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[another1timeforgot]

I need to get real on some shit that is deep,

Kinda stuff that haunts me until I’m unable to sleep.

Festering thoughts of torment raging war inside my brain,

Had me questioning all reality like I’ve gone insane.

Always beating myself up for all the times I was weak,

Doing stupid shit has got my shame at a new peak.

Always in need of a pretty mask to hide the damage,

Fuck, I’m getting tired of lugging around all this baggage.

Thoughts always contemplating how I’d commit suicide,

Until my son asked me what it’s gonna be like when I died.

I knew then I needed to do right by my little man,

Because at the end of it all, he’s my biggest fan.

I gotta teach my babies that even when life gets tough,

all we have is each other, and that’s more than enough.

Stop being so hung up on the loss of my childhood,

And provide a better life for my children, I know I could.

It’s my babies that got me fighting for a better day,

I cannot let my regrets and my pain get in my way.

Their future is so bright, and they have so much potential,

Teach them the ropes while they lasso success is essential.

[another1timeforgot]

The thoughts that often flitter threw my tired mind,

Are most certainly not always true and kind.

See, my emotions are often hard to handle.

Am I the darkness or light from a flame of a candle?

I have a soul filled with affliction.

I am, what I like to call; a contradiction.

[another1timeforgot]

Her Mask

In times of need it is her shield of armour

Heart hidden safe so no one can harm her

When it is needed it is quite a disguise

But you can still see the pain in her eyes

She puts it on when she is so tired

To do the healing that is required

Wears it when she can not feel emotion

When she’s not feeling any devotion

It has always been her greatest protector

So it may never look like things affect her

Always felt like she has to hide who she is

Believes being alone is what her destiny is

She won’t take it off until it’s not needed

Maybe only once life has been completed

[another1timeforgot]

The glint of mischief in her brown eyes

Shines intensely behind her innocent disguise

Her heart is benevolent but thoughts so impure

The strife in Life has left her quite unsure

Of what the Gods intend to do with her tortured soul

All she craves is a chaotic love that is out of control

A disarray of lust and desire so very compassionate

Only tamed by the one her heart deems it’s soulmate

Not just a body in which hers can become intertwined

But a mind that her conscience can be perfectly aligned

[another1timeforgot]

Why do I try so hard to be somebody else?

Maybe because I don’t even know myself.

I stare out the window but I don’t really see, it seems.

For I’m always stuck in my little daydreams.

Minds racing too fast, while my body barely moves.

Stuck in a rut where nothing ever improves.

I sit and watch as days begin to blur.

Living in a world where everyone’s unsure.

Do I even deserve what they call success?

Do I have the strength they think I possess?

To be perfectly honest, I don’t really know.

But I don’t dare let the vulnerability show.

So much judgement in this place of insanity.

What does it truly mean to understand humanity?

I have spent most of my life just trying to survive.

I may have forgotten what it meant to be truly alive.

To look around and really see the world with open eyes.

Do I really want to see past the benevolent disguise?

My heart yearns to feel welcomed and connected.

My mind has built a wall around it to keep it protected.

It’s in the shadows where I feel most at peace.

As I grow older, I can feel my anxieties increase.

Losing belief in religions, I have no more faith.

Traumatic childhood, is my healing hearts wicked wraith.

With all this darkness I still hold hope for the future.

Forgiveness is the wounded hearts saving suture.

So maybe it’s time I start again with a new beginning.

I will not stop until I feel like I am actually winning.

#3amthoughts #poetry #humansareconfusing