I was so so afraid to not hurt someone else the way I got hurt that come to think, I guess I did hurt them, unintentionally. Astaghfirullah. I am so sorry if I did.
Makes me wonder if I got hurt āunintentionallyā too, if my pain was mine and not caused by them. Iām so torn.
Why was I not mature enough to handle both the situations. Iām so smart in some ways and completely opposite and utterly dumb in others. Iām so torn.
Iām in need of companionship but my family situation doesnāt enable to get the desired proposals and I have fear of Allah taala so I donāt wanna indulge romantically with someone because I know it will count as haram. Iām a sinner like everyone else and maybe finding someone via dating, online or otherwise, is the only way but the awareness is not making me make this mistake. Iām torn.