm hitting about the 2/3rds point... or when I'm really ready for this damn thing to be done, and a little more structure helps push through. Even then, the outlines are still pretty bare bones.
Do you also skydive without a parachute? Deep sea dive without a depth gauge? Go spelunking without a map? You scare me (positive).
Personally, I've already found multiple instances where I decide {something happens} in the outline and I realize I need to set it up ten chapters before. If I were writing from chapter one forward, without an outline, I wouldn't know I needed to add that setup until it was too late. Like, I have Gen Armstrong showing up (years too early) in reaction to [reacted] but realized if I wanted her personally coming down from the North to seem natural, I needed to sprinkle hints throughout previous chapters that would make the [redacted] more important than it seems to Ed while he's in the thick of things. I'm in absolute awe of anyone, yourself included, who can write full stories and post them while still writing without that sort of crutch.
Knocked 100 years off the AC timeline and said the first colony went up in 1910
The Wright Brothers first flew on December 17, 1903. How the fuck... That is one hell of a space race. You know what? I'm just gonna have to read it, aren't I.
Because we get such deep insight into what's going on with Roy and his team, it's really easy to miss the fact that Roy's considered somewhat dangerous--both because he is obviously ambitious and because of his power as an alchemist--but, to your point, "overthrow the government" is a whole different level of ambition, and a lot of people really think he's just some young upstart. It's an image he takes cares to cultivate and reinforce, but we don't really see what kind of toll the work to hide what he's doing takes one him.
Yeah, turns out I apparently like to explore the ways he 'cultivates and reinforce[s]' his public persona and how it and his manipulations effect his personal life and the toll the constant deception takes on him. It's just so juicy. Especially when he tries to show someone new in his life (Ed) who he is inside. He's made to confront parts of himself that don't come naturally yet have still become integral to his mental image of himself. Who is Roy Mustang has got to be a hard question to answer even from the inside. Wrote those parts of the chapter before ever reading your reply. lol
What a heartbreaking bit of naivety. I really love when we can see where young Ed might be crazy smart but he just doesn't have the real-world experience to make the right decisions
I have multiple instances where Ed's intellect and his experience clash planed out - some small, some life changing, some devastating. Part of it is that broken moral code I mentioned but a larger portion is how he's actually pretty sheltered, socially speaking, when he first gets commissioned. Grew up in a small farming village on the ass end of Amestris. Spent a year living with a butcher's family in a small town. Pretty much raised himself. Fucking twelve. He's missing a lot of the nuance and socio-cultural subtleties that come with 1) being an adult, 2) in the big city, 3) in the military, and 4) all three at once. Poor Roy is going to have to suffer Ed's ignorance in the worst ways for a while.
You want to read what I got so far? I'm considering posting the unedited version. It's chapter 52, doesn't have any real spoilers for whomever reads it, but gives a peek at what I'm working with writing-wise. I'm not planning to post-as-I-go with other chapters, I don't think. There's not many that aren't very plot relevant like 52 is.
Ten thousand five hundred and eleven words later... I have a sprawling, emotionally complex, surprisingly tender character study on Roy 'He Fell Harder' Mustang.
đ€Ł Okay, one thing about writing/updating weekly means I have a 2k minimum per chapter, which means that I'm *very* conditioned to chapters of a certain length. It's very rare for me to have a single chapter balloon like that (if I do, it's usually because it's a particularly kinky sex scene. đ). After having at least one fic updating weekly for the better part of the last five years, I've got a really good internal sense of how long 2k is, and when I need to start wrapping up a scene.
I freaking love Roy and Ed being soft with one another, and having a remarkably healthy relationship. There's so much about their world and their lives that's so fucked up, I love their relationship being a surprisingly wholesome juxtaposition to that.
Roy cultivating an upper middle class accent to the point that it actually becomes his real accent totally tracks. 100% something he would do. I love finding happy accidents like that.
And I realized half way through that I'm almost entirely against the 'describe someone rather than use their name' habit a lot of writers of slash get into because it's hard to figure out which "he" they're talking about.
These are called "epithets" and they are a *bane* in fanfic. They mostly come from the fact that if you're writing a scene with two people of the opposite sex, you can go *literal pages* without having to use either character's name because the "he" and "she" are such clear markers. So when you come to slash fanfic specifically (though I wouldn't be the least-bit surprised if this habit bled over into het fanfic too), where both of your characters have the same pronouns and you can't use that shortcut, using their names a lot can feel very repetitive.
What is *usually* actually happening is that using their names all the time highlights that you're using repetitive sentence structure (e.g. every sentence in a paragraph starts with "[character][verbs]"), and by using an epithet and having the sentence start with "the [adjective] one" *feels* like it's changing the sentence structure and it feels less repetitive.
It's not. It's a crutch at best. There is some high-level use of epithets that make sense, but they're usually things that mark out your character as singular or a unique *role* they have (e.g. referring to Roy as "the colonel" would make sense to reinforce his military role), but *in general*, my recommendation is to avoid them. Using their names all the time will feel repetitive--especially in the beginning--but they become invisible to your readers like said/asked, and they avoid confusion.
Once upon a time, I did some editing for a small slashy trashy (affectionate) publisher, and, unsurprisingly, a lot of the authors came from the school of fanfic to write original. They must have brought the epithet habit with them because avoiding epithets was *literally* in our style guide. đ
If you feel like you're using their names too much, look at your sentence structure, because that's probably what's actually repetitive. I usually check this when I'm writing by making sure I don't start 3 paragraphs in a row the same way. It's a really easy gut-check, because that first word is so noticeable, and I've done it that way for so long, it's something I can actively and easily adjust as I'm writing.
Btw, the more characters you have in a scene, the worse the epithet problem can become. One of my friends--who has much higher tolerance for it than I do--once came crying to me because the use was so overboard, that they referred to the "blond man" in a scene where there where multiple blond characters present. Easy whoops to make when you become over reliant on epithets. I'm pretty impressed you naturally avoided them considering they are basically a staple of most fanfic.
I've spoken to you more than anyone else in 30 years of fandom⊠combined. 10/10 would actually recommend!
I've ended up with some irl friends out of fandom. It can be a wonderful place to make connections. đđđ
Having not written since high school and never finished anything (ever, in my life), I honestly don't know what my weaknesses and strengths will turn out to be.
I've kind of always written, but I rarely posted anything until right before the pandemic (I had a few fics on FFN back in the day, but that's it). I just wrote for myself because I had a fic that got relatively popular but I totally wrote myself into a corner with it, and GW had an embarrassment of riches in terms of high quality longfics that got finished, so I somehow internalized the idea that I *had* to finish things. I felt so bad about abandoning it (b/c I still can't figure out how to work it out to the end I wanted), that I just... didn't post again for like... 17 years. đ Pretty much always wrote but didn't post.
When I started posting again (right before the pandemic started was a weird coincidence of timing), I made a promise to myself that if I started posting, I *had* to finish it. Since then, with weekly update schedules, I've overwhelmingly finished nearly every longfic I've started posting (and the outliers tend to be shorter longfics, like less than 5 chapters--I've learned that those, I need to write all the way through before posting b/c without a schedule, I just crash on momentum). But even going back to high school, I was always told that my dialogue was my strength.
I'm so excited that you hit such a huge sure of inspiration. I hope the outlining will help you along the way as the initial rush peters out. Finishing things is literally the hardest part. The more you write, the more you develop the "muscles" for learning how to anticipate what will and won't work, and suss out the details that make the story come alive.
Do you also skydive without a parachute? Deep sea dive without a depth gauge? Go spelunking without a map? You scare me (positive).
đI am a lazy homebody who does none of that. But I don't (typically) set out to write long, Plot-heavy fics where I *need* to know more than the general shape of what's going to happen. 50-100k of idiots in love trying to figure out how to make their relationship work? All day every day. Add capital-P Plot to that? And I'm usually fleeing in the opposite direction. Wreckage started as just "how would a group like the BAU react to RoyEd?" My GW/MCU crossover is "What if Duo Maxwell was Tony Stark's bio kid?" (I'm a fucking sucker for "bio family found" fics, and I have Feelings about how awkward that would likely be, so...). I've got other novel-length fics that are "Can I believably make this character fall in love with someone who is a genuine monster of a human being?" and "can I believably take this victim-to-lover setup and have them overcome it to have a happy ending?" Those are usually my plot bunnies. The relationship is the core plot, and then other plotty things that happen are... subplots at best? Incidental at worst? They are things that happen that force the characters either together or to adjust the relationship in some way.
There are definitely places where I can find things that would have been better written if I wrote everything ahead, and it'd be a lot easier to go back and add in details that will make later payoffs be even better, but I really struggle to write long-form without some kind of external accountability (like a posting schedule). I'm so impressed by people who can not only pre-write a whole dang novel-length fic, but who have the self-control with posting after. I've had one 50k fic I wrote entirely before I began posting, and it's the one I would absolutely forget I had to update the most because I wasn't live writing it. đ With fic, I have successfully defeated "perfect being the enemy of good," because if I try to make it perfect, it will never be finished, so putting it up as I go along is how I get a complete, if not perfect, project.
I'm just gonna have to read it, aren't I.
I did say I had to handwave some things to make it work. đ It's a monstrosity (the whole series is over 500k). Focus on your fic first. It will be there if you get bored/curious.
You want to read what I got so far? I'm considering posting the unedited version.
Fantastic article!! The guys looking for it were fish researchers who saw it one time, knew instantly it was an undescribed species, and then tried for nearly 20 years to find and document it!
It's a type of ghost pipefish, related to seahorses, and it floats around coral reefs looking like a piece of algae and hunting unsuspecting prey
They are, of course, named after Snuffleufagus from Sesame Street!
Later on it the project, they got citizen science involved, and people across the Pacific started reporting sightings of snuffy fish from all over!
Hooray for science and hooray for S. snuffleufagus !
@angelselene - Starting a new thread because the other one was getting hella long.
The fun of the writing is figuring out all the parts and how they work together, and if you plan it all, then actually *writing it* is not the fun part, it's tedious and a turn-off. Nothing kills my motivation faster than a detailed outline.
Yeah, I can see that being a problem for Pantsers as well. Thing is, I actively cannot Pants. I just can't. I guess I could be considered a Plantser - a Planner/Pantser? I've my planned outline with story beats but the how of getting there is still up in the air so I've room for the thrill of discovery in both phases? Plus, I'm much more interested in character interactions and motivations and emotional beats and those don't really come through in the outline at all. "Ed breaks in and [redacted]" tells me the what but everything else is still free for discovery.
Most of the time I lose interest in a story is because I've over saturated reading other's fic in that fandom and abandon the fandom itself altogether for a number of years before wandering back and picking back up like I never left. That's one of the reasons I stopped reading Wreckage. I stopped reading all FMA while trying to write it because I don't want to burn myself out.
I like your 'big trick' of picking an ending so you have something to work towards. Reading that sorta helped me over a hump I was having in the outline? So thank you. I took a full 40 scenes in the outline to get as far as "they're together (derogatory)" and couldn't see where to take it from there. But once I realized the ending of the fic was going to be quite different from the anime/manga (which, it would have to, wouldn't it? With all the changes I've made), I realized what I needed was for the political shit I accidentally started adding to be the main stressors they have to contend with rather than any issue within the relationship itself. Not to say they don't have issues - they have the entire Encyclopedia Britannica, Extended Edition - but their issues aren't going to move the plot.
You laughed at my outline and I laughed at yours. I cannot imagine getting anything done with that bare bones scaffolding.
I'm more likely to make a timeline to track when/where things happen than make an actual outline
Omg, the timeline. It's a mess. Because I'm using a fusion of 2003 and Brotherhood, I had to adjust a bunch of things. So I made a (couple different) timeline on the program AeonTimeline so I could track when things happened, what I changed from canon, how old people are, how long XYZ took....
Like, I'm using the 2003 version's Don't Forget 3 Oct. 1910 rather than Brotherhood's 1911. I'm borrowing character beats that were in '03 but not Brotherhood, but using them in different ways than in the anime (hello Majahal, may you burn in hell). I had to figure out when I wanted Trisha to die vs the Elrics trying to bring her back (because at least one of the anime makes it seem like Trisha died -> they study with Izumi -> they researched human transmutation/committed taboo -> Ed gets and recovers from automail surgery... all in one year. And that makes zero effing sense).
I also changed - or at least augmented - several people's ages? Like, Roy is 14 years older than Ed. We know that. But Hughes was only one step below Roy in rank when we also know Roy skipped up to major after enlisting by way of the State Alchemist Exam. If they were the same age, as a lot of fic implies, how the hell did Maes manage that? So I decided to make him about five years older than Roy, enlisted five years before Roy did, so he had a few promotions under his belt before Roy took the Exams. This also, coincidentally, made him born the same year I decided Trisha was. That wasn't intentional but it certainly makes his parental instinct with the Elrics ring more true. As well as their (Al's) reactions to him as an authority figure.
I also make Roy work for that Colonel rank. It's not happening off screen here. đ€Ł
I totally fell down a gaming hole the last couple days and didn't even look at my tumblr. Sorry about that!
In truth, everyone discovery writes to some degree. Outliners just discovery write the outline, and pantsers discovery write the bulk of the fic. I do find that when I'm not in the mood to write (but that chapter's gotta come out), having an outline helps a lot because I don't have to figure out the key thing to happen in the next chapter is. I find it more irritating when I am in a mood to write.
You are welcome to laugh at my outlines. Most of my friends who have seen them do. đI actually ran into a problem on one of the fics I'm working on right now that is *heavy* on Plot plot (much to my chagrin--it was supposed to be for a smutty-centric event), that I was having the worst time trying to get through the early chapters. What finally unraveled it for me was that I had capital-P Plot in this fic, with actual villains, and I needed to figure out what the fuck they were doing and why in order to progress the fic. I wasn't going to be able to figure out the OC bad guys on the fly.
It's worth noting the original outline was 22 chapters, and I've posted 24, and we're not even to the relationship-focused part of the fic I wanted to write the damn thing for to begin with. The pantser bloat is real. đđ
(I tend to prefer writing more Romance-genre fics where the primary plot is the build of the relationship, and any more typical subplot can be pantsed pretty easily since it's not What the Fic Is About, but this one turned into a capital P-Plotfic.)
Oh man, I feel the pain of the "making the timeline make sense." I went through it with my Gundam Wing/MCU crossover. Figuring out where the movies lined up, who was doing what when, how to merge the GW timeline into it. What. A. Mess. I ended up handwaving more than I'd like, but it works.
Hughes being older than Roy makes *so much sense.* That's kind of lowkey brilliant, not gonna lie. The fact it lines up with how old Ed's mom is the kind of happy coincidence that I adore. Sometimes we make brilliant changes, and sometimes little tweaks have delicious downstream implications.
Ed is going to be so different without being able to have Al at his side. I can see how it could get much darker, much faster, and how Ed can make a lot more questionable decisions. Al is definitely as unhinged as Ed in his own way, but he's a lot more cautious, a lot more calculating. Not having that at his back can def lead Ed down some interesting paths...
Roy having to work for his rank makes me laugh. It probably means you're also shifting the timeline of the Ishval conflict, because if he gets his State Alchemist's license later, he's not in the thick of the conflict, unless it's dragged out longer without it. Flaps of butterfly wings...
Don't apologize! I'm enjoying the hell out of talking to you - both here and in AO3 comments, but you're hardly beholden to respond to me. At all. Much less in a timely manor.
I am having the time of my life in the discovery phase. Because I alternate Ed and Roy's pov, I'm able to do things like have Ed be completely convinced Roy is punishing him for [redacted] by sending him on nonstop, boring ass, back-to-back missions that keep him from Al for months. Then we get to Roy's pov and he's just genuinely grateful to have a qualified subordinate to send out; otherwise he would have to take the missions himself as the only other alchemist on his team. And that's on top of his already ballooning responsibilities that came with the promotion. "Delegation is a beautiful thing." Neither is aware of how the other is interpreting this situation and it is hilarious.
(I tend to prefer writing more Romance-genre fics where the primary plot is the build of the relationship, and any more typical subplot can be pantsed pretty easily since it's not What the Fic Is About, but this one turned into a capital P-Plotfic.)
A Price was supposed to be romance-focused with background plot. And maybe it still is, I can't even tell anymore. The background plot is growing like kudzu.
You're not the only one looking at your chapter count and wondering what the hell happened. I look at my outline and count forty before they touch, sixty-four before they are technically a couple?!? I didn't sign up for a slow-burn! But given I started this mess on the basis of needing to break the characters to get them to that point, I had to discover what it was that did the breaking. Ugh. I really want to just get right into how fucked up their relationship is even as they somehow actually make it work but I need to explore Ed's first couple of years as a State Alchemist first to make sleeping with your CO seem a reasonable response to trauma rather than just a weird AO3 kink thing. (No hate to weird AO3 kink things. There's a reason my AO3 history is set to private.)
At least after they officially get together - per the outline - most of their stressors seem to be coming from outside? Ed is pretty straight forward - he goes after what he wants and doesn't let up once it's in his sights. Whereas Roy is a self-conflicted fool (canon) who also tends towards a "If I'm going to hell anyway, I might as well commit" mentality that is making him delightfully guilty while absolutely refusing to give up Ed. It's shaking out to be a fun double standard that not only he but the people who love him and follow him will eventually have to contend with. (So far it looks like Mdm. Christmas is the first to find out about Ed and she's basically "Boy, I know I raised you better than this" about it but is mostly judging him for his self-destructive tendencies rather than moral bankruptcy.)
Ed is going to be so different without being able to have Al at his side. I can see how it could get much darker, much faster, and how Ed can make a lot more questionable decisions. Al is definitely as unhinged as Ed in his own way, but he's a lot more cautious, a lot more calculating. Not having that at his back can def lead Ed down some interesting pathsâŠ
Ed's foundations are going to be the same - he's still the arrogant genius with a heart of gold, a short (hehe) temper, and a loyalty streak wider than the Great Desert is long.
You're right, though, shit gets dark and fast. He practically gets his commission and hits the ground running on the Trauma Train Tracks. Not having Al at his side is a) going to make him more reckless and have to deal with danger in different ways because he won't have an invulnerable suit of armor as backup, b) make him less trusting because he's both (reasonably) paranoid and doesn't have Al there to be the voice of reason, c) ratchet his overprotective instincts up to 11 because Al is sickly and Ed blames himself for that, d) isolate him because he's mostly working alone now, and e) a lack of Al removes some of the buffer between him and military culture that being a child doesn't already produce. He is also more "unhinged" (good word choice there) than canon because Truth messed with his mind in more ways than just alchemical knowledge. So he's got a seriously warped moral code going on that most people don't notice at first until he does something completely unhinged that he thinks is a perfectly logical course of action. And writing that just now made me realize that his broken moral code fits nicely into Roy's ambitions. Excellent, did not plan that.
(At some point, I'm gonna have to give Alphonse a gun. He deserves it for putting up with Edward's shenanigans.)
Gundam Wing/MCU crossover
!?! How the hell did you make Anno Domini 2010s and After Colony 195 mesh together? That is some impressive math.
Roy having to work for his rank makes me laugh. It probably means you're also shifting the timeline of the Ishval conflict, because if he gets his State Alchemist's license later, he's not in the thick of the conflict, unless it's dragged out longer without it. Flaps of butterfly wingsâŠ
I'm actually pretty iffy on when Ishval happens in canon and for how long? I've set it up as Roy enlisting at 18, willing to work his way up the ranks as a soldier the old fashioned way -> then war breaks out a year later and he figures he can do more good for Amestris as a State Alchemist so he takes the test (becoming the youngest in history at 19) and gets bumped to Major -> gets put through a truncated officer training program before being sent to the front (where he meets Hughes). This way he has over a year of actual military experience before becoming an officer with, like, responsibilities and shit.
Which, because I'm evil, means Roy intentionally became a State Alchemist specifically for War. He did this shit to himself and he hates himself for it. (Hello Edward parallels.) He was idealistic enough to think he could do good in a war zone and was psychologically crushed for that ignorance.
I think Roy goes into Ishval as a Major and comes out of it with a promotion to Lt. Colonel as the "Hero of Ishval". Probably a lot of people got promotions during that war (that would explain Hughes to some extent, and even Hawkeye). The war ends when he's twenty-two, so he's an incredibly young Lt. Colonel but he showed exceptionalism on the front, so the promotion was warranted. Then Amestris is at "peace" for several years before canon blows up and there's little opportunity to stand out by pulling some crazy, promotion worthy stunt for a while. Ed is a State Alchemist for about six months (making Ed 12 and Roy 27) when Roy is promoted for showing leadership and administrative acumen (they like how he manages his small team in Central's Internal Security Office and want him to do the same on a larger scale by taking over the entire East City ISO when the current head retires).
I have noticed that a lot of fic have a surprising number of people aware of his ambitions for the fuhrership and possible treason but that doesn't make much sense to me? I think these authors are seeing how people like Bradly or Olivier Armstrong call him a "young punk" or something and reading it as them knowing he's a threat? But I think the brass's reaction to him in canon is, at first, just a response to his - honestly kinda ridiculous - young age and obvious military ambition (as opposed to his actual revolutionary ambition) and arrogance/pride. But given he became a mass murderer for the state, a "hero", and never refused an order (including murdering the Doctors Rockbell, because I'm keeping that), it would make sense for everyone above him to think he was still perfectly loyal to the regime as it was. At least at that point in time. So he's given a position of power and authority so he can use that loyalty to unknowingly further Bradly/The Dwarf's goals. (Admittedly he's sent to the East rather than staying in Central which some would see as a dead-end assignment, but he makes the most of it.)
I also made the war last three years rather than being a short exchange. This way, I can add in war inflation and food shortages and Ishvallan hit-and-run attacks and shit as more motivation for Ed trying to bring Trisha back. He loves her, yes, but he is also having trouble keeping food on the table for him and Al between terrible winters, the state seizing the entire region's winter crop storage, Ishvallans attacking supply lines, and military theft in towns near Ishval (of which Resembool is one). Everyone is struggling and no one has extra for a couple of orphans, though Granny tries. His thought process is something like: If Mom was still alive, surely she could figure everything out where Ed has failed. (The tragedy being, of course, she likely could not have as a 26 year old single mother. She would have just been one more mouth to feed.)
What's fandom for, if not to communicate and share with people also into your thing?
Neither is aware of how the other is interpreting this situation and it is hilarious.
That kind of situational comedy is *golden*! I'm so impressed. I find humor one of the hardest things to write, and dialogue is one of my strengths. Situational humor like this is *delicious* (and way hard imo).
I look at my outline and count forty before they touch, sixty-four before they are technically a couple?!? I didn't sign up for a slow-burn!
đ± Genuine nightmare fuel for me. I have written fics that long, but I certainly have never plotted fics that long. My worst offender was a rape-to-romance fic that I *thought* would be about 100k, and the final wordcount on it is 273k. But with longfics like that, I don't plot them in advance (eyes current problem child fic). Usually, with fics over 100k, I don't really start plotting them until I'm hitting about the 2/3rds point... or when I'm really ready for this damn thing to be done, and a little more structure helps push through. Even then, the outlines are still pretty bare bones. That particular monstrosity is 90 chapters, and around chapter 60, I thought I had 15 chapters left...
So, yeah, I totally thought I had 15 chapters left for... 15 chapters before I actually only had 15 left. đ Similar to what you have going on with your fic, I needed a *lot* of groundwork to get them to the point that I thought (the victim specifically) could actually begin to consider the relationship without wanting to murder his partner. It ended up being so. Much. Longer. Than. Intended. If I'd known it would be that bad when I started, I probably would never have done it. I'm cheering you on in your own adventure!
How the hell did you make Anno Domini 2010s and After Colony 195 mesh together? That is some impressive math.
Knocked 100 years off the AC timeline and said the first colony went up in 1910. Iron Man takes place basically between the end of the First Eve War and the Mariemaia incident a year later.
Which, because I'm evil, means Roy intentionally became a State Alchemist specifically for War. He did this shit to himself and he hates himself for it. (Hello Edward parallels.) He was idealistic enough to think he could do good in a war zone and was psychologically crushed for that ignorance.
Oof, this has vibes of "If we make it horrible enough, no one will ever do this again." Poor, naive Roy.
I have noticed that a lot of fic have a surprising number of people aware of his ambitions for the fuhrership and possible treason but that doesn't make much sense to me?
Probably a blurring between the understanding of what the viewer knows, and what people in-world know. Because we get such deep insight into what's going on with Roy and his team, it's really easy to miss the fact that Roy's considered somewhat dangerous--both because he *is* obviously ambitious and because of his power as an alchemist--but, to your point, "overthrow the government" is a whole different level of ambition, and a lot of people really think he's just some young upstart. It's an image he takes cares to cultivate and reinforce, but we don't really see what kind of toll the work to hide what he's doing takes one him.
That gray space between what the audience knows and what the characters in-world know can be tricky to navigate. It's part of why I enjoy outsider POV so much because the outsider usually doesn't know what the fuck the inner workings look like, so we get to see what the rest of the world sees, as opposed to the messiness inside of it.
He loves her, yes, but he is also having trouble keeping food on the table for him and Al between terrible winters, the state seizing the entire region's winter crop storage, Ishvallans attacking supply lines, and military theft in towns near Ishval (of which Resembool is one). Everyone is struggling and no one has extra for a couple of orphans, though Granny tries.
What a heartbreaking bit of naivety. I really love when we can see where young Ed might be crazy smart but he just doesn't have the real-world experience to make the right decisions (this is, of course, what leads him to trying human transmutation to begin with). Oof, right in the feels.
Trans at nearly 49, celebrating 16 years now on HRT. The state of the world has made me double down this past year on things that bring me joy (clothing being one) and I've become far less self-conscious standing out because of it.
It was tempting to skip TDOV this year, to not have to deal with the surge of threats in my notes & inbox, to try to take a break from being highly visible in the way a target is visible.
But, it's important to persist and be there for my trans siblings who can't be visible or are otherwise feeling alone.
I still get weekly Asks from young folks amazed that growing old is a possibility for people like us. These messages break you a little, but it's a burden I'm happy to bear. <3
unfortunately i dont think its queerbaiting if the creator is just so terminally heterosexual that they never remotely considered the same gender relationship their show is centered around could be read as romantic. it is deeply painful however.
âThe day after Columbine, I was interviewed for the Tom Brokaw news program. The reporter had been assigned a theory and was seeking sound bites to support it. âWouldnât you say,â she asked, âthat killings like this are influenced by violent movies?â No, I said, I wouldnât say that. âBut what about Basketball Diaries?â she asked. âDoesnât that have a scene of a boy walking into a school with a machine gun?â The obscure 1995 Leonardo Di Caprio movie did indeed have a brief fantasy scene of that nature, I said, but the movie failed at the box office (it grossed only $2.5 million), and itâs unlikely the Columbine killers saw it. The reporter looked disappointed, so I offered her my theory. âEvents like this,â I said, âif they are influenced by anything, are influenced by news programs like your own. When an unbalanced kid walks into a school and starts shooting, it becomes a major media event. Cable news drops ordinary programming and goes around the clock with it. The story is assigned a logo and a theme song; these two kids were packaged as the Trench Coat Mafia. The message is clear to other disturbed kids around the country: If I shoot up my school, I can be famous. The TV will talk about nothing else but me. Experts will try to figure out what I was thinking. The kids and teachers at school will see they shouldnât have messed with me. Iâll go out in a blaze of glory.â In short, I said, events like Columbine are influenced far less by violent movies than by CNN, the NBC Nightly News and all the other news media, who glorify the killers in the guise of âexplainingâ them. I commended the policy at the Sun-Times, where our editor said the paper would no longer feature school killings on Page 1. The reporter thanked me and turned off the camera. Of course the interview was never used. They found plenty of talking heads to condemn violent movies, and everybody was happy.â
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