When your primary community is online, the normal incentives we have to get along with a diverse group of people are no longer in play. The whole idea of manners is that you are signaling to your neighbors that you are not insane, that you are safe, that you are willing and able to assist them if there's a problem, and you hope they will do the same for you. In a small community, whether it is a workplace, a church, a small town, an apartment building, or a subway car, you are expected to maintain a certain level of politeness and care for other people, because we are social creatures who get spooked in large groups and want to rely on some kind of script for how to behave in ways that won't get us kicked out of the group. We smile wordlessly, we say "hello," we don't blare loud music, we step outside to smoke, we call when someone has died, we hold open doors, we intervene if someone seems uncomfortable, and if we have a real issue with someone, we are forced to confront them about it directly, while trying to be honest, direct, and professional. There are alternatives if we think someone is really harmful, like reporting to the police, or a whisper vine where the people who need to know about their behavior know it. But in general, you cannot get away with spreading lies about someone - or cutting someone off, or being really rude, or refusing to do the small things that allow us to assure each other that we're all fine - without seeing, in an IMMEDIATE, physical sense, the consequences. Something as small as littering will show in our environment. Someone flipping you off unsettles you, even if they're a stranger. And they can see your reaction. They can see the reaction of the people around you, or those of their friends, who might say, "Hey, knock it off." There's basically a shared need to make the space into a strong network, one that helps as many of its inhabitants as possible, where they are safe and where everyone has a stake in not going apeshit, if only because there are people in the vicinity who might punch them for being awful.
We don't get any of that on social media. We can delete people very quickly from our lives without them even knowing. We don't have to face their families, or their disappointed faces when they find out they've upset us. We don't have to even deal with our conflicted feelings as much because we don't have to be reminded of it. If someone annoys us, we can take a video of them, upload it, and immediately get tons of positive feedback from people who don't know the person involved, don't care what will happen if they laugh at them, and will make YOU feel great for being antisocial and cruel to a neighbor. Because it's not happening in front of them. It's at a distance. It makes you feel like a reporter instead of a fellow citizen. And gradually what happens in this isolated, digitized world becomes more important than what is happening in front of you. You don't really "NEED" the people around you, you feel, to survive, so why should you treat them kindly? Why should you compromise on your own preferences, why should you try to reach an agreement that will make everyone feel like they had an input in a difficult situation? You are used to tailoring your own experience, and it's fine to take what is happening in a small town and turn it into content that the entire globe can pick apart without having to live with the fallout.
tl;dr touching grass is so good for you because it reminds you that you are a person who needs others and you can't get in the habit of modding your life to avoid any difficulties because that will just make you stale and unable to grow and make living in the physical presence of people unbearable because everyone is playing to social media instead of looking into someone else's eyes beside them
stormborns
dededos
kianamaiart
prguitarman
discoholicmusic
jbbartram-illu
2087
