brain soup

EJ | they/them | TW mental illness

[tr1ckfuneral]

Suicide ideation is so weird. Making a lovely apple pie while thinking of bleeding out in the tub.

[creepycrag]

If you remember being a teenager you're a creep because you straight up saw yourself naked back then. The only way to be righteous is to obliterate your mind with drugs until you can't remember anything

[clairescosmos]

unironically this is what ocd is like anyway who wants to go to the weed store

[dragon-in-a-fez]

no post has ever altered my brain chemistry as much as "can only you see the time being?"

[dragon-in-a-fez]

in case you're not familiar:

[anxietyspoons]

i gained like 10lbs in 2 months from drinking my prescribed ensures on top of eating a bit more

however my ED fucking hates it despite my weight being still almost underweight

it’s like i have to be underweight or else my ED screams at me that i’m not valid (which i know logically is false, EDs are valid at any size)

i have managed to lose about 4lbs in the last two weeks, and my appointment with the ED specialist is in a week and a half, so we’ll see where things are then

[charlovi]

“They don’t have an eating disorder, they ate a whole pizza when we went out-and chased it down with icecream.”

That could’ve been there one meal a day.

They could’ve broken a multiple day fast.

You could be witnessing a b!nge.

These could be their few safe foods.

They may very well be prepared to purge it later.

How much of it did they eat? They could’ve taken a few bites only..or chewed/spit.

“How could they have an eating disorder? They are midsized/plus sized”

Are you with them 24/7? Do you know how they eat when they’re alone, prospective restriction, etc?

If they are restrictive, not all 4n0r3xics start off 40 lbs at 5’10. It takes time to get from atypical to the standard diagnosis criteria. If they’re at a high SW they won’t drop 50 pounds overnight.

Ana isn’t the only ED. They could be struggling with OSFED, orthorexia, bul1m1a, BED, ARFID, etc.

They could be in <forced> recovery-or have undergone it and now experiencing relapse.

They may be under surveillance in their living situation that doesn’t allow extreme restriction.

They may be an athlete-even if they are fit, the thoughts persists. They may eat just enough to perform without it being sufficient.

“But they’re older/male/NB/etc.”

Do I even have to explain this?

EDS don’t discriminate-it’s not just a white teenage girl thing. Anyone can develop one

“There is no one way to be fucked up about food”-Insatiable

You are still valid even if your clothes have been fitting a little too well lately.

Even if you tried to recover at some point.

Even if you can’t actively restrict/exercise due to your custody situation.

Even if you don’t fit the stereotype.

It’s a fucking MENTAL illness not physical

Based off a real conversation I had with someone. Rant over.

[sparklyribbongirl]

I never wanna eat again

[girlsjustwannahaveadegree]

Me at least twice a week

[memory-of-stargazing]

Just discovered it’s National Schizophrenia Awareness Day!!

I have that!

So! Here’s some awareness from yours truly!!

We are people just like you

We are statistically more likely to be harmed than to do harm

Not all of us are overt, there’s a good chance you have talked to and maybe even been friends with a schizophrenic without knowing!

There’s more schizophrenia spectrum disorders than just schizophrenia, such as schizoaffective disorder or schizotypal personality disorder

“Schizo” is considered an offensive term by many schizophrenics and some even consider it a slur against us, if you aren’t schizospec yourself please try to avoid using it (as well as “psycho” for psychosis!)

Similarly, the recently common “quirky” online phrases “delulu”, “schizoposting”, “I’m so delusional” (without actually having a delusion), etc are also very offensive! We aren’t a joke!

Not all of us hallucinate or have delusions. There’s more symptoms than just those 2 and the schizophrenia diagnostic criteria doesn’t even necessarily require either of them to be present

We can sometimes know we’re having a delusion while still experiencing the delusion, it’s called double bookkeeping

We deserve rights and bodily autonomy (that includes to not be forcefully drugged and locked up without our consent!!!)

We are people just like you

[redstonedust]

funny thing about anxiety is sometimes it kind of breaks your sense of danger. like i am known for repeatedly putting myself in situations that make my friends go "bro you couldve died. werent you scared?" and the answer is 👍 yjeah. i did it scared. i do everything scared. i didnt know that was the actual important kind of scary because i usually have to ignore my fears to function in society. it will happen again. watch out.

[siickangel]

i’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now

[grotesquex]

maybe i’ll be sick enough for you when im decomposing

[fox-bright]

hi any life advice for 21yo

Don't date thirty-year-olds until you are at least 25.

Having a glass of water for every glass of alcohol will give you a 50% reduction in hangover viciousness.

Bad people will use your willingness to be quiet as a weapon against you. If someone's being awful to you and trusting you'll be quiet to keep from making waves, surprise them.

There is no physical object in the world that is worth as much as your honor.

Honor is not the same as dignity. Retaining one sometimes means leaving the other aside.

Don't have any sex you don't want to have; have as much as you want of the sex that you do, whether that's a lot, a little, or none at all. Nothing you can do to your own body is immoral, unless you're doing it as an act of self-punishment.

Food is morally neutral. You do not have to earn the right to eat calories. Fat and sugar keep your brain from eating itself.

Learning to sit still and breathe--in, in, in, hold, hold, hold, out, out, out, out, out, out--can give you five feet of clear space around yourself in a maelstrom.

Find out how to make three good meals: A comfort meal you can make for just yourself relatively easily, a fancy meal you can use to wow a date, and a meal you can feed a bunch of people. All the other cooking can come later, but you can build a community on those three meals.

If you ever get to the point that things are so bleak you can see no other way forward but to die, make any other choice. If that means leaving everything you own and being a beach bum, or quitting your career, or taking up or leaving a religion, or deciding to bicycle across the country, so be it; living means more chances, dying means everything stops and you don't get to see any more interesting things. As you have not yet seen all the things that can interest you, it is better to live.

[homunculus-argument]

Having a whole living room wall full of decorative crosses and crucifixes in your house is the spiritual equivalent of consistently taking antibiotics "just in case" and washing your hands with bleach. Not only are you not making anything better for yourself, I'm pretty sure that you're making things way, way worse for everyone.

[blurbofparadise]

Religious OCD is a hell of a thing, it makes ya afraid of yourself and other people on every level, levels most people cant even imagine, and there is no escape, no relief, no way to feel okay, only sinking and scraping deeper and deeper and deeper into the same delusion that is eating you alive.

[homunculus-argument]

Well, washing your hands with bleach due to OCD is not good for you either.

[reasons-to-not-end-it]

REASONS TO NOT END IT:

"You could be somebody’s everything. You could write a book that a 13 year old reads then looks back on with so much joy and fondness for the rest of their life because they’re so happy you wrote it. You could smile at someone on the worst day of their life, helping them get through it. You could form a friendly connection with a cashier at your grocery store, letting them actually look forward to something at work every week. You could make so many people laugh because you are you.

Just by existing we’re positively impacting those around us, for you what is just being polite to a stranger in public could mean the world to that stranger.

the world is filled with so many people and so many different stories that follow those people.

So many people wish for their story to be known and seen and wish to see the stories of others.

Living is so hard, I know it is, but someone somewhere wants desperately to know your story because you brought them joy, or because you just seemed like a lovely person.

and you deserve to be able to see that person again and tell that story.

you deserve to be remembered not as a statistic but as an individual person, a person who is loved and loved so many people.

even if you don’t believe someone out there loves you, and if you can’t think of someone then I’ll be that person.

I love you. And you deserve that love."

-❣️

#996

[angelicdewdrop]

[ejgrimm]

i am not a monster

spiders are the victims of much scrutiny and fear mongering simply for existing as arachnids.

i myself used to have a severe form of arachnophobia. it was to the point that even looking at this finished piece would give me horrific anxiety (not to mention tactile hallucinations of spiders under my skin) but upon learning more about these creatures i came to discover that they are not only — for the most part — harmless, they are also integral parts of the ecosystems they exist in.

i am on the schizo spectrum (a spectrum which is also demonized a lot by media and society as a whole), and this idea of spiders being seen as these dangerous and scary creatures when in actuality most of the time they are harmless is heavily relatable as a person who has been assumed to be dangerous simply for existing with a diagnosis of psychosis.

much like the spider, i am not a monster. i am quite harmless, and myself and people like me are integral parts of the ecosystem.

[autismbloggg]

not all psychotic experiences are this horrifying evil, they often range from mild annoyance to enjoyable. but some of yall ain't ready for this conversation