ilya rozanov could clock a gay polar bear in a blizzard
Misplaced Lens Cap
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One Nice Bug Per Day

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@angusbeefiestick
ilya rozanov could clock a gay polar bear in a blizzard
No transphobes allowed, only transborbs.
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As much as I love my hc that the raiders don’t put together the Shane/jane thing until years after hollanov are married- I equally love my hc that they knew but just didn’t give a fuck like roz is theirs and if he loves a man so be it (even if that man is Shane fucking Hollander I know they were seething after every accusation that Hollander would take it easy on them after vividly remembering how insane he would get during games)
pride month!!!
Is that a miette?
Pride for you! Pride for a thousand years!!
you COME OUT to miette? you come out to her as queer? oh! oh! pride for mother! pride for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!
pride for mother on 964 days left
Ilya does a recreation of the Kim K champagne magazine cover for some Canadian art magazine after the Centaurs first cup win. He breaks the internet because the general population didn’t know he had all that cake underneath the hockey pads. Shane is catatonic with jealousy. Ilya’s like yeah now you know how it feels when you do your little wet t shirt ads
And then they fuck about it
Carter Vaughn ray of sunshine owns no less than four rats. he’s a rat guy. he’s playing call of duty and there’s a rat asleep on his shoulder. he’s calling his lesbian sister and complaining because she asks how the rats are before she asks about him. He’s jogging in Central Park and there’s a rat in his pocket. none of this means anything but it gives me joy
SHANE HOLLANDER and ILYA ROZANOV of the OTTAWA CENTAURS caught HOTBOXING team bus with other teammates including TROY BARRETT and LUCA HAAS, ROZANOV says its “team building exercise, like obstacle course.” WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT. BUT is it a team building exercise or PEER PRESSURE towards their YOUNG ROOKIE HAAS. “that is a grown man.” says SHANE HOLLANDER when asked to comment on the CONTROVERSY.
CLIFF MARLOW of the BOSTON RAIDERS on the CONTROVERSY surrounding his FRIEND and FORMER TEAMMATE ILYA ROZANOV “you never got down with the raiders like that bro, were we not cool enough to smoke with?” raiders fans DEVASTATED. is this the end of the BROMANCE of the CENTURY!?
ILYA ROZANOV claps BACK at FORMER TEAMMATE and maybe even FORMER FRIEND CLIFF MARLOW following MARIJUANA controversy “the raiders are not pretty enough to be forced to look at while high.” BROMANCE OVER??? raiders fans DEVASTATED!
Happy pride month.
men really be like “well this woman has studied this subject her whole life, and i am a man, so we have equal knowledge on this”
it’s ok you could have just said “i hate men”
okay, i hate men
please god let chatgpt die out like nfts did. With a fast and graceless fall into irrelevancy
Like to charge, reblog to cast.
This spell has a very low hit ratio, so we need a lot of us to do it.
Canon divergence where JJ clocks Shane's "crush" on Ilya early on after the charity reveal, but instead of thinking that it's hopeless because Ilya is terminally straight, JJ thinks to himself "Well, it's a known fact that 99.99% of professional hockey players would go gay for Shane Hollander if he smiled at them, Ilya Rozanov isn't so special to be part of the .01%" and then goes about concocting increasingly chaotic shenanigans to get Ilya and Shane together. Somewhere along the line he's having dinner with Bood, and this is how the Centaurs get roped into things because yeah. That makes so much sense. Cap and Shane Hollander??? Obviously. And between Bood and JJ, two of the most social guys in the MLH, pretty soon it's like a network of matchmaking hockey players including half of the Bears and a couple of Admirals (not Scott Hunter who noped out IMMEDIATELY, because fuck them kids).
Is this realistic? No! Do I care? no! I'm very fond of all the himbo hockey bro fics Ive been reading lately and this particular flavor would be so fun.
"I asked ChatGPT-" Well I asked the immortal Dragon that Uther chained in the caves beneath Camelot and HE told me to commit treason
So Ilya and Shane's first game against the Bears post-outing is a surprising delight. It starts with a jumbotron video of street interviews of Boston fans being like "Yeah we thought Rozy was a total fucking idiot going to Ottawa but DAMN, moving for sexiest hockey player of the year Shane Hollander makes a lot more sense" which then fades into an Ilya Rozanov tribute video interspersed with various thirst-trappy videos of Shane to the song "Where is my Husband?" by Raye.
Ilya is delighted and even does the whole hand-waving choreography for "I would like a ring, a diamond ring" part in Shane's face as he blushes. He does this with his non-dominant hand of course, because they have been holding hands the whole video. (Shane will buy Ilya 7 different high-end diamond rings on Newbury Street the next day for him to pick from. Ilya like a good Slavic trophy spouse will pick all of them.)
And at the end, at the "Grandma said it," part cameras cut to Cliff Marlow in a curly gray wig and fake glasses shouting "Your husband is coming, Roz, don't fuck it up!
I was just thinking about that scene during the Shane Rose era, when Ilya asks Connor to go out and Ilya goes, “We’re in Montreal, we find a fucking club.” And it hits a little differently when you realize Ilya had always been there with Shane whenever they were in Montreal. Without him, Ilya genuinely didn’t know a single club, a single spot, or even where to go.
It’s such a small moment, but somehow it says everything about how much of Montreal was tied to Shane for him.
it's 2026 and ya'll are still not immune to propaganda
David Hollander is very girl-dad coded and I will not eleborate on that but when Shane and Ilya finally adopt a little girl it is so on. That man is buying two (one for home, one for grandma and grandpa's house) of those expensive ass victorian playhouses that look nicer than my actual house. That thing has a kitchen and everything and if Yuna would let him it would have electricity and running water as well.