[byjove]

Not only am I agnostic about a god, I am agnostic about most supernatural phenomenon. Do ghosts exist? I dunno, definitely had more personal experiences with them than I have had with god. Does magic exist? Maybe, in a way, I don’t know. Getting rid of absolutes and debbie downer behavior has improved my life immensely.

[byjove]

I can say with 99.5% certainty that Bigfoot is NOT real. But that 0.5% does a lot of heavy lifting when I am in the woods alone…

[ssavaart]

Ooh. This is SO GEN X.... hopefully some of you younger ones will get it too.

[honeysucklepink]

I can't believe they left out the most important one...

Things We're Never Gonna Do:

[butterfly-sapphic]

[fwizard]

omfg

[jordanbolton]

To The Substitute Art Teacher - Jordan Bolton

[ghazal67]

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

this is literally how i dance

[askinfresh]

This went from “wow that’s pretty neat” to “WTF ITS ALIVE” real quick

[excima]

she did that

[spooky-pens]

If I don’t reblog this Puerto Rican ass mouse assume that I’m dead.

[thememedaddy]

[depsidase]

[imperfectlibrarian]

"kill them with kindness" WRONG. chair attack 🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑

[imperfectlibrarian]

This post is now about a far-right politician and one of the best moments of Brazilian live TV:

[askfordoodles]

appreciating the added context

[amethystsoda]

[spiribia]

The fact that GLaDOS drops Chell off in a post apocalyptic world but we never get to see canon rugged post apocalyptic survivor Chell has harrowed me for 7 years. That is like the one reason I wanted a Portal 3. I NEED to see her timeskipped with 20% more stress induced gray hairs, and a rifle, and tattered jacket, and bandaged hands, and chilling and cooking a rotisserie headcrab over a fire in her impromptu camp with like her long stretch of chain reaction physics based traps surrounding it, and she is using the companion cube as a bench. I know she has the will to carve it out, out there

[spiribia]

and glados has to shuffle her sad gay ass over in the form of a tiny mobile messenger bot because she needs help because the combine or something are breaching aperture and surely even chell will see that it would be a disaster if they got their hands on aperture technology. but in trying to reach her she accidentally triggers a trap and gets bounced around wildly to each of the other traps in succession as is the design and chell just watches the whole thing without helping even though she knows who it is. This is the beginning of portal 3 btw so i hope you imagined that in first person POV

[onwardmotley]

the first pitch for portal 3 that has me on board normally I'm like nah bruh the narrative arc has reached a satisfying conclusion we're done here but the idea of Glados building herself a skittery little mobile body and running after Chell to ask for help delights and intrigues me 'there are rude violent disgusting humans destroying my test chambers' 'so I immediately thought of you. the rudest most violent maniac I've ever known' and technically this is all your fault seeing as YOU disabled my deadly neurotoxin and left me alone and defenceless to the whims of a cruel uncaring world are you going to take responsibility for your actions or are you gping to let these ruffians escape with the power to detonate the planet oh did I not mention the aperture science planetary detonation device?

[forthisworld]

[itstimewehavesomesoliddick]

[what-even-is-thiss]

I love talking about the biggest or best thing “this side of the Mississippi” because like hey buddy I can make the best peach cobbler in this half of the continent but god only knows what peach secrets they have over on the other coast. I’m not messing with that.

[narutwitter]

[wizardarchetypes]

i think i've said this before but when i first listened to the magnus archives i was descending into madness because my boss (a genomics professor) had loaned me out to a limnology professor for several weeks to work alone in a lab in the basement sorting tens of thousands of tiny macroinvertebrates out of stream samples, one square inch at a time.

for seven hours a day i listened to the magnus archives almost nonstop, staring through a dissecting scope.

i was also dealing with a nightmare living situation & a stalker so i had temporarily moved into a tent in a national forest. so you can imagine the headspace i was in.

my reprieve that kept me going was an upcoming trip to Cornwall to visit my best friends there.

as we were planning our agenda during my lunch break one day, I was temporarily so detached from reality that I opened my mouth to suggest that when I fly into London, we check out the Magnus Institute.

It's funny now but I was so alarmed by this that I took off two days of work to lie on the ground in the woods outside my tent and recalibrate. I thought perhaps that 48 hours without basement insects would help me. However, I kept listening to the Magnus Archives

[wizardarchetypes]

it was this same summer that my boss loaned me out to a dendrology lab as well to go catalogue trees for two weeks in west virginia and i would not learn my lesson. the episodes were like "what if you were alone in the woods, perhaps even in Virginia, and some guy hunted you for sport. would that be fucked up or what?"

and I was eating my sandwich sitting on some rock alone in the middle of the forest nodding like yeah that would be pretty crazy

[whattheforkdude]

please unmute this

[failbag]

I’ve never seen high school musical and now I never need to

[etherealspacejelly]

bastard sounds great in an irish accent. if an irish person calls you a 'daft bastard' it just feels right

the welsh have the monopoly on things ending in hell. fuckin hell and bloody hell hit different in a welsh accent. its like music to my ears

the scots have piss and shite for sure. "its pishin it doon out there" "this is a load of shite" absolute poetry

if i may speak for the english i think we do penis related words very well. dickhead, knobhead, bellend, etc.

and for all the shit we give them, you gotta admit that no one can deliver a 'goddamn' quite like an american. theres a certain weight to it that you just cant achieve in other accents. when an american says goddamn you know shit just got real

[eurodynamic]

[kanagenwrites]

I once wrote a 1500 word essay on something I'd forgotten to read in the 40 minutes before class. Including the time it took to read the thing I'd forgotten to read.

I got an A on that paper.

Writing is a skill. Skill is muscle. If you don't use a muscle, it atrophies. If you are a student and you are tempted to use genAI to cheese an assignment, I am begging you for your own sake to not do it.

This is not a moral stance about genAI (which is shit at what it's ostensibly for, and full of lies and evil, and fueled by art theft and burning rainforests, and there is no good reason to ever use it for anything; that's the moral reason for why you shouldn't use it), it is a purely pragmatic stance based on the fact that if you use it you will never learn the single most essential skill that is used in every single workplace.

You will never learn to bullshit.

And if you cannot bullshit, you will not understand when you are being fed bullshit by others.

For your own sake you must learn to do your own thinking, your own bullshitting, because our trashfire society runs on bullshit and for your own good you must become fluent in it, because very few people will bother to translate it for you. It was asinine in the late 90s, and it is asinine today, but it is the central truth of adult society: everything is bullshit, and you need to know what is going on beneath the bullshit, and you need to be able to bullshit back if necessary.

I know that the expectations being placed on you are ever-increasing, and I know that it does not seem rational to put effort into explaining the plot of a Charles Dickens novel to someone who has read the thing 50 times and will read 50 identical essays about it over the weekend. I know you are being handed ever-greater heaps of what is functionally mindless busywork because of an institutional obsession with metrics that don't actually measure learning in a useful way. High school was nightmarish in the 90s and I am fully aware that it has only gotten worse.

Nevertheless, you must try, if only for your own sake. Curiosity is your best hope, and dogged determination your best weapon. Learn, please, if only out of spite.

I was able to get an A on that paper because I was able to skim the reading, figure out what it was about, and bullshit for 1500 words in the space of 40 minutes.

Imagine what you can do if you learn to bullshit like I can bullshit.

[eldritchamy]

For my senior year of AP English, I was assigned reading over Easter break. We were instructed to read The Old Man And The Sea, and save the rest of the short stories in the book for the first week back.

Unfortunately, what I heard was "read everything BUT The Old Man And The Sea."

Double unfortunately: the first day back was a test, on The Old Man And The Sea. Which I had read exactly zero words of. It was, notably, a short essay test. It wasn't multiple choice or fill in the blank. It was designed to require deliberate answers from scratch, entirely out of your own head, with nothing to go on BUT what was in your head.

And in the course of about 45 minutes, I was able to use the questions of the test itself to piece together a vague enough sense of how the story went to bullshit my way through other questions. I gave wide, thematic answers that were extremely light on details, since I did not know any of them, and did not even know this test would be happening until it was in front of me. An essay test for an AP-level English class.

I had a starting point of zero information, and an essay test about the thing I was supposed to have read.

I bullshitted my way to a B+ on it.

On a test I should have gotten a ZERO on.

It's been 16 years since I took that test.

I couldn't tell you a damn thing about The Old Man And The Sea.

But you better fucking believe I still know how to bullshit, and when someone is trying to bullshit me.

The power and utility of knowing how bullshit works CANNOT be overstated. It is one of the most important skills you can ever have.

[kittydesade]

My favorite part of this is the little “Yet I’m still failing” at the bottom of the screencap. It’s not yet occurred to you to change something you’re doing? Maybe try not using ChatGPT?

[sunderwight]

If you don't practice the skills you're trying to use AI to cheese, you won't be able to recognize when the AI itself is doing a shit terrible job (nearly always), and it will not matter if you get in trouble for using AI or not because you will still be submitting garbage under your name.

[losttheoldone-hereweareagain]

Also just gonna throw in as a stinger, if you trust something like chatgpt to give you actual facts, congratulations, YOU ARE GULLIBLE AS FUCK. You will get scammed over and over again and will be surprised every single time, and you will not be able to tell fact from fiction because you are primed to believe whatever lies you are fed

[notund]

this post's hypothetical by itself is already ridiculous but the thing that gets me is how the wording implies two very funny things that become funnier in tandem

1. "Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby" means this is a mistake on the pitcher's part. i imagine the pitcher is breastfeeding on the field and they pitch and they look down at their hands and they see the ball still in the glove and they go "fuck"

2. hitting the baby will still win you the game

[tidal-chaos]

[lmdhawk]

[Image ID: Image 1. A screenshot of a post with the poster cut off. "Athiests, imagine you're a famous baseball player and are about to bat the winning hit. Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby at you. Would you still hit the baby out of the stadium and win millions, or spare the Christian baby?" the post is listed as having 637 views.

Image 2. A screenshot of four replies, the first from Jan 25 and the rest from Jan 26. First, from @apas-95 "thired implied fact: *not* hitting the baby will lose you the game". Second, from @spaceampersand "Fourth implied fact: you are such a powerful batter that you can launch an entire, un-aerodynamic human infant out of the park. Third, from @fullthrotlaxolotl "Fifth: there is a baseball game which, if you win it, the prize is millions". Fourth, from @haroldosaur "Sixth: you have the unerring ability to determine the religious denomination of a baby that's just been pitched at you".

End Image ID]