Don't worry, I got you!
The most tonally incoherent movie night ever.

izzy's playlists!

Discoholic šŖ©
Fai_Ryy
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Interview Vampire Daily

⣠Chile in a Photography ā£
Noah Kahan
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
ojovivo
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pixel skylines
Keni
RMH
No title available
Cosmic Funnies
Cosimo Galluzzi
todays bird

romaā

Game Changer & Make Some Noise
seen from United States

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seen from Brazil
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seen from Spain

seen from United Kingdom

seen from United States
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@inknpaperlove
Don't worry, I got you!
The most tonally incoherent movie night ever.
Her name was Judy-Lynn del Rey. And she became the most powerful editor in science fiction history.
Born in 1943 with achondroplastic dwarfism, Judy-Lynn grew up devouring science fiction in New York City's public libraries. At a time when the genre was dismissed as pulp fiction for teenage boys, she saw something else entirely: the future of storytelling.
She started at the bottomāan office assistant at Galaxy, the most prestigious science fiction magazine of the 1960s. Within four years, she was managing editor.
Then Ballantine Books came calling.
When she arrived at Ballantine in 1973, science fiction and fantasy were afterthoughts in publishing. Fantasy in particular was considered unsellableāunless you were Tolkien. Judy-Lynn thought that was nonsense.
Her first major move was audacious: she cut ties with one of Ballantine's bestselling authors, John Norman, whose "Gor" novels were popular but notoriously misogynistic. It was a risk. She didn't care.
Then came the gamble that changed everything.
In 1976, someone brought her an opportunity: the novelization rights to an upcoming space movie by a young director named George Lucas. Hollywood thought the film would bomb. Studio executives were skeptical. Most publishers passed.
Judy-Lynn said yes.
The Star Wars novelization sold 4.5 million copies before the movie even premiered.
She would later call herself the "Mama of Star Wars."
In 1977, she launched Del Rey Booksāher own imprint, with her husband Lester editing fantasy while she oversaw everything else. Their first original novel was Terry Brooks's The Sword of Shannara. It became a phenomenon.
She didn't stop there.
Remember The Princess Bride? The original 1973 novel had flopped. It was headed for obscurity. Judy-Lynn rescued it, reissuing it in 1977 with a striking gate-fold cover and an aggressive marketing campaign. Without her intervention, there might never have been a movie.
She published the Star Trek Log series. She championed Stephen R. Donaldson's Thomas Covenant trilogyāconvincing Ballantine to release all three books on the same day from a completely unknown author. Unprecedented.
She published Anne McCaffrey's The White Dragonāthe first science fiction novel ever to hit #1 on the New York Times bestseller list.
And she did all of this while competitors called her imprint "Death-Rey Books"ābecause she was utterly dominant.
Between 1977 and 1990, Del Rey Books had 65 titles reach bestseller lists. That was more than every other science fiction and fantasy publisher combined.
Arthur C. Clarke called her "the most brilliant editor I ever encountered."
Philip K. Dick went further: "The greatest editor since Maxwell Perkins"āthe legendary editor of Hemingway and Fitzgerald.
But here's what burns: the science fiction community never nominated her for a Hugo Award while she was alive. Not once. The men who ran the industry praised her in private and overlooked her in public.
In October 1985, Judy-Lynn suffered a brain hemorrhage. She died four months later, at 42.
Only then did the Hugo committee vote to give her the Best Professional Editor award.
Her husband Lester refused to accept it.
He said Judy-Lynn would have objectedāthat it was given only because she had just died. That it came too late.
He was right.
Judy-Lynn del Rey transformed science fiction from a niche hobby into a cultural force. She made fantasy into a mainstream publishing category. She bet on Star Wars when no one else would. She saved The Princess Bride from oblivion. She published the first #1 New York Times science fiction bestseller.
She did all of this standing 4'1" tall in an industry run by men who underestimated her at every turn.
The next time you pick up a fantasy novel, or watch a Star Wars movie, or quote The Princess Brideā
Now you know who made it possible.
If I left, what would change? I love this land, I love this people, and I find myself thinking that, maybe, we need to fight to save the young.
The Swallows of Kabul (2019), dir. Zabou Breitman and ElƩa GobƩ MƩvellec
good morning
Youāll need the link!
We got Musk off our land. Let's build a monument to remind him he's a sad little b**** with no friends.
One year ago, trans women held an iconic topless protest outside the Scottish Parliament. I love it when trans women hold topless demonstrations. If they're arrested, the state must admit they're women. If they aren't, it exposes the obvious contradictions of defining trans women as legally male.
Now, a year later, Parliament has its first two transgender members, one of whom represents JK Rowling in Edinburgh. We can't attribute this momentum solely to the protest, but the direct action seems to have galvanized a new political movement of trans people across Scotland.
"Trans people were invented by doctors in the 1950s"
@thatlittleegyptologist Something about this "hot take" seems sus to me, but I don't know enough to say what
okay, so I'm gonna tread lightly here because, well, this site doesn't take well to discussions of nuance, especially on topics such as this. I'm of the very firm belief that trans people have existed for all of history, but the way we approach things like this has to be considerate of the entire context.
So, the individual we're dealing with here is a Roman period mummy that was CT scanned in 2014 as part of the Ancient Lives and the skeleton was determined to be a male, but was originally brough to the British Museum in a coffin that was named and styled as female. The mummy is accession number EA 6704 and the coffin is EA 6703. (Concurrent accession numbers mean they were brought in together and EA stands for 'Egyptian Antiquities' and please be aware that the link for EA 6704 contains images of the mummy for those of you wish to avoid more images of the deceased)
Now a lot of people, in both the comments, the OP, and the book this is taken from are...assuming a lot of things. First of all the tweet and the book it's taken from (no idea which one) say 1960s, and the tumblr comment says 1950s. If we check the museum catalogue entry in the 'Bibliographic References' section it says 'Dawson and Grey, 1968' and is their survey and research of mummies in the collection. It was then further CT scanned in 2014 which confirmed the 1968 analysis. The skeleton, at least, is male.
So why is the above a hot take, and, unfortunately, deeply incorrect?
This mummy, and the coffin it was in, were bought by Henry Salt in the 1820s from an Egyptian seller, which he later sold to the museum in 1835. Given the nature of its arrival, and the complete lack of x-ray ability or Egyptological knowledge (the field of study really only got going in the 1820s when we deciphered hieroglyphs) it was assumed that the coffin, belonging to a woman named Mutemmenu, and the mummy were the same burial.
That's not accurate.
The coffin, styled female and lists her occupation as 'Chantress of Amun' dates to the New Kingdom (c.1200 BCE) and the mummy found within it dates to the Roman Period (anywhere from 30 BCE to 646 CE). This makes the mummy *at least* 1200 years younger than the coffin they were brought in with and therefore doesn't not belong to the mummy. Occurrences like this are relatively common. This is mostly because when these coffins were excavated antiquities dealers just shoved random mummies into random decent looking coffins so they could be sold as one lot. The other option is for the Romans to have reused (again not uncommon) a coffin from an older period and since Hieroglyphs had fallen out of use...no one could read it to say 'hey that coffin belongs to a woman.'
So that's the coffin issue sorted.
Lets move onto the 'breasts', tattoos, and jewellery. I fully understand why people think they're breasts. They look like them, I won't lie to you. Unfortunately, that's not what they are. The 2014 CT scans showed that this individual had a lot of excess skin that before mummification would have meant that the individual was fat. They also had significant tooth decay on one side of their face. Where do you think the embamlers packed out the mummy with extra padding to make them seem more like they did while they were alive? The face, the stomach, and the chest. They're not 'breasts' they're fat rolls. In Ancient Egypt, being fat was a sign of wealth and good fortune. It meant that you had an abundance of food, so officials would often depict themselves with fat rolls and the men with what look like breasts to indicate to people that they were well off. It does not indicate an individual's gender. As the book says, this practice stems right from the Old Kingdom through to the Roman period. It's more common in the Roman period, but I would also state that this is likely a bias in the record as we have more Roman mummies survive than most other periods. It cannot be taken as absolute fact because we're missing data.
Tattoos and jewellery? Well, those, it appears, were taken by the 1830s museum staff, the 1960s scan, and apparently most people in the notes of this post as being exclusively female. Even the OP of the tweet this is taken from seems to take this as a given. Which is deeply strange, because in what world are you guys expecting gender progressiveness from academics in the 1960s? Seriously. You're not even praticing it yourselves because you've defaulted 'male sexed body with jewellery and flower tattoos cannot be male because those things are for girls.' Can you hear yourselves? You rag on archeologists and museums for 'omg they were roommates' and here you are defaulting to 'jewellery and flowers are for girls.' Please.
The 1830s academics did the same thing. They saw the jewellery, 'breasts', 'tattoos' and female coffin and presumed (not being able to read the coffin which said 'Chantress') that the person inside was a woman, and a dancer. In the 1960s, when they x-rayed the body and determined the skeleton was sexed male, they didn't really update any other information so the 'dancer' part was left in. Truth is, we simply don't know who this person was or their occupation. The strapping has been found on some dancers, but it's not exclusive to dancers since it's found on other mummies too. Dancer has simply been assigned to this person based on that and the 'tattoos'. This individual is also covered in gold leaf, marking them out as a high status individual. Dancers were not high status individuals and were certainly not buried with their skin covered in gold leaf. It is important to understand that while the strapping may appear to match dancers from earlier periods, we're talking about 1200 years between those depictions and this mummy. That's like saying someone today wearing something similar to someone from 825 CE have the same occupation despite the fact that there is a huge amount of cultural and societal change between the two. It's not enough to identify anything other than 'might be the fashion of this period', and certainly not enough to pinpoint someone's gender identity. They may have been a dancer, but we cannot prove this and dancing is not a female only occupation.
Tattoos and jewellery were not a female only items. Men wore jewellery in Ancient Egypt and this practice didn't end with Roman occupation. Tattoos were also for both genders (Egyptian definion of gender not modern) and the lotus flower is a symbol of rebirth, it's not consigned to one gender but an extremely important symbol connected with Egyptian mythology. A lot of early research, I won't lie, was extremely biased. It labelled tattoos as for dancers and sex workers only, which reflected the views of tattoos in wider society. A lot of people even today believe that tattoos mean you should be shunned. Thus it was assumed that only women had tattoos. In fact, I can find a paper from 2003 that boldly claims that no male mummies have tattoos (citing a 1988 paper)...then cites several examples of male mummies having tattoos. That's a level of head/desk someone should have caught, because the paper I link for 'tattoos for both genders' shows them from the Pre-Dynastic period (c.6210 BCE - 3100 BCE) on both genders. We also have very few mummies from the Old Kingdom through to the New Kingdom because mummification was still developing, so we don't exactly have a wide data set to say 'men don't have tattoos' thus, I'd take this claim with an extreme pinch of salt since we have examples. I would also state that the caveat is that most tattoos are found on Nubian dancers in one Meroitic cemetery. Something something, sample size.
Fun thing, after that little segue, the mummy doesn't have tattoos. The 'tattoos' are the painted lotus flowers on the linen above the knees that's covering the mummy. Which, at this point, if they're solely on the mummy coverings (we can't check the physical body without unwrapping and we're not doing that) they're more likely to be rebirth symbols and not literal tattoos. Thus taking us even further away from the 'only dancers have tattoos' assumption. The face is painted on too, including side burns and a beard which are what those dark marks are along the side of the cheeks.
That's a beard. It's not the best beard, but it's a very artistic interpretation of side burns.
Likely immitating something like this, which is backed up by the CT scan showing the mummy has short hair on the head and face. It also shows one of their teeth has fallen out and is resting at the front of their mouth, which is pretty cool.
The final thing I want to address is the 'pink' skirt or kilt that was found on the mummy at the time it was accessioned into the BM catalogue. It's not mentioned above, I know that, but it is mentioned in other articles about this mummy. This hasn't survived, so I can't look at it and say what type of garment it was. I don't even want to take 'pink' as the definite colour as we're talking about a c.2000 year old piece of clothing that absolutely will have faded with that amount of time having passed. I would also discourage 'oh they're wearing pink they must be...' because no we're not doing that c'mon people.
So, in summary: this mummy is likely male. I won't say for definite because, we genuinely can never say for certain how someone's gender was presented and new information could become apparrent in the future that changes this, but as of right now there is nothing to say this person had changed their gender presentation. As far as I'm aware with current research, we have no clear way of identifying individuals who transgressed Egyptian gender roles. Their gender roles are much different to ours, and we simply don't have the language or understanding to find them yet. We will, I'm sure of it, but as of right now we just don't have enough information on what the Egyptians classed as 'going against gender roles' to make these calls. In the case of this individual, they have facial hair painted on the mummy and seemingly still on the face of the mummy itself that is in the style men wore at the time. They have fat rolls that have been formed after death that are culturally like those depicted on high status male individuals, and since the mummy has gold leaf on the skin we know this individual is high status. Jewellery is gender neutral in the ancient world, so I'm absolutely not assigning a female gender just because this person has faux bangles. Tattoos? Well the mummy doesn't have them, they're merely painted on the knees and are a known symbol of rebirth not a female only thing. In all, there is nothing to suggest that this individual wanted to be presented as having a different gender. Assuming so based on your modern understanding of what constitutes markers of gender is damaging, and you could be assigning a lived experience to this person without ever understanding how gender was constructed in the time they lived. Based on my knowledge of Egyptian gender presentation, and the evidence I've presented above, this person didn't do anything out of the ordinary for 'male' presentation, thus the skeleton sex identification does not contradict this.
Earthenware figurine of a dog, Nayarit culture, Mexico, 300 BC-400 AD
from The San Antonio Museum of Art
Okay doesnāt technically fit in the timeline since Ilya would be with the Centaurs but I didnāt want to make up my own Centaurs jersey LOL
Sorry for the obnoxious watermark but I saw an A*I scam bot stole my work so now I gotta do this
Based on Weapons for Liberty by JCLeyendecker!
oh my god I just saw the cutest thing in the world. little Black girl with beads in her hair for the first day of school and the beads were pink then silver then a bunch of yellow then beige then grey to make them look like pencils š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ brb I will draw an artistās rendition
^ like this. waaaaaugh š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ
I laughed way too hard at this
in case anyone is looking through the notes trying to find the original artist itās will mcphail !! feel free to check out his site but also here are some other things he made too !!
OOOHHH CLICK ON THAT LINK THIS GUY IS FUCKING GREAT
HOLY SHIT
this guy GETS IT
He is also responsible for one of my favorite comics of all time.
I wanted to buy this print but last I checked on his site it was sold out. Hereās his shop though:
Giclée Print on Hahnemühle German Etching Paper Limited edition of 100, signed and numbered. A4 - 30 x 22 cm Orders will be shipped
Thereās a Lady No-Kids Continued
Also Triangle is one of my favorites
I cherish the creature
I have drawn your beast
@animals-with-fan-art
(for people who donāt know kathleen stock is an infamous British terf who triggered a whole āfree speechā university row over her views)
this is what people mean when they say that transphobia and ableism are interlinked. because *of course* the same person who refuses to believe people when they assert their gender also refuses to believe them when they assert a disability. because who knows their bodies better than a random british upper-class white woman!
and at the end of the day it really boils down to this vindictive need to police and bully strangers because 1. why do you care about someone saying theyāre a woman, dressing like a woman etc. and 2. why do you care about someone using a walking stick if they donāt 100% need it? the answer is, neither of those things affect your life, and you shouldnāt.
golly its almost like there was some kind of virus going around recently that gave a bunch of people lifelong disabilities. does anyone remember anything like that?
As a European, I knew Americans have been asking for walkable cities but i had no idea it was literally this hostile
WHERE DO YOU WALK YOUR DOGS!?!
lol yeah
Its to the point where most Americans canāt conceive of a walkable community because everywhere is like this and several generations have now grown up in a world like this. Thereās hardly anyone that can conceive of a world that isnāt like this. Most people either cave in and get a car or end up isolated. I live in a city thatās mostly walkable by North American standards and I still end up walking in the dirt on the edge of a stroad a lot of the time.
And don't forget, we can't get decent public transportation either.
all of which means poor disabled people are really fucked - imagine taking on any of this using a wheelchair
If you search "Keyhole Gardening" on StartPage or any other search engine that isn't AI-corrupted, you'll get a bumper crop of information.
The Wikipedia page is very detailed.
Also adding some book recommendations on Permaculture from the fine folks at Lithub.
added benefit for many people: you don't have to bend down as much to weed or harvest
I wasnāt going to derail the disability pride month post for people with peanut allergies but in relation to that topic
I have never seen another allergy that has been so viscerally hated and mocked by people working in education like nut allergies. Iāve seen fellow teachers cringe that their classroom was the ānut freeā classroom that year. Support staff that are trained and willfully donāt follow cross contamination protocol in the lunchroom because itās too ātediousā or ātime-consumingā. Full preschools + childcare centers that refuse to accommodate nut allergies. Schools where the only free lunch is a PB&J. Before/after school programs and summer programs whose food curriculum has nuts and doesnāt provide an alternative activity.
Allergy discrimination is so so insidious and prevalent. Itās happening behind their back and it is everything from the exposure joke to possibly causing someone to go into anaphylaxis from willful ignorance.
Also other parents in the classroom are guilty too. The ānot my child not my problemā brain rot means that those lunchboxes are like bombs for airborne exposure allergies
A 22-year-old woman said Lufthansa staffers were not sympathetic to her condition when she tried to explain her life-threatening peanut alle
I was not downplaying this. The stigma is real, and people are 100% willing to let people with allergies die.
This woman was laughed at for asking for allergy accommodations at multiple points in her trip, and was denied to the point that she was practically told sheād be refused care in the event of anaphylaxis.
I work in healthcare. I cannot get my coworkers to consistently change their gloves after handling a PBJ. They literally do not think of it, and I donāt understand why. I also donāt know how to make it stick in their brains that this is a thing they need to do.
I grew up in the early 2000s with severe allergies to not just peanuts, but ALL nuts as well as beef, pork, shelfish, seeds, kiwi, and some food dyes. The resistance that my family faced from educators in the early 2000s is frankly bananas, not to mention the shit other parents and kids got up to.
When my mom tried to enroll me in preschool, the school principal refused any basic accommodations like asking everyone to wash their hands after lunch before re-entering the classroom, not bringing straight up peanuts to snack time, etc. There was no such thing as a nut free classroom at the time. The principal told my mom and me (I was 4 at the time and definitely in the room when this happened) āif sheās so sick, she belongs in a bubble, not at school.ā THE FUCKING PRINCIPAL! My mom had to threaten legal action under the ADA to get them to comply.
Look, I was on a 504 accommodation plan under the ADA for the entirety of my formative education (elementary thru high school). Thatās all 12 years!!! And yet I have had teachers hand me items Iām allergic to as a ārewardā. I have had other kids intentionally try to send me into anaphylaxis. One girl in 3rd grade asked me why I āwasnāt dead yetā when she had put on a lotion with almonds in it and then held my hand. Iāve had other parents write letters to the school saying what a terrible inconvenience it was to them to not be able to send their kiddo to school with PB&J, demanding I be Removed to a special education only class if my āneedsā were such a āburdenā to others. During elementary school āpartiesā held in the classroom on holidays and for student birthdays, I was always sent to sit out in the hallway or go to the library, because even though parents were only supposed to bring safe foods into the room (they had a list of all my allergies) they never once got it right. Administrators fought me tooth and nail for the right to carry my epi pen and other meds on my person at all times. Why they thought I would start dealing benadryl on the playground, I do not know. At lunch, I was always sat at a specific segregated table labeled the āNut Free Tableā alone because who the fuck is going to sit there with the literally segregated outcast? But ONCE notably I was sat on one side of a line of blue masking tape down the table top with the rest of my class on the other. One side was the NUTS side!!! As if allergens would respect that tape barrier. (Spoiler alert: they do NOT!)
Literally from preschool to my senior year of high school, I was āthe peanut kidā. Other parents gave my mom books about how to ācure your childās food allergies from HOMEā by micro dosing with things they are allergic to (please never ever ever even attempt anything like a food challenge with a known allergen outside of the care and supervision of a medical professional, holy shit thatās so dangerous). My mom joined the PTA in my last year of high school so that I could maybe participate in all the senior-focused events like pool parties and breakfast at school on the first Friday of the month. The number of times another parent either (a) decided it wasnāt worth it to care or (b) intentionally brought peanut products to an event to spite either me or my mom??? I literally could not count. It happened constantly.
College was better, but I still occasionally had people BALK when I asked them to please not eat a Nature Valley bar with whole nuts in it right the fuck next to me in lecture, thanks. Work parties and catered lunches were always impossible. A few conferences I went to as an undergrad were SUPPOSED to be nut-free, but always fucked up the catering. At one, they set up snack tables by every exit of the conference auditorium so that when people left after the talk, they all congregated around the exits and opened macadamia nut cookies and granola bars. When I had subsequently had a massive allergic reaction and needed help getting home (Iād walked) after taking like 200mg of benadryl, the staff offered me a stack of napkins and a lukewarm apology.
Food allergy is a disability which touches literally every aspect of a personās life. Everytime I share with someone new about what it was like growing up with my allergies, they have never heard anything like it in their lives. Theyāre always like āholy shit, seriously??? People did that??? Kids tried to kill you??? Parents wanted you kicked out of the classroom????ā Yeah, man. Yeah. My own brother (who doesnāt have any allergies at all) doesnāt understand why I donāt āeat more adventurouslyā and why I wonāt travel internationally. So, saying it REALLY LOUDLY for people in the back:
FOOD ALLERGY IS A DISABILITY FOR WHICH EVERYONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO ACCESS ACCOMMODATIONS AND HAVE THEM TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
So this story is less about me and more about an acquaintance of mine. About a year ago some classmates and I were privileged enough to go visit Germany for 3 weeks as a school trip. My acquaintance, who for the sake of her privacy we will call Amy, had a deadly allergy to sunflower seeds and certain other grains. I do not know for certain if the flight attendants were made aware of this fact.
When on the flight Amy was fed bread that contained multiple things she was allergic to. The packaging was completely unlabled and she was never offered an allergy warning before or during the 13 hour flight. She had an allergic reaction and had a very hard time breathing and had to take the ONE epipen she had access to for this whole trip that day. She would not be able to get a new one. The flight attendants did not give a singular fuck about what happened to her and the position she was put in because of their carelessness.
Fast forward to the end of the trip. Luckily Amy had no further incidents during the trip. We get on the plane for the flight home and Amy asks about the food for the flight and if she can have the ingredients list. She also makes it clear to the flight attendants that this is really important because she has already had an incident and no longer has her epipen.
Do you want to know what the flight attendants did?
They kicked her off the plane. They kicked a seventeen year old off a plane and left her behind in an unfamiliar city because they would rather not deal with her disability. She delayed the flight for several minutes begging and crying for them to not leave her there. She told them she had no way of accessing a new epipen here, but they said she couldnāt fly without it. Me and my friend who were sitting next to her held her and argued with the flight attendant to keep her on the plane. She sobbed as she said she could just not eat anything, or that she could eat what she brought aboard. They still kicked her off. Bless the chaperone that chose to stay behind with her so she wouldnāt be alone.
You want to know the most fucked up part after that? The flight attendant who kicked her off was amused about the whole thing like it was some funny joke. Another one complained that āIn all his years of working this job he had never been so disrespected.ā
Amy and the chaperone ended up sleeping at that airport over night before they could get on another flight. I donāt remember if she was able to get another epipen for the flight home but I think she was.
Case in point, allergies are a serious disability that NEED to be treated with more respect and severity. Regardless of what they are. Someoneās life could be at stake. When someone has a disability they need to be accommodated. Donāt give them a hard time or make jokes at their expense. So what if you have to give up a thing or two to make sure they donāt die. Youāll survive not eating that specific thing for a bit. And as someone who grew up with someone with a serious allergy, I promise you it is not that hard to give something up for the safety of others.
Lunar new year is coming up so I drew this based on the beautiful fat horse sculpture in nanjing
ššš
So--when I was in my mid-twenties and the Disaster Ex tried to make me kill myself, the local mental hospital didn't have any beds open in the usual ward for attempted suicides.
What they did have was a single spare bed in the small, comfortable, quiet, wildly expensive facility for girls with eating disorders.
They asked each of the young women currently living there if it was acceptable that I might occupy a bed in one of the rooms for a while, just the long weekend while I was waiting for a doctor's evaluation. I hadn't been violent, I had gone with the cops without putting up any fight at all, and I was still and I was small and all those things were sufficient for me to be deemed safe. So up they sent me, to somewhere high in Western Psych, above the smells and sounds of the denser-packed wards, above where the care workers were harried and frustrated, to a gentle space with seven or eight young women in it.
I was five foot three, and I weighed about 115 pounds. I was underweight for my frame, as a fair amount of that weight was martial arts muscle; I would probably have been ten pounds heavier if I were healthy, with the amount of activity I got.
I was at least two inches shorter than pretty much every other young woman there, six or seven inches shorter than one of them, and I had at least thirty pounds on several of them. The tallest was not allowed to walk, she had to sit in a wheelchair and be pushed around, because her condition was so advanced that the motion would undo what good her hard work had done.
And over the course of the four or five days I was there, multiple of them came up to me alone to quietly tell me that I had the *perfect* body, and they wished they could be as skinny as I was. That I needed to live, because I was beautiful, and if they were as beautiful as I was, they wouldn't need to be here.
Their eyes were on me all the time, in the hours that I wasn't sleeping. I spent a lot of time sleeping, and we took our meals separately (I not needing to be monitored while I ate, and not having my food weighed), but we spent a fair amount of time sitting around in the little shared living room space, talking about movies and magazines and books we'd loved, talking about our families. I didn't talk about my family; they didn't pry.
They were all so fucking nice.
And I could have broken any one of them over my narrow knee. They each thought they were bigger than I was.
Their brains lied to them, every time they looked at a mirror. Every time they looked down at their own thighs. What they saw was not what I could see. They had bright, beautiful eyes in dark hollows, and I could count their vertebrae, could see their ribs winging when they breathed, could see the motion of every tendon on the backs of their hands.
They weren't celebrities. They weren't being paid to have particular bodies, nor were they deep in the toxic sea of having strangers take photos of them to sell to gossip rags if they stepped out of doors in old jeans. They had families and loved ones who were doing everything that they could to protect them, to uplift them and help them be healthy. They were just everyday people--a nurse, a couple of students, a couple of recent college grads, a young woman who had decided it was time to really get help because she wanted to be a mother--and still they'd been so injured by the neverending fucking deluge of body-image bullshit that they were dying of it.
That was in 2009. Things are worse now. I think about them still. I hope that they're all right.
And in case some people aren't aware: anorexia is deadly. There is a point at which your body looses the ability to digest food and you are no longer capable of improving.
It also means you're almost guaranteed to carry a lot more fat than you otherwise would have once you get back to healthy eating, if you survive. I think the formula was something like "amount of years you've been anorexic + seven = how long it takes before your body stops trying to store twice as much as normal of what you eat as fat because it still thinks you're starving".
Like. I was anorexic in my late teens and early twenties. I'm closer to 40 now. My body still thinks its starving. And that was from a mild enough case that I never got hospitalised.
And just because you've regained a healthy weight doesn't mean it can't still kill you, because many anorexia nervosa deaths come from patients hearts giving out from strain when they're otherwise getting better because the body consumed too much heart muscle to try to stave off starvation.
we want to boost this post - but we also want to make clear that for a lot of people who become anorexic, the issue isn't really to do with their weight so much as it seeming like the only way of taking back control when you've had your agency taken away from you - so it's no surprise that it's mostly (but not entirely) teenage girls this happens to, because their lives are so much more policed anyway, and they are somewhat more likely to be abuse victims too
we knew several anorexic girls in our teens and 20s, and we were an anorexic "boy" in our mid teens too, and the thing we all had in common was we were either rape or ongoing abuse survivors
and that's the terrible thing about anorexia - that it can feel like you're regaining control of some aspect of your life, but then it backfires and betrays you, because not eating becomes clinically addictive (if you eat you experience a fierce drop in mood due to biochemical stuff), plus you can't think straight anyway and your emotions are all over the fucking place
we agree that the culturally localised fashions for obligatory "thin and only thin is beautiful" does so much damage - we just wanted to talk about anorexia itself and how it traps the people trying to use it to get free, and how abuse survivors are so vulnerable to it