Antonsautismlife

Anton (19) 🙎‍♂️ H-LSN (stands for higher end of LSN) autism 🧩♾️ & other conditions ♿️ Transboy 🏳️‍⚧️♂️ Living at a group home 🏠 in Austria 🇦🇹 Gaining independence and self improvement ↗️😊 interested in the topic military 🪖

[antonsautismlife]

Introduction (Version August 2025)

General Infos 📋 :

Name: Anton 👦

Age: 18 | born in April 2007

Gender: binary transmale 🏳️‍⚧️♂️ (out since September 2018 | Name legally changed since February 2025)

Where I'm from: Austria 🇦🇹

Which languages I speak: English 🇬🇧 & German 🇩🇪

My conditions ♿️ :

(higher end of LSN / H-LSN) autism 🧩

Adhd 🦋

Ocd ⌛️

Anxiety disorder 😨

Ptsd 💥

Eye nystagmus 👀 (A condition which causes 24/7 involuntary eye movements. I have 30% of normal vision because of it)

(I don't know if I still fit the criteria for anxiety disorder and ocd but I still have symptoms of it)

My life situation 🏡⚒️ :

I live at a group home for mentally ill people since April the 4th 2025. From 25th April 2024 to 4th April 2025 I lived at a care home for intellectual disabled people but it wasn't a long term solution because I'm not intellectually disabled. From Monday to Thursday, I'm usually at a daycenter for 4 hours each day.

There are some issues at the new care home but I see it in a positive way. I see it as a motivation to reach my goal. My goal is the become more independent and mentaly stable to become it for semi independent living and living without a legal guardian. My independence and mental health improvement significantly in the last to months.

Why you will find old videos or messages from me where I said I'm MSN 🧩♿️ :

For relatively long time I thought I would be MSN autistic because I thought I couldn't do things I can do in reality. I developed like a MSN autistic person due to a good meant behaviour of my mom. She didn't animate me to be independent to reduce stress and at my first care home I thought it would be good for me to not do IADLS and get help with some ADLS to reduce stress and I also thought I couldn't to the tasks enough to stay healthy. Due to the new care home which animates me to be independent I realised that I'm LSN autistic. But it's not sure if I really was MSN at some point on my life or not.

I often say I was MSN because it's much easier/shorter than explaining this whole story and I also share a lot of experiences with MSN people due to living like that for the biggest part of my life.

My special connection to the topic military 🪖🎖🔫 :

I have a special connection to the topic military and military music 🎵🪖 . The topic military gives me motivation and military music also gives me motivation and can keep me calm / calm me down because military music is a kind of music which is slow and does not suddenly get faster or louder.

For me the topic military also has a spiritual aspect I feel like my soul was made to be in a soldier's body. I know I can't become a soldier but this imagination is really helpful. It hFelps me to stay motivated and be independent.

Information: People are allowed to asked me questions but I decide what I answer especially by some questions about the topic military music I feel unsafe to answer them.

Other Stuff 🙂 :

- My special interest are the topics military 🪖 and disability ♿️

- I like it to go into the woods 🌲🌲🌲

- I have a comfort item called Nilschwein. He is a plushie pig but he looks a bit like an hippo. Nilpferd means hippo in German and Schwein means pig in German.

I post about me gaining independence and mental stability but please keep in mind most higher support needs autistics never will reach the things I reach and that's okay and the experiences of higher support needs autistics also should be included ln the autism community.

I make much less posts than I used to due to engaging with the topic military, going into the woods and doing IADLS.

Links 📱:

Tiktok:

Insta:

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[antonsautismlife]

I want to give you on update how I'm doing currently

I'm doing mostly well.

I'm 1 month meltdown free again

I have good days and bad days which is logical but I'm staying calm and I do a lot of things that need to be done on the group home voluntarily like emptying the dishwasher. I do such things much more often than the other people at my group home.

Due to changing the clocks from day light saving time back to normal time and due to the fact that winter is coming it gets dark much earlier in the evening. This has bad effects on my mental health on around 70% of the evenings currently I would say. But luckily I make ot through this evenings.

My plan is to stay meltdown free as long as possible and when I have a meltdown I want to remind myself that it's ok to have meltdowns when I calm down by myself to calm down by myself instead of feeling like failure because I had a meltdown which often prevented me from calming down by myself

[internetgreatesthits]

[antonsautismlife]

Yes !!!

[chronic-melon]

Reblog if you understand that disability is not a monolith and two people with the same disability do not have identical experiences ✨

[mave-uses-aac]

Day 19 : What terms do you identify with? (Verbality, Part/Full Time User, Support Needs, ect)

[antonsautismlife]

Verbality = fully verbal

User = part time AAC user (but really seldom)

Support needs = H - LSN (higher end of low support needs)

severity = mild to moderatly disabled

[awfulbastard]

There are so many people that are pro disability rights until they find out disabilities can be gross sometimes. It's so wild seeing the same people advocating for more mental health talk losing their shit over a depressed person not brushing their teeth or cleaning their spaces, or people who totally support physically disabled people until they find out I once pissed in a cup because I was in too much agony to get out of my bed, or that sometimes cups and food sit in my room longer than they should because I physically can't get up to put them away. Disabled people sometimes have incontinence, disabled people sometimes have bad hygiene, and still deserve to be supported. It's so fucking performative and it pisses me off. Even other disabled people act like this. Shaming people for stuff they can't control doesn't help anyone, just makes you an insufferable person.

[antonsautismlife]

The day was good, and I have significantly less intrusive distressive memory today , but now in the evening, I have moderate issues with executive dysfunction. Normally I would do my work out in the late afternoon (I started doing it in may or june) but today I couldn't do it because I can not switch between the steps or it would be really really hard. I also have little involuntary movements, too low muscle tone, and fine motor issues now because working against executive dysfunction causes these things in me.

[antonsautismlife]

I just thought I would have lost all my good notes stuff I wrote after September 29th which would be terrible because it was a lot especially new strategies due to the meltdown and such stuff

I started rewriting it from pictures and than I found out it's my old Ipad. I feel relieved. For safety I make a safe copy of my notes now.

[antonsautismlife]

The terrible meltdown I had on Wednesday still impacts my mental health. I have more psychosomatic pain and a lot of intrusive distressive memory of one situation during the meltdown. This also causes me to have more death wish thoughs and imagination of harming others (I'm far away from doing this things but it's in my head.) I also can not deal as good with intrusive distressive memory as I can it usually.

The last 2 days, I also had more executive dysfunction, but it's nearly normal now, I would say. But I also needed to do less today so maybe it still isn't normal.

Dealing with it is especially hard in the evening when I'm already tired. So I don't do some things I normally do in the evening currently.

[antonsautismlife]

Yesterday I had a terrible meltdown

I had a long good period from beginning of August to Yesterday and was 2 months and 1 day meltdown free but Yesterday I had a terrible meltdown and was really near to the psychward.

TW: (from here to the blue line): sd thoughts , thoughts, and threatening to harm others and thoughts to do criminal stuff)

I threatened to kill myself, or my family or do something to break my neck to become a tetraplegic. I also had a lot of other bad thoughts like threathen a plubic place to detonate a bomb there or inflame my group home. When I feel like my life can't be good I want to destroy it and as far as I know this behaviour appears in many autistics.

-------------------------------------------

I was mean to my mother and sister by WhatsApp and to my grandma in a call. I feel guilty for it. And in general I wish I wouldn't "destroy" my progress over and over again.

I threatened to kill myself, or my family or do something to break my neck to become a tetraplegic. I also had a lot of other bad thoughts like threathen a plubic place to detonate a bomb there or inflame my group home. When I feel like my life can't be good I want to destroy it and as far as I know this behaviour appears in many autistics.

I had a long good period from beginning of August to Yesterday and was 2 months and 1 day meltdown free but Yesterday I had a terrible meltdown and was really near to the psychward.

[antonsautismlife]

CN: loosing with

I'm currently on the way of loosing weight. I'm overweight since end of 2023 and also gained weight in 2024.

Now I'm on the way of loosing weight. Theoretically, I started in Mai or June, but since the end of July, I track calories with an app. I started between 71-73 kilograms, but I don't know it exactly. When I started tracking calories, I had 70,9 kilograms. Today, I weighted myself, and I have 67,3. So I already lost 3,6 kilograms. I'm proud of myself and others also are proud of me.

My goal is 63 kilograms like I had in mid 2023.

[antonsautismlife]

Today the day centre was closed and I already wanted to try to cook a more complicated food than instant soup or other instant meal completely on my own for 1-2 weeks. So I did it today.

In the morning I went to the grocery store with my shopping trolley to buy the ingredients. I only bought some ingredients because we already had the others at the group home and I was allowed to use them. It was raining but I wanted to go by foot the male more steps today.

When I came home I waited 45 minutes because it was too early to start.

Then I started. At first I peeled the potatoes and other vegetables and cut it into small pieces. Than I cooked them in a pot. And added water with a cube for making soup inside (I can't find the English name. Edit: it are bullions thanks to kiku). Then I let it cook for some time and then I cut the sausage to the pot. Later I added salt and such stuff.

The soup was yummy.

I knew I definitely will be able to cook this soup but it was easier than I thought. But I needed more time then I thought.

[antonsautismlife]

Today I had a meltdown after 2 months and 1 day of being meltdown free. But luckily I was able to just cry and not screaming although it was really hard.

So, although I had a meltdown, I'm somehow also proud of myself.

[asexual-amanita]

“Autistic people don’t flap their hands or rock! That’s just a stereotype!”

“Autistic people CAN understand sarcasm!”

“Autistic people ARE able to talk”

All of these are generalizations I frequently see made by LSN autistic creators. You have to understand that some people are going to “fit the stereotype,” because stereotype are often originally based off of real people.

No not all autistic people will have the same combination of traits, so you can’t exclude people just because you think they have a “stereotypical” presentation.

[antonsautismlife]

This is my current favourite fidget. I bought it this Monday when I was shopping with my day centre/group home.

[antonsautismlife]

Today, I carved this wooden sword, and then I glued the 3 parts (one for the blade and 2 for the handle) together with hot glue. I woodcarve since I was 9, but this is my first time I made a sword with a handle. I had the idea for the technique on my own, and luckily, it worked.

[antonsautismlife]

It's hard when something reminds me what things I can't do.

Due to growing up as medium supportneeds and being low support needs now I feel often so free and limitless but then it's hard when something happens or I hear or read something which reminds me on things I can't do

Often, it aren't things I absolutely couldn't do but if I would do it I probably would have a meltdown another place than at home which could lead me to not be able to get home again.