Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.

26 | She/her | 🇧🇷 | asexual & autistic I use ^^ a lot

[paintedhen]

we’re just normal men

[anxiouslittlecarrot]

I have no idea what this is about but I’m already obsessed

[azaablue]

the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be a part of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

MAY YOU NEVER LOSE YOUR HYPERFIXATION

[buddie-romance]

thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3

[just-sans-things]

i need you all to go to your nearest lesbian and give them all your mony now

[happilyhadesbound]

underrated ship dynamic is 'they deserve each other /derogatory'

[lautakwah]

[anxiouslittlecarrot]

It obviously might just be a coincidence but I’m finding quite interesthink that, in every press tour this year of 2026, Zendaya has worn an unprecedented number of very refreshing, but indubitably very white gowns…

Record says the Law doesn’t work with coincidences but of course I’m just running my mouth here, what do I know, right

[noonsrocky]

how is Zendaya handling all of this

[flodaya]

#if he does not react like this i dont want it

[noonsrocky]

Zendaya attending the Spider-man:Brand new day premiere in London

[teaboot]

The number of times I have been delighted by witty banter only to find out later that I was “Flirting” is both unfortunate and disappointing.

[teaboot]

“haha so what about that guy, huh?”

Me: what about him

“Well you seemed super into him”

Me: what why

“…dude you were flirting all night”

Me:

Me: Whoms't™™

[trainerdelaney]

I found out several of my female coworkers were planning on trying to get our male coworker to ask me out because “You guys kept flirting” but I was like “We were literally just goofing around. Like we literally just told jokes to each other. Literally just stuff that friends do, the same stuff you and I do.” I was definitely 100% NOT flirting but everyone thought I was

[trainerdelaney]

“You were laughing at everything TJ did!”

“He paper clipped a banana to the ceiling, Isabelle. That’s fucking bonkers”

[spindletrees]

This might be a good time for Ms. Psych degree here to step in and let ye all know that People Are Unable To Identify Flirting. There are double-blind studies to support this, if you instruct participants to flirt or not flirt with another participant, neither the second participant nor onlookers are able to accurately tell which instruction the first participant was given. Even if you get the flirting participant to rate their attraction to the person they’re flirting with, and only count trials where people are either flirting with people they find attractive, or not flirting with people they don’t find attractive NO ONE CAN TELL WHO IS FLIRTING OR WHO ISN’T.

[gallantblade475-blog-deactivate]

I’ve heard that people actually have a *less than 50% chance* of guess whether someone is flirting or not.

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

Thank fuck this isn’t just me failing at humanity

[stammsternenstaub]

SagePub has one such study here, dated 2014. There might be more recent work, however.

[anxiouslittlecarrot]

This is lowkey a constant source of fear and anxiety for me. The only context where I can identify flirting—or rather “sexual tension”—is cinema/TV, because of all the literary subtext and cinematographic patterns around it that I’ve subconsciously learnt. But real life doesn’t have those. Also, I’m ace, sexual tension is a myth to me.

I’m autistic, I spend my life mimicking what people do in order to socialise and behave correctly. What if I mimic flirting moves thinking that’s just a successful, smooth-sailing interaction?!?!??? How many times have I done it?!? I can’t maintain eye-contact at all when I speak, and I get anxious doing it for long when the other is speaking, but I don’t want to look away because that suggests disinterest, so I look at their mouth, which also helps me focus on what they’re saying. Do you know how horrified I was when I found out in my mid-20s that looking at a person’s lips often as they talk is flirting?!? [Distraught wail]

To everyone who’s ever thought I was hitting on them at any point, I most definitely wasn’t and I am so deeply sorry. It probably will happen again.

[nereies]

jane austen, probably, about northanger abbey's catherine morland: she thinks she's in a gothic horror novel, but really she's in a romcom.

[anxiouslittlecarrot]

No because that’s exactly what I say when I explain this book to people!!!!

[notahorseindisguise]

"its a living" <- guy who has a job it hates

"its'a living!' <- dr mario frankenstein

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

I know this sounds like the deranged ramblings of a senile old man but I swear it used to be possible to look up information on the internet

[petaltexturedskies]

Paolo Sebastian 2026 Spring/Summer Couture Collection: Forget Me Not

[killhitleragain]

Fibonacci: Hmm... I sure wish there was a way to mathematically represent an empty quantity.

The simple yet useful Arabic numeral:

[velvetcloak]

scattered to the winds, paolo sebastian