After a decade of my life trying to unsuccessfully find myself a man, who would be a great friend, a good lover, mature and intelligent enough, I finally found one.
My dearest most beloved man, by looks enviable, by wit and knowledge admirable, by love and immeasurable care most adored.
For three years of relationship and almost two of living together, this man is the man I want to die with. I want to grow old with him, with all our silly things, I want to have children with him one day for he would be an amazing father. Nurturing, funny, stable. All I could ever ask. Truth is I am maybe no longer capable of giving him back all I could, in my past, well, my stocks have been drained dry already.
And now, the sad part - he doesn't want to do the same with me. He doesn't want a family, he would not take me for a wife. He's happy as it is, with possible changes.
Now help me gods. Because as a woman I have to do the math. I want children. How long can I postpone the inevitable to be able to bear healthy kids with enough energy for them during their lives?
My heart cannot stand this. I've been a crying mess a few nights while he, so understanding, kept cuddling me and reaching for tissues. Even in my weakest moments he's always been so supportive. He never dropped any comment that could ruin his basically parental care, without conditions.
I will never force or manipulate, I am doomed to leave him one day. On that day, and until that day, my heart will die once more and this time it might not heal to love again. I tried to persuade it for this case and it's been yet another treason.
And how am I supposed to be capable of it?
My most beloved man doesn't love me back the same. We do not share a future. What to do...
